


The Truth Between You and Me

by MistyGish



Series: Veridicality [5]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Emotional Roller Coaster, F/M, Gen, Mystery, Past Relationship(s), Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-09
Updated: 2019-10-25
Packaged: 2020-02-28 19:07:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 27
Words: 101,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18762598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MistyGish/pseuds/MistyGish
Summary: The long awaited Part 5 in the Veridicality Series. For Dean, it's far more than just another girl or another job when it comes to Mavis Singer. This story takes place during the end of S1 and into S2. See what happens with Dean and Mae's saga! Dean/OFC





	1. Chapter 1

* * *

**Chapter 1**

Things had not gone as planned. Not even close. Mavis Singer was a planner. Dean Winchester called her picky, finicky, uptight, and type A, usually in jest but it was hard to deny. At any given moment, she was prepared and ready for a multitude of situation. She liked to keep her supplies and tools in nice, tidy order. So, this, which was not a part of the way she had planned to meet up with the young hunter threw her.

Or it could have been looking at him in the hospital bed. At least last time she'd sat beside him like this, he was conscious, he quipped with her, he was there. The body before her was barely Dean it seemed. Her hand trembled in his, made far more noticeable by his limp stillness. Sitting in the room, holding his hand and stroking his knuckles with her thumb, the room felt ominously large and claustrophobic all at the same time.

The doctors said there was too much damage and it would be a miracle if he pulled through. Miracles were not the way their luck ran. She didn't think they could pull him back with any sort of witch doctor or faith healer or anything else. He was _supposed_ to die last time and had they not taken him to the faith healer and his misguided wife, he would have. It was possible they could find something like that again but not in time. Sam believed, beyond belief, that they would find a way to save Dean.

Give the time and chance, Mae wouldn't have any qualms finding that spell and the supplies to recreate Sue Ann's dark altar. She would, without question bind Death to keep it from Dean. She was even fairly certain she would sacrifice someone else just to keep the man alive. She wouldn't walk the rest of Sue Ann's path but doing even that, even to spare his life, she knew Dean would never forgive her. Not a second time. That time, he didn't like what had happened but accepted it because neither she nor Sam know what would happen.

They wouldn't have that excuse this time. Mae knew, without a doubt, Sam would move heaven and earth to help her, even in that sort of scheme to save Dean. She didn't know if Dean's condemnation would be enough to stop Sam either. There was desperation, intense despair in his eyes.

Regret was in no short supply. Mae knew, at any point, their time could be up, and it certainly seemed like that was happening for Dean. Again. All the things that she hadn't done threatened to suffocate her with anguish. There were several spells and rituals she could think of to work on him and while he might have survived, he would hate her for the price. So, this time was worse. There would be no 'get out of jail free' card. What's more, she couldn't bear to leave him. A part of her almost thought that if she left his bed side any longer or further than the bathroom that he might pass away.

She hoped she could be his tether back to his body, back to this life. Of course, if his body were broken beyond repair, there was nowhere for him to go back to. Dean wasn't looking so hot right then. Her heart twisted and stomach knotted. There was something perfectly perverse in this. Mae knew deep down, he was not going to pull through and for as much as she tried to keep him at arm's length to keep herself from feeling this ache that started in her heart and cut to her soul, it had not been dulled.

Had it not been for the tubes and lines keeping him alive, she would have crawled in his bed, curing around him. Judging by the abject hollow she felt now, she was certain she could have died too. She hated that she was angry at him because he'd asked her to stay behind. If she had gone with them, maybe she could have helped Dean. She felt a nagging reminder that she could have been worse off if she gone with them. She might have been killed in the accident or torn to pieces by yet another demon.

Even a few weeks ago, she was less convinced that this fight was her fight. She had one of her own. One that could have taken her in a different direction. But then, she might not have known about this until too lake. At least now, she got to say goodbye, even in this lousy fashion. "If you can hear me...it can't end like this Dean. You know that, right? We haven't even… we haven't even gotten to the good part. I need you. Please, don't leave me."

* * *

**~Weeks Earlier~**

"Hunting?" Of course, hunting, she thought to herself, "You're like a dog with a bone, I swear. You know I just said I need to put this thing down."

He asked her to come and hunt with him and Sam. It was a simple enough question, one that had a straight forward answer. Yes or no. That's what Dean was looking for. Technically, he was looking for 'yes'. When it came to Mae, he didn't seem to have a lot of gray; it was all black and white for him. Given everything he was willing to believe and everything he understood about her, it baffled her to know that he saw only one sure fire solution.

Now Dean was not 'a planner' but nature. He didn't usually have a game plan. The man went with what his gut told him, instinct and it worked for a hunter. There wasn't anything that worked better for a hunter. But the impulsiveness and call to action made for a lousy boyfriend. Or whatever he was to her.

He wasn't just looking to hook up, although he might have accepted that she thought. He could have wanted the extra help on jobs and Mae had to admit, it was easier and quicker to have three of them rather than going solo. It could have been either of those options or anything in between. The only thing she knew for certain was that Dean Winchester had a plan, not that she could figure out what it was. Sex, work, friendship, love. They tiptoed around something that fell in between. Calling it love would have been easy too, too simplistic a definition. Of course, she loved him, he loved her.

That did not serve to simplify anything between them. Pairing that with their undiminished physical attraction, it was hard to tell him no. It also made it difficult to say yes. So, his request which seemed simple on the surface was impossible to answer with any certainty in her voice. If they had been on the phone, she knew she could have figured out a way to deflect. Maybe that's why he waited until they were face to face. Maybe this plea, despite their conversation only moments ago, was part of a larger play on his end.

Now they were sitting together with the empty containers from lunch in a motel room. "I know what you said but hear me out," His impatience flared, just slightly. She could be the most irritating woman; he knew that much would always be true about her. Most of the time, her stubbornness didn't bother him, occasionally he found it endearing but not when it came up against something, he knew was right. "I thought—I thought we had agreed to see where this thing goes. I can't do that over the phone or by seeing each other occasionally. That's just crazy and I don't want any part of that."

Annoyed now by the lack of progress in convincing him of her intentions, she stood. "Hey, that's not what I said." But Dean's hand took hers and tugged her towards him until she was sitting on his lap. She didn't try to shift away and even kept a hold on his hand. "I didn't say I wasn't willing to try. I want to, I do. Even though I have no idea where this goes or… or any of the rest. All I said is I need to hunt this thing down and I can't do that with you."

"I understand but-you know, this thing could kill you too and I don't want to just stop hearing from you and wonder what happened. I'm not going to just sit here and watch you so something stupid. I don't know if you're punishing yourself or what but if this is what you planned, it's a terrible one."

"So, you're just going to...make me? Make me hunt with you? What you'll tie me up and haul me around in your trunk?"

"No. You'd probably keep busting out the taillights if I did that." He joked.

But Mae didn't laugh with him. "What then?"

"We find a middle ground. We come together, hunt together, and me and Sam will help you when we can. And when you need to go do something on your own...I won't stop you."

Question shadowed over her brow. "That sounded convincing."

With his free hand, he let his fingers trace her jaw. "I promise. I'm not saying I won't try to talk you out of it but...I won't stop you, okay?"

"If you're asking me pack up and head off with you boys tomorrow, I'm not ready for that. I don't want to say no but I've got to take care of things at home before I take an extended trip with the two of you. Also, shouldn't you ask Sam about this?"

"I guess… I just want-"

She pressed her fingers to his lips. "You want things to be like they used to be or like you thought they would be. I don't know that we'll ever be like that again." Dean did have a point, she admitted, she did already love him. It wasn't as if distancing herself until she found her demon again, not knowing how long that would take, would somehow keep a demon or anyone for that matter from using it against her.

Then there was the stupefying effect that being near him had on her. She continued. "But I'm willing to give it a try. Now, I need to be practical for a second here. Gimme a week. I don't need time because I'm unsure; I need time because I have to take care of a few things. After that...we'll try your whole middle ground thing. Is that good enough for you? If Sam's okay with it, that is."

Dean frowned, pulled her hand away from his face. "Why wouldn't he be?"

It was a little naive on his part, she thought. Or maybe it was a streak of selfishness. Either way, she wanted to tread lightly because even though this was about her and Dean, Sam was involved too. Quarters would be cramped, and tensions could run high, even without the tumultuous history she and Dean shared. "C'mon, adding a third person to your duo is helpful but it also adds more conflict, disagreement, awkwardness...all that. We just need to check with him."

There wasn't a real reason he could come up with that didn't involve walking in on them having sex. Other than that, he couldn't think of a good reason Sam would have to not want her with them. "He likes you. You're like a big sister."

"And while I know he totally digs being the little brother all the time," she said sarcastically, "just find out if he really is okay with it. We did not always get along when we were all jammed together growing up. I don't want to cause more problems so… we need to make sure."

Dean sighed. It was the one excuse she could make that was sensible and he couldn't come up with a good way to gloss over the issue. Frankly, he didn't see any other way to get his way on this. "You annoy the hell outta me, you know that?"

She smiled, a little. "You still want me."

"I guess that really proves I am crazy." Leaning closer, he pressed a kiss to her mouth.

* * *

**~Now~**

Her expression was atypically grim. Exhaustion etched her face and those icy blue eyes, that could bring his blood alive under normal circumstances, were puffy and lined red. Her hair was pulled back from her pale face in a pony tail that she had nervously raked her hands through so many times it was only a pony tail in theory.

Seeing her at his bedside wasn't a shock; it was a comfort. Seeing himself on the other hand… well, it wasn't the first time he had been unsure of what was really happening. His brother and his father were there too.

He wished he could revel in the brush of her hand through his hair or her hand on his. Because of the look on her face, he wanted even more to offer her some sense of comfort in return. He could only pass his hand through her shoulder, causing her to shiver.

Could she feel him or at the very least sense him? She had to be clued into a little something going on. If he truly were a ghost or something similar, she had to know. Of all people, she should be able to pick up on the signs. If she did, she didn't really show it. Maybe she couldn't right then. She spoke soft, heartfelt words to him and he couldn't do anything to make it better for her. Closing her eyes, she pressed his finger tips to her lips. "I don't know if you can hear me but… I need you back."

His last brush with death had re-focused his perspective on her. He realized that there was more between them than he expected and that his feelings ran deeper, more intricate than anything he assumed thought. He also realized how much he wanted to be with her. None of that made it easier for them. She pulled away, while he tried to pull her closer. He supposed that was how they both strove for self-preservation.

There were a lot of things she was willing to face head on and it took him a while to realize her emotions weren't one of them. Her real feelings were more terrifying to her than ghoul, demon, or monster. He embraced and even relished those feelings quicker than she had. He was more than willing to overlook the transgressions of their youth for the hope that they would find even a sliver of their old relationship. If not that, that at least a respite from everything they had to deal with in each other. He didn't put it into those words, he didn't even vocalize it like that, but it was clear.

For her part, Make knew it shouldn't have taken this for her be able to admit that she wanted the same thing, to not be afraid to acknowledge it. She knew it pained him to deal with her fears, knowing that she had feelings for him but couldn't quite bring herself to fully embrace it. To his credit, he neither accepted less than he deserved from her nor did he punish her for this particular blind spot.

Of course, she thought, she'd kept herself from acknowledging it out loud for fear of her feelings for him being used to hurt him, for fear that he would be killed. Now, it seemed like something so small and simple that would have made him happy. Even if she had told him all her feelings before, they would still be in the same spot. But she could have made him feel loved and he would have known without a doubt. She might feel slightly less regret now, but she'd feel no better about the situation.

Putting his hand back on the bed, she reached over to brush his hair off his face. His brownish blond hair was so soft right then, clean and un-styled. "Dean, I'm so sorry. I know... I know things between us were never the way you wanted them to be. Butt… I do love you. I love you. I don't know if you can hear me and I don't know if it makes a difference to you…" Her voice broke and she ran her hand through her hair, "Come back to me please. I still need—we still need you."

* * *

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summary/spoilers: This chapter starts out during Hell House and moves forward from there. And just a reminder, this isn't a standalone piece, the story jumps right into things so be sure to read the other parts of this series. Enjoy!

 

**~Then~**

One week. A week. 7 days. That's how it started out. That time had never felt so long, so unbearably long. Waiting wasn't exactly what Dean Winchester was known for and waiting for something that Mae was not enthusiastic about left him distrusting his eagerness She could still bail. That left him with only option of waiting and trusting. He knew they still had issues to work out, but they'd mended fences enough he thought.

Occasionally, he wondered if it wasn't entirely possible that she was a witch or a succubus or some other entity controlling him, considering how she made him feel. And stranger yet, how he acted around her, how he was willing and eager to give himself over to anything she wanted.

That was what he wanted to think, at least superficially. In reality, she was just a redheaded lady hunter, albeit one he was madly in love with. He honored her request because he knew he didn't have any other option. If he pushed too hard, he'd lose it all. He had pushed her into, on some level. They had circled the issue so many times without either of them budging. Dean wasn't sure what had convinced her that there was little difference in hunting together or hunting apart if her primary concern what having her feelings for him used against them.

He knew a bigger conflict lingered right under the current calm and promise. Mae was still set on hunting the demon she had her sights on all by herself. He had promised her he would respect that. But he had no intention of letting her go up against something that left her so perturbed, not by herself. She was a good hunter but for the same reason she wanted to keep him away, he couldn't let her go. He could would have to figure out that argument in the meantime.

Naturally, the immediate satisfaction of having her with him right away would have been satiating but she was right, he decided, a week or so wouldn't hurt him. Giving her the time and space might even encourage her to trust him more. He only had to face the awful feeling of missing her. Damn, did he ever miss her.

At first, the job he and Sam took after parting ways with Mae and their dad wasn't stressful; it was more annoying than stressful. Frankly, the Hell Hound boys, while irritating had been amusing. The prank war with Sam was downright fun. Because it was fun, he thought more about her. Back in the day, she could pull a prank with the best of them. Despite their disagreement around it being safer to be together or apart while she was chasing down her demon, Mae could still be better company than Sam sometimes. He would have enjoyed having her there, if only to lessen the tension.

During that job, Dean called her a few times. He needed to hear her voice. He felt like a nervous teen all over again. Now, they didn't have to keep their flirtations secret, they didn't have to sneak around. It should have made things simpler between them. They didn't need to make excuses to be together or justify why they were. There didn't need to be any games and they didn't feed to follow any self or societal imposed relationship rules. They could just be together. It should have been that simple.

When they spoke, he wanted to ask her to come to Texas as fast as she could. They didn't need her help. He just wanted her there. The case wasn't difficult, but he found himself unable to tell her 'I want you here because I miss you'. It was absolutely true. It could also push her further away. Dean knew she wasn't being completely unreasonable, at least not in her own mind. Certainly not when she knew her real season for keeping him at a distance. He just couldn't determine what it could be.

Mae might have come if he told he they were desperate and needed her help. That excuse would unwind quickly but maybe, he could find a way to salvage it. Maybe she would see through the ruse and not judge him for it. If he was just honest with her…except she had been honest with him when she asked for time. So, he didn't ask, not then.

That week morphed and when they took the job in Fitchburg, rather than tell her where they were and have her join them, he told her to wait. He asked her to stay away. It came as a clear surprise to both of them. But dad didn't send him there to feel better about himself. He was sent there to clean up problem he caused. Mae would have provided him a comfort he was unwilling to accept on this job. He knew she would.

He took the risk that he was throwing away his chance to get one step closer to bringing his family together. Mae had been ready then, seemingly eager to join up with him. He felt stupid for doing it too but knew he couldn't let her help him. If he told her his reasoning, Mae would have called it hypocritical for insisting only he could deal with a deeply personal case. He understood that. And yet, he couldn't have her help him.

Once they had finished that job, Sam and Dean left Fitchburg. They had no reason to stay and Dean wanted to put as much distance between him and that place as possible. It made more sense to meet up with Mae somewhere else, almost anywhere else. Between the striga and the uncertainty surrounding Mae, driving gave him something better to do than fret in a motel room waiting for her. They picked a point halfway between them.

Now, he only needed to keep thing light and easy with her. If he set his expectations too high, he knew he'd be disappointed. Whatever he imagined, whatever he wanted to happen, might not happen. He knew it wasn't her intention, but she had this power to hurt him in ways he'd spent his whole life trying to avoid. He still wasn't sure if he presented the same intensity in her life. It seemed like she had an easier time not giving into her emotions.

Dean was half expecting her to tell him something else came up, another job, another lead, almost any other reason that they couldn't get together for another week. Maybe a month? But she didn't. After everything, he thought, it came down to something so impossibly simple. Her agreement should have provided him a sense to comfort, allowing his unwanted thoughts about her bailing to cease for the time being. It did, at little but it only shifted his thoughts elsewhere.

* * *

Halfway between Wisconsin and Montana landed them in Jamestown, North Dakota. It wasn't a particularly exotic location to meet up, but it was big enough to take care of necessities like laundry and stocking up on supplies and find their next gig. Now, he paced nervously, hoping it wouldn't show when he saw her. If she showed, that annoying voice in his head corrected. Having reached the rendezvous before Mae had, he had too much uneasy energy, leading to more and more doubts. This felt like a greater gambit now that they found a motel and gotten a room. Two rooms.

They had shared a bed enough times Dean though it wasn't unreasonable to think it would happen again. While it might have been an over eager gesture, it was the most strategic move he could make. Besides, the allure of sleep could entice her just as much as it could him. He didn't know what she had been up to in the past two weeks and maybe she too wanted that peaceful slumber he could only find with her next to him. At least that never felt one sided.

He couldn't plan for her reactions or what would happen at this point. While improvisation was his strong suit, he wanted desperately to know where things were going with her. Well, he corrected, he wanted her to want them to go the same place he wanted. It didn't seem that complicated to him. He simply wanted to be with her. There was too much of his emotion, his own hopes and his own insecurity tied into that idea.

They were only about 45 minutes ahead of her, so he didn't have to sulk and dwell for long. He had never seen such a welcome sight as his beautiful redhead. Mavis Singer was a tall woman, svelte and lanky with a firm and trained body. She wasn't rail-thin but might have been if not for the muscle she'd built over the years. If he wasn't looking for it, he might not have been able to find the more enticing curves of her undoubtedly female form hidden under the layers and more masculine clothes. Even in jeans, a t-shirt, button down shirt, scarred boots, and a well-worn leather jacket he found her captivating. Her shock of red hair swept over her shoulders and framed her pale face.

At first glance, she could have passed for normal. But spend too long with her, and he thought it would become clear. Maybe only because she let the mask drop around him. Maybe he only thought that because he knew the truth about her. She could play up her innocent and delicate features when she needed. Just as easily, she could swing the other way, experience would fill the slate colored eyes making them hard and much older than her 24 years. They would become chillingly analytic but he much preferred when they warmed with eager heat. Somewhere in there, Dean liked to think there was a look, an expression reserved just for him.

It just wasn't this one. Dean had stationed himself near the window, trying to look casual while spending his time either checking his watch, his phone, or peeking outside, waiting for her 1968 Mustang 390 Fastback. He checked anytime he heard an engine. He hadn't expected to see her getting out of a truck, offering the drive a smile and even a short conversation. Had she hitched all the way out here?

One duffel bag was slung over her shoulder and she retrieved another from the bed of the pickup before getting a medium sized case from the cab. From his position, peering out the motel room window, he couldn't make out who the driver was but found the idea of her hitchhiking to meet him incredibly unsettling. She could have driven, and they could have figure out what to do with her car if they decided to all go together in his car.

His concern for her outweighed his trust in her judgment. Actually, it wasn't her judgment he didn't trust; it was any man who would pick up a pretty girl like Mae. He thought she could probably handle herself with almost anything, he just didn't want her to be put in that position. Mae was no damsel in distress but he sure as hell was going to try to be her knight in shining armor.

He stepped outside but kept his distance from her when she caught sight of him. With a curt nod, he stood cross armed and watched her. Her face-a face that was made of more angles than soft curves- held a pleasant smile when she finally turned to face him full on. It was a most sincere smile, the kind that reached all the way to her eyes. She closed the door of the truck and waved the driver away without incident.

For a moment, seeing her alive and well, clearly safe from harm, he forgot all his other concerns. She was the person he wanted to see more than anyone else. Those two weeks suddenly felt like an eternity. With ground eating strides, he crossed the parking lot. He didn't let her speak; he barely let her take a breath before he took her up in his arms and kissed her hard.

Now this was the way she liked being greeted by him. For all her uncertainty about hunting alongside him and Sam, about seemingly abandoning her hunt for the demon she was after, this moment made her lose sight of everything other than his warm mouth and strong arms. He was an amazing kisser. She thought, he was kind of amazing in general.

Mae wrapped her arms around his neck, although she hardly noticed he had lifted her off her feet. He made her feel lightheaded, not just because she needed to take a breath. Everything slowed then and she was just with him, all alone. There was nothing else that mattered in those few minutes. His arms were tight around her waist and he wasn't ready to let her go. Her duffel bags swung against him from the motion of picking her up and that mysterious box was pressed awkwardly between their bodies.

All his worry dissolved. He felt calmer, happier and more at ease than he had in some time. Dean recognized the absurdity of just how right things felt right then. Holding her, kissing her, being near her felt so familiar and it quieted the voice in his head. That voice had told him for years that he didn't need the extra hassle of letting someone be close to him, shouldn't want it. That voice started out as his fathers but over years and years had transformed into his own. But not with Mae. With Mae, he heard an entirely different voice telling him that this was perfect.

This had been what Mae was worried about. Being with Dean felt so absolutely correct. It had been her fear three years ago when she though getting close to him would lead to a kiss like this, which would lead to sleeping with him again, and it would blow her life up. She worried about that now too, for entirely new reasons. But when his kiss could make her toes curl in her boots like this, she didn't care.

She pulled back. His eyes mirrored hers she suspected, heavy with excitement, lust and perhaps more than a little love. Dean put her back down on the ground, giving her a chance to catch the box that had kept her body from being pressed more satisfyingly against his. He disentangled his arms from under her coat to run his knuckles over her jaw line. His hand lingered longer than necessary.

"You okay?" She whispered.

Maybe she picked up on the insecurity he had felt earlier and may have been reflected in his eyes for a second. Or maybe she saw him getting lost in the sensation of her. He wasn't sure. "No, I'm fine. I just…" he took a breath, sharply, "it's just good to see you."

Her bright smiled came again as she laughed. "Yeah, I noticed. It's good to see you too."


	3. Chapter 3

The room seemed impossibly big right then and bigger as she moved around. It was yet another motel, clean and basic. Upon entering, her mouth turned down slightly. Again, Dean had paid for the rooms and again, they had a lone king bed in this one. She knew they had not decided to hunt together simply because they were platonic partners. And she did want to act on her attraction for him, the room and his behavior made it feel like her hand was being forced.

Dean was hovering. He knew it but couldn't stop. He wanted to be suave with her, charming but knew he was coming off as desperate. Somehow, she short-circuited all of his style with women. Up to this point, he hadn't been able to pull off more than coming off as some love-sick boy.

Having finally touched her again, kissed her, smelled her, and having her reciprocate left him wanting more. He told himself not to get his hopes up, but did his logical side even understand what it was like to be near her? Mae didn't say anything about his hovering or desperation, he hoped she didn't notice it. She busied herself setting in, unpacking a few of the things she would need from her bag with clothes and toiletries. The act was a reassuring one, not one of practicality because they would on the road again soon.

Once she had unpacked those items, she moved towards her bag of blades, guns, and assorted hunting supplies. She needed to clean her weapons anyway, but it was more than that. Her hands didn't shake but it was sheer luck that they didn't. It was ludicrous, she thought, but she was nervous around Dean again. There were so many expectations that both of them were bringing to this meet up and she knew one of them, perhaps both of them would end up being disappointed on some level. She knew already that he would be disappointing.

He didn't seem disappointed right now. No, right now he seemed overeager and she knew he was expecting her to bolt. He was…. right there. Perhaps he thought she would have second thoughts and leave without telling him. Or perhaps he thought he would get lucky. Either way, it unsettled her for some reason, leaving her with a disconcerted air.

The man was a distraction. Somehow, he was more handsome now. It wasn't as if they had spent years apart, he didn't look particularly different. There was no reason she should find him more attractive. His eyes bordered on that hypnotic green, his face was smooth and freshly shaved, and he smelled very masculine.

His presence set her senses on high and made every motion, every movement he made registered with painful awareness on her radar. That left her on edge. She made a concerted effort to not let him know. Giving into her physical response would be easy and she assumed oh so rewarding. This was supposed to be a joyous reunion rather than an anxious one. Or at least fun. She was supposed to feel that sense of peace she felt while talking to him on the phone, that she felt when they shared a bed, or simply spent time together when they weren't inundated with petty fights.

Asking him to leave wouldn't alleviate that feeling and she knew she would call him back in no time. That would have felt weak, predictable and somewhat pathetic. Besides, she didn't really want _him_ to go, she just wanted to be rid of this particular feeling.

Dean broke the uncomfortable silence. "We have…" he gestured towards the bed she had begun to lay out some of her handguns, rifles, knives and other items, "equipment you could use. You didn't have to bring all this. What's mine is yours."

"C'mon, using someone else's gear is just…funky." she said with a soft smile as she finally looked at him again, "I'm particular to my own. I know their weaknesses, strengths, you understand."

He nodded and watched her for a few moments longer as she took items out of her bag, one by one, crossing from the bed to the table where she had set her bag and back again. It was a noticeable waste of both time and energy. He could have left to let her go about her own business and logically, he knew he should have. He knew he was putting too much pressure on them to be something, to miraculously arrive at some ideal situation where they could just enjoy each other. Letting her do whatever she needed to do was the wise thing to do. But he couldn't bring himself to leave her.

Ultimately, Dean took a seat on the bed. "This is weird. Isn't it?"

It stopped Mae's distracting motions, for a moment anyway. She supposed the tension was obvious, as much as she wanted to pretend that if she ignored it, it would just go away. Her sigh was light, layered with a number of emotions but not the sort that worried Dean. Eyelids fell over those lovely blue eyes of hers with relief. "Yeah. A bit."

"Why is it suddenly so weird?"

Mae moved towards the bed, standing close to Dean now. "It's not all that sudden. Without having something to fight about and realizing that we still...that there's still something between us...well, it's been weird since that. I don't know how to fix it."

While he didn't have a long list of solutions, he had one. Actually, he only had one. Everything between them made more sense when they were physically close. It was the one thing that made him comfortable around her, but he didn't want her to misconstrue it. So, he reached across the small distance between. He took her hand in his, running his thumb over the ring she still wore. The ring she hadn't removed since he asked her to put it back on. His fingers twined with hers and he held her hand.

His hot green gaze slid from her face to her hand. Her hands were petite, feminine hands. They were also strong and calloused in all the places you would expect a hunter to have callouses. Her nails were bare, short, plain but well-kept and her skin was soft and warm against his.

Touching her helped. If he weren't so soothed by the contact, he would have wonder more about why. Instead, he just smiled since her touch brought comfort and ease. The butterflies in his stomach stopped their restless movement and the increasing pace of his pulse was because of the need to touch her more. He wouldn't tell her that, in the unlikelihood that she didn't know about it. "I'm going to screw up, okay? At some point, whatever we decide we want to do, I'm going to screw up and say something, do something or…anything. I'll screw up."

Her pretty face scrunched in confusion. "Okay? Dean, I didn't say that or suggest—"

He squeezed her hands reassuringly. "I know. I'm trying to tell you that I know I'll screw up, you'll screw up, and I know any number of things will come up that could make us want to go back to our old ways. That's not what I want. I don't think that's what you want either so can we just agree to see where this goes and fight when we have to fight?"

Her brow furrowed and he was amazed that she could make confusion look nearly adorable. "You want to fight? About what?"

Smiling, Dean brought her hand up to his lips and he kissed her knuckles. "Nothing, not right now anyway. I want... you know, you being here, it feels like at any moment you could just, poof, up and bail. And maybe it's because you feel like a fight is going to shatter everything. Or, you know, more likely that we suddenly get too close and you get spooked. I mean, we've made it thought this much and while it hasn't been awesome at every step, there's still something here. It's not the worst thing for us to let ourselves be close to each other, is it?"

Mae frowned, wondering if he was testing her to see if she would react or if he was letting her know he saw through whatever pretense she thought she was projecting. Or maybe he was actually telling her in a roundabout way what his fear about this was. Maybe the comment was all of those things. "I don't get spooked exactly but...you must to know why I have an aversion or whatever to being close to someone."

"Hey, this is all brand new to me too and I don't know how to do it either. Like you said, there's something here and... maybe I don't want to be so antisocial. It's that worth trying to deal with?"

Yeah," she said quietly, closing her eyes as she let herself enjoy the way his fingers gently wrapped around hers and his thumb stroked her knuckles. She tried to push all those other emotions down. "Of course, there's something between us. And it's different than when we were younger. I don't even understand it."

"I don't either but maybe we don't need to understand it. Let's just be ourselves, okay? No trying to make thing easier out of a sense of… politeness or because we don't know the right answer."

She let out a laugh- half tense, half pleased. "And here I thought you were going to suggest sex as the way to unweird things."

There was a scintillating passion behind the amusement in his expression. Inside however, he was disappointed. Once upon a time, this was fun. They enjoyed each other and relished any time they got to be alone together. But now, sex hung between them like a specter. He supposed he couldn't blame her at this point.

They'd had bad luck in the past few years, but this was the closest they had come to things being normal between them. And this was perhaps the first time they'd ever had to be together when they didn't have to keep things secret and they both were more experienced. To Dean, it seemed like everything was perfect for them to finally, genuinely enjoy each other physically. "Hey, I wouldn't rule that out. You never know what's gonna help."

Mae chuckled lightly but started to pull back. Dean tugged on her arm to bring her sitting next to him. He leaned in, kissed her cheek gently.

"Jesus Dean, you make me feel like I'm 15 again." She said as the color rose heavily on her face.

"When you blush like that, you look it."

Mae shook her head, still blushing. This was more like what she expected. She felt lighter with him, she felt… almost like herself again. Shutting down those emotions had been easier than she thought. Letting herself feel this way, being comfortable feeling this way was another challenge all together. He ran his fingers through her hair, letting his fingers ease along her jaw and down her neck.

She closed her eyes and sighed, letting her head drop down to avoid his stare before two strong fingers lay on the side of her jaw, angling her face up and towards his own. The beating of her heart matched the beating of his and her breath fell into sync with his easily. It was a ridiculous notion, he thought, that for a brief instance they were connected even deeper than friendship or lust or love.

It must have been the buildup, the waiting that heightened the feeling that they were so bonded. Dean didn't let himself believe in such sentimental notions. He kissed her again, it was slow and lingering and grounded the pair in the moment.

Mavis made him unexpectedly apprehensive. Not apprehensive exactly but unsure. Unsure of himself, unsure of the right move, and most of all unsure of what she wanted. Unlike with most women, he didn't have the same level of bluster, poise, or ease when it came to interacting with her. The redheaded hunter was not more beautiful, sultry, or sexy than any other woman he'd met or seduced. Perhaps she was less of all of those things than some women he had been with. But she was...Mae and because of that, she was more than all of those things. She was familiar. She knew him. He knew her.

The hand that cupped her cheek crept away from her soft skin, his fingers trailing along the hollow of her throat. his hand trailed lightly over her shirt, down her chest, her side, her hip, and thigh. He let his hand rest on her leg as hers cupped the side of his face. But she pulled back at little. When his hand began to rub her thigh, she lifted it gently up and set it on the bed.

All of the ploys he might have used to get her into bed were of no use. More importantly, he didn't _just_ want to have sex. The phrase 'make love' sounded too cheesy in his own mind to say it out loud but did capture the twist of his emotions and physical need that arose when he thought about Mae. Rarely did he let both feelings exist at the same time.

Maybe the same was true for Mae. Her skittishness indicated that maybe that was the source of her discomfort, he thought. It was the part that made him a bit uncomfortable. Dean Winchester never wanted a woman the way he wanted Mae.

That wasn't what he saw in her eyes. He looked into those steely blue eyes filled with an intoxicating mix of nostalgia and innocence. The longer he looked, the more a little bit of sadness crept into them that he hated seeing. He didn't understand what could make her sad, so sad she couldn't keep covering up.

Was it second thoughts? Was it some leftover guilt, hurt, or anger about the job in Idaho? Maybe sex was still too much of a hot button for her. They'd both agreed that the spell induced sex didn't count, was meaningless, and they wouldn't hold it against each other. They'd both been used by the demon and that was that.

Right under that sadness, he saw that thing, an indefinable thing, that he knew meant she was once again having second thought. He cut her off before she could say anything. "Listen Red, I know you could lay down a line of excuses, explanations and reasons why we shouldn't be together. Maybe you could even talk yourself into believing them, but I don't think any of them would matter even to you because...they're just not true. We go together."

"I'm not trying to talk myself out of anything."

"But you always stop. Are you worried it won't be good? Because I promise you, it won't be."

Laughing a bit, she looked away and up at the ceiling. "That is not my concern. I don't think...I think we...I don't know. I haven't thought a lot about that."

"Then what's the problem, Mae?"

That was a question that had been rolling around her mind, over and over. There were a number of answers she had come up with, but none that would make Dean happy. This was not something she wanted to screw up, not just because she was still concerned for his safety but because a falling out or breakup with him would be devastating. She didn't want to be tied up in a relationship, she didn't want one person to be so important to her life, but Dean was. And he didn't understand it, didn't seem to understand the root of it. It would have been easier to walk away and not take the risk with him. But that mean losing out on the benefits too.

"I want to try with you. But I'm not ready for...for this. I mean, most of it, yeah but not-Jesus, you do make me feel like I'm 15." She sighed, "I'm not ready to start sleeping with you again, okay?"

"That's just bullshit Mae. You just said you wanted to try."

Mae tried to remain calm. This wasn't the fight she wanted to have or when she wanted to have it. But the man was so insistent, some of it with gestures, some with words. She couldn't just go along with though, not and be comfortable with it. "Yeah, I do. And I am. I'm here, aren't I? I'm trying to tell you what my problem is and you...you don't seem to want to listen to me."

"I don't get you, Mae. I-I can't be getting every signal wrong, can I? I'm not..." Dean stood, raking his hand through his short hair, "I know I'm not the only one who's interested in sex here!"

"Did I say you were?"

His eyes narrowed a bit and he jabbed an accusatory finger at her. "You know, I know what you're doing when you answer me with a question."

"Oh, you figured out I'm asking you a question? Then maybe you can figure out what's happening here."

"What I know is you go along with me only so long and then you get squirrely and act like there's something wrong with me for even being interested in sex. I can't tell if you're teasing me or not."

"I'm not. I think I've been pretty clear about this. I've told you I'm not ready for sex, okay?"

Pacing now, his dissatisfaction obvious. How much of it was based in sexual frustration and how much was the argument was unclear to both he and Mae. "It's not like we haven't have sex before Mae. I don't get why you're such a prude all the sudden."

"Dean, I've got a lot of wounds that have nothing to do with you. I know that you think I'm being...stubborn or prude or...making a big deal out of something that shouldn't be. I know that you think the hard part is over because you've always thought the hardest part of you and me getting back together was getting over the thing with me and your dad...but that was never as important to me as it was to you."

He tried to remind himself that he was trying not to build expectations and that there was no promise that they'd have sex now or anytime in the future. He knew there was at least a little attraction, more than a little but she was drawing a line in the sand. He turned away, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Okay, you're...you're right. I don't really get why you're fighting this-"

"I'm not fighting _this_. I'm fighting against...all the negative feelings and reactions this brings up for me. Maybe I can't get you to understand the difference. And if the only reason you want me here is to fuck me then...let's just get it out of the way."

He frowned, looking back at her. "Out of the way? You just said you weren't ready."

Mae scoffed. "There's a distinct difference, for me at least, between the act and... the meaning behind the act. I can have sex with literally anyone and it won't mean anything."

His frown morphed to a scowl for just a moment before softening. "You do realize that I don't just want to have sex with you to check it off my list, right? I want both of us to be into it. I don't want fight with a girl about not having sex with me and I don't want to have sex with someone who doesn't want to have sex with me."

"Then I guess we're somehow on the same page and at an impasse at the same time Because you don't seem to be listening to me. You don't want this to just be meaningless, but you do want to berate me for not being-not being the way you want me to be rather than the way I am."

He closed his eyes. "I'm...I just don't get it."

Now she stood but only to move towards the door, unlocking it. "Then maybe you need to leave. If you stay here, all we're going to do is fight and one of both of is going to do or say something they can't take back."

"I thought we just agreed that fighting was okay."

"If it were about something simple, yeah. But this is... I mean, you're mad at me because I won't sleep with you when you want me to, when I'm saying no. I-at the very least, that's an inauspicious foundation for something that isn't just anger based."

"It's just sex, Mae."

"No, it's not just sex. Sure, there's sex and like I said, if that's what you want, let's just do it and I'm sure you'll have a good time. Then we can both go back to what we were doing before. But if you actually care about me, if you actually love me like you've said, just listen to me. Listen to any of the things I've told you and maybe...maybe you can start to get it."

"Mae..."

"Please, just give me some space, okay?"

A slight panic crept up his spine. That usually meant she didn't want to talk about it anymore or more specifically talk to him for a while at least. "Space like...how much space?"

Mae sighed. "Dude, I just got here, and I didn't drive my car on purpose, okay? I'm not leaving without you but, I don't really want to be with you right now. Or I can leave for a while, maybe get my own room."

Her statement that they were on the same page but still at odds was true. He didn't understand it, but he didn't want to keep fighting and he didn't want to just get sex out of the way with her. "You don't need to do that. I'll go back to the other room. I'm-I still don't really understand what you need but I'm sorry if...I'm screwing this up."


	4. Chapter 4

 

As he walked across the nearly empty parking lot from Mae's room to Sam's, Dean let his mind wander. He almost missed the way things used to be with her. At least when they were fighting like that, there was some kind of payoff. Those fiery bursts of temper, caused by either a wayward spell or their prior misunderstandings burned hot, and fast, and usually brought them to a better understanding once the dust had settled. They had always connected more after those fights. But this fight wasn't anything like that. He wasn't even sure it was a fight.

There was still something wrong. When things between them were supposed to finally be easier, it seemed like they were more complex than he could have anticipated. Mae wasn't the timid or hesitant type, not in his mind. She had never been. So, what changed for her? What changed her? Was this some kind of power play? Was she trying to even the score from all those years he had spent thinking that she had betrayed him?

Maybe Mae held some kind of resentment over that. The thought gave little relief though. He knew if she did hold a grudge, she would be upfront about it. She had confided to him that she knew he'd feel that way, that she had used it against him to keep him from trying to reconcile or chase after her.

How must that have felt, he wondered. He had never considered the scenario that Mae had been living with at that. She said she wouldn't call it rape but it wasn't something either of them had wanted. He assumed the same was true for his father at least. They had been used to violate each other. And then, she forced herself to let him believe otherwise.

He realized that Mae was right about her assessment on him back then. He had made a lot of assumptions about what would happen, about the everlasting nature of their relationship. He hadn't spoken to her in years prior to that day three years ago but he though they would just fall back into step with each other. He had wanted that. And while being rejected by some random chick didn't matter, it did hurt to feel her pull away.

It still did. Three years ago, the rejection would have hurt even if he hadn't found her with his dad. And it didn't matter that she had been a victim of that hex at that time because even before it happened, she hadn't wanted to be with him. Why, he wondered? Of course, she was free to do that, then and now. She was rejecting him on some level now. But not all of them. That's what he didn't get.

He wanted to be mad at her, He wanted the fight with her to give way to something, anything. Instead, it left him with a sour feeling in his stomach. He was convinced she was being stubborn, and he didn't know how to fix it. The more he pushed her, the worse if felt. She had, more than once, offer up sex. Maybe that was the solution though. Maybe if they did just 'get it over with' as she had said, they would get to something more. He'd had his share of meaningless sex, he enjoyed meaningless sex but never with Mae. Sex with her had always had a romantic and emotional component.

Dean still wanted that with her. The fact that she didn't...no, he corrected himself, she was willing to try but if they were supposed to have sex that was meaningful, she needed more time. Damn. If that was the case, they needed to do something different. He wasn't interested in sex for the sake of having sex with her and he didn't want her to go into this with a sense of obligation or corrosion. He still needed to figure out what he was missing.

* * *

"Dude, are you two already fighting? I'd like to say it's a record but..."

Dean's shoulders slumped slightly momentarily as he rubbed his thumb against this ring. Sam wasn't wrong. "No, she just...had some stuff to do."

Sam didn't laugh, he tried to keep his face neutral even though it was clear that _something_ was up with the other two hunters. He had assumed Mae and his brother would keep themselves occupied for the rest of the night. That was fine by him. He and Dean needed some space. His brother's return to the room was surprising.

"Okay, well, I'm gonna go do laundry. You wanna come with?"

He just shook his head. Dean knew getting out, even for a tedious task, might give him something else to do, to think about. This room was a near mirror of the room Mae was in. The walls were covered with a cream and red plaid wallpaper, a threadbare gray and brown carpet, and for some reason an equestrian theme. The beds were covered by fading green and gold damask comforters that matched the drapes. There was a round table flanked that Sam had set his laptop up on, flanked by two nondescript wooden chairs. A dresser and a tv completed the room. They weren't staying longer than the night so there was no kitchenette.

Really, the only difference between the two rooms was Mae's had the single king bed. And the Mae. That's where he wanted to be, not here contemplating laundry. "No." He pouted.

"Are you okay, man? Did something happen?"

"Yeah, I just don't know what. Has Mae said anything to you about...? anything?"

Sam was seated at the table. He shifted and cleared his throat. He didn't know what Mae had shared with him, what she hadn't shared with his brother, and what he should or shouldn't share. Getting between the pair would only turn their arguments on him, he knew it. He wished he'd left just five minutes earlier.

"Just talk to her. I can't fix whatever is wrong with you two. I don't even know what with you two."

"That's the problem, I don't either." Dean sighed, sinking into the chair across from his brother, "I don't understand that woman at all."

"Listen," Sam finally said, "I do not want to get involved in your spat here, but have you considered that you've been pressing her pretty hard."

Dean cringed. "No, I haven't."

Rolling his eyes and crossing his arms over his chest, Sam leaned back. "Almost since we met up with her again, you wanted more from her at every turn and she's kept saying no."

"I am not forcing her to be here or to do anything."

"Okay but you're obviously not doing what you both want or what she wants. It sort of seems like you try to do what you want, and she doesn't go along with it. So, there's got to be something that isn't working for her."

"Her? What about me? I'm not-it's not completely one sided."

Sam held up his hands in surrender. "I can't tell you what's wrong and maybe I'm wrong. But you know, Mae's got a plan for her hunt. And despite the fact that she told you she wanted space, she's answered your calls, showed up when you asked her, and now she picked everything up and came here."

"And?"

"Seems to me like she's given up a lot to be here. What about you?"

Dean didn't like the direction the conversation with his brother had taken. Sam had not reassured him, and all of his nagging doubts were resurfacing. "How am I the bad guy?"

"I'm not saying you are. I don't even know that she's feeling like that. I'm just telling you what it looks like to me. So, you need to talk to her about whatever or..."

"What?"

Sam looked away from his brother, running a hand through his hair. "You know, maybe it's... not the worst thing if you two don't work out."

His chest was tight, and his stomach wouldn't calm down, but Dean pushed the sensation down. "Are you saying that's what you want?"

"No. I want..." he shook his head, "both of you deserve to be happy, okay? If that's not together, okay. If you're together, great. But you have to figure it out. And the only way to do that is to talk to her about what's bothering her without making it about you. Once you've done that, then you can tell her what's bothering you. That's how good relationships work."

"Have you ever... checked Mae out?"

"Dude, even if I were secretly into her-"

While he understood Sam's assumption, Dean waved off his brother refutation. "No, I mean... we don't really know anything about her. We've always just assumed we know her because we knew her."

"C'mon, do you really think she's that different that you can't trust her?"

Dean narrowed his eyes. His brother was right, he kept being right, and Dean was in no mood to admit it. The brothers fell into an uncomfortable silence before the buzz of Sam's phone broke it. He was glad for the distraction.

*Going for run. Will try not to die. * Sam smirked, before correcting himself. He caught Dean looking expectantly. "It's uh, Mae. She just wanted to let us know she's going for a run."

The scowl on Dean's face deepened. The frustration creeping around Dean was a strangulating vine. "What would she tell you?"

"So, we wouldn't worry."

Dean nearly growled, but it came out as more of a snort. "Why would she text you, not me?"

"Oh my God!" Sam nearly yelled, "just talk to her. Don't play games, don't act like you're owed anything, and believe what she has to tell you. Seriously, you're driving me insane."

"Yeah, me too. But something is wrong."

"Do you think something's up with her?" Like, we can't trust her?"

"Hunting, yeah, no question. There's something wrong with her and I don't know what it is."

"Have you tried talking to her about it?"

"All we do is talk. Or fight, I guess. She says she told me, that I should understand but..."

"Has she? Have you tried listening to her?"

"Yeah, I've listened."

"Maybe you need to try again," Sam got up from the table. "Go talk to her once she gets back. And if you want to keep whatever remaining sanity you have, don't go digging into her past. Just let her tell you what she wants to tell you."

* * *

Dean did not listen to his brother even though he knew Sam gave him good advice. Dean knew that he was right too. Something was up with Mae. His thoughts spun to the worst scenarios as he rapidly paced the room. Maybe they had never really banished the demon from her. Had she been possessed this whole time? Maybe he'd gotten her pregnant all those years ago and she had a secret kid, or she'd given it up for adoption. Could she, would she have kept that from him all these years?

Those possibilities seemed out there. He and Sam had both watch the violence of the exorcism and she had been normal. As for the kid, there was no proof of one at her house and he felt they had been honest enough with each other that she would have told him if they had a son or daughter out there. Maybe she had been assaulted. That made more sense. It would explain her hesitation and why she seemed to view meaningful sex as such a big deal.

Wouldn't she have said something about that? Particularly with what happened between them in Idaho and with his father? Maybe it was just too much for her to discuss all at once. But she said she'd told him, and he knew he would have remembered that. The easiest way to figure this out would be to ask her. Even if it pissed her off, he could wait for her to come back from her run and ask her to tell him again.

It made sense to look into her, just to see if he could find something that made the whole situation make more sense. That was how Dean justified searching up anything he could on the woman in question. However, it was harder than he thought finding information on the woman. It seemed, at some point Mavis Singer just disappeared.

She had a birth certificate but little else that could be linked to her, at least not without a more in-depth search to look at possible arrest warrants or police reports. The problem, he realized, was he knew almost nothing about what she had done while they were apart. That was eight years of questions marks. Eight years was a long time. Anything could have happened to her during that time.

Whatever it was, left her a little more wounded. She did have that house. There should have been records on that, right? And that's where he found his lead. The house was in the name of Mavis Norton. That name led him to a Mavis Charles. That Mavis had more of a paper trail, so to speak.

He leaned towards the screen, resting his face in his hand, rubbing one eyebrow idly. He didn't click on every mention on the alias. After all, there could be another woman, possibly women with that name. She probably wasn't the dead woman and maybe she was the dancer who went to Barnard, but she most certainly was the woman in the picture on the obituary. She was the widow of Daniel Norton.

Sure, in the picture, a younger Mae wore her hair in a blunt bob, dyed jet black. But it was her. Then, a number of started making sense. It all clicked together for him. "Shit." Dean looked at the woman in the grainy photo on the laptop and scrubbed his hand over his mouth, 'Shit."

Dean's stomach churned with uneasy thoughts. He had been certain that she was making too much out of a small issue and letting something minor stand in the way of them. But this wasn't something minor. It wasn't that Mae had been right, it was that he had felt so defiantly assured that he was in the right.

Mae hadn't told him everything that had happened in the years they had been apart. But hell, she had told him most of it, he realized now. She had told him the big part, the part that made most of this make sense to him that night out in the woods. She had told him she'd lost someone close to her. She hadn't told him that the person she'd been with was her husband of two years. But she had told him that she came up against a demon. She'd told him that demon had taken turns between her and the guy she was with, using the each other to torture each other.

Of course, the newspaper article had not covered that part. It painted a rather rosy picture of newlyweds, happy together, in love, just starting their lives together, only for the young wife to lose her husband to a B&E gone wrong. The killer hadn't gotten far, his body being found on the road leaving her house. While the authorities hadn't identified the man, they did find items of jewelry, credit cards, and some cash on him. He'd been shot, evidently by a gun registered to her husband, Dan.

Dean had yet to dig up the crime scene photos, nor did he have the time to get the sheriff's report. He'd been looking into her mostly out of curiosity, believing he would find almost nothing. Finding the proof that he truly hadn't listened made him wonder why she even agreed to this whole thing. He should have trusted her more. On the surface, the story in the paper made sense, but he knew better. Even if she hadn't told him about the demon, he could have put it together that it wasn't as clear cut as a B&E gone wrong.

She had told him, almost from the start. Mae kept telling him little tidbits about what had happened then, what she felt then, and what she'd felt now. Months ago, his biggest concern had been about making sure she knew that she'd hurt him, and he wouldn't so easily forgive her.

His anger had seemed so simple back then. He'd spent three years comfortable in the understanding that when she had the chance to get back together with him. If not that, then at least have a fun tryst together. Instead, she ended up with his dad. That was the picture he'd painted and the story he had told himself made it all her fault too. That made sense but none of it was true.

The woman in the picture looked happy. It was just a picture, he knew, and anyone could look happy in a moment. He hoped that maybe, just maybe, he would be able to see some secret longing. If he stared hard enough, maybe he could see something that said she was missing out on her real life, missing him. But her steel blue eyes, blurred by the poor resolution of the newsprint showed nothing but a sweet young bride.

He could have been mad, and a part of him wanted to be, because she hadn't laid out the entire story for him all at once. How could she, he though? When there were so many details he didn't know, so many missing pieces, that would have been virtually impossible to explain that first night they'd spent together in the woods. That night, she had dispelled the illusions he had around the scene he'd walked in on Mae and his dad. But she had told him about the literal demon in her past too. That hadn't been what he cared about then, he supposed it barely registered.

Once again, he realized Mae was right; he hadn't listened and maybe he did care more about his own ego when it came to all of this. Okay, he had listened to her and some of her comments stuck. But not enough. Dean closed his eyes. His ego wasn't so grand that he couldn't apologize to her, she deserved at least that much.

 


	5. Chapter 5

 

His hands were distinctly sweaty when he made his way to the door of her room. Dean knocked a few times, with no answer from her. picking the lock wouldn't have taken long. But it wasn't the best way to start an apology or try to build trust. There were few times he could recall being this uncertain with a woman. Not recently. Mae was a different animal though. He assumed the hard part was over, that all of the fighting and awkwardness would be long gone. And maybe the hard part was over for him but obviously it wasn't for her. Now, he was stuck with more guilt.

Guilt and nerves weren't a good combination for him. Not on the job, not with women. This wasn't something he wanted to screw up. At the end of the day, he was still in love with her. He wasn't willing to admit out loud to her any more. Not because his feelings had changed but it was a little too painful knowing she wouldn't or couldn't say it back.

He wiped his palms on his thighs as he saw her coming back. Her pace slowed as she got closer to the room. She looked good. Long legs in those tight pants, t-shirt damp with her sweat, long red hair pulled back away from her face. He knew the ripple of craving that made his pulse tick higher and his blood leave his brain was not his friend right then.

It ebbed when her lips knit in gloom as she approached him. She slid her headphones down, off her head to rest around her neck. "C'mon, man. Haven't we argued enough today? I really don't have another round of it in me."

Dean shook his head. "I'm not here to fight. I... can we go inside?"

"Aren't you ...tired? I am. I just... I don't know what I expected but it wasn't this."

"Me too. And I'm sorry."

They had both had too much time to think, she decided, and it had left them both melancholy. Was that better than angry or annoyed or frustrated? "Dean, I don't want your apologies. It's not going to make my panties drop."

"Jesus, Mae. You-do you really think I'm incapable to doing something that isn't completely focused on sex?"

She stared back, expectantly.

"Well, I am. And I am genuinely sorry if I made you uncomfortable or misinterpreted things. I'm tryin' here Mae. I'm tryin' to understand, to do what you want, I am. This just isn't something I'm used to doing."

Her lips remained pressed in a firm line, but she took the key out of the pocket in her workout pants. The redhead didn't invite him in, not explicitly, but she didn't kick him out or slam the door in his face.

"Okay. Thank you for coming to apologize. Is there anything else?"

"Can we talk? Please?"

He tried to read her back, the way her shoulders shifted under the t0shirt. He imagined they knit together with tension before they ultimately relaxed. "Yeah, okay. But I'm really sweaty and want to clean up."

Dean nodded. "Do you want me to...leave?"

"Just stay out of the bathroom this time."

"Yeah."

* * *

This was hardly one of their worst fights. It wasn't even a fight. This was a deadlock and neither of them would win if they kept at it. If they kept acting like one of them was right and the other was wrong, they'd both be wrong and they'd both lose. So why was it so difficult for them to see eye to eye on this?

Mae knew Dean wasn't being unreasonable; he wasn't even misinterpreting her signals. But he also wasn't listening to all of them. The thing that irritated her the most was that they had the same end goal for their relationship. It shouldn't have been that difficult to reach it, but they weren't operating at the same speed. That meant every time one of them tried to get close physically, she found her emotions pulling her back. It wasn't a fight; it was a mess.

But now, it seemed like something had changed, in just the hour or so she'd been out on her run. He seemed...softer? Maybe he'd taken her comments to heart. For the moment, her run had burned off a lot of that nervous, spiraling energy that had been fueling her. If there were ever a time they could actually talk about this, it was now.

The issue wasn't sex, not for her. It was love. If she didn't love him, this would be easier. Knowing that was a twisted way of thinking didn't help her straighten it out. Because, under almost any other set of circumstances, she would have indulged and enjoyed all the fun and pleasure of a few nights with a good-looking man like Dean. Having no feelings outside of attraction would have set her on a speed Dean would have been comfortable with.

As much as she knew that having feelings for him was tripping her up, love probably wasn't the biggest problem. It was fear. She didn't know if she was more afraid for him or herself. She didn't know if she was more afraid of him or herself. If only the issue was so simple and clean cut as wanting to have sex with him or not. If only the issue was so simple as wanting to be with him. Or not.

The answers to those questions were simple, easy, and affirmative. Unfortunately for both of them, her wants had yet to translate into the answers he wanted, into the actions he wanted. Dean wasn't a bad guy, she knew that. He hadn't set out to push things, or her, faster than seemed appropriate or natural. And it was hard to fault him for thinking he had the all clear when it was so easy to get carried away whenever they were together. She just hadn't been carried enough to stop her mind from getting in the way.

This problem existed completely in her head, in her heart. Because everything else-Her body, Dean, their current state of relative agreeableness- everything worked. Except for her. This was hardly the first time she wondered if she were broken beyond repair this time.

* * *

Dean waited for Mae in her room though he felt distinctly out of place and unwelcome. He knew he should have left and come back later. Then, there would have been no awkward tension, no temptation. He stayed because hex worried, he'd lose his window with her or lose his inclination to talk this over. It would be easier to gloss over their disagreement, wait until they both reached a certain level of comfort in ignoring the issue until it all flared up again.

And he might have picked the easy way if he didn't know that avoiding the issue would be far worse than an uncomfortable conversation. Dean did brace himself for unpleasantness though. Their truce, as it were, was tenuous and he wasn't sure what Mae wanted. He assumed he knew but he only knew what he wanted. He felt like Mae had been in the shower for an eternity but only because he'd been left alone with his thoughts.

When she did emerge from the bathroom, steam from the shower gently swirling and following behind her, she was dressed in a black t-shirt and jeans. But her feet were bare, and her damp hair started to curl slightly as it danced over her shoulders. He had pictured her in something different, certainly not clothes. This was probably better for him. As it was, he had a hard-enough time keeping his mind off her more appealing features. Dean's eyes shifted back to her face. Was there a flicker of annoyance in her eyes as she took note of him lying on her bed?

He looked more comfortable than she would have liked as he lay on her bed, legs outstretched but crossed at the ankle and hands cradling the back of his head. It wasn't his seemingly relaxed attitude that bothered her. Normally, she wouldn't have minded. This time however, she knew that even if he'd only been there a handful of minutes watch TV, her pillow would smell like him. That too, at the right time, would be a welcome change to whatever cost-effective detergent was used by this motel. Now, she hated that idea, hated that she enjoyed the way he smelled, and didn't want the reminder.

The worst part was how unnatural all of this felt. They weren't usually so out of sync. Even when they fought, even when they were under the influence of a spell, it felt like they had a commonality that brought them together. This felt different but Mae couldn't put her finger on why. Acting like everything was normal was impossible but it seemed like the only way forward.

While she could have delayed the inevitable argument, Mae knew she didn't have it in her. But Dean spoke first. "Why did you come here, Red?"

Her brows arched and her body shifted with a near laugh. "Dude, have you conveniently forgotten all of our conversations prior to now? You wouldn't let me..." her lips pressed together, "you gave me an ultimatum. Maybe you didn't threaten me or anything, but you pushed me on every request. Everything I asked for that didn't suit what you wanted, you wouldn't give me. So, I'm here because it seemed like if I didn't... give in, if I didn't give you this...that was it."

It rang true and he knew he had maneuvered her out of her comfort zone. That didn't make hearing it seem any easier. "That's not fair. I never meant...that wasn't my intention, to make you feel like you had no options. Sure, I... I just...I just wanted us to be together. But not if you didn't want the same thing."

Sighing, she sat on the edge of the bed with her back towards Dean. "I know."

"You felt like if you didn't meet up with me that I was done? So, you just came even though you didn't want to? That doesn't really sound like you. Besides, maybe I was insistent but... I would have done whatever you wanted. Not being together would have been better than you feeling coerced."

Wish a sigh, she flopped back on the bed. "C'mon, it's not like I don't have feelings for you. And I don't like to see you suffer. I really don't like to be the cause of it, and I know that this, us being together...I get why you want that, why you don't want to wait for the right time. And I know you don't see it because I'm not showing it the same way you are, but I actually do want that part of us back. It's just easier for you."

"And that's why you don't want to sleep with me?"

"Is sex the only important thing you see happening between us?"

There wasn't anger in her words, not like he expected. To his surprise, he didn't take it as an accusation either. It would have been easy to turn it into a fight. Instead, he wanted to correct the record, make her understand that he wasn't as single minded as she seemed to think he was. "Of course not. It's just something that seems right."

"Okay. And you want that to happen even if it doesn't feel right to me right now."

Her tone again was level and didn't sound like an accusation, outright or veiled. While he hadn't always been truthful when it came to getting women to sleep with him, he had never crossed this particular line. "You don't believe I'm that kind of guy, do you?"

She shrugged, an awkward looking move as she lay on her back, hands gently laced over her stomach, staring at the ceiling. "We've been apart a long time and you have to admit, sex has become a more complicated issue between us over the years. All I know is that you get twisted up whenever I want to stop so...maybe you are that kind of guy now."

Dean sat up now. "I'm not. There's not anything in it for me if I'm with a chick who's not into it. I just don't understand why you want to stop when we're together."

"I shouldn't have to give you a reason why. My wanting to stop should be enough."

"Okay, yeah. Yeah, that's true."

"If I were some other woman who told you no would you fight with her about not sleeping with you."

"No."

"Then why me?"

Moving now, he shifted to sit cross legged by her head so he could actually look her in the eyes. "Because...it's complicated between us and it's not just sex."

"Exactly. For me, if we're going to do this whole...relationship thing or whatever this is, I need to go slow but if you need sex, then maybe you need to find that elsewhere."

"You'd be fine with that?"

"I'm fine with the concept of it. I don't think asking for a little bit of time to...be comfortable with this isn't a deal breaker. But if the only reason you asked me to join up with you and Sam is so you'd always have an easy lay, then I should go."

Dean sighed. "That's not why I asked. But if you thought that was a possibility, why agree to hunt with me?"

"I mean, mostly because..." She shifted to look at him now, "I like you. When we're not tied up in some bullshit where we can't get our neuroses in the same place, it's better than not being around each other. It's nice to know someone has my back. I like having someone else... to just be with. I guess...I guess I've been lonely. Plus, you were right-at least partially."

"Exactly." His eyebrow quirked up. "Wait, what was I right about?"

Mae laughed, her features softening and a hint of the sadness in her eyes leaving. "You pointed out that my feelings are still there whether we're together or miles apart. Even I can't deny that. So maybe if we're in the same place, we have a better chance if this demon is coming for us. And if it's only after me, well knowing you and Sam are nearby and can deal with it or take me out..." again, she shrugged, "So, that's mostly why I decided to take the chance. It's not the way I planned and that...scares me."

Dean took her hand in his, squeezing her hand gently. "You don't need to be scared. I'm not gonna let another demon get, you know, up in you."

"I appreciate the sentiment, but I just don't know how you can promise that." She didn't pull her hand away from his, but she didn't squeeze back.

"I'll do everything I can to stop it."

Whatever his intent, the promise of protection did little for her. She knew it was well intentioned, she truly did but she knew he could never fulfill it. There was no way. But he could try, she supposed. "That, I believe. But that is not what I'm scared about."

His voice dropped to that low, soft, almost husky tone. "What scares you? It can't be sex; it's not like we haven't slept together before and it wasn't bad."

Mae scoffed a bit. "Okay, that's not what I've been thinking about. I'm not worried about the actual act. I'm not afraid of being with you or even getting you hurt. Well, I am worried a bit about that last part but I'm aware of what we do and, you know, there are no promises in this line of work. It's not you, not on the whole."

"Meaning.?"

Dean was still holder her hand in his, looking down at her. She slipped her hand from his. Then she sat up, scooting back on the bed and pulling her knees up against her chest. Her arms wrapped around her long legs and she rested her chin on her knees. "I like you. I wouldn't be here if I didn't, if...if I was on the fence about how I feel. I'm not. But I know you don't feel the same way I feel right now. This is hard for me."

He wanted to touch her but resisted. "I get that. Is this...this is because of what happened to your husband? How he died? Because 3 years is an awful long time to grieve."

Mae knew she hadn't explicitly told him that she'd been married. She'd dropped hints, alluded to a significant relationship, what had happened. And she'd been angry with him because he hadn't been able to connect the dots. Obviously, that blow up had translated into some sort of reevaluation on his part. Maybe he had simply though about all their conversations, maybe he had done some digging. She could hardly be upset with him over that, even though it felt like an invasion of privacy on some level. It wasn't though, she invited him into her life, he'd invited her into his and this was part of it.

"I don't think you can really judge that from the outside. I mean, there's no time line of what's supposed to happen when. But it's not that, not the way you mean. After Dan... after what I did to him-"

"You were possessed. You weren't the one doing any of what was done. You shouldn't feel bad about that."

"I know. That's not what I blame myself for. I know I wouldn't ever do that if I were myself. But I brought that to our house. I destroyed my own life because... I guess, I was bored. And I feel guilty..."

"I know, that's what I just-"

"Shut up, I'm trying to confess something personal here okay? It's hard for me to put in the right words. And I don't want you to misunderstand this because I've obviously not been able to get you to see my point of view here." she sighed, "I feel guilty because I like being with you. Being with you makes me feel, and don't take this as an insult, normal. I feel... don't get me wrong, I loved my husband and I don't regret being with him but when I'm with you...whatever else I've felt for anyone else seems so...pale."

He turned his head to look back at her, wide eyed. "You feel bad because I make you feel... good?"

"Yeah. I know it doesn't make sense. I know it's irrational. I know that I should just focus on that because, you know, it's one of the few times that everything feels right. But after Dan died... I tried so hard to shut that part of me down, the emotional part. I mean, I really did love him and losing him like that...I know you haven't gone through something like this but it's easier to deny that you feel anything for anyone."

"Mae...I didn't go through what you went through and I can't pretend to know what it feels like. I do know what it's like to need to push your feelings down to be able to do this and stay sane."

With a snort of a laugh, her head turned so that she rested her cheek on her knee now. "Sane seems like a stretch."

"Well, it's subjective."

"I know this wasn't what you expected. Or what you thought you were getting into and I get if you don't want to deal with all this."

"I am not looking to call it quits yet. I mean, yeah, I wanted to just fall into fun and crazy sex with you but I'm able to deal with you having feelings. I-I don't know how to make you feel better though."

"I am not asking for that. I though finishing my mission would make the guilt go away. I wanted to believe it would work but deep down, I suppose I knew it wouldn't. That demon isn't the real problem with me. And I'm sorry that you're stuck in the middle of this with me. I wish I could be easier to deal with."

"Hey," he touched her now, a gentle hand to her shoulder, "I like you just the way you are, even if you are annoying sometimes and I'm... a bit..."

"Sexually frustrated?"

His sigh was involuntary but heartfelt. "God yes."

"Sorry."

"Well..." he cleared his throat, "it's not like I can't deal with it. You know, it's just more fun as a team activity."

Mae laughed. "I enjoy the sport."

"C'mon, you can't tell me you're not...equally frustrated?"

"I'm not sure I have a way to compare but... sure. it's not like I don't find you attractive or that I'm not turned on by you. And since we've been doing whatever we're doing, I haven't exactly been enlisting any random dude's help."

"Again, for the record, I'm a non-random dude who is very eager to help you."

"I know. You don't think I know it would be easier if I could just focus on the obviously fun physical side of things?"

"Well, since that's the case, where does that leave us?"

Mae sighed, looking away from him again, and smoothing a hand over her hair. "I'd love to tell you I'm better, that I'm ready. But..." she shook her head, "I haven't overcome this block in the last three hours, if that's what you're asking. I guess I'm broken."

"You're not broken, Mae."

"It's hard to say that not being able to have regular, boring sex with you means I'm totally fine."

"I'd like to say, we won't be having boring sex."

"You know what I mean. I've had sex, we've had sex. It should be simple and easy and fun. I don't want it to be a... a thing for me. I want to be able to sleep with you like I would some random, meaningless thing. But...it just isn't yet."

Dean cleared his throat. "I suppose I'm glad that I rate again some stranger. You know, it has been three years though. Is it really worth punishing yourself by not having sex for years? That won't bring back your husband."

He was worried she might turn back to being angry, but she scoffed a bit. "I didn't say I haven't had sex in 3 year. I haven't had sex with someone who's name I remember let alone cared about since then."

He shifted, easing back against the pillows again. "Oh. Listen, I don't want you to be uncomfortable with me, no matter the reason. Since you're not totally disinterested in being with me in some way but aren't ready to go further, do we need to not touch until you are or... I mean maybe we take sex off the table all together. We could, I don't know, do regular date stuff."

"Regular date stuff isn't so bad, Dean. But I don't want to start from scratch." Sighing softly, she unwrapped herself, stretching out and propping herself up on her arm. "I guess we should go over all this. You're...an excellent kisser and... when it doesn't seem like it will end in a huge fight, it's...you know, fun to make out with you...God, I hate having to talk about this. It's so awkward."

"Tell me about it. But I need to know where you want me to stop. I want to spend more time with you where we're just doing what comes naturally and less time arguing about how you don't want to sleep with me. But if there's no middle ground, well, I need to know that too."

"Yeah, that's fair. I know I'm not up for...full on sex. But that's right now and it's a bit of a moving target. I know that doesn't give you a good stopping point. I kind of think it builds, you know? That it's not just on or off for me. Maybe if we take it as a marathon rather than a sprint to...that one specific thing, it's easier. Taking it slow doesn't mean we have to stop all together."

A low hum of approval grew in his throat. "So, you're saying you'd actually let yourself enjoy making out with me and fooling around?"

"It's not like I haven't up 'til now."

"Not as much as you should or could."

"You're right. It always seemed like you wanted to jump right in."

Reaching over, he brushed her hair behind her ear. "Can you blame me? You are insanely hot and God, Mae, you check off almost everything I look for in a woman."

She hated the way her blush rose. "I do have pulse and look pretty decent."

"You know it's more than that. You get kinda squirrelly when I say it but, you know, you're not just a random hook up either."

"That doesn't...bother you?"

He wasn't sure where she was going with the question. "The idea of having emotions for another human being? No that doesn't bother me, at least not in this case."

"You know what I mean...the difference between having sex and... ugh, I hate this phrase but maybe it's apt, making love. I've done both and it's different. It's just different."

He wasn't going to tell her that he loved her right then, but he did. Knowing that she shared the same discomfort with that term but also found it accurate helped. "Doesn't it feel right though? You and me? That doesn't seem natural to you. Because it does to me. I'm not saying I know how to do this boyfriend thing but, if we can work through this..."

She smirked. "You wanna be my boyfriend?"

"Yeah, I guess. I don't have a better term for it. That would make you my girlfriend. You're okay with that?"

"I am."


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If fun sexy times aren't you're thing, skip the last section of this chapter.

Chapter 6

* * *

Mae hadn't asked Dean to leave and he hadn't. Instead, they settled into an almost cordial lull. The television was on but shew as hardly paying attention to it. For the past few years, she had survived on vengeance, letting anger wrap around her heart, turning all her other emotions cold. In doing so, she'd cut ties, burned bridges, and she assumed that none of it mattered because in the end, she'd kill the demon, or it would kill her.

Once that was done, she could sort everything else out. Doing a favor for John in exchange for information he swore he'd share had seemed like a means to an end. Ending up in a bed with her first love, having him ask her if she was okay with being his girlfriend had not been the plan.

He had always held a special place in her heart. Always. Even with the misunderstandings, slip ups, and years of unnecessary resentment, that part of her heart had never fully hardened. That seed of love, affection, and lust had been planted long before either of them had been hurt and somehow had survived.

She didn't want to jinx herself, but she couldn't help but think things were going better than she expected. Mae had braced for a fight. Instead, they'd had a conversation, a genuine one. He'd listened. She'd listened and it felt like they had made progress. If not, progress then at least they weren't arguing over when or why they weren't having sex.

Maybe Dean didn't completely understand why she felt the way she felt even after their talks. She knew it still made more sense to him to follow their passion, to listen to their bodies, and all their issues would resolve themselves or be plastered over with the indulgence of physical pleasure. When they were getting along like this, when it felt like even if he didn't understand her, he accepted her and her reasoning.

The suspicious part of her mind wondered if it was a ploy, if he was only trying to get her guard down so he could get his way. But she didn't think he would want sex with her so much that he'd put in that level of effort out of insincerity. There were more than enough women who he could easily have, and he'd be free from the burden of dealing with any emotional issues they might have.

Sometimes, like now, she could feel that bloom of emotions tried to break free from her carefully constructed barriers around it. Of course, Dean had an uncanny way of encouraging that. Being with him, being near him brought a strange sense of comfort. It hadn't always. When they were younger, it hadn't. She'd always felt a nervous excitement around him and an overwhelming need to have him spare her any degree of affection.

Looking back, whatever need she had at the time, Dean seemed to be able to answer. She knew that he had his own excruciating need for affection, attention, approval-all of it. So, they clicked and meshed. They weren't those people anymore and she wondered how much of those people remain under all the scars. Mae tried to remember the things Dean had done in the past that made her feel like she did now. She tried to think of the way things were, when they were simpler, and she didn't question her feelings for him. Or his feelings for her.

"Oh shit," she said.

Dean frowned, unwilling to glance at her then for fear of what he might be able to read in her face, not sure what was wrong now. "C'mon, I don't know what I did wrong but-"

She blinked for a few moments, not realizing she had said anything out loud. "Nope, this one is all me."

His focus remained on her toes, which he now noticed were painted a light, girly pink. He smiled. "Really? I mean, yeah, obviously. But maybe you should give me a hint here."

Mae hadn't turned her head to look at him either. They both remained propped up against the headboard of the bed. But she took his hand in hers and laced her fingers through his. "You know, I guess I haven't thought much about some of this-us- from your perspective. I know you told me bits and pieces but...if I think about who you were then, how you were. Maybe it isn't just sex for you either."

"Don't get me wrong, I'm still pretty pro-sex, in case it comes up. But yeah, you're not just a quick lay; I've said as much. What makes you say this now?"

He had attractive hands, masculine hands, she thought as she regarded his darker skin against hers. She sighed. "You remember the night I got hurt and almost died?"

It was a difficult memory to push out of his mind. One that had convinced him that caring about someone, loving someone was dangerous when it came to hunting and it would be impossible to bring someone into the fold just because he had feelings. "Yeah, it's a bit hard to forget, since it was my fault."

"Dean, it wasn't your fault at all."

This time, he turned away from her. If she looked at him, it the memory would hurt more. Her hand was soft against his but for a moment, all he could feel was the thought of her warm, wet blood spilling from her thin body. "I shouldn't have left you."

"No. I thought I saw something and got spooked. I lost my grip and slipped. I just landed... in the wrong spot at the wrong time. It was an accident. Even if you'd been right there at my side, you wouldn't have saved me."

"I could have caught you."

"Or I could have taken you down with me. You could have been impaled on that rebar too and maybe both of us would have died. You keep me alive. You got help. You held my hand and stroked my hair. You were there for me. I never blamed you."

That's not how he'd played things out when he thought about how things could be different. She wasn't wrong though. He'd only thought of the ways he could have made things better, not worse. Still, he couldn't absolve himself of the sin of failing her. "Well...dad and Bobby shouldn't have let you be out there in the first place."

"You kinda have to think none of us kids should have learned or done any of the things we did."

Tensing, Dean wondered if Mae was as naive as Sam could be. She was the one who was always geared up for the fight. She had never showed the same kind of reluctance his brother did. "They had to protect us and make sure we could take care of ourselves. Did you expect them to just pretend all the things out there aren't out there?"

Mae bit her lip in pause before she spoke. "All I'm saying is I remember what I was like and pair that with your point, you and I both know that even Bobby would have worked to train me up. They put me somewhere they thought I'd be out of danger. Neither of them thought an accident would be the thing that put one of us in danger, compared to what they were used to dealing with."

"I guess." He was no longer turned away from her nor would he turn to look at her. This wasn't a fight worth having because he knew he'd never see things her way. Dean cleared his throat. "But what does that have to do with seeing this from my perspective?"

"I wanted you to stay after I was hurt and um, Bobby told me that you couldn't because John needed your help. Prior to that though, I think you loved me and that's why we were together, not just because of the possibility of sex. After that, I didn't blame you for not wanting or maybe not being able to stay with me."

"You wanted me to stay?" He pinned her with a narrowed stare.

"Hey, I understand. Even under ideal circumstances, staying with a girl when she had those injuries and was recovering from the surgeries like I was is a big ask. And on top of that, you had to look out for Sam. And your dad. But I think a part of me, at the time, thought it meant you didn't love me, and I wasn't particularly important to you if I couldn't be at least useful for sex. That's um... I think that was just my hurt and insecurity. But when-"

Dean scoffed, pulling his hand away from hers. "Dad told me you didn't want to see me."

"What?" Mae hadn't expected the bitter tone in his voice or the sneer on his handsome face.

"You didn't want to see me. That was your choice, not mine."

"No, you need to back up because that is not what happened."

"Maybe it's not the way you remember it. Dad said we should go because you'd been hurt and I said I thought I should stay, at least a while until I knew you were okay for sure, help Bobby take care of you, but Dad told me you didn't want me around you."

Her spine straitened and her jaw tightened. "I never said anything like that to your dad or anyone. That's not what I wanted."

Her stone blue eyes were hot and perhaps, he though, hurt. Pretty features were turned with a frown and he suddenly had a hard time believing what his dad had told him. "Really?"

"Really. I know it would have been selfish to ask you to stay. But I wanted you to stay. Is that how you got it in your head that I was mad at you? That I blamed you?"

Dean shrugged, even though it was obvious his answer was yes.

"Well I wasn't, and I didn't. Bobby told me that you needed to help your dad but I always kind of though you couldn't look at me because you thought I was too broken to be any good anymore."

"No." He swallowed hard. "All I wanted to do was fix things for you, make you better. Make you happy."

"I didn't know that." Her normally silvery voice was low and thick.

"So, all these years, you thought I called it quits because you'd been hurt but just didn't tell you?"

"A little. I guess a part of me thought it was the right thing for you."

With a shake of his head, he sighed, "Okay, so you didn't know that I wanted to stay with you. Instead, you thought that breaking up then, like that, was the right thing. And that's how you figured out that I've always had feelings for you?"

"No, not that part. If I'd know that you didn't want to go with your dad right then...no, what I had been thinking of was when I did see you a few month later. You know, I was a little better by then and when I saw you, I forgot about all those little fears about not being...whole."

This memory was no better for him and still didn't clarify why she brought this all up. "Yeah. It was my birthday."

"I guess you remember that too."

"Yep. Up until then I didn't think I could be so happy in one moment and then so...not in the next."

Mae frowned. Why she had thought this would be an easy or productive road to explore with him was beyond her now. It was all a sour and unpleasant time for them. But there was no stopping it now. "I... admittedly, that wasn't the...most mature thing to do. But I thought...I wanted to see you because of your birthday but also because I wanted to tell you in person that I wanted to go to school and see if maybe you wanted to go with me."

"You never told me any of that. We just spent a few days together and then you took off."

"You were so...you had started spinning this whole life, with us hunting and everything else. And I knew I couldn't be that. As happy as I was to see you again, as good as it felt to be with you, that was when it became so clear to me that we weren't on the same path. I knew I was either going to be a liability, at best, and at worst, we'd end up hating each other because we'd never be what the other one wanted. But you were so excited-"

"Mavis, I thought we were about to start... our life together. Or whatever the hunter equivalent of that was. Because you were okay and we...we were finally together again. I thought I could make it all up to you."

Damn, he thought, he had never been so overjoyed to see someone. He remembered how thin she looked, pale and gaunt but he thought with enough food and sunshine, her figure would fill back out and she'd regain that healthy pink glow. Despite his eagerness, his need, his desire for her, he'd been exceedingly gentle with her. He recalled the angry scar that traversed her pelvis nearly from hip to hip. She had a smaller entry wound on her back.

Both served to remind him that he needed to do better, he needed to take care of her but also that she was strong. She was a survivor. He hadn't thought about it in years but thinking back now, he was almost embarrassed that he had thought things had turned for the better. How could he have assumed that Mae would be satisfied in hunting with him and his Dad?

"Yeah well..." She trailed off before clearing her throat, "Anyway, that's what I had been thinking about. I believe you genuinely loved me back then. We were back together for a heartbeat before I bailed on you. Then the next time I see you, that whole thing with your Dad happens and you don't know anything about what really happened. We've got this history where you keep putting yourself out there and me pulling away or pushing you away. So, why would this be different? And it doesn't help that I... keep getting...squirrely."

Dean smirked a bit, knowing she didn't care for that description, but she understood the point he had been making with it. "That's part of it. I... yeah, I guess that's why I need something to hold on to. Of course, before now, I didn't know that you weren't harboring some long-standing anger with me."

"I wasn't angry really, not deep down. If that weekend of your birthday had gone differently and you had pushed me a way or told me you didn't want me anymore, maybe then it would have been anger. I... if I was angry with anyone, it was myself. But mostly, I was disappointing because I knew, even if I got back to 100 percent, I couldn't be who you wanted."

"But you are. That's why we're here again."

"I worry that you're trying to recapture the way things used to be. And maybe it's not that different for you but it for me. I mean, why do you even what to do this to yourself again if you think you could get hurt all over again?"

Did she really not see? Did she really not know him well enough anymore to understand his feelings? "Because, there's no other woman...no other person who I feel as content with. When I'm with you... I don't know, I just feel like myself. I can't give you a better or more logical reason. Sure, makes sense that I'd go for some chick who didn't drive me crazy the way you do. But no one else drives me crazy the way you do. Maybe I shouldn't feel this way about you or try to see where it goes but...I'm not stupid. I know that we can't go back and fix all our mistakes. I want to see if being together is better than being apart. I just want us to enjoy each other."

Mae let his words settled in him mind. She didn't doubt him. She knew this was more effort and more burden than he'd put up with if he was only trying to get laid. The idea of her life being better with him than without rang true. Despite the guild she felt over that, she didn't want to give it up. She huffed.

"What, you're upset about all this? Because I wanted to talk about what was bothering you so that we would be okay, and you wouldn't be upset. I didn't plan on opening up old wounds."

"No, you didn't. The wounds were already open. This was good. Weird good. But I'm actually happy you wanted to talk, even if you hate all this feelings stuff. No, I 'm upset it's because how much of our lives have, we fucked up just because we thought we knew what the other person wanted? Or because we assumed the worst about each other?"

"Not about each other. About ourselves."

Her brow arched as she considered.

He continued. "C'mon Red, every time we let this fall apart it wasn't because I thought you were awful, or you thought I was; it was because whatever happened confirmed what we feared was true about ourselves."

"Someone's been watching their Oprah."

"Tell me I'm wrong."

Mae blew out a long breath. "You're not."

"I like you Mae. I wish...we'd figured things out quicker or better, maybe we could have avoided a lot of pain. Seems to me that we have a change here though, to kill a lot of evil things, you demon included, and maybe make each other happy in the meantime."

* * *

Sam had left to take care of laundry and probably to get away from the hormones flying since it was unclear if it were making his brother and Mae fight or fuck. Either way, the younger hunter didn't want to be in middle of either happening. When he received the text from his brother letting him know he was going to hash things out so if Dean wasn't in the room when Sam returned, he and Mae were either making up or she'd killed him. Sam did get another short text later telling him he was on his own for dinner. He wasn't sure what that meant the two were up to, but he wasn't going to dig into it right now.

* * *

It was strange, Dean thought, to feel both comfortable and aroused around someone. But here was Mae and he was happy to hang out in her room, eat the pizza, they had ordered, and not think about anything. He also wanted to get lost in her. He wanted to memorize every inch of her body. He yearned to taste her skin and feel her tremble in his hands. What was she like now? What did she like? What made her cry out? All he had was old memories and an unsated longing.

That wasn't in the cards quite yet. He wanted Mae to be comfortable, to get over the emotional block that was preventing her from enjoying what seemed like the most natural thing to Dean, and he wanted her to want him back. Once they'd finished their meal, she started cleaning guns and sharpening knives. It was a task both of them had done since they were kids. Easy, familiar, and calming—the perfect activity to quiet their nerves and keep their hands busy. So, he pitched in to help her rather than get his own tools, largely out of worry that if he left, she might get cold feet.

"Are you staying the night?" She asked softly.

He looked up at her from the blade and whetstones. "Are you inviting?"

Mae's lips pursed. He could be so stubborn sometimes. All he had to do was say yes. He'd confessed so much that night and he couldn't give her a simple yes. Of course, she knew if she voiced such a thought, he'd point out all the times she needed to hear something from him rather than give the simple answer. But maybe he needed her to be clear about her wants, her intentions, to avoid the situations that typically caused them to snipe at each other.

"Yes. If you want."

"Then I'm staying."

Even though she ducked her head down, he caught the genuine smile that curved her lips and brought a delicate pink color to her cheeks. It was almost as if they were regular people, if he ignored the small cache of weapons and everything else about this. With Mae though, he could see the appeal.

* * *

The pair took care of every task they could think of that didn't involve leaving the room or looking for their next gig while avoiding any other activities that two healthy, attractive adults might ordinarily enjoy. Since that seemed unlikely, they were stuck.

Mae watched, trying not to seem obvious as she studied his body. He was somewhere between lean and heavily muscled, not hulking or burly but an appealing mix of powerful and yielding. It had been a long time since they had sparred outright and even when he took it easy on her, he could overpower her. She had tricks and techniques to take him down, but he bested her in pure physical strength.

She felt a distinct stir in her pelvis as she watched him unceremoniously toe out of his boots, drop his jeans, and toss them over the chair. How far would he go, she wondered, in the act of undressing but also pushing here. He had to know he was walking a thin line.

At some point, her resolve would crumble, and she only hoped that it was at a point that she didn't feel worse after. He stopped, safely at his boxer briefs and tee shirt. Even knowing this was the better option, Mae still found a surge of disappointment bump against her titillation. He was nice to look at, but Mae knew all too well how he looked, how he felt, how he smelled, how he tasted. It was a little too much for her.

Turning her head away, she unfastened her own jeans. Dean wasn't sure why the woman gave over so easily to embarrassment now. Her glance might have been shaded slightly by her long eyelashes and fall of ginger hair, but he knew she had been watching him. When she was younger, she has some shyness, but she was hardly a hesitant person. And this wasn't new. This wasn't even nudity. He knew the rules they were operating under for the time being.

They had talked about more than either of them anticipated that day, brought out issues they weren't even aware they had, and tension still lingered. Mae knew this was different. She knew that the simple solution, for Dean anyway, would be to shove her guilt as far down as she could, ignore that feeling and listen to everything else that felt right about this. Maybe that would be enough to get her past this emotional block. As long as she didn't think too hard about any of it, she'd be fine, and they could move past this.

It wasn't as if she didn't like Dean. It wasn't as if she didn't enjoy spending time with him. It wasn't as if she wasn't attracted to him. And it certainly wasn't as if she thought he had any intentions of hurting her. But as much as she wanted to make him happy, she couldn't make herself miserable to do it. So much between them had gone pear shaped and was tinged with bittersweet. Shouldn't this time be different?

Neither of them wanted to repeat the same mistakes. They both wanted this to workout but what did that look like? Mae wasn't sure anymore. She just knew she didn't want to let the past dictate the future and she didn't want to treat this or him like a meaningless fling, even if it was. A part of her hoped to keep things casual with Dean, even knowing they were far more intimate than she'd been with anyone else, because she could keep believing this was simple. To her surprise though, a part of her relished the idea of a real connection with someone else.

Disrobing to the same state as Dean, Mae tried to keep her composure as she got into bed with him. There wasn't a lot of talk as they settled in even though neither of them was tired. At a lack for anything better to do, Dean grabbed the remote, turning on the TV. With a smooth gesture, he raised an arm, inviting her to move closer. Mae's head fell to his shoulder as he wrapped his arm around her.

* * *

As he started to drift to sleep, he felt Mae move, shifting over him. His body reacted with an eagerness he hoped she didn’t notice. Having her covered chest brush against his wasn’t and invitation, it wasn’t even particularly erotic, but he was in such a state that nearly anything she did left him in a painful state of arousal. Dean stilled as she reached over and turned out the light. He let a long, slow huff of air escape his lips as the room dimmed, save for the glow of the tv.

“Hey,” she started, shifting up and leaning over him slightly. “I wanna kiss you.”

His brows waggled as he gave her a lopsided smile. “I’m not gonna stop you.”

Even though he hadn’t planned on her making the first move, he wasn’t going to turn it down. Her lips were soft and addictive. The easy kiss made him crave something deeper, more intense. His body wanted one thing, but he knew he needed stay restrained for now, enjoy what she offered, and try to show her that he meant what he said. He let her take the lead.

Dean wouldn’t describe her movements as hesitant, but they were more exploratory than passionately hungry. His were much more demanding as they moved over her soft skin and the cloth covering the most fun parts of her. She didn’t stop with just the one kiss. Her hands caressed his head, his neck, his arms, over one side of his torso until she reached the hem of his shirt and tucking underneath.

The feeling of her fingers outlining his muscles made his brain go numb for a moment. Taking things slow like this seemed to make every action, ever gesture feel amplified. She tensed a bit when he mirrored her action but relaxed into his touch as his hand spread across her belly. As much as he wanted to flip her on her back, peel off her shirt and panties, he didn’t. He didn’t even let his hands leave her middle or back as he ran his stroked her skin.

Her mouth had only left his to kiss his neck. But then her mouth and her hand left him. Dean understood that maybe she’d hit her limit. Instead, she twisted and straddled him. He didn’t try to stifle the groan as her thighs met his hips. He couldn’t resist running his hands up from her knees, over the swell of her hips, to cup her ass.

“Take off your top.”

She thought to protest before sitting up and peeling out of the cotton tee shirt. She knew he was teetering on an edge with her and asking him to keep exploring the physical side of their relationship, rather than stopping all together until that perfect situation clicked for her and her guilt dissipated, she was asking a lot. He would stop if she asked and this was hardly the line in the sand.

Even in the near dark, she felt his eyes trying to fix in his mind the curve and shape of her breasts. His hand made their way from her backside to her stomach and up to her chest. His hands traced the same patterns his eyes had. Dean’s hands were so warm and perfectly rough, and she couldn’t help but arch into the touch. He sat up, bring her flush against his lap and chest. His solid length only contained by his boxer briefs pressed assertively against her center.

Like so many things with Dean, the sensation and that need to reciprocate that ran through her body, was simultaneously familiar and brand new. He touched the necklace of charms that hung between her breasts before moving. His strong arms wrapped around her, one hand on the small of her back, the other tangled in her hair has he kissed her with every ounce of need in him.

“Dammit Mae,” he whispered against her ear when he finally pulled away for a breath, “you have no idea what you do to me.”

“I have one.” She whispered back, rolling her hips against his.

He gave a shaky laugh as he stilled her movement. “You better stop that Red. I’m pretty close to somethin’ here.”

“Yeah? I bet I can get you all the way Deany.”

When her hand slipped inside his shorts, he thought about stopping her. But even just her hand felt more amazing than the last time she had given him a hand job. He wanted more. More of her, more of her touch but he could be satisfied with this for now. Those hands of hers were like cool silk against the heat of his engorged member. Her touch was the perfect combination of delicate but firm, like she was made to touch him. In that exquisiteness, he lost himself and came.

Dean rested his head against hers. He didn’t know if the intensity of his climax was because he wasn’t finding relief with her at the frequency he had expected or because he wanted her so damn much. Either way, it had been a long time since a hand job had caused this kind of response in him. Mae was the first to move, easing her hand from his boxers, kissing his nose, and dismounted.

It was more than the kiss she had originally told him she wanted, less than every fantasy he had about being with her. Rolling on his side, he pulled her back to him. Her stomach fluttered as his strong arms folded around her, her bare shoulder pressed to his still covered back. In his arms, she didn’t feel like a mess of a hunter. She felt delicate and feminine, a sensation that was welcome and strange.

“Your turn.” His words were hot on her skin as he kissed her shoulder.

He couldn’t be sure, but Dean knew she blushed a bit at the idea. “That’s okay. I’m not racking up an orgasm tally or tracking turns.”

“Me either.” He kept kissing softly as he spoke. “But if I were, you’re definitely behind. Do you really not have any interest or want? None of that did anything for you? Don’t you need to get off, sometimes?”

“I’m not saying I don’t.”

“Jesus Christ, you’re uptight. You know an honest to god climax might do you a world of good.” He didn’t let her go but he stopped kissing her to look her in the eye.

She huffed. “I am not uptight, at least not the way you think. I just don’t want to get carried away because I still have my...I’m still not ready, okay? So maybe I’m uptight or controlling or whatever but I just know that if I let myself do what my body wants that I’d regret it after. And I don’t want to fuck this up this time. Knowing full well that this might do just that. Okay?”

“Okay. So, your solution what hand jobs for me and... celibacy for you? Don’t get me wrong, you’re weirdly good at them and I’m not asking you to stop. I want to make you come. I mean, you can’t be...satisfied with this set up.”

“I mean, no, I’m not but...”

“Babe, we have had more heart to hearts that I ever wanted to have, with anyone. I know how you feel. I’m not about to take advantage. But I don’t know how to keep building when you won’t let me try anything.”

“Yeah.”

Guilt gave her pause, tamping down a rather pleasant arousal. But that only left her remorseful and horny. With anyone else, it wouldn’t have. Of course, with anyone else, she wouldn’t have had much discussion. The deed would have been done and she wouldn’t have stuck around because they didn’t mean anything to her. Even though Dean mean more to her that she could express to him then, she knew she needed to act for the moment like he didn’t.

There was no reason Dean should be different, particularly when she actually like him and just the thought of him touching her made her ache. She didn’t need or want him to understand how much that emotion wrought havoc on her mind and her heart. She swallowed. “You have to stop if I say stop.”

“Okay.”

Quickly, he reached behind them and turned off the tv and took off his shirt before settling down beside her. She lay on her back and he on his side. The room was dark and quiet. He thought her breath was impossibly loud, but anticipation vibrated through her body. Dean kissed her bare shoulder as his hand moved achingly slow down her stomach. His other hand slithered under her, wrapping around to cup one of her breasts. His thumb worked over that nipple, turning it hard.

With his other hand, he reached between her thighs, skimming his fingers over the top of her panties. He pictured her in something silky but knew that was far too impractical for hunting. Her thighs parted more as he ran his index and middle finger over her, outlining the sensitive skin, still above the fabric. She gasped softly when his fingers moved to her thighs. He painted a delicate and random pattern on the inner thigh of one leg, then the other, before returning to the middle. All the while, he teased and played with her breast and nipple and places tender kisses to her neck.

Mae expected him to just dive in, plunge his fingers into her, and she was ready for that. But there was no rush in his motions. He lingered, touching only firm enough to leave her wanting more, craving more than the almost ephemeral touch over material. Still, she arched involuntarily towards his hand now that his fingers had stopped tracing her over the fabric of her soft cotton panties. She felt him smirk against her shoulder as he tucked his hand inside the fabric keeping them apart.

“Oh God,”

He moved mouth from her neck to her breast. In another lazy and tender pattern, he ran his lip and tongue over the swell of her breast. He let his stubble scrape her nipple, enticing it to a needy peak before taking the soft bud in his mouth. In her panties, he once again outlined her lips, enjoying the wet arousal that greeted him.

He wasn’t expecting her to be quite so wet already but took full advantaged as he eased a finger inside her. It was the thumb her dipped in her slick heat and then circled over her clit that had her stiffen and moan. “Don’t stop. Please don’t stop.”

He didn’t. He only shifted over her a bit more so he could kiss and suck on her other breast. He added a second finger to her warm and wanting entrance. Dean was surprised when she slid her hand along his bicep down his arm to cover his hand. He assumed she was about to pull his hand away. Instead she used her fingers to guide his, moving them to just the right spot, applying just the right pressure and motion. Dean committed to memory those strokes that made her shake and moan and finally come.

Dean unwrapped himself from her lean body, kissing her softly again. As they lay together, he allowed himself a small smirk, listening her breathing even out. He could make this work, he thought. If she could allow this much between them at least, it could work until she was ready for more. After a few minutes though, he reluctantly let her go and got out of bed.

“Where are you going?” Mae asked a contented sigh.

“I’m a mess here. I’m gonna clean up.” he said, gesturing to his damp and slightly sticky boxer briefs. “You need anything?”

She hummed a no as she snuggled in the bed. He let himself chuckle now, secure in knowing he’d been right and that she was too relaxed to counter it. In the bathroom, he cleaned up and stripped off the rest of his underwear. He didn’t want to sleep uncomfortably just to preserve some sort of scene of what was or wasn’t proper.

When he came back to the room, she hadn’t moved, still curled on her side facing towards him. Still satisfied, he got back under the covers with her. Without hesitation, she snuggled against him before jerking.

“You’re naked.” she said.

“Yeah well, I only wore the one pair of shorts Red. You don’t really expect me to get dressed to go to bed, do you?”

“Mmm...just make sure you keep him” she said, patting his belly above his groin, “Out of trouble.”

As he gathered her against him, he was laughing. “But he loves getting into trouble. Being in trouble is one of his favorite places to be, Trouble.”

“Shut up,” she murmured through a sated smirk, “Go to sleep, Naked Boy.”

 She felt this chuckle more than she heard it let herself relax against him.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

* * *

The drive was quiet, not quite uncomfortably silent, but noticeable. Sam knew something was strange between his Dean and Mae, more than the normal amount of strange too. He assumed when his brother went to Mae's room that his brother would be gone until morning. They were both consenting adults, so he wasn't exactly surprised to have the room to himself. It seemed odder to Sam that Mae and his brother didn't just get a room together, rather than going about the separate rooms game. It wasn't as if what the two might do together was a big secret.

He also knew Dean had a lot of hopes about what having the redheaded hunter around was going to be like, whether or not he voiced them to anyone else. Sam wasn't sure what Mae thought of all this, but he imagined that she saw this as a bigger risk than Dean did. But she must have built certain fantasies around it what all of them hunting together would be like. He wanted to think she was focused on more than just sex, but it was hard to know. With such uncertainty around the two hunters, perhaps finally being together didn't live up to expectations.

Maybe they were having second thoughts now that they were in such close quarters. Maybe they were being extra careful, trying to once again keep from doing or saying anything that might offend the other. As horrifying as chancing upon his brother and Mae in the throes of their passionate tryst, watching them tiptoe around each other was somehow more awkward. This wasn't exactly as tense as their fights or their non fights. This was something different.

He had trouble reading Mae and judging what was going through her mind. Dean on the other hand was obviously vexed. The reason was unclear. Mae and Dean has packed her things in the Impala before knocking on his door that morning. Mae fell into the routine than he and his brother had developed since they started hunting again. There wasn't anything odd or uncomfortable that came of that, except for how normal it all felt. Maybe the issue was his. Was he over analyzing the pair? Searching for problems that weren't there? Did he hope for something to go wrong on some level? Sam shook his head.

That left Dean driving, Mae reading a book and Sam in the back going over newspapers, looking for their next case. She seemed comfortable but Dean was twitchy. As much as he tried to ignore them and focus on the job, he still caught the sideways glance Dean would make to Mae every so often. If she noticed it, she had reached some sort of Zen master level of being able to ignore his brother and Sam wondered what her secret was.

* * *

It was late, though not too late by the time the trio decided to stop for the night in a town, one of the many with names blurred together. There was still time for a stop at a bar rather than retiring to a motel, Dean suggested. Sam argued that they should find a job before finding fun, but it was of course a practiced argument that even Sam knew wouldn't persuade his brother. He hoped for a moment that Mae would act as the voice of reason. But she was oddly passive about the whole situation, saying either was fine by her.

Sam went along with Dean's plan, knowing if he did, he might actually be able to get Dean to stay put long enough to explain the job he'd found. As far as small-town bars in by the wayside locations, it was a fairly non-sleazy sort of place, even a little crowded actually. A mix of people filled the establishment, allowing them to blend in like any number of twenty somethings.

Mae wondered if this was a normal scene for the two brothers; a bar, their dad's journal and newspapers, Sam reading while Dean wanted to have fun. Of course, it was. Even when they were younger, that was the dynamic, even if they weren't focused on hunting then. She knew he could buckle down and work hard, that he took the job seriously, but he also had an enviable ease when it came to being able to wind down. That might have been the norm for the boys, but something felt distinctly weird where she and Dean were concerned.

It wasn't anything she could put her finger on. They hadn't had another dust up since the day before. They had let off a little steam the night before, perhaps not everything Dean had hoped for. I had been enjoyable. Better than enjoyable really. She wasn't quite ready to tell Dean, but it had been a while since she'd had an orgasm like that from a bit of fingering. He seemed to know what she wanted without her having to tell him. It didn't hurt that he turned her on the way he did. But she wasn't going to tell him that because it would only bring that overconfident smirk of his, even if she found that a turn on too.

Now however, he was acting a little strange but hadn't told her what was bothering her. Dean probably couldn't remember the last time he took things slow, if there was a time that didn't involve her. Was he having second thoughts he hadn't expressed the night before? Maybe he'd been disappointed that they had just gone to bed instead of going for a second round and perhaps having that kind of sex he was interested in most.

The thought didn't sit well with her, but she knew Dean was still a man. And he wasn't the sort of to share his feelings instead of expressing them. He would have been far more comfortable expressing his feelings physically. To his credit, he had talked things through with her and he was adhering to the rules she'd laid out. It was hard to fault him for still having feelings about the situation, both physical and emotional.

However, when she thought about it, they weren't really friends. They hadn't been for a long time. They once were. They were once lovers, they were once boyfriend and girlfriend, and they were once family. But now…well now she couldn't define what they were. It came down to trust. She knew she could trust him on a job, as a hunter, as a partner. He would do and had done everything in his power to keep her safe too. But past that, the foundation seemed shaky. It was getting better, but he had landed in that murky area between stranger and friend.

It made all of their typical impulses with members of the opposite sex completely off base. Without their history and whatever it was they were currently doing, Mae knew she was exactly the kind of woman Dean would have wanted to meet at this sort of place. Without all that, he was the kind of guy she would have gone for too. And yet, she was still unable to put all the pieces together to make this thing with Dean perfect. He must have picked up on her hesitation. Or perhaps he thought their experiment had one too many points of failure. That might have been why she felt such a weird vibe coming off Dean on their drive.

Talking about it would be the wise solution. So, naturally, they both jumped on the idea of drinking instead. Just as instinctively, she found herself annoyed with the situation in short order. Mae's jaw tightened as she tapped out a rhythm on her thigh. She could ignore the fact that Dean's eyes always lingered a little longer than necessary on a woman passing by. Looking didn't bother her, even the lingering didn't rile her. It was the look in his eye that implied something less casual or unconscious.

At first, Dean eyed a woman who passed by their table. The woman returned a flirtatious glance and Dean winked back at her. Then turning back to Mae, he realized that she had been watching him. He offered her a smooth grin. It was one she considered charming, on occasion, and she tried to make this one of those occasions. "Drink?" He asked.

Mae didn't consider herself a possessive person and an exchanged that lasted only a few seconds was nothing to get jealous over. Expressing any of this to Dean wouldn't help the feelings go away. With a tight-lipped smile, she nodded a little. "God, yes."

"What are you drinking?" He asked, running a finger over the knuckles of the hand she had resting on the table.

The momentary contact had her heart beating more erratically than she would have wanted or expected. That thrill of longing wove its way up her spine. "Surprise me."

The words had rolled off her tongue like syrupy sweet honey. Innocent enough words but the sound was warm and lusty in his ears, making his blood run hotter. God, he thought, this was a dangerous line to walk with her. His body wanted her now but everything else told him to pull back and control himself. He hated how much she could throw him off his game at the same time he appreciated that no other woman made him feel the way this one did.

With another grin and a wink, he turned from the table and headed up to the bar. A tiny appreciative moan might have escaped her throat as she watched him walk away. He was too attractive for his own good. Or hers for that matter. Damn that jacket of his, it covered up the man's truly fine ass. She wasn't the only one checking him out she noticed. One woman was bold enough to approach him as Dean ordered drinks.

'Don't look, don't look, don't look,' she repeated to herself. She could trust him. He would eventually brush it off. And if he didn't, well she had told him if that was a needed, he had to meet right now, he would have to find someone other than her. Maybe he actually would now. Taking her eyes off him was easier said than done.

Dean's would be lover ran her obviously fake and, in Mae's opinion, tacky nails down his arm. Mae clenched her jaw and was only able to hear the blood rushing in her ears for a moment. It wasn't because some woman was hitting on him but because he wasn't shutting it down. More accurately, she though, it was because she had left the door open for this.

Monogamy wasn't something she demanded in most situations nor was it something she adhered to. But Dean was different. Mae didn't know why entirely but her possessiveness towards him was disproportionate. She wasn't ready for him, but she didn't want anyone else to have him.

Sam was saying something about a case or something he thought might have been a case. Mae wasn't sure, she wasn't listening because she was watching Dean, while telling herself not to and just trust him. But she did neither. A flare of jealousy reared up in her throat making it hard for her to breath for a few seconds. The man was flirting mercilessly with not one but two women as he waited for their drinks.

Mae knew Dean couldn't control women finding him attractive. She could let that go. His response too was something she could deal with. Even across the bar, she could picture the deepening green color, the rumble of his voice getting a little deeper, and the warm flush of his neck that a girl might not notice if she hadn't spent as much time staring hat him as Mae had.

"So, do you think we have something here?"

Her cool blue eyes were hot. Mae hadn't been subtle as she stared daggers into the back of this brother's head. She turned her attention back to Sam, the heat dissipated and was replaced with confusion. Sam. "Hmm?"

Sam kept his exasperation to himself for the moment, knowing that her sharp temper currently directed at Dean. "A pattern, these deaths I was telling you about."

Mae frowned, she was letting herself get wound up over Dean in a way she hated. This was not why she had agreed to hunt with the boys. She certainly didn't want to fixate on a relationship over the work they had to do. She tried to push Dean, her jealousy, and any extraneous details out of her min. As inattentive as she was, she only caught something about a couple deaths and New Paltz. It meant little to her without the context he had been laying out. "Sorry, can you broad stroke it for me again. I wasn't really listening."

"Yeah well, I'll get Dean and we'll go over it just once more." Sam waved his brother back over. And he returned to the table with the drinks he had originally gone to get before his flirtatious diversion.

Sam wasn't oblivious; he just didn't want to deal with their relationship issues. It was his one reservation about bringing Mae along with them. She was a solid hunter, a welcome reprieve from all the things that annoyed him about his brother, and a balancing influence on some of their extremes. He had sympathy for Mae, but she wasn't naive; she had to know what his brother was like. If she thought he would change overnight, then he felt sorry for her. She couldn't expect him to change overnight just because they had some kind of romance going on.

Dean however knew the redhead's temper had flared again. even without looking at her. And this time, he couldn't blame her. He hadn't been watching her, he had only glanced back once and saw her soft lips pressed hard and cool firmness on her face that was unmistakable for anger. He couldn't stop though. An old habit, Dean told himself.

He had no intention of doing anything with another woman, although Mae had given him permission if he was so inclined. It felt good to be with a receptive woman though. For as much as he wanted Mae, she did not reciprocate so eagerly. He pounced, out of habit, before pulling himself back, but he was painfully aware Mae had seen the whole thing. She didn't say anything when he returned to the table with drinks. She shifted away from him, slightly. Perhaps he wouldn't have noticed if he wasn't watching her.

Unsolicited, he explained. "Hey, I was only seeing if she or her friend might be interested in Sammy here."

Mavis's face remained impassive and he couldn't tell if she bought the excuse or not. She didn't say anything, it was Sam who spoke first. "Dean, no thanks, I can get my own dates."

"Yeah, you can, but you don't."

Mae's eyebrow quirked, it was an interesting dispute although possibly out of the arena of mere brotherly concern. Okay, maybe there was a thread of truth in Dean's excuse. A very thin thread.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Nothin'. What do you got?"

Sam paused for a moment, looked at both Dean and Mae before he continued. "Mark and Anne Telesca of New Paltz, New York were both found dead in their home just a few days ago. Throats were slit, there were no prints, no murder weapons—Dean." His brother's glance had been focusing on the tight twitch of Mae's clenched jaw, although she wouldn't even look back at him. "So," Sam continued once his brother looked back at him, "No prints, no murder weapons, all doors and windows were locked from the inside."

A job wasn't perfect right then, Dean wanted some time with Mae. He was making progress with her. "Could just be a garden-variety murder, you know, not our department."

"No, Dad says different."

"John gave you a lead on this case?" Mae asked, interest piqued.

"What do you mean?"

"Look," Sam turned John's journal to Dean, "Dad noted three murders in the same area of upstate New York. First one, right here, 1912, the second one in 1945, and the third in 1970. The same M.O. as the Telescas—the throats were slit, the houses were locked from the inside. Now, so much time passed between the murders that nobody checked the pattern, except for Dad. He always kept his eyes peeled for another one."

"And now we got one."

Mae only gave another appreciated hum as she looked over at the paper and journal entries.

"Exactly." Sam said.

"All right, I'm with ya. It's worth checkin' out." Sam nodded and Dean looked back at Mae, who was doing her best to avoid eye contact. "We can't pick this up till the first thing, though, right?"

"Yeah." Sam said, slightly confused.

"Good." Dean slid the third beer over to Mae, "you in Red?"

At last, her eyes met his. He blue gray eyes had cooled, to the point that left him uneasy. Temper was a good thing coming from her sometime. It was something he could work with. It meant she wasn't shutting anything down and he understood now that she used that as a default. He realized that he would rather have he be actively pissed off rather than calm. "Yeah, I'm in. I need some air though."

Miscommunication and misunderstanding seemed to be what they were best at. He didn't have a spell to blame this one on. He couldn't even convince himself that when she said if he was just looking for sex, he could sleep with someone else. Dean didn't believe that she meant it as an actual offer. And more importantly, he didn't want that. Even having a much more willing woman flirt with him and flirting back, Mae wasn't far from his mind. He couldn't stop thinking about her. He hated that they kept fucking things up.

However, before Dean had a chance to follow the redhead as she headed out the door of the bar, his brother punched him in the arm. "Dude, are you seriously hitting on other women, in front of her? I thought you two were like… like dating or something."

Dean ran a hand over his face. "Yeah, I know, it was just… I wasn't trying to hook up with those chicks or anything. It was a reflex. And they started it."

"You might want to consider stopping next because I get the feeling, she only has this reaction once before she starts with her array of hidden knives."

Sam was right, he at the very least owed Mae an explanation. "I know, I know. I'm going after her."

The hunter hadn't gone far, only pacing outside the front of the bar. When she saw him, Mavis sighed? He raked his hand through his hair then shrugged. He spread his hands out in a gesture of surrender, then tucked them in the pockets of his jeans. "Okay so…yeah I don't know."

There wasn't an apology in there, not exactly but she could tell by the restless gestures he made that he too was searching for a real reason behind his behavior, aside from the obvious. "It's fine. It's not like I have any claim to anything here. Besides, I'm the idiot who told you if you wanted to get laid, you should just find some chick who would do that for you because I'm not there yet. If I didn't want whatever that was, I should have said something."

"You know, I didn't really take that as a serious offer. And even if it was, that's not really what I'm looking for right now."

"So, you're picking up women because...?"

"I wasn't exactly..." He sighed, pacing alongside her. Whatever the excuse was, it didn't matter. "Yeah, I know. I've never… had a girlfriend, not really. You're the only girl I've ever dated for a significant amount of time and we never had to deal with any real relationship things. I just… I'm sorry. Can we start over?"

Mae laughed. "Dude, we can't start over every time one of us does something that annoys the other."

"Yeah we can."

This smile wasn't cocky, it was hopeful, but it was also a little scared, like she might really leave over this. For some reason, it was the sort of thing that softened her heart. She stepped closer to him, pointing a finger at him. "You'd be pissed if I were hitting on some scuzzy bar guy."

"Damn straight!" He would have been. He already thought of her as 'his girl' again so she was right, "but uh… how 'bout I give you a pass and next time you can hit on some weird dude and I'll glower?"

"I'd be tempted to take you up on that offer just to see if you can manage to not get riled up for even five minutes. But that's not what I'm looking for either. I don't know what this thing between us is, but it isn't just a passing thing. I just want us to...be different. I don't want to play stupid games and I don't want either of us to feel like we have to prove something to the other. I want this to be a little less awkward between us."

"Me too. I'm up for that. So, for starters, we could go back in, have a couple of drinks and I'll try not to let my irresistible good looks get in the way."

Laughing, she stepped closer, pressing her hand to his chest and leaning into a soft kiss. She paused another moment after their lips parted and they turned head back in the bar. Dean put his arm around her when she was close enough. "Hey, I know, you can invite one of those chicks over for drinks and then start hitting on some girls in front of them. I found it pretty unappealing so maybe that would help turn them off you."

"Funny." He said sarcastically, although he thought to himself that it sort of was cute.

This time, he made the concerted effort and lavished his flirtation on Mae and Mae alone. At some point, overcome with discomfort about watching the pair drink and flirt, Sam left, although they barely took note of his departure. The two continued to drink and laugh and drink. Until they were well and drunk.

It was nice to be out together, acting like normal 20 somethings. It was fun to go out and drink together. Mae realized didn't have to keep her guard up, she didn't have to worry about sleazy guys trying to spike her drink. Now Dean wasn't totally harmless, he was trying his best to seduce her. It wasn't entirely unwelcome nor entirely ineffective. She liked that he found her attractive and that he wanted with her. To her surprise, she even felt sexy. Even though they had a relationship years ago, she never felt that way with him. A part of her always thought they ended up together simply because they were together.

This was different; they had decided to attempt this on purpose, and it was clear to her that Dean saw her in much the same way he'd seen those women he was hitting on earlier. The thought made her uncomfortable. Because it made her looser, more comfortable with the idea and with Dean, she drank more than she normally would have. It was more than she should have, and Dean wasn't too far behind her. When they decided to leave the bar, they were both past the point of making good choices.

He wrapped his arm around her waist as they walked out of the bar to keep her steady as much as himself. They were stumbling more than walking and it left her giggling as she pressed her cheek against his shoulder. "I think I'm drunk Dean."

"Yeah, you are."

"Like you're going to church sober." She snorted.

"Is that a thing?" He asked.

Laughing, she turned, stopping them both to lean up and kiss him. He took full advantage of the situation. Her mouth was sweet, heavy with the twist of whiskey. Any promise he made the night before slipped to the back of his mind as her arms twisted around his neck, pressing her slim body against his. She was warm, pliant, and just as intoxicating as anything he'd consumed in the bar.

He wanted her. At no point had he kept that secret but for the first time in a long while, he thought maybe he could have her. Not just have her for the night, not just have sex with her or sleep with but really have her in his life again. Although that night, the rapidly increasing chance of sex with her weighted more on his mind than the rest. She wasn't second guessing herself or her feelings, so he only thought about enjoying her.

He could only think about the slender, athletic body dwarfed by the denim and flannel. Unlike most of the women in his life, Mae kept her assets hidden, which found oddly appealing. It surprised him. He liked knowing what he was getting into beforehand; he liked the teasing aspect of tight and skimpy clothes. And if he didn't know her, maybe he wouldn't be so captivated with her. The woman didn't wear much makeup, didn't have highly coiffed hair and she was dressed a bit like a lumberjack. Still, she was a beautiful woman. Maybe he would have taken a second glance, knowing she looked like she did without any help. Other men certainly did.

Mae kissed him with relish but not her typical finesse. Her fingers played against the short-cropped hair at the nape of his neck. The light teasing touch sent a fiery feeling down his spine. It was an amazing sensation because there was no special move there, nothing tricky or skilled. Only her touch. The sensation was nowhere near new, but it was addictive; she'd always somehow possessed that talent, but he thought by now it would have worn off.

They made their way back to the motel. At the door to her room as she moved to unlock it, he pulled her arm, spinning her around so he could press her against the door. He kissed her there, hot and a little sloppy but it was a move that almost always worked. With one hand, he braced himself against the door too. The other was a bit more adventurous, working the buttons of the green flannel shirt open, occasionally brushing her breast lightly with the back of his hand.

In the back of her mind, she thought she should stop him and wanted to stop him. But no part of her mind was running the show right then. Not when he smelled so nice and tasted like he did and certainly not when that firm wall of muscles that was Dean stood so close to her.

Making out with him against the door of some cheap motel was exciting. For reasons she couldn't quite put her finger on, a little daring, a little reminiscent of something more random and foreign. But because it was with Dean, she felt safe and unburdened. This wasn't just because they were horny. It wasn't about satisfying a need either. Not entirely.

All of that was there, layer in a complex mishmash of all their other emotions, heavily lubricated by liquor. Now, she was more than willing to let him do what he wanted. Mae had a handful of sexually frustrated months under her belt and the small taste of what he offered from the previous night drove her alcohol-soaked mind. She wanted him to, maybe more than usual in this particular moment. That thought kept circling around her mind her mind even as his knee moved up to part her thighs.

Oh, she thought, Dean Winchester was the only man who could make her feel like this; uncontrolled but safe, calm but wild, and desirable. He had always had that power and she had never found any other man who could give her all of that. She turned her head away from his eager mouth. "Dean… Dean, we're not inside yet."

"I know… why don't I let you open the door?"

Her fingers played at the collar of his shirt. Those pretty blue eyes of hers were dilated but lusty as she weighed her options. He twirled her hair between his fingers, fascinated with those silky red strands for a moment as he eyes shifted from hungry to greedy. Without turning around, she managed to slide the key in the lock and turned the knob. The opening door sent them tumbling backwards into the room. The falling sensation sent Mae into a thither of giggles as Dean fought to stay upright, catch her before she hit the ground, and hold her firmly against him.

I provided him a moment of clarity. She was drunker than he was, and, in that moment, he found her busy hands and lusty mouth unappealing. Well, he thought, not unappealing, quite the opposite in fact but he knew if she were sober, she wouldn't be doing any of this. Her actions were fueled more by whiskey and while he wasn't usually opposed to a drunken tryst, he didn't want to start out on that foot.

Shutting the door behind them and making sure it was locked, he took her by the shoulders to holder her at arm's length. This wasn't how he wanted to have sex with her the first time. "Red, we've gotta stop."

She tugged at his shirt, trying to pull him closer again. "No, we don't. I want you. I need you."

"As much as I would, oh Jesus…" he moaned as she managed to throw her arms back around him and press herself against him. She started kissing his neck, occasionally letting her teeth scrape along his skin. "Yeah, we've got to stop before… before this goes any further."

"We haven't done anything. You don't want to get laid tonight?"

That nervous chuckle did nothing to alleviate the tension in this body. "Believe me Maes, if this was you sober, I wouldn't think twice. I don't want to do it when you're this drunk and neither do you."

"It's not like I'd say no even sober."

"You did last night so we'll just have to test that out later, okay?"

"Mmm…" she moaned, you're not fun"

"Don't worry, I'll be fun later."

* * *

 


	8. Chapter 8

* * *

A woozy fog hung over Dean's head when he awoke, although that wasn't an uncommon occurrence. All the same it was nearly pleasant because he was lying next to a warm, lithe body. The details were on the fuzzy side but remembered the bars and the drinks and a fluster of hands. And he remembered that the chick he was hitting on wasn't just any chick. A wanting and eager mouth.

Desire.

Mae.

For a fleeting moment, he had everything he wanted with her, everything he had been wanting. And he could now remember telling her no. Now, they found themselves in bed together. Her long legs slid against his, bare and inviting. He did not recall them taking off her pants. Or taking off his own for that matter. If he didn't remember, she wouldn't either since shed been drunker than he was. In fact, as he slid his hands down the side of her body, pressed close against him, he found that she was just wearing panties.

Instead of investigating further or trying to fix things before she woke, he enjoyed the moment, as much as he could. Opening his eyes was going to be unpleasant. Any reaction she might have had the possibility of being unpleasant. But right now, Mae still slept. His hand rested on her smooth stomach. She had a surprisingly pleasing body. Her skin was soft, body lean and athletic. This was the first time he'd been able to enjoy her body, unimpeded.

In their youth, she'd had less muscle, less curve. She was skinny. She had filled out nicely. Appealingly. God, he wanted to see her in the wild throws of passion. He knew she had that in her lithe frame. He suspected when she didn't over think things, when she didn't let her grief overcome her desire and pleasure, she'd be untamed. She knew it too, he thought. That was probably one of the reasons she'd over indulged. If she let go of her inhibitions, she thought it would make all of this easier. But he knew that in the long run, they both would have found something hollow in that.

Dean knew they would fall into sync eventually. There was something fun about fooling around with her, edging up to something more each time. And, God, there was the orgasms. It wasn't as if this was his first time, but it felt that way. It had to be something about Mae. Was it having a connection with her? Was it having to wait for what he wanted? He wasn't sure but he knew she was amazing.

He wasn't prepared to admit it to her yet, but he felt a draw to her that went beyond sexual attraction or love. Admitting he loved her had been easy. It had slipped out the first time, but it was the truth. He wanted to hear it back. He had no illusions about what held her back, but he knew she felt the same way. If she didn't, she wouldn't be here now.

They could have a real relationship. The notion felt cheesy, too emotional, overly sentimental. Despite the years and years of having it drilled into to avoid this sort of entanglement, it felt satisfying. She wasn't a normal girl. He wasn't asking to give up her regular life to hunt things regular people were raised to believe weren't real. He wasn't asking her to put herself in any more danger than she was already putting herself in. And she wasn't going to endanger him anymore than he already was.

Their lives would never be perfect, but this was close, could be perfect for them. They just needed to work out this hitch. They wouldn't have the same awkward and hurried encounters of their youth but still full of that same attachment. He just had to convince her that attachment was a plus. Waking up with her was reassuring. Things were leaning in his favor and if he was honest with himself, he enjoyed being with a woman—hell, knowing a woman—he could let his defenses down around and just sleep with.

That alone was a surprise to him. He didn't sleep with women. Sure, he'd _slept_ with a lot of women but rarely did he or they spend the night. The connection he felt with her was comfortable and exciting, both at the same time. Maybe that was why he tried so hard with her. He wasn't really sure. All he knew was so comfortable that he didn't move until she started to stir.

When Mae woke, bleary eyed, her body made her reluctant to move. Hell, it made her reluctant to breath. Oddly, dispute the discomfort the hangover was trying to push on her, she was quite comfortable. Dean was snuggled up next to her. Curling up together didn't seem so foreign any longer. She even welcomed it now. A few months ago, she would have freaked out, not because they were together but because reassuring to have him so close. Sleeping with Dean was insanely comforting. There wasn't any regret, remorse, or any of the things that usually followed either random hookups or emotional moments with Dean.

The last time they dated, they rarely had the luxury of lingering in bed together, lest they be caught by any of their relatives. In retrospect, Bobby and John probably knew that they weren't just close. She knew Bobby at least knew they were dating and based on a very awkward trip to the doctor to get her on birth control, at least suspected they were having sex. That didn't explain why neither man tried to put a stop to that. At the time, if she or Dean had realized what a terrible job they had done of keeping their relationship secret, maybe they wouldn't have snuck around like they did.

The only other man she had indulge in something like this with was Dan. But he wasn't like Dean. The thought made her frown. She didn't like thinking about her late husband that way. He never made her feel the same way Dean did. Dean had a piece of her heart that he never let go. She had never fell out of love with him and it wasn't that hard for those feelings to resurface. If she spent too much time thinking about the ways both men compared, shame would start eating at her again. It was best to keep her mind on the here and now. Bed. Dean.

Convincing herself to get out of bed, leave Dean's warm and strong arms was difficult to convince herself that she should get out of bed. She didn't want to open her eyes, knowing that the pounding headache and roll of her stomach would follow. The boys, Dean in particular, had a rough past few days, opening old wounds. Maybe they would take a day or two and just relax. It wasn't Dean she would have to convince, however. Actually, it wouldn't take any work to convince Dean they should stay. The promise of sex, even the promise of the possibility of sex was all she would need.

His younger brother would need more than just the enticement of a day in bed with her. She would have to think about what might convince Sam that staying was a better plan than the job he had found. Her sluggish thoughts paused as Dean's hands moved gently along her skin. He moved up from her stomach, just under her breast. Yeah, he had to know she was awake. His mouth was busy exploring the side of her neck. His fingers played nimbly on that skin just over her ribs.

Strangely though, he didn't move up further. He had always been the first to cop a feel whenever he had a chance. And she wasn't totally dressed. He had the opportunity. But this slow and easing motions was more erotic and sensual, playful. Even with her head fuzzy, stomach less than stable and feeling increasingly aware of her own discomfort, his hands made her feel warm and safe.

Briefly, she wondered if he could become as distracted by her as she was by him. She wondered if he could lose himself as easily in this moment too. She seized the restive motion of his hand with her hand. It wasn't an angry gesture, but he was simply too distracting.

"Dean?"

Her voice was thick and husky, erotic. "Mmmm…what?"

He mumbled against her shoulder. "Please stop."

He couldn't help but be disappointed, but he realized he hadn't given her time to wake up all the way. He kissed her a few more times. "Now?"

"Yeah. Drank a lot last night, I've gotta go to the bathroom."

The lovely redhead made a good point, it had been a long night and as reluctant as he was to let her go, they had more than enough time to be reacquainted. After a quick squeeze, he moved his arm off her midsection.

Sliding from bed, she all but dashed to the bathroom. There were two reasons he though she made a run for it; one biologically demanding but the other was more complex. Maybe the roller-coaster of emotions she felt for him would subside, given enough time but he thought he might need to brace for having her push him away again.

In the bathroom, Mae fought the rebellion of her stomach and her head as the room spun. She'd moved too fast getting in there and no regretted that just as much as the night before. Bracing her hands on the side of the sink counter, she looked into the mirror. The reflection wasn't unpleasant. In fact, she didn't think she looked particularly hung over. She looked a little tired, dark circle just showing under her gray blue eyes. Her skin was always pale but seemed a little sicklier than normal. Her lips looked dry. Not the worst she'd looked, not the best.

Then she tried to think about how she might look to Dean. It was something that she had thought of more often lately, despite not wanting to. She was always rather perplexed by his attraction to her. Make knew she wasn't ugly but didn't consider herself beautiful. If she compared herself to the women he seemed to like, she felt plain. But Dean seemed to see her as the equal of any of those women. He was obviously attracted to her. But that might not be the case if she started heaving her guts up. Watching someone be sick could go a long way to destroying an illusion of attractiveness.

A headache gnawed at the base of her skull and pulsed red hot behind her eyes. Too much thinking, she decided. A shower was in order. Silently, she prayed that this was the sort of place that had decent water pressure and plenty of hot water. You couldn't always count on either in the sort of places they frequented. Turning on the water, she removed what little she had on, wondering exactly what had happened to her clothes, while she waited for it to warm up to a tolerable temperature.

Stepping in the shower, she gave a moan of gratitude. The hot water ran smoothly down the back of her neck when she stepped under the spray. It was nice, not as nice as a long, relaxing bath in her bathtub back home but that would have made her a bit lonelier now. Even with all the unknown elements about whatever this was with Dean, the idea that she had company, partners, was nice. She had hunted alone for a long time now. It would be refreshing having backup. And someone to talk to, other than herself, again.

Slowly, she went about washing and conditioning her hair and washing her body. For a mere second, she considered shaving her legs, but Dean would just have to deal with stubble. She didn't have it in her.

She must have been out of it, she realized when her thoughts were broken by Dean's voice. "Coffee?"

The mug appeared in the shower as Dean slipped his arm in, past the curtain. To her surprise, she was a bit disappointed that he didn't simply join her this time.

She frowned to herself before taking the cup from him. She hadn't heard him come in the bathroom. Or get water for the coffee maker. Still, she drank the coffee happily. Somehow, he'd poured just the right amount, not too much, not too little, for the state of her stomach. Her brain welcomed the caffeine. Mug now empty, she passed it back out, chancing that Dean might have stayed in the bathroom. The bug disappeared from her hand and she heard it softly clink on the counter.

"How did you get in here?" Her voice was hoarser than she expected.

Dean chucked, crossing his arms over his chest. "How do you think?"

"I... I didn't hear anything."

"Sweetheart, you bolted from the bed and jumped right in the shower. I had to take a leak. You were in your own little world."

"I'm super hung over."

"That makes sense."

"Yeah. I'm sorry."

"You don't need to apologize for drinking Mae."

"No, I'm sorry that I... drank so much."

"I had a lot to drink too."

"You hung over?"

"A bit. Not as bad as you."

"Lucky."

He wasn't sure that was the word for what he was but there was no point in arguing. "Well...let me know when the shower's free."

"I'll be honest Dean, I don't plan on getting out at all so...why don't you just jump in?"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

* * *

In the shower with the woman once again, Dean let his eyes roam over her bare body. She was sexy and beautiful, and he wanted her with every fiber of his being. If she wasn't quite so miserable, they could have finished what they started last night.

"Did we have sex last night?

"What do you think?

The water fell comfortingly against her back. "I'm serious Dean. I... don't remember anything."

"Mae, please look at me," She opened her eyes, a bit reluctantly, "Babe, we were both drunk. I might be a lot of things and I can't say that I haven't had my fair share of drunken encounters but…it didn't feel right, okay? Not this time."

"I mean, you could have."

"Would you have wanted that?"

"No." she cast her eyes down at the bottom of the tub, "But you should have."

"What? You thought I'd see you sloppy, fall down, pass out drunk and just say 'hey, this is as good as anything?' and just...fuck you?"

"I thought a little alcohol would help...loosen me up. Besides, you would have gotten what you want."

"I don't...I don't want you like that. That is not what I want. I don't even want us to have that kind of sex if you need to be drunk to have it."

"It's not like I need booze to be able to sleep with you. I just...I'm tired of my brain tripping me up. Every time we get close..."

"I know. But you're right, if sex is the only thing I want, I can get that anywhere, with a fully conscious girl. Hell, I could have gotten it from you last night and you would have been none the wiser. But I want us to, you know, be together. If it's by bits and pieces, fine. Whatever we do together should just be fun. It should be...the best part of all the crap we deal with on a daily basis. I don't want to mess that up because I know being inside you will be amazing."

She smiled softly. Dean Winchester was a more sentimental man than she gave him credit for sometimes. Chivalry wasn't something she spent any amount of time seeking out. Yet when he described what he wanted, she felt something she hadn't felt in a long time. It was entirely possible that she was in love with him. Well, she knew she was but now, she felt like that feeling might finally be drowning out the guilt.

"Okay."

"Okay. So, if we're getting blackout drunk together, it's not with the express purpose of trying to have sex, right?"

"Yes, I promise to drink for fun not... whatever."

"It's kind of been fun, fooling around the way we have been. It's been a long time since we did that."

"I have to admit I'm not sure that I've ever come like I did the other night just from being fingered."

"Hey, I'm really good at the things I'm good at."

Mae laughed, trying to keep her eyes solely on his handsome face least her eyes wander down his muscular and masculine, equally naked body. God, she thought, she wanted him. Her body practically hummed and if it weren't for the hangover, she wouldn't have hesitated. But even this wasn't right, for different reasons. Her eyes dropped from his face and closed.

Dean smiled, just a little, at the reluctance in her expression, because he finally saw more uncertainty than unwillingness there. It wasn't much, but it felt like something huge right then. He felt like the piece by piece exploration might just be working. He could work with it.

He took small step closer to her. This time he reached out, hands sliding down her warm slippery skin as they moved from her shoulders to her waist. They rested firmly there as he looked steadfastly into her eyes. He reached up to cup her cheek. Mae met his gaze and she couldn't deny the way her made her feet. Even if she couldn't say it out loud, she knew it was true.

"I really want to kiss you, Red."

"Is that such a good idea?"

"It's a great idea. Unless you think you might ralph during. Don't get me wrong, there's a lot of weird shit I'd do with you but having you puke into my mouth isn't one of them.

"I think you're in the clear."

"Just give a guy a warning first." His gaze turned a little more heated as his thumb ran over her lips. "Goddamn, you are gorgeous."

Mae touched his cheek, letting her fingers trail over the rough stubble. Having her touch him back sent a hefty portion of the blood in his brain south and quickly. His eyes drifted down momentarily to take in her breast, plumped together with tiny rivulets of water trailing over her pale skin.

"I thought you were gonna kiss me." She whispered, a lusty and pleased smile crept over her mouth as she watched his eyes.

He did. Starting out slow and gentle, testing the waters, and seeing if they were both up for it. They were both pleasantly surprised to find the other had brushed their teeth so aside from the headaches they shared and unsteady stomachs, it was enjoyable. Letting herself enjoy the sensations, indulge in them, she forgot that she wasn't feeling well.

Knowing it would be easy to get carried away and that she still wasn't up to much more, she just wanted him to hold her then. Parting from him, she turned away to let the hot water fall on her front now and leaning her back against his chest. Without any prompting, he wrapped his arms around her waist. Lightly, he pressed his lips against her wet head. Her hands slid up his muscular arms as she sighed softly.

The whole scene was pointedly intimate. Mae could count on one hand the number of men, hell the number of people she was even friendly with, let alone having been legitimately intimate with. These moments they seemed to steal with each other were not intimate because they were naked or because of the rush of hormones and need.

No, as always it was because of the fact that she could turn her back on him. She could leave herself open to his touch, to his words and he wouldn't hurt her. As much as he wanted to speed up the sexual part of their relationship, given an opportunity, he didn't take it because it didn't feel right. As if sensing her thoughts on vulnerability, one of his hands slid from her waist along the front of her pelvis to touch the old scar that lay there. "Does it ever hurt Maes?"

It would have been foolish to believe that given the number of times he'd seen her recently that he could have forgotten about the large scar, even covered by the tattoo. Her inhale was sharp, not expecting him to touch her like that or talk about it. But his hands were warm, warmer than the air surrounding them or even the stream of water. His skin was rough, but his touch was tender. They didn't press into the flesh of the well healed scar and they didn't slide into the red curls the scar slashed into.

The touch wasn't painful in the least, only surprising. She covered his hand with hers, sliding her fingers between his but she didn't move his hand. "No. Not for a long time. Sometime if I'm thinking about it or… sometimes I recall the pain, but it doesn't hurt. You know, it didn't really hurt that much when it happened. I was shocked and moving around was painful but actually having that chunk of metal through me didn't hurt as much as I would have expected."

"Do you… does it bother you?"

She laughed. "The scar or the injury? I don't love it but there's nothing that I can do to change it. It used to bother me more to look at it which is why I covered it up. I gave up needing to be that kind of beautiful girl. Besides, it's not like a lot of people spend a great amount of time looking at it."

Dean frowned, pressing his lips to her head for a moment. "Scar or no, you're an insanely beautiful woman. There's nothing you can do to change that."

"You don't have to keep trying to butter me up. I'm already in the shower with you and getting naked with you on a regular basis."

"I'm not saying any of this because I think it'll get me something. I... I don't like you thinking that you're...not the beautiful and amazing woman you are."

"You've felt this way this whole time? I was pretty sure you spent all these years hating me."

"Unsuccessfully. I hated what I though you did, why I thought you did it but...even if all that had been true, even when I thought it was true, I could never get to that point."

She rested her head on his shoulder a moment. A motel shower shouldn't be the only place they interacted with each other in this unguarded manner. For some reason though, it worked for them. "Do you think we can stay in bed all day?"

Dean chuckled. "If you think Sam thinks a hangover is a good enough excuse to get out of work?"

"You could tell him I died."

"Pretty sure that's not gonna cut it with him."

Mae let out a disapproving groan. "Then I gonna complain the whole time."

"You know, I do know one thing that can help with hangovers."

"It's not something gross, is it? Because I don't want to do something gross."

Laughing, he kissed her shoulder as his hands spread warmly over her abdomen. "It's not gross. In fact, I bet it will be one of our favorite things. Can I try something here?"

She was skeptical but intrigued and enticed but his hands, the warmth of his body behind her and the insistent but not demanding nudge of his hard member against her ass. "What?"

"You'll see. I just need you to tell me when I should stop. Let me touch you?"

He closed her eyes, knowing what he was proposing as his hangover solution. It seemed to offer minimal risk of worsening things and perhaps could help. "Yes."

His hand slipped between her thighs and he grinned at the gasp followed by the moan of pleasure when his fingers began to explore her. This was an old dance for them, but it felt brand new. New and familiar at the same time. Dean stroked her soft heat with eager and strong fingers.

He was a bit surprised that she responded so readily. Even given their other sessions, Dean still anticipated her asking him to stop. Instead, her body pressed excitedly to his chest as she ground herself against his plundering hand.

"Oh Dean! Don't stop."

"You want more, maybe a little different?"

"Okay."

The little disappointed moan she gave when his hand left her delicate folds was rewarding for Dean. Quickly, without causing either of them to slip, he guided her to switch places with her and pressing her against the wall of the shower. She gasped a bit at the cold contact of the tile against her back.

He kissed her again, bolder than before. His hand returned to her waiting heat. When he had her almost crashing over the edge, he broke the kiss and moved his hand to her lip. His mouth moved down her body slowly, softly. His sand-rough stubble grazing her pale skin as he kissed her neck, her throat, over collar bone, down her chest. His hands moved over her body with a familiarity Mae didn't expect. They came to rest on her hips as he moved lower and lower. She let her hands wonder over his muscular arms and shoulders. He paused when he reached her breasts.

"This okay?"

His voice rumbled against her chest. That alone was insanely arousing. She looked down at him, perched happily between her breasts. Mae laughed. "Yeah, it's good."

Her pulse tripped and her stomach trembled. She was flustered, she was aroused. She told herself not to stop herself from enjoying this, enjoying him, and enjoying that cocky grin of his. He moved from between her breasts to kiss the top of one, then the other. His warm mouth then ducked down to take one nipple inside. Those straight white teeth scraped gently across the puckering peak.

Somehow, even in the steamy heat of the shower, she felt cold when his mouth left one breast for the other. Heat and pressure built in her. And Dean dropped lower, pressing kiss after kiss to her torso, down to her navel before retracing his path on his way back to her mouth.

One hand moved from her hip, gliding behind her to cup her ass, pressing her against him for a moment. From there, his hand slid down to the front of her leg. Slowly, achingly slow, he skimmed his fingers over her hip and pelvis before pausing. Dean pulled back from her mouth, reluctantly. "I wanna taste you."

His eyes were dark and enticingly green. The look on his face as he sank to his knees set a ripple of hot need through her core.

"I like the hand stuff. You don't have to go down on me."

"I want to. Do you want me to stop?"

Again, his words vibrated her flesh. His breath was almost cool against her overheated skin. She wasn't going to trace back in her memory how long in had been since anyone had tried oral sex with her let alone when she had let them. Dean was different, he was always going to be different. It felt greedy and decadent to let him pleasure her this way. But every time she let him take things further, she had only felt better, felt more satisfaction.

"No. Don't stop." She whispered.

He smirked but kept his eyes on hers as he hooked his elbow under her right knee. Once on his arm, he raised his arm, so her thigh slid over his forearm, along his bicep, and up to his shoulder. He pressed a kiss to the soft red curls at the apex of her thighs. He wrapped his arm over her athletic thigh, fingers moving to spread her open more. The fingers of his other hand moved strong and firmly in and out of her as his mouth went to work.

"Oh God." she moaned, letting her eyes close and her head fall back against the wall.

The man was diligent and talented as he touched, licked, and kissed her sensitive parts. She stopped thinking, her body took over as sensation washed over her. His mouth. His tongue. His fingers. Every part of him touching her was made to bring ecstasy to her. Her thoughts didn't intrude on the sensation. Her hand moved to cup the back on his head.

Her heel dug into his back. Her nails scraped his head as her grip tightened in his hair. But Dean didn't care about the momentary discomfort. Not when he was able to elicit those moans, the panting, and the gasps of pleasure from her. She couldn't tell him what she wanted, didn't need to because his mouth and fingers seemed to know exactly what she wanted, what she needed until she climaxed. Again, it was harder and faster than she anticipated, expected, or was used to. A lackadaisical smile graced her lips when she opened her eyes as she laughed a little.

Dean eased her leg from his shoulder but keep a hold on it as he stood. "That wasn't so bad, was it?"

Mae chuckled. "I was never telling you no because I thought the sex would be bad. I knew it would be good."

"You wanna...try going a little further?"

It would have been easy. She could picture it; she would slip her leg on his hip and with some gentle guidance, he'd press against her warmth. Maybe he'd tuck two fingers under her chin to tilt her head so he could look at her, ask permission one more time, just in case. She would nod, maybe smile. Dean would lean in to kiss her, firm but full of love. His whole body would press against hers as he shifted his hips enough to allow for a slow and steady push into her very ready body. Until he filed her.

He might stay that way for several moments, just savoring the feeling of her all around him. He'd go slow making them feel every motion, every inch of his cock, drawing out every second they were together, until they needed more. Then they'd both rush, with little concern for elegance and style as they both sought that summit. Until they both fell against each other, sated.

In the time that she took to imagine and considered, Dean felt as if he pushed too far. He hadn't tried to make her orgasm this way because he thought she would finally give in. He'd wanted to help her see that she didn't need to feel guilty about feeling pleasure. Because it was an issue for her, he wanted her to be completely ready and certain. And she just wasn't.

For now, he could be satisfied with one of her oddly intense handjobs. "It's okay. We should probably finish up in here before we run out of hot water anyway."

Mae frowned a bit, although was relieved that she didn't have to tell him she wasn't ready yet again. Had she thought she could keep from throwing up, she would have reciprocated oral sex. She could work with that set up with him. But as she was about to say something, an angry banging on the bathroom door, made them both jolt.

"Stop messing around. We have work to do and you two need to get out here."

"We're just doing homework." Mae called back to the angry and annoyed Sam Winchester.

He grumbled something neither of them heard but he didn't knock again, and it was safe to reason that he had left the room.

Dean laughed at her response before poking her shoulder light. "Told ya. Sammy's a real task master."

"I guess we need to be quick then."


	9. Chapter 9

The knock on the bathroom door that morning was decidedly uncalled for. It was, Mae decided, entirely possible that Sam Winchester was a sadist. It was far too early. Granted, she and Dean were already up and showered, mostly. But Sam having come in their room mean he'd been trying to rouse them for a while before he decided to break in. Maybe he was worried that they hadn't made it back to the motel or they were hurt but that didn't leave Mae feeling any less annoyed by the interruption.

Neither Mae nor Dean were entirely awake. They surely weren't free from the lingering effects of the hangovers they were both nursing, despite Dean's valiant and fun attempt. Both would have preferred to return to bed, although Mae wasn't sure if they would have gone there for rest or recreation. Unfortunately for the amorous pair of hunters, there was no talking Sam out of his need to get an early start. It was probably his revenge for their late night. Sam was chomping at the bit to get on with this case since last night. Mae and Dean relented since doing so was easier than fighting with him.

They went with Sam to the Telesca's house, but they stayed back in the car while he went inside. Sam wasn't gone very long, long enough though for Dean and Mae to both doze off. True to his evil streak of the day, Sam returned to the car and honked the horn, laughing at their startled reactions as he got inside.

"Man, that is so not cool." Dean grumbled.

Mae sat forward, leaning her chin on the back of her folded hands on the back of the front seat. For the first time, she noticed that Dean was finally feeling the effects of their night of drink. That he would spend whatever energy reserves he had on her brought the ghost of a smile to her lips.

Unperturbed by either hunter, Sam continued. "I just swept the Telesca house with the EMF. It's clean. And last night, while you two were-" He rolled his eyes " _out…_ "

Dean smiled. "Good times."

Mae blushed beet red. "Nothing happened," she clarified, reasoning that nothing much had happened until that morning.

The woman wasn't looking, not that he would have seen her eyes past the dark sunglasses. But Dean's gaze fixated on her, questioning why she felt the need to add that detail. It wasn't any of Sam's business nor did his brother actually want to know about their sex life, one way or another. And it wasn't true.

Sam ignore both of them. "I took the history of the house. No hauntings, no violent crimes, nothing strange about the Telescas themselves either."

"Busy boy." Mae muttered sarcastically.

Mae wasn't focused and it didn't seem like would be anytime soon. Shifting gears, Dean turned his focus back to Sam. "All right, so if it's not the people and it's not the house, then, uh…. maybe it's the contents—a cursed object or somethin'.

Sam shook his head. "The house is clean."

"Yeah, I know, you said that."

"No, I mean, it's empty. No furniture, nothin'."

"Where's all their stuff?"

* * *

They were clearly out of place. The parking lot made that abundantly clear as they pulled up between the posh cars. Sam had identified this auction house as the latest destination of the Telesca's things. He truly had been a busy boy and for a moment, Mae sided with his professionalism over her desire to sleep off her hang over.

"Can I just state for the record this is not going to work?"

"Have a little faith, Red. We're just trying to do our job, we've pulled off more difficult."

"Yeah but we didn't look like roadies for a grunge band. These aren't grunge people."

Sam was on his way inside, with Mae and Dean just behind him. However, Dean grabbed her wrist, tugging her back for just a second. "Hey, did I do something wrong?"

"Not yet but I'm sure you'll think of something," she said with a beautiful smile.

This would be easier if his stomach wasn't immediately filled with the fluttering wings of butterflies whenever she beamed her pearly whites at him. He wanted to be pissed off, not turned on. "I mean… you told Sam nothing happened."

Her lips twitched with the barest suggestion of a smirk, but she kept it to herself. "Do you want me to let your brother know you've gotten a few sloppy handjobs and you went down on me in the shower? Because I can jog up there, puke, and tell him."

"That's not...it was just weird is all. I thought you and I were…."

"We are something," she chuckled, " but you're reading into this. Just because I don't want to go into detail with your brother about what happened doesn't mean that it didn't happen. He probably already thinks we're screwing and…I didn't mean anything buy it, I just don't need him harping on us for it right now."

She wasn't wrong; he was grasping for meaning at every turn with her. Sam wasn't the one who needed reassurance about how she felt. Although maybe this was all they could expect. It wasn't as if they were standing on firm ground with each other. For the progress they had made and the ways they got each other, they still had to work around their often-conflicting emotions. There was little Dean could do but agree with her. "Okay."

"Now, this, in there…" she gestured at the door, taking of her sunglasses, hooking them in her shirt pocket, and squinting, "that's going to be a disaster."

* * *

Mae's prediction was more or less right. Things had gone well, until Dean opened his mouth, rousing suspicion and ultimately getting them kicked out of the showing. They did find the creepy painting and Mae and Dean managed to snack on a few hors d'oeuvre before they left. They didn't have nearly enough information to know what it was exactly they were supposed to look for and they couldn't test any of the household items to see which one might be cursed or haunted.

Sam on the other hand had managed to keep them from looking compete incompetent when it came to their back story. While she could have given a synopsis of _Le Bourgeois gentilhomme_ and Dean could faithfully recite the lyrics to Traveling Riverside Blues, neither skill came in as handy as Sam's recollection of Art History.

They hadn't been kicked out with as much flourish as Mae expected but they hadn't made a great impression. With nothing left to do at the auction house, at least not during business hours, the retreated to yet another motel for the duration of the job. Inside the boys' room, they both made their way to the beds to unpack a few things. Mae had brought her one of her bags, even knowing she'd retire to her own room.

"C'mon Mae, you must have taken something like that when you were in college." Sam prompted after Dean claimed not to know anything about the artists he'd mentioned.

She looked up from her bag for a moment before tucking her head down and clearing her throat. "Um… yeah, the closest I got to art history was Tap as an American Art…Form."

That, of course, solicited quizzical stares from both brothers. She looked back over her shoulder after a quick shrug. What? We weren't all pre-law. Some of us were… dance majors." she muttered.

Dean laughed. "Dance? How much of this dance involved g-strings and poles?"

"Shut up. What college awards a degree in stripping?"

Dean opened his mouth to respond but was cut off by a more genuine inquiry from his brother. "What exactly did you think you would do with a degree in dance?"

Sam was surprised that Mae, of all people, would study dance. He never really saw her as particularly feminine or elegant. But perhaps she was. Or maybe she was a terrible dancer.

"Dancing requires skill and physical prowess, okay? Besides, I like dancing. I also majored in ancient studies, which everyone thought was odd then. But it's pretty damn helpful in this line of work. I'll admit, I wasn't exactly sure what I was going to do with either degree but at least I wasn't in class just to pick up chicks."

"Ooh, that would actually be a much better story Red." Jest and seriousness filled his hot gaze as he looked over her.

"Shut up!" Mae retorted, returning her focus to the bag she was idly sifting through, hoping it would hide the pink that tinged her cheeks. It was too weird to have Dean flirt and tease her like this with Sam in the room. "Okay anyway, I'm pretty sure we have bigger issues than my educational forays."

"The providence?" asked Dean.

"Provenance." Sam corrected, "It's a certificate of origin, like a biography, you know? We can use 'em to check the history of the pieces, see if anything's got a freaky past."

"Huh. Well, we're not gettin' anything out of Chuckles, but, uh, Sarah?"

"Yeah. Maybe you can get her to write it all down on a cocktail napkin."

Dean chuckle. "Not me."

"Oh, no, no, no, no. Pickups are your thing, Dean. I'm sure even Mae's okay with loaning you out for the night, for the job."

Her mouth opened to make a retort, but Dean beat her to the punch. "Maybe. And if Sarah had been into Mae, maybe. she could try and tap dance her way to the provenances. But it wasn't my butt she was checkin' out."

"In other words, you want me to use her to get information."

"Sometimes, you gotta take one for the team. Call her."

* * *

Mae was mad, although Dean wasn't entirely sure why. The motel room, with its oddly retro 1970's disco décor, had grown increasingly weird since Sam left on his non-date date. Things weren't quite awkward, nor were they normal. They had fallen into silence as they searched for something to do while they were waiting to find out more about the painting. Neither Mae nor Dean knew how they were supposed to act with each other in the sober light of day…or early evening, as it were. Every time he tried to make a move or made a risqué joke or comment, she pulled back, sometimes physically but mostly emotionally. He was familiar with the pattern.

Still, Dean noted, Mae hadn't returned to her room and she had plenty of chances. They had yet to find a comfortable middle where they weren't all over each other and doubting it or fighting the urge. Mae was having more difficulty with that than Dean was. Actually, Mae thought, Dean was trying to adapt to her changing moods. It was chivalrous, in its own way. She was certain he didn't understand it, how could he as she hardly did, but even if he didn't understand her, he accepted her.

But even in acceptance, Dean had his breaking points, she knew and the lack of knowing how she was going to behave one moment to the next, kept throwing him for a loop. He wasn't the only one who wanted that to change. When she moved off the bed and walked past him to get something from her bag, he surged out of his chair to grab her arm and ask her the question that had been circling his mind. "Mae, are you trying to avoid me?"

She shook her head. "How could I? The room's not that big." He held her fast, both with the firm grip on her arm and a steely stare. It might have intimidated other women, even men, but it nearly made her giggle. Her full lips pressed together as she smothered the laugh and cleared her throat. "I'm not. I just… you annoy me so much sometimes."

"I annoy you now?"

Mae smirked. "You've always kind of annoyed me. Not...it's not a bad thing, it's just a thing. You never get annoyed at me or Sam?"

"Constantly."

"Well there you go."

Mae had shed several layers and wore just a nicely fitting t-shirt now. He ran his thumb in a lazy circle along her soft skin. "So, you're mad because I'm annoying."

He was teasing her, she knew. Normally, she'd try to distance him but trading barbs plus his touch left her distracted. "No, I'm mad because..." her fists balled at her side before she sighed and let her hands relax.

He wanted to touch her more but didn't. "What? You can't be mad at me and then refused to talk about it."

"First of all, yes I can. Second, it's stupid. I'm not...I'm not really mad. I'm...I don't know. I just don't think..." she closed her eyes, sighed, "I just don't think you should push Sam like that."

"Let me get this straight. You're mad because you don't think I should push Sammy to do his job?"

Talking about this made her feel childish, like she was making too much out of nothing. And, on some level, she knew she was. That didn't mean it bothered her any less. "No, not the job part, the date part. You know Sam liked the girl and the girl liked him back but he's not ready."

He cocked his head to the side, already knowing the answers to the questions he was about to ask. "Are you sure he's the one that's not ready here? Maybe you're the one who's not ready."

She frowned. "I-I am not the one-I am not dictating when Sam dates or not."

"Really? Because you have all kinds of thoughts all of the sudden and we're arguing about it rather than having fun of our own."

Mae hated that he was right. He was right but that didn't mean she wasn't still bothered by Dean's attitude. "I'm just saying that maybe you can't understand what it's like to lose someone you loved."

"Oh, I can't? You know, at some point, every single person I've ever loved has up and left me, okay?"

"They didn't die."

His tone was level but pointed when he replied. "No, each time they chose to leave."

She wanted to say it was different but was it? At least both she and Sam knew that it wasn't Jessica's or Dan's intent to die, certainly not the way either of them did. He meant the words, meant the jab at her, but also at Sam and his Dad. She supposed there was something harder about what the three of them had done to him, always in the name of living their own lives or doing the job. Without him. She knew her husband was dead. She knew why. Dean, on the other hand, never had the same kind of resolution.

"You-fair point. That doesn't change how hard it is to deal with...getting close to someone again."

Mae wasn't sure if he was trying to throw her off, keep her confused but she certainly was when he leaned in a pressed a kiss to her forehead. "And Sam's an adult. You don't think he can judge his limits? You don't think that if I push too hard that he won't push back?"

"Of course, he will. You could just give him a break, okay?"

"So, he can end up like you?"

Her brow crunched together. "Like me?"

"Oh, come on, Mavis! You can't get close to people. You can barely be with me and I'm not exactly playing hard to get. Are you and Sam all that different? You think Sam doesn't feel the same way about Jessica? He could easily spend the next three years pushing people away."

The frown on her face deepened. "Yeah and maybe a year or two from now you worry about that. But she just died. Don't you get what that's like? Especially if you think it's your fault? You can't just...throw him at a pretty girl because you want him to 'get over it.'"

"I'm not throwing him at anyone. He's not gonna do anything he doesn't want to do. You and I both know it's easier to bury yourself in something else, whether it's work or anonymous strangers or booze. Besides, if she seemed more interested in me, I would have gone. If she was more interested in you, you would have gone. But she had a thing for tall and dorky."

"Your interest in getting your brother laid is...weird."

"Do I think it might help him loosen up? Yeah. He's too serious. You're too serious. I'm in favor of all of us getting laid around here, starting with you and me. For similar reasons."

"You can't keep throwing that back in my face. I'm trying here."

Dean's voice was gentle. "I know. If you think I'm going to judge you for changing you mind about sleeping me with, I'm not."

"Of course, you're not. In that scenario you get laid. Besides, I let you believe for years that I wanted to sleep with your dad because it was easier than the truth; do you think I'm that concerned about you judging me?"

"I... I guess not."

"It's not like I don't care about what you think. I do. I just..." she sighed, "I feel crazy when I'm around you. And I know I'm not even doing a halfway decent job of hiding it."

"You're not wrong. What do you want from me here? You don't want me to want you? You want me to want you? I can do one or other but not both. I'm here to help you un-crazy, if you let me."

When she turned away with that heavy sigh, he let go of her arm but didn't back away from her. "Dean, I don't mean to push you away. I don't _want_ to push you away. But…" that pregnant pause made his stomach and heart sink, "I can't seem to stop."

"We're takin' it slow, that's all."

"And you're thrilled about it."

Now he laughed. "Do I have something else in mind? Yeah. Do I want you to do something you aren't ready for? No. We've been over this."

Mae walked away from him to sit on the edge of the bed "I know." She closed her eyes, "The issue isn't you, it's me."

"I don't know how to clearer about the fact that I know this is how you are and I'm okay with it. You don't need to twist yourself up over it, okay? It's not good for you."

"That's the thing though, I... I need to talk about it. I've been bottled up for so long and... and you've kind of opened this thing up in me."

Even though she wasn't looking at him, he hid his relief, just in case. While he would have worked this out any number of different ways, this was something that worked for Mae it seemed. And just like he knew pushing Sam the way he did would get Sam to deal with his feelings, this might just be the way for Mae to deal with hers. He took a seat beside her, taking one of her hands in his. "Then hit me whatever's in your head, Red."

Opening her eyes, she looked down at their hands. They went well together, she thought. For someone who's life had been filled with violence, his hands were surprising gentle. He could be surprisingly tender. She laced her fingers through his.

"Like I said before, I'm torn between this overwhelming...need to be with you and this paralyzing shame feeling that way in the first place. Nor just physical. If only it was a physical thing, I think we'd have some really fun nights but the fact that I..." She tried to say it, tried to get the word 'love' out but she couldn't. "Can I tell you something, without you getting weird?"

"I don't think I've been weird with everything so far."

"No, it's...it's about how I met my husband."

Dean couldn't suppress the grimace as he thought about it. It wasn't logical to envy a dead man, but it seemed like her late husband got all the best parts of her. "Are you about to describe something graphic here?"

"I want you to understand, not just accept it because you think if you put up with this long enough that you'll finally get laid but... I don't know if I can ever get you to see the distinction in what I'm going through here. And maybe it doesn't matter."

"It does."

"So, after you and me...after you, I didn't think I'd ever feel _that_ way again about anyone. I didn't think I would or could ever love someone else. I mean, I might not have been hunting but that didn't mean I wasn't a hunter and everyone else was still civilians. There would never be anyone who I could be with who would ever really understand anything about me. I never imagined getting close to someone again. Even the thought of loving someone else...I didn't want to fall in love."

His grimace turned to a frown. She still hadn't looked but Dean guessed that maybe she couldn't look at him and get everything out. "But you did."

"Yeah. Not because I set out to or anything. I-" She cut herself off with a laugh as she straightened.

He wanted to laugh with her but wasn't sure what caused the shift. "What?"

"Listen, Dan was supposed to be a one-night thing and not even that. I only kinda knew him through some of the other girl's in my dorm but we weren't friends or even really friendly. He was just some guy. And since I wasn't looking for a boyfriend or a man to have sex with, he wasn't on my radar."

Dean's brow arched. "I've seen a picture. It's not like he was hideous."

"Oh no, he was super-hot. And if once you got his clothes of, again, no disappointment there. Once I realized that, I kept sleeping with him. But the night we first hooked up, it was just as likely that I would have ended up with basically any other person in the club." She cleared her throat, trying not to dwell on that part, "So, you know, it was kind of weird being at college at first, with all these other people who grew up normal and were going to live their whole lives normal."

Dean sighed internally, not quite wanting to hear the details about how she not only ended up banging some other another guy or even marrying him but falling in love with him. "Normal people are weird. So, how'd you end up with what's his face?"

In any other context, she might find the jealousy more off putting. This time however, the way it mixed with restraint, she found it almost sweet. "I was having a little trouble making friends but some of the girls in my dorm really want to go to out clubbing so I told them I could get them fake IDs so we could all get in, since we were all underage."

"You made fake IDs to make friends?" He laughed.

"I wasn't gonna pay for them. I'm not an idiot! And mine are really good. I mean, I was able to build a whole fake identity that passed muster."

At that Dean laughed harder. "Yeah, you do have a talent."

"They weren't the sort of chicks to be impressed with trick shots and hustling pool."

"Which are two more notable skills of yours. Seems like you were hanging out with the wrong sort of crowd."

Laughing slightly, she nudged her shoulder against his. "Anyway, IDs in hand, we went to a few clubs and it was a blast. One night some of the girls decided to do ecstasy and talked me into it. And I do, then we hit this one trippy but fun rave. I'm high as fuck, blissed out and we run into Dan with some of his friends. He's not exactly sober at this point either and one thing leads to another..."

"You fell in love with him after having a drug induced one-night stand?"

"God no. The sex was...incredible but really, I had no other interested anything from him except that. I avoided him for weeks and even when I saw him again, I kept pushing back on anything he wanted to do. At that point, he seemed like he wanted to honest to god date or something, which I didn't want. At all. I even made a point of make sure that he knew I was getting around and sleeping with other people. But that didn't dissuade him, and I suppose if he wasn't also occasionally one of the dudes I was banging, he might not have thought he had a chance."

"He was okay with you fucking other guys? Because I wouldn't be, even if I was one of them."

"I wouldn't say he was okay with it exactly, but he didn't know how to change it. Then," Mae shrugged, "somehow, casual sex turned into something else and I realized I liked spending time with him, even with clothes on. The others faded away until he was the only guy I was with and we were doing relationship stuff together. And then I just remember one afternoon, sitting in the kitchen at his apartment and realizing that somehow, I'd developed feeling for him. I hadn't ever planned it. I fought it and somehow, he got in. I was in love and it was devastating."

"I guess I imagined more, romance and stuff."

"He tried. I was weird about it. But feeling that way scared the shit out of me. I didn't understand any of it. But it was there. I broke things off for a while, we ended up back together, and by that point I was almost graduating, I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life really when he proposed. I was probably the most surprised of anyone when I said yes. That was when I decided to try being normal, not just pretend because that's who I was with. Maybe it would work. And it did. For a while."

"You really wanted to be normal?"

"I don't know. I thought I could never love someone who wasn't you. But I did. So maybe I could be normal too. I gave in, only to find that...I didn't like it. I didn't want it. I loved my husband and I sure as hell didn't want to try to convince him to do this. It's in my bones. I was still a hunter and I needed...well, I needed it. But you can't do both, you can't be both. Dan paid because I ended up loving him and, perhaps his biggest mistake, he loved me."

"Okay? I mean, I'm sorry but...I'm not still not following."

Now she looked at him. "It just feels like...you might not agree with me on this but it's so different with you."

"Why would I disagree?"

"Because this is pretty much a mess. And yet, it's not hard to love you and it doesn't feel...I don't want to fight it. Everything-if you take out all the hurt and misunderstandings and other fights-everything just seems to fit better and make more sense when I'm with you. I'm not saying that I don't still love my husband, but he's gone. I don't know that I'll ever not feel guilty about causing his death. But I can't get over how much...not better exactly-natural maybe, I feel when I'm with you. If he died from natural causes, I think I'd still feel off having these emotions for you. I had them when I realized I was in love with him too. That feeling that it wasn't right to feel that way. Because he wasn't you. And I don't know how to sort those two things out."

She didn't say 'I love you' but she had said she loved him. Dean supposed that would have to be enough. He didn't need to love her to have sex with her and he didn't need her to love him for that either. When he realized that he loved her, he also knew he didn't want it to be one sided. On some level, he knew she did, even without the words. He kissed her temple softly before touching her chin with two fingers and guiding her face so he could look at her straight on.

"Mae, I... I can't say that I understand, you know on the same level because that's not anything I've felt but I get that this is important for you. I do understand that feeling you're talking about. I absolutely don't understand the feeling itself but when I'm with you, it feels better than being with anyone else. Even like this."

"I don't think this hesitation I have is a forever thing."

"I know." He rested in lips against her hair.

"It's not that I don't want you. I do. I mean, don't let this go to your head, but I can't remember the last time anyone went down on me and made me come like that. It was..." she trailed off as she tried to find a word that captured what she felt.

"Orgasmic?"

"Something like that." Her laugh was bright, "I-it's been years."

"What, your husband didn't-"

"No, he did. But it was never like that." She paused for a moment, recalling his very talented fingers and tongue, "But I don't like it when strangers do it."

"Why not?"

"Some of them get weird about it like it's gross, others will try but only for a few minutes before complaining that they're tired. And when I'm just looking for a quick release with another person, it's a lot of extra hassle."

"So, why'd you let me?"

"Well, one thing I can say about you is you never once made me feel bad about my body. You never made me feel like anything other than sexy and desirable. And, I don't know, you have a point about maybe being a little repressed currently."

"More than a little, babe."

"Do you really think teasing me is the way to get in my pants?"

"I do." He said before kissing her as he lay them back on the bed.


	10. Chapter 10

Objectively, Sam knew his date with Sarah wasn't supposed to be a date. But she didn't know that and damned if he wanted to have the same illusion. She was a nice girl, not just nice but smart, funny and kind. He knew he needed to be more distant and far less taken with her. That was impossible.

What he could control was exactly how involved they would become. Sex was out of the question. If he was more like his brother, he would have started there but he wasn't like that. He wasn't about to get more involved with her when he had such a long list of reasons, he couldn't be with her.

He didn't know if the same could be said for Dean and Mae. He was a little hesitant to go back to the motel, not knowing what he might stumble upon. The two were…involved. Dean was in love with Mae, dangerously so. And Mae was…well, Mae was a little harder to pin down, but this didn't seem to be particularly casual or business as usual for her either.

Things seemed odd between them, Sam noted. Not that things had been normal between Mae and Dean in sometime. Since she had shown up on the scene, he thought. But there was no spell, no unmentioned tragedy or hostility lingering between them now. At least none that he knew of, that would contribute to their odd behavior. Maybe that was the issue, there was nothing lingering, and they would have to face each other.

They would have to see if they could spend time together, if the driving force behind being together was wanting to be together. Sam suspected neither of them had done that with another person in a long time. His brother barely had one 'real' relationship under his belt, Mavis notwithstanding. She had been married but had been on her own, hunting, for long enough that she probably had similar defense back up.

The pair not only had to work out normal relationship things but all that on top of their past and the trials that came with being a hunter. He smirked. It would be interesting to see his brother squirm because Mae wasn't going to be swayed by Dean the way most women were. He had to admit, to himself at least, he was a little bit jealous of the pair. Even with the tortured history and strange new dynamic, he knew they both loved the other, they were both somehow able to have a degree of closeness that he longed to have again.

Sam wondered if it was because they were both hunters and didn't need to lie to each other about that, if they were both damaged in ways that made it easier for them to find comfort with each other, or because they'd had a past romance that they were able to come together now. Or was it something else. Any reason behind it, he didn't see much hope for him, as long as he was still hunting.

* * *

Sam didn't enter the motel room to find Mae and Dean in any sort of compromising position, as he had feared. By then, they were all business; researching and checking weapons. It was unclear if they'd been like this the entire time. Dean sat on the bed, sharpening knives. While Mae was seated at the table, looking up something on her laptop. They both looked up and gave a nod of acknowledgment but returned to their tasks.

He joined Mae at the table, to do more research. Mae and Dean exchanged a look briefly but said nothing. He was expecting his brother to chide or tease him about coming back before morning. If Dean had been in his place, he most certainly wouldn't have. When he settled in a bit, he told Mae and his brother what he had learned from Sarah, leaving out only the personal parts.

"So, she just handed the providences over to you?" Dean asked after Sam had told them as much.

" _Provenances_."

His correction and Dean's faltering repetition made Mae smirk ever so slightly.

"Yes. I went back to her place, I got a copy of the papers."

"And?"

"And nothing, that's it. I left."

"You didn't have to con her or do any special favors or anything?"

Dean was only partly teasing, and it brought a questioning expression to Mae's face. What exactly had he done in the name of 'research'? She had certainly never done anyone special favors for information. Implied and suggested yes but never going any further. Well, not that much further. And Sam liked the girl too much to con her she thought.

"Dean, would you get your mind out of the gutter, please?" Sam spoke up to chide Dean.

Unperturbed, Dean laughed. "You know, when this whole thing is done, we could stick around for a little bit."

"Why?"

His brother could be too obtuse at times and he too often had a one-track mind. "So, you can take her out again. It's obvious you're into her, even I can see that."

The suggestion made him too uncomfortable. Mae understood the feeling all too well. At the same time, she was on Dean's side on this one. Despite her wanting Dean to take it easy on Sam when it came to jumping into something, it wouldn't hurt him to spend some time with someone other than hunters. For all the times he'd been a bad influence on her, this was one area she thought he was helping her get better. Maybe Sam wasn't quite ready yet though.

He deferred the offer, as quickly as possible. "Hey, all right, I think I got somethin' here." Mae leaned over to look at the papers and Dean joined them. With the papers in one hand, his other hand fell on her shoulder, kneading lightly.

"Portrait of Isaiah Merchant's family painted in 1910."

"Now, compare the names of the owners with Dad's journal."

Dean took a seat. "First purchased in 1912 to Peter Simms. Peter Simms murdered in 1912. Same thing in 1945. Huh. Same thing in 1970." He read as Sam pointed out the entries in John's journal.

"Then stored until it was donated to a charity auction last month, where the Telescas bought it. So, what do you think, it's haunted or cursed?"

"Either way, it's toast."

* * *

In anyone else's world, breaking into an auction house warehouse and burning a haunted painting would have been their one adventure story. However, the two Winchester brothers and Mavis Singer didn't really live in anyone else's world. Even with the B&E, larceny, and destruction of property, it was a fairly uneventful night. After the deed was done, they returned to the motel.

Sam and Mae were more than ready to hit the road but for different reasons. Sam was uncomfortable because of all the feelings that had come up since Jessica's death, this wasn't one he'd expected. He was unsure about these feelings. Or rather, he was quite sure about them and about Sarah. He liked her far too much for his own good and for her own good as well.

That voice in the back of his mind pointed out that Mae and Dean were trying to make it work. They might not have had a traditional relationship, but it seemed as close to one as anyone could get while hunting. But Sarah wasn't Mae and he wasn't Dean so there wasn't any chance for anything more.

Besides, his brother and Mae had issues, more than their share by most standards, and the likelihood that she would stick around for the long haul was slim, in Sam's assessment. They had their own hurdles, but they needed to work out all the loose ends that were left from their teen years. After that, maybe things would fall apart, maybe they wouldn't, but he wasn't sure they could have this relationship and hunt. Sam was hardly looking to them as models for dating while hunting.

Still, for Dean's sake, and Mae's too, he hoped it would work out. They were a good match for each other. He hadn't had the opportunity to see his brother in a real relationship. Ever. Not that he was looking for that, but he didn't really think his brother was capable of keeping one. But maybe that was more the job than his personality. And he'd never seen his brother so interested in a woman as a person. Dean was sweet to her, even when he was frustrated with her.

It was such an odd term to associate with his brother, but it fit. Mae seemed a bit unbalanced by it too. Sam suspected that was part of why Dean did it, not that he didn't care about her or want her to be comfortable. It was actually kind of nice to see them both somewhat out of their elements but not fighting it entirely. And, he stopped himself, he didn't need to be analyzing their relationship. It was just another distraction from the issue at hand; getting the hell of Dodge before he had to deal with anything else.

Since she hadn't spent that much time in her own room, aside from sleeping once they'd returned from burning the painting, Mae had packed her things up quickly and had joined the brothers in their room. Dean came out of the bathroom, uncharacteristically frazzled. "We've got a problem, I can't find my wallet."

"How is that our problem?" Sam shared a conspiratorial glance with her.

"Cause I think I dropped it in the warehouse last night."

"Dude, seriously?" Mae asked. They were vigilant because, duh, she thought, they were committing a crime.

"You're kidding, right?"

"Yeah, it's got my prints, my ID—well, my fake ID, anyway. We've gotta get it before somebody else finds it, come on."

* * *

They found themselves back at the warehouse, searching hurriedly through the aisles for the missing wallet.

"How do you lose your wallet, Dean?"

He just shrugged, as if it wasn't all that much of a worry at this point. They kept looking until Sarah came into the warehouse and took notice of the three of them.

"Hey, guys."

Sam put down a piece he had been holding and attempted to look nonchalant. "Sarah! Hey."

It shouldn't have made her smirk and yet it did. There was something all too humorous about Sam trying to look casual.

"What are you doing here?" Sarah asked. She looked genuinely happy to see them, well Sam anyway, back at the auction house.

"Uh, we—we're leaving town, and you know, we came to say goodbye."

It wasn't a great front and Mae thought it was because he liked her so much that he was unable to come up with a better line.

Dean however took that chance to correct his brother. "Oh, what are you talkin' about, Sam? We're stickin' around for at least another day or two." Everyone but Dean was confused by this. "Oh, Sam, by the way, I wanted to give you that twenty bucks I owe you."

Now, he took out his wallet, from his back pocket where it had clearly been all along. His brother was annoyed for falling for such a lie and Mae's expression was somewhere between annoyance and amusement. "I'm always forgettin'." He explained, quite amused and proud of himself as he pulled out a 20. "There ya go."

Sam was annoyed but still grabbed the cash. "Well, we'll leave you two crazy kids alone. We gotta go do something…. somewhere."

Slipping his arm around Mae's shoulder, he guided her away. "Okay that was just mean. And you could have told me you hadn't actually lost your wallet."

"Oh, come on, he wouldn't have gone back and talked to her on his own. And where's the fun in telling you, sweetheart?"

Rolling her eyes, she chuckled in spite of herself. "Okay well maybe Sam isn't interested in talking to her like this."

"The hell he isn't. C'mon, he's got a crush on her. It's fine."

"Right well, you don't have to chase every crush."

"Why not?"

"Because Sam's a relationship guy. Not like…"

They stopped. Dean knew where she was headed, either purposefully or by a slip of the tongue. He thought he had been fairly clear about a relationship with her. "What? Like me? Because I think I've been pretty good at being a relationship guy with you."

Once more, she rolled her eyes. "Dude, you were hitting on chicks the other night."

While she was right, it didn't change his feelings or intentions. Maybe it wouldn't be a traditional relationship and it certainly wasn't headed to marriage or anything like that, but it was commitment. They had discussed his wandering eye and he had hoped it wouldn't come up again. He was well aware of the fact that it was not the smartest decision he had ever made. "Aside from that-"

Mae placed a halting hand on his chest. "I'm not picking a fight about that, okay. I just...you know what I think about you trying to trick him into getting close to someone."

"I promise you, I'm not pushing any more than he's willing to be pushed. Besides, it's good for him. Maybe if he's not moping around, we'll get some alone time."

There was that. Spending time alone with him was more appealing than before. It didn't hurt that he was somehow able to coax unexpected amounts of pleasure from her body. Being with him was better than she anticipated, not just physically but in the moment, the idea of the physical part set her alight with desire for his hands on her. She cleared her throat. "So, what, you're his love broker now?"

"Hey, I just want him to be happy. Is that too much to ask?"

His voice softened and it was laced with earnestness. Mae wasn't surprised by his concern. It was in character for the man, but he didn't always express it that way. "Of course not. But can't you understand that it might be tough for him to... move on? It can feel like tarnishing a memory. And…the way he blames himself…it's not like you can just turn that off, even when you want to."

"I get that, I do but it's not a bad thing for him to see that at some point, he could move on with his life or even love someone else. Dad never did. I mean, sure, he'd hook up with chicks but...he never let himself get close to anyone after mom. And I'd hate to see Sam end up like that because, you're right, that's not the kind of guy he is."

Mae looked at him, suddenly in a different light. He was both smarter and more observant than she or perhaps Sam gave him credit for. And she was surprised to hear him talk about his dad and mom that way. Of course, Dean was right, she didn't like it, but he was right about Sam. "So why are you so cool with all of this? Wouldn't it be easier to not babysit so many clearly broken people?"

"We're all broken. And you and Sam are…family, you know? I don't see any other way than to try to make things better for all of us. I'm not playing a game here Red" When they finally came to stop at the car, Dean ran his fingers through her long, wavy hair with a downright goofy grin on his face. His hand rested on the side of her neck, thumb stroking her earlobe. "So why do I get the feeling that you think I'm setting you up?"

God, he could find the strangest places on her body that made her melt. "Not you. Just...I guess I'm...waiting for the other shoe to drop. I feel like maybe this is all just a weird set up for both of us, not by either of us."

"If it is, let's just enjoy it while we can. And if it turns out to be the one piece of happiness we get in this life, then at least we have it."

She nodded even as he leaned down to kiss her. The man left her doe eyed and made her heart flutter. That part had never changed and damned if she didn't just want more. When she didn't over think it, it was almost perfect being with him. The kiss certainly was. Mae let herself fall under the spell of his mouth again, the slow burn it sent through her body. His hands were firmly reassuring as he grasped her by the waist, pressing her against the door of the car. She wasn't sure when she would have stopped if Sam hadn't burst out of the auction house, all but running at full speed. "It's back."

"Do… do I want to know what you're talking about?" Mae asked as Dean reluctantly parted from her and Sam rushed past them.

He only paused for a moment. "The painting."

Mae and Dean exchanged a highly displeased look before the trio got in the car. Sam and Dean sat up front again and Mae leaning forward, one elbow on the back of the seat and resting her chin on her knuckles. "I don't understand, Dean, we burned the damn thing."

"Yeah, thank you, Captain Obvious. All right, we just need to figure out another way to get rid of it. Any ideas?"

"Okay, all right, well, um…in almost all the lore about haunted paintings, it's always the painting's subject that haunts them."

"Yeah? All right, so, we need to figure out everything there is to know about that creepy-ass family in that creepy-ass painting. What were their names again?"

* * *

A/N-Thank you for all the kind feedback. It really does make my day (and makes me post new content quicker!)


	11. Chapter 11

At the town library, they found all the information they could on the Merchant family. They had also made the acquaintance of a very chatty and macabre librarian. It was fortunate for them however as it saved them several hours of grunt work. "You said the Isaiah Merchant family, right?" He asked.

Sam nodded. "Yeah, that's right."

"I dug up every scrap of local history I could find. So, uh, are you three crime buffs?"

It wasn't too far from the truth. And even if it was, Dean wouldn't think twice about lying to the librarian. "Kind of. Why do you ask?

"Well…" the man held up a page from an old newspaper with the headline of 'Father Slaughters Family, Kills Self.'.

"Yes. Yeah, that sounds about right."

Sam asked, "The whole family was killed?"

"It seems this Isaiah—he slits his kids' throats, then his wife, then himself. Now, he was a barber by trade—used a straight razor."

"Why'd he do it?"

Mae wasn't sure that they could find that much information in the article. Or really that it mattered. They could finish off the father's remains, and they would un-curse the painting. It would still be ugly, but it wouldn't hurt anyone else.

"Well, let's look. Uh, people who knew him described Isaiah as having a stern and harsh temperament and controlled his family with an iron fist.' Wife, two sons, adopted daughter—yeah, yeah—there were whispers that the wife was gonna take the kids and leave, which, of course, you know, in that day and age….so, instead, Old Man Isaiah—well, he gave them all a shave."

He made a cutting gesture with his hand and laughed. Dean chuckled a bit too however Sam was a stoic as ever. Mae was listening offhandedly as she read through some of the other articles on the table.

"Does it say what happened to the bodies?"

"It just says they were all cremated."

That caught Mae's attention and the three hunters exchanged annoyed looks.

"Anything else?" Sam asked the librarian.

"Yeah. Actually, I found a picture of the family. It's right here somewhere." He opened another book. "Right. Here it is."

The picture in the book was the same from the painting, with the exception of Isaiah. He was looking straight ahead in this picture. In the painting they were familiar with, he looked down at the adopted daughter.

"Hey, could we get a copy of this, please?"

"Sure."

* * *

They left the library and returned to the motel to regroup. Sam and Dean sat at the table looking over the material they had gathered so far while Mae sat cross legged on one of the beds among stacks of paper.

"I'm telling you, man, I'm sure of it. Painting at the auction house, Dad is lookin' down. Painting here, Dad's lookin' out. The painting has changed, Dean."

"All right, so, you think Daddy Dearest is trapped in the painting? He's handin' out Columbian neckties like he did with his family?"

"Yeah, it seems like it. But if his bones are already dusted, then how are we gonna stop him?"

"There has to be something else keeping him here then. We've gotta dig it up." Mae interjected.

"All right, well, if Isaiah's position changed, maybe some other things in the painting changed as well. It could give us some clues." Dean said.

It was actually a good idea. His brother could still surprise Sam sometimes. "What, like a DaVinci Code deal?"

Dean paused. "I don't know, I'm still waitin' for the movie on that one. Anyway, we gotta get back in and see that painting. Which is a good thing because you can get some more time to crush on your girlfriend."

Dean got up and joined Mae on the bed, stretching his long legs out, which merited him a slightly irritated side eyed glance, as she cleared her papers out of the way.

"Dude, enough already."

"What?"

"What?" Sam repeated, uncertain as to how his brother could misunderstand his issue with what was bothering him. "Ever since we got here, you've been tryin' to pimp me out to Sarah. Just back off, all right?"

"Well, you like her, don't you? All right, you like her, she likes you, you're both consenting adults…"

"Dean," Mae finally chimed in, "leave this one be."

Dean pinned her with a withering stare and Mae was surprised but the look but more from her instinct to withdraw and let the brothers fight it out.

"What's the point, Dean? We'll just leave. We always leave."

"Well, I'm not talkin' about marriage, Sam."

"You know what, I don't get it. What do you care if I hook up? Can't you just focus on your sex life?"

"Because then maybe you wouldn't be so cranky all the time." Sam scoffed but Mae smirked a little. Everyone would probably be less tense if any of them were getting laid regularly. Dean continued, sitting up now, "You know, seriously, Sam, this isn't about just hookin' up, okay? I mean, I think this Sarah girl could be good for you. And I don't mean any disrespect, but I'm sure that this is about Jessica, right? Now, I don't know what it's like to lose somebody like that, but…" his gaze passed over to Mae for a moment, "I would think that she would want you to be happy. God forbid, have fun once in a while. Wouldn't she?"

Sam smiled faintly as he considered the young woman he lost, loved. A soft curve cast over Mae's lips too as she thought about Dean's words. She had a long list of reasons to be touched by the moment. First, Dean and Sam were comfortable enough with her around to fight and have a serious discussion. Second, Dean being quite compassionate in his own way and one that his earlier action might not have indicated. Third, his words spoke to her too. She knew he fought back most of his jealousy towards her husband, the feelings she still had for him, because he now knew how he died. But he understood it too.

"Yeah, I know she would." He sighed. "Yeah, you're right. Part of this is about Jessica. But not the main part."

"What's it about?" Sam didn't reply. "Yeah, all right."

Dean leaned back but not before hooking his fingers in the back waistband of her jeans, tugging her back so he could lay down with her. Mae resisted for a second before giving in. Once she was reclined next to him, she wanted to curl against him bur restrained herself. Yet again he passed a meaningful look over at the lanky redhead. Then he leaned back on the bed. "Well, we still gotta see that painting, which means you still gotta call Sarah, so…"

His brother relented with a sigh and picked up the phone to call Sarah. While Sam was distracted with that task, Mae reached over running her slim fingers between Dean's knuckles when he draped his arm over her shoulders, pulling her closer. "Sorry about before," she whispered against his ear.

Dean grinned and winked at her, turning his hand to hold hers. He whispered back, stealing a quick kiss. He swore the redhead blushed. Despite herself, the whole thing made her stomach flutter, but it was only a moment before he turned away from her and they both sort of settled back to watch the younger Winchester.

In the background, Sam made his call. "Sarah, hey. It's Sam. Hey, hi. Good, good, yeah, um, what about you? Yeah, good, good, really good."

Dean teased before rolling his eyes. "Smooth."

"So, listen, me and my brother were thinking that maybe we'd like to come back in and look at the painting again. I think maybe we are interested in buying it. What? Who'd you sell it to? Sarah, I need an address right now."

* * *

Sam brought them up to speed, although it wasn't difficult to figure out that things had done pear shaped and quickly. They rushed to the house of the woman who bought the painting. Sarah said her name was Evelyn and insisted on going there too. Despite his best efforts, Sam had not dissuaded her.

The trio pulled up to the front of the house and got out of the car, followed closely by Sarah. "Sam, what's happening?"

"I told you, you shouldn't have come." Sam told her. The three hunters ran up the front steps, still with Sarah in tow.

Dean rapped on the door loudly and called out. "Hello? Anybody home?"

The lights were on, which seemed like a good sign. Sarah was worried but she didn't fully grasp the reality of the situation they were facing. "You said Evelyn might be in danger. What kind of danger?"

After knocking and jostling the door, he found it rock solid. "I can't knock this sucker down. I gotta pick it."

Mae pulled a flashlight out of her coat pocket, shinning at the knob for Dean while keep lookout for anyone who might notice them. "Well hurry it up, hot stuff."

He only gave her a second of a sneer before he began picking the lock. Sarah walked over to Sam who was frantically yet unsuccessfully trying to open a window without breaking one.

"What are you guys, burglars?" Sarah asked.

"I wish it was that simple." Dean opened the door and winked at Mae. "Look, you really should wait in the car; it's for your own good."

Mae and Dean were in the house, fanning out both on edge. Sam and a determined Sarah Blake followed them in. "The hell I will, Evelyn's a friend."

Sarah called out for the woman. It was probably for the best to have Sarah with them, just in case, Mae thought. Judging from the house, she was the sort of woman who didn't hesitate in calling the cops without hearing them out. Maybe Sarah could make things less tricky.

Sam called her name as well. "Evelyn?"

They found her in the living room, seated in her chair and they moved cautiously towards her. Evelyn had wasted no time in hanging the painting over her fireplace. The three took note of Isaiah's position; he looked down at his daughter.

"Evelyn? Evelyn? It's Sarah Blake. Are you all right?" They moved closer and before anyone could stop her, Sarah put her hand on Evelyn's shoulder.

"Sarah, don't. Sarah!" Sam tried but failed to stop Sarah.

The older woman's head tilted back, her throat savagely sliced. Sarah screamed and had they not seen worse, the trio might have screamed as well. What the trio took more note of was the picture. Isaiah was now looking straight ahead.

"Oh, my God! Oh, my God!" Sarah was losing it, she figured that's what was happening. Sam took her out of the room.

"We so should not bring dates hunting, Dean. Do you think that creep bastard is just taunting us now?" Mae said as Sam tried to quite Sarah and she and Dean looked over the room.

* * *

With considerable cajoling, they calmed Sarah down enough to convince her to let them leave and not mention them to the police. Now they waited, hoping she'd keep her promise. They had told them where they were staying so there was nothing keeping the woman for leading the cops straight to their door.

At the motel, Dean and Mae sat at the table, both going over their research at the laptop. Under the table, Mae's hand ran leisurely along Dean's leg. There was nothing overly sexual about it but her affectionate hand made his body react in ways he couldn't control. But Mae seemed almost unaware of his reaction or the moment of her own hand. It was clear though that something had changed for her, something made it easier for her to be casually close with him.

Sam paced. This was not what he hoped for here. He couldn't have even imagined this going down this way, certainly not putting Sarah right in the middle of things. He didn't think she was in danger, as long as she wasn't left alone with the painting. At long last, a knock came at the door and Sam answered.

"Hey." Sarah came in the room after Sam greeted her, "You all right?"

"No, actually. I just lied to the cops and told them I went to Evelyn's alone and found her like that."

They were all grateful, but Sam was the only one who voiced it.

"Don't thank me. I'm about to call 'em right back if you don't tell me what the hell is going on. Who's killing these people?"

Wordlessly, they conferred and decided to go with the truth.

"What." Sam corrected.

"What?"

"It's not who, it's what is killing these people." She shook her head. After all who could believe that story, even if it was the truth. Sam continued, "Sarah, you saw that painting move."

"No. No, I was seeing things. It's impossible."

Mae gave her a compatriot smile. "Sugar, you weren't seeing things. Not this time."

"Yeah, welcome to our world."

She hadn't spent enough time with any of them to really understand the dynamics. She knew that Dean was Sam's brother and Mae was their friend. Sam was the only one she knew anything about, and she didn't know that much about him either. They most certainly weren't art dealers, but she didn't know what or who they really were. However, it all seemed too strange to bother with the truth about who they really were or what they were doing at the moment.

"Sarah, I know this sounds crazy, but we think that that painting is haunted."

Tears formed in her eyes. "You're joking." She hoped they were joking. "You're not joking. God, the guys I go out with."

"Oh, believe me, you could do far worse than Sam, as far as crazy people go." Mae offered up, hoping to ease the situation but it didn't do much to make things easier.

Sam wanted to keep her out of this. It was bad enough that he'd had to play the game, use her to get the information they needed, and lied to her. But now, there was no choice and telling the truth felt no better than the lies. "Sarah, think about it—Evelyn, the Telescas. They both had the painting, and there have been others before that. Wherever this thing goes, people die, and we're just tryin' to stop it. And that's the truth."

"Well, then, I guess you better show me. I'm coming with you."

"What? No. Sarah, no, you should just go home. This stuff can get dangerous, and-" He stopped, not wanting to get to deep right then, especially in front of the crowd. Mae and Dean both watched, knowing what was coming next. "and I don't want you to get hurt."

"Look, you guys are probably crazy, but if you're right about this—well, me and my dad sold that painting, we might have got these people killed. I'm not saying I'm not scared, 'cause I am scared as hell, but I'm not gonna run and hide, either." She walked to the door. "So, are we going or what?" She was saddled up and ready to go it seemed as she left the room.

"Sam?" He turned to his brother. "Marry that girl."

* * *

Sarah might have been forthright, but she was still a civilian. She was a bit hesitant about breaking back into Evelyn's house. "Uh, isn't this a crime scene?"

Dean shrugged it off. "Well, you've already lied to the cops. What's another infraction?

He broke the police seal on the door, and they entered the house again. Right away, Sam moved to the painting and took it down from the wall. Leaning it against the chair, they observed it. It still freaked out Sarah but the other three seemed to study it in an almost scientific manner. "Aren't you worried that it's gonna, you know, kill us?"

"No, it seems to do its thing at night. I think we're all right in daylight."

Mae and Dean stood together comparing the real painting with the photo from the book. "So, this is the most twisted game of Highlights 'spot the differences' I've ever played." She muttered to Dean who gave her a conspiratorial smirk.

Then he noticed something and called his brother over. "Sam, check it out." He handed the photo over. "The razor—it's closed in this one, but it's open in that one."

"What are you guys looking for?"

Sam had to admit, he liked her. While she was freaked out, she wasn't freaking out and she was smart. "Well, if the spirit's changing aspects of the painting, maybe it's doing so for a reason. Hey, look at this—the painting _in_ the painting."

It was a minor detail but indeed the painting in the book showed the painting in the picture was of mountains. The painting in front of them showed a building. "Looks like a crypt or a mausoleum or something."

Ingeniously, Dean grabbed the clear glass ashtray from the nearby table and used it as a magnifying glass. The building did look like a crypt and inscribed on the building was the name 'Merchant'. With that knowledge in hand, they went to find mausoleum. The answer, or at least an answer, would be there. On the way out of Evelyn's house, Sarah stopped Mae with a gentle hand on her arm. She wasn't quite sure what to make of the statuesque redhead. She too seemed normal on the surface, if not a bit skeptical of the brothers. At least that was as much as she was able to gather when the trio arrived at the auction house.

Since then she had seen her gravitate more towards Dean than Sam and she seemed to have more than a hint of gallows humor to her make up. Sarah wasn't exactly trying to make friends with the woman, but she thought perhaps another woman might be able to help her out a little more here. Maybe she had a better perspective on what was going on here.

"Are you...normal? Or like them?"

Mae let her gaze linger on Dean a moment longer. "I am definitely not normal."

Sarah tucked her hands in her pockets, hoping for more of an explanation. What she was really looking for was an answer to a question she wasn't going to ask. She wanted to know if Mae, at one point in time, been like her until she got sucked into some world where paintings came alive and killed people. "And this doesn't freak you out?"

"Well you know, I didn't exactly start doing this yesterday. I wish I could commiserate with you here but I'm kind of used to this."

"Oh."

Just as Dean felt obligated to push Sam out of the nest, so to speak, she felt compelled to try and reassure the woman. "But if you don't mind a little crazy… Sam is a pretty good guy and uh, you'd never be bored."

"Yeah but…can you really…dating?"

"I…I hope so. But I don't know. Maybe not the way I think you mean. So…who the hell knows?

* * *

At this cemetery, the four of them set to looking for the mausoleum. "That's the third bone yard we've checked. I think this ghost is jerkin' us around."

"Yeah, this burial plot could be anywhere really." Mae concluded.

"So, this is what you guys do for a living?"

"Not exactly. We don't get paid."

"But it looks great on a resume." Mae quipped

"Well, Mazel Tov."

Dean took note of a mausoleum. "Over there."

They approached and entered. Cobwebs and dust filled the space. No one had visited in ages. Several urns were lined evenly along the wall on one side of the crypt and there were glass cases. The one Sarah walked over to held a doll. "Okay, that right there is the creepiest thing I've ever seen." She said.

Sam must have been trying to make it sound less creepy. "It was sort of a tradition at the time. Whenever a child died, sometimes they'd preserve the kid's favorite toy in a glass case right next to the headstone in a crypt."

Dean and Mae were looking around for clues. "You notice anything strange here?"

"Uh, where do I start?"

"No, that's not what I mean. Look at the urns. "

"Yeah, there are only four." Sam said.

"Yeah, Mom and the three kids. Daddy Dearest isn't here."

"So, where is he?"

* * *

Their next stop was the police station to investigate what exactly might have happened to the father. If the family didn't have him cremated, it could explain why and how the father was still haunting the painting. "I like her," Mae said as they walked inside the station.

Dean raised an eyebrow, a little surprised that she would weigh in on it, considering her opposition to getting Sam and Sarah to spend more time together. "Yeah, she seems… nice."

"But….? What now that I agree with you, you're changing your mind?"

Dean shook his head. "No, no. She's nice and pretty and just the sort of chick Sam needs and likes but…maybe you're right. Sam's not a normal guy and maybe he still buys into the idea that he could be, that he gets a white picket fence life. I like her, I just don't want him to make this more than what it is. So maybe a real girl isn't the best idea."

She scoffed. "I don't exactly see him hooking up with a random woman to get over his broken heart. Not right now. He's…he's kind of a relationship guy."

"He's still a guy, Mae. If the opportunity presented itself, I doubt he'd pass it up. Besides, this isn't relationship work, so if that's what he's after... she deserves better. Sam knows that too so he's not going to let her and…" Dean sighed, running a hand through his hair, "he should have just had his fun."

"I'm gonna try not to be offended by the implications of that statement with regards to me but… I don't know that banging some chick is what he needs. He's not the love 'em and leave 'em type."

"Whatever. Are you ready to do some actual work now?"

Mae gave him a wink.

* * *

It didn't take them too long to get the information on Isaiah Merchant's burial and when they came out of the police station, it seemed like Sam and Sarah were deep in conversation. Mae grabbed a hold of Dean's arm to stop him. Dean being Dean however smirked, ignored her loose hold and proceeded up to the pair. "Am I interrupting something?"

"No."

"Not at all."

"Apparently." Dean said.

"So, what'd you get?" Sam deflected.

"Pay dirt." Dean read from the papers they had obtained. "Apparently, the surviving relatives of the Merchant family were so ashamed of Isaiah that they didn't want him interred with the rest of the family. So, they handed him over to the county. The county gave him a pauper's funeral—economy-style. Turns out he wasn't cremated, he was buried in a pine box."

"So, there _are_ bones to burn?"

"There are bones to burn."

"Tell me you know where."

* * *

Once again, the four found themselves in a cemetery. Fortunately, the darkness helped to cover up their shady doings. Sam, Dean, and Mae set to digging up Isaiah's grave while Sarah held the flashlight. With the three of them in the grave, quarters were cramped but the work was brisk. They fell into an easy rhythm until Sam decide to take a break. They were getting close at any rate. He stood next to Sarah.

"You guys seem to be uncomfortably comfortable with this."

"Yeah, well, this isn't exactly the first grave we've dug. Still think I'm a catch?"

"I think I got somethin'." Dean said.

Sam extended a hand to Mae, helping her out of the grave while Sarah repositioned the flashlight, trying to give Dean better light. He used the shovel break open the casket, where his bones lay. Dean was more than a little relieved and he climbed out of the grave with Mae's help. They added gasoline and rock salt on the bones.

"You've been a real pain in the ass, Isaiah." Dean said prior to striking a match, "Good riddance." He tossed the match in the grave and they stood together, watching the bones burn.

* * *

With the bones taken care of, now all that was left to deal with was the painting. Maybe they could burn it, bury it, smash it… anything that would destroy it, just in case. They returned to Evelyn's. Dean pulled up to the mansion and Sam put his hand on his brother's shoulder.

"Keep the motor running." He told Dean.

Sarah was confused. "I thought the painting was harmless now."

"Better safe than sorry. We're gonna bury the sucker." Sam got out of the car, with Sarah hot on his heels.

"I wanna come with you."

"You sure?" Sam asked her.

"Yeah."

Dean called his brother back to the car, however. "Hey, hey, hey. we'll stay here, you go make your move." Sam scoffed, "Sam, I'm serious."

Sam and Sarah walked up the front steps of the building. Dean turned on the radio which was playing a love song. It merited a glare from Sam and Dean just shrugged it off. Sam motioned for the music to stop. Dean reluctantly turned it off and then Sam and Sarah went inside.

"That was smooth, Dean, really smooth."

"You would have gone with it."

She rolled her eyes but didn't hide the smirk on her face. "Like hell."

"You know I'm charming."

The way he raised and wiggled his eyebrows made her laugh. "You are impossible sometimes, you know that?"

"I'm-" He was cut off by the sudden slamming of the front door.

It broke the moment and they were both out of the car before either had to say anything. Instinct. They ran up the stairs and tried to open the door.

"Stand back." Dean ordered as he tried to bust the door down with no success.

"Dean! Hey! Is that you?" Sam called from the other side.

"Yeah, you all right?" He called through the door. It wasn't the easiest way to have a conversation and moments later, Dean's phone rang. It was Sam. "Tell me you slammed the front door."

"No, it wasn't me. I think it was the little girl."

"The girl? What girl?"

"Yeah, she's out of the painting. I think it might have been her all along."

"Wasn't the dad lookin' down at her? Maybe he was tryin' to warn 'em."

"Hey, hey, hey, let's recap later, all right? Just get us out of here."

"Well, I'm tryin' to pick the lock, but the door won't budge."

"Well, then, break it down."

"Okay, genius, let me grab my battering ram."

"Dean, the damn thing is comin'!"

"Well, you're gonna have to hold it off until we figure somethin' out. Get some salt or iron."

Outside the house, Mae and Dean tried to find a way back into the house but the doors and windows were all sealed up tightly. Sam hadn't hung up the phone and they could hear as they tore the house apart looking for something to repel the ghost.

"Uh, Dean, give me a sec, don't go anywhere."

"Sammy, you okay?" Dean asked as the ruckus died down.

"Yeah, for now."

"How we gonna waste her?"

"I don't know. She was already cremated. There's nothin' left to burn."

"Well, then, how's she still around?"

"There must be somethin' else.

"Sam, wait. We used to handle antique dolls at the auction."

"Well, that's fascinating, Sarah, but important right now?"

"Well, back then, they used to make the dolls in the kid's image, I mean, everything, like, they would use the kid's real hair."

"Dean? Sarah says the doll might have the girl's hair. Human remains—same as bones."

In unison, they spoke. "The mausoleum." Dean hung up and grabbed Mae by the hand. They ran down the stairs to the car.

"What exactly are we doing?" Mae questioned but leapt into the car with Dean.

"It's the girl, not the dad. We're going back for the doll."

The only goal they had was stopping the girl's ghost as the pair sped to the cemetery. Mae wondered for a moment if one of them shouldn't have stayed at Evelyn's and kept trying to get in or do more to help Sam there. But maybe the girl would be able to possess the doll too, not just the painting. Besides, it was too late to change course. When they arrived, Dean only drove faster through the gates and across the cemetery lawn.

They dashed out of the car once it had come to a screeching halt and into the mausoleum. There was the glass case, containing the doll and with any luck, the end to their haunted painting problem. Dean attempted to break the care, first using the butt of the gun. However, it wouldn't break by sheer force.

Then of course he realized it was a gun. "Come on, Dean! Cover your eyes, Red." He finally shot out the glass to break open the case. Mae grabbed the doll out as Dean retrieved his lighter from his pocket. She held the doll as Dean attempted to light the hair. Once again, things were not going his way as the lighter wouldn't catch easily.

"Come on, come on!"

Once the lighter caught, the doll's hair burned quickly. When it was safe enough to drop without putting out the flame, Mae let the doll fall to the ground. With a feeling of hopeful relief, they watched the doll burn out.

Neither of them said anything, worried they might jinx things. Dean grabbed his cell phone out of his pocket to call his brother.

"Sam, you good?"

"Not bad."

* * *

The next day found Sarah working back at the auction house. She was determined to make sure that painting was of no harm any longer, having seen exactly what could be done. Things seemed safe now that they had gotten rid of the rest of the remains, but Sarah was taking no chances. Two workers were packing it into a crate when Sam, Dean and Mae came in. They had brought some of the additional information they had found once they focused on the girl instead of the father.

"This was archived in the county records. The Merchants adopted daughter, Melanie. Know why she was up for adoption? 'Cause her real family was murdered in their beds." Dean said.

"She killed them?"

Dean nodded. "Yeah, who'd suspect her, a sweet little girl? So, then she kills Isaiah and his family, the old man takes the blame—spirit's been tryin' to warn people ever since."

One of the workers interrupted them. "Where does this one go?

"Take it out back and burn it." Sarah said and naturally she received a confused look. "I'm serious, guys. Thanks." They didn't question any further and took the box away, presumably to burn. "So, why'd the girl do it?" Sarah asked.

"Killin' others, killin' herself—some people are just born tortured. So, when they die, their spirits are just as dark."

Dean wasn't sure if Sam was right or not. "Maybe. I don't really care. It's over, we move on."

Sarah laughed, awkwardly. There were so many things that were strange about this situation, the least of which being the fact that this guy she liked would be leaving. Just like that. "I guess this means you're leaving."

Sam shrugged and then passed a glance to Mae and Dean. Mae would have been fine with spending a few more days in New York. There were more than a few things she could think of doing. And she knew Dean would have stayed if Sam wanted. Yet neither she nor Dean said anything this time.

"We'll go wait in the car. See ya, Sarah." Sarah nodded and gave him a small smile. It wasn't what he was expecting exactly. He threw his arm over Mae's shoulders. "I'm the one who burned the doll, destroyed the spirit, but don't thank me or anything." Still, he left, with Mae in tow.

"You know I helped too."

"I guess we're just not as pretty as Sammy."

"No, I'm pretty sure I am. If she were into chicks, she'd be all over this."

Dean laughed, squeezing her a little tighter. "I don't even know where to start with that one."

"Yeah …all in all, I think we did pretty well."

"Coulda been better but we got the job done."

"Next time, we should just start at the creepy kid. It's always the creepy kid."

They got back to the car and Dean looked at her over the roof. "And you and me?"

"Well, we might not get points for style, but I think we stuck the landing."

"So, you don't need me to drop you off somewhere."

Her smile was mischievous. "Not unless you want me to come hunt you down and kick your ass."

Sam had said his goodbyes and was headed to the car as well. They were ready to leave. But Sam was drawn back to the auction house. He needed to give Sarah a proper goodbye. When she opened the door, he kissed her with all he was worthier. Outside, Dean lingered a moment when he realized Sam wasn't joining them. Mae however simply got into the passenger side.

"That's my boy." Dean got in the car with Mae now. She placed her hand on his cheek to turn his head towards her. He was about to question her before her lips landed on his.

"What was that for?"

"I didn't really want to sit here watching your brother kiss."

"Ah. I like your plan even more."


	12. Chapter 12

Right after a hunt was always a strange time. Depending on how it went, they might be amped up, they might be coming down, they might feel accomplished, or they might be wrecked. Or any combination of those feelings. They usually had to get the hell out of whatever town they were in, leaving as few leads back to them as possible.

This time, their bases were covered any anything sketchy they did would likely be overlooked. It seemed strange to leave now though. It wouldn't have been so bad to stick around, let Sam have a little fun if he was willing. Even though Sarah knew the truth, knew there wouldn't likely be much more than a day or two together, but she might have been interested. But Sam wasn't. He was more eager to go than Mae or Dean.

Accordingly, they put a couple hundred miles between them and upstate New York. It wasn't a particularly strange drive this time. They weren't particularly talkative and that was okay. Dean would have actually called it nice, having his brother and his girl with him on the road, doing the job they were all trained to do. For him, this was better than normal, better than any other kind of life they could have.

It wasn't perfect but it was damn close, he though. He cast a quick glance at the woman sitting next to him. He thought he would be more bothered by having a woman in his personal space, but he was surprised by just how comfortable he was with her. He thought she seemed comfortable too, sitting in the passenger seat, one boot off so that she could sit with a knee pulled up against her chest, arms wrapped around it while she read. He liked that she took off her boots if she put her feet up.

She wasn't completely focused on her book, he noted, as she soundlessly sang along to the occasional song that that came on the stereo. It was an unexpected turn on, although at that point, there wasn't much that she did that wasn't. He couldn't discern any longer if he was turned on by nearly everything she did because her was horny or if it was her.

Briefly, he wondered where the hell any of this was going. While he could imagine any number of things and fantasize about a great deal of directions, he wanted it to go, he wasn't sure what he wanted or what was possible. Maybe all this would fizzle out once he finally felt like he didn't need to chase her to get what he wanted. He was a little afraid of that. For once, he didn't want just another fling that didn't matter after the lust burned out.

The most disturbing thing, in Dean's mind, was that he was more or less okay with things the way they were. More sex would have been good but what came next? Could they really keep hunting together? Would she want to stick around? Would sex be enough of a reason? Would being in love? This down time between jobs might be harder than the others because they all might have too much time to think about the past or future.

His eyes once again shifted back to her as that desire for her settled more solidly in his belly.

"What?" She asked him.

"What what?"

"You keep looking at me."

"Nothing. I'm just…looking at you."

Her eyebrow eased up, but she didn't say whatever snarky comment was on the tip of her tongue. He did notice the way her mouth turned up in a half smile. It was a good look on her, he thought. Maybe it was nervousness, he thought—he hoped, that made her turn a light shade of pink and push her hair out of her face impatiently.

* * *

They decided to stop in a little, nearly no name town in Pennsylvania for the night. It was getting late and while Dean didn't mind driving through the night, taking an evening to decompress might be just what they needed. And he'd be lying if he said he was willing to pass up even the smallest chance to fool around with Mae.

Dean enjoyed the relative silence as he drove, punctuated only by music. There wasn't anything they needed to do right then or anywhere they needed to be. To his great pleasure, when the light became too dim to read, Mae closed her book, put it in her bag and slid across the seat. She currently rested her head on his shoulder. That alone was enough to encourage him to keep driving. Warm, pretty, and good smelling. It was also enough to convince him that a motel was in order.

The change in speeds was enough to rouse her. The little moan that escaped her was stupidly charming. "Where—where are we?"

"Po-dunk Pennsylvania."

'I guess I fell asleep on you there."

"It's okay. We'll stop for the night."

He'd leave the room arrangements up to her but wasn't keen on starting the evening with his brother and moving to Mae's room. He wanted to have his stuff with him. It wasn't so much to ask for, he thought. It was easier for him. It wasn't as if she didn't like spending the night with him. Even if all they did was sleep, it was nicer with her than his brother.

But he wasn't going to ask, beg, or cajole. She had to be the one to ask him, at least this time. He could settle for her saying nothing but not for another rejection. Everything with Mae seemed to be going so well, which made him wonder when she was going to get squirrely again. At some point, she'd stop, wouldn't she? She would get used to things and trust him. She had to, didn't she, he wondered.

Dean got out of the car and went into the office to pay for both rooms before she could stop him or ruin his illusions any further. It shouldn't be an issue, he didn't want it to be an issue, and he wanted this all to come off as normal, calm, and collected.

* * *

Dean tossed the key to one of the rooms over the roof of the car to his brother. The pair weren't difficult to read, and Sam had no interest getting caught between whatever conflict was brewing between them. He made his way to the back of the car, opened the trunk, and proceeded to get his things for the evening. He tried not to look like he was pouting or ignoring her, though he was firmly committed to both at that point.

Mae however took a step closer to Dean, placing a hand on his flannel covered arm. "So, are you coming over to my place tonight?"

He knew if he looked at her too long his resolve would crumble. She was too pretty and too flirty right then. "No."

Mae wasn't used to being turned down, least of all by Dean. They were on track, weren't they? Surely, she thought, Dean couldn't be mad. Everything was falling into place. Not perfect, but perfection was a foolish goal. They might not have been jumping into things as quickly as Dean would have liked but it wasn't as if they were completely abstaining. But maybe he needed a few hours away from her. They had spent an unusual amount of time together recently and they both needed to adapt to their situation. She stood, lost in thought for a moment, but snapped back to reality when Dean moved past her.

With a hand to his bicep, she stopped him. "Hey, are you mad?"

Dean swallowed, trying to ignore how good she smelled and how much every other part of him said he should scoop her up, take her to the other room and forget about the rest of the world for a while. "I just want to get settled for the evening."

A frown touched her lips for a moment. "Okay. After?"

"No." Dean knew he was being obtuse this time. He knew it was stupid to pass up a night with her just because she hadn't asked him the way he wanted. And yet, he'd turned her down. Twice.

"Oh. Well... okay. I just thought..." Her brow furrowed, "is everything okay?"

"It's fine."

"Is it? Because... listen, I get if you want space or...is that it? You've spent too much time with the same chick?" Her smirk was light but didn't cover the confusion that lingered in her eyes.

"Everything is on your terms, okay? I get it and there are all kinds of things I'm willing to do so you feel okay with this. But Jesus, Mae, sometimes..."

"What?"

"Sometimes I want to feel like... never mind."

She pressed a hand to his chest. "Hey, c'mon, no. I'm supposed to be the flighty one when it comes to getting together. But just this once, I'll be the sane one. I don't know what's wrong here but if you tell me, maybe I can fix it."

"Listen, Mae, I know this isn't, this isn't ever going to be a real relationship. I think we both know that. But it's not a meaningless hookup either. We get whatever it is that people like us are able to have so, I just want you to know…" he sighed, raking his hand through his hair. "I don't want you to feel like you owe me anything or like I'm trying to force something you don't want with me. I get that you're going through something I don't understand. But I want to be more than an afterthought for you. I don't want to fit into you schedule whenever you think it's convenient to be with me."

Her expression softened. Dean couldn't help but lean into her touch or stop his eyes from closing as her hand moved again, this time to cup his cheek. "I am here because you asked me to be here, okay? And not to press the issue but, you know, I did just invite you to my room. not just because it was convenient but because I want you there with me. Unless...do you want me to bunk with you and Sam? That seems less...fun. And way more inconvenient."

"You invited me to come over to your room, not our room. I'd like, for once, to have my stuff with me."

"Okay."

"Okay? Just like that?"

"Yeah. I never needed you to not bring your things. Just...spend the whole night with me. Don't bounce back and forth between room. Unless I'm asking for space...I like being with you Dean."

"So, it's just that easy?"

"Under normal circumstance, I am known as a very easy woman."

Dean snorted. "Okay, just get your stuff out of the car." And because he wanted to have the upper hand at least once, he swatted her ass as he made his way into the office. He didn't look back to see if she was giving him dagger eyes since there was almost more satisfaction in doing it if she were.

* * *

Dean was barely in the room when Mae yanked him by the lapels of his jacket, half pulling him to her and half pulling herself up against his body. Before he could say anything, her mouth covered his. Hot and fast and needy. After the initial surprise of being met by her unexpected aggression, he took hold of her by the waist, and lifted her, pressing her back against the motel room door.

He wasn't going to let her get away quite yet, but he couldn't quite silence the voice in the back of his mind that warned him that something could possibly off. That voice was one hell of a buzzkill, but he couldn't deny that he wanted this to be real. Reluctantly, he pulled away after a few moments of impassioned kisses. Dean took her chin in his hand after they parted. He indulged himself for a moment by running his thumb over her lips gently.

"Are you… you're not somehow drunk already or under a spell or…something?"

Her fingers teased at the edge of his shirt collar. "Do I seem drunk or hexed or something?"

"Last time you were this..." Dean knew she was probably by habit a pretty forward woman, which he appreciated, but he wasn't entirely used to it with her at this point. "No, not…no. But…" he sighed, "Man, I'm over thinking this. I should not be trying to talk you out of whatever this is." He said, more to himself than her.

"I'm sorry if you felt like this was too much on my terms too. What would you rather do, now that we're finally alone and don't have a job?"

He grinned. "Yeah, okay. I know what I'd do any other time I had a hot little red head all to myself. But you're not some random chick I picked up in a bar. It's not like…I mean, in that case there's more of an understanding that we're gonna do somethin' fun and dirty. And with you, I guess I don't know what I'm supposed to do."

"It's okay. I don't blame you for not really knowing the what you're supposed to do. Can't we just keep doing what we've been doing? It's plenty fun. If it helps, pretend you picked me up in a bar and I agreed to come back to some sleazy motel room with you."

Slipping his thumbs through the back belt loops of her jeans, he made sure to keep her close. "I don't need to pretend…" Dean leaned in to kiss her again. He was more deliberate this time, taking the time to make the kiss long and deep. He pressed his body against hers more firmly, keeping her pinned to the door.

Breathlessly, they parted. He reached up, cupping her cheek and running his thumb over her reddened lips. "So... I mean, just to double check, you're sober, right?"

Mae slapped his chest lightly. "Dude! Seriously? When exactly would I have had the chance to get drunk? We haven't been apart all day. I don't have to be drunk to want you."

"Good."

He couldn't help but close his eyes as fingers slid gently down his cheek. How the woman could be simultaneously arousing and comforting was beyond him, but she was, and he was more than willing to enjoy it. "You have to know I want to be here, right? If I didn't..."

"I know. But, as much as I enjoy what we're doing, it's hard to not want more."

Mae's smile was soft. "Man, you are twisted up about this, aren't you? Or are you just trying to make me feel bad to convince me to sleep with you?"

"No, I mean… you matter to me. It matters to me that this is…" he stepped back, his hands dropping away from her body. "well, I guess more than sex. I just want to be with you, you know? " he laughed a little self-consciously, "this is the first time in a long time that I've been nervous with a girl Mae. Since...I guess since you. I don't wanna screw this up."

"Does this feel screwed up to you?"

Again, Dean closes his eyes when her lips pressed softly against his. Dean's hand threaded through her hair to cradle the back of her head with one hand as his other traveled up her back. Kissing him was always one of her favorite activities and if anything, it was better now.

A tension wove its way through the entire experience. They both teetered between wanting to take it slow and simply lose themselves together. It was hardly a first time for them, but he couldn't really fall back on his former knowledge of her or what she liked. He wanted to bury himself inside her. He wanted her hard and fast and right then. He needed to be with her. It was admittedly overwhelming to have her here, in the flesh, clear minded, and enthusiastic.

Everything up until now seemed teasing and he realized he wasn't entirely prepared him for having her right her, right now and to his surprise, this mattered to him. It mattered in a way that sex normally didn't matter. It wasn't just sex, not with Mae.

"Fuck," he muttered against her mouth.

She pulled away, just a bit, to look at him skeptically. "Yeah, eventually."

He sighed as he tried to smother the voice that said he had the all clear. "No, I—this is… I'm out of my depth."

"I'm pretty sure you're not. We're the same people we were the other night, and didn't you want to stay together here, tonight?"

He scoffed slightly. "Is this how you've felt this whole time?"

"Yes, pretty much. I want you more than...more than I think I should sometimes. But I'm trying to shake my doubts. Because being with you feel right. There's something about it that makes me feel...at peace. I don't know. But this is good, right? You worried I won't respect you in the morning?"

Damn, she was beautiful when she grinned like that. "I—this just matters to me, that's all."

"Hey, this matters to me too. And, for the record, I'm pretty sure normal people use that feeling when they have sex with someone in a less than casual fashion. I don't know, maybe we could do that."

"You're a real smart ass, you know that?"

"You love that about me. Besides, we're still having fun doing what we're doing. You do realize that our arrangement about sex is not a hindrance to sex. It leads up to sex and should we get to that point, I'll know...we'll know if it feels right, okay?"

He desperately wanted that to be true even though he wasn't certain that they'd get on the right page any time soon. Although, she was right on one aspect; he did love her, and they were having fun when they didn't over think it all.

"Now," she said, slipping her hands inside his jacket and pushing it off. "I never thought I'd have to say this to you but stop thinking so much about feelings and start thinking about my body. Or we could order pizza and watch a terrible made for tv movie."

Dean lifted Mae, pleased that she responded by wrapping her legs around his hips. Once again, her mouth met his, this time she took his bottom lip lightly between her teeth. This heat that he saw in her dove gray eyes was something he hadn't seen in years. Unexpected but welcome. In that moment, he saw all the ways she was still the girl he fell in love with, but he was reminded that she was also an adult woman that he was crazy about.

There was something a little more erotic and seductive about her now. When she sank her teeth into his flesh gently, it sent a jolt of passion down his spine. Between the hold she kept on him with her legs and his firm hands on her waist, so she didn't need to hold on to him. Instead, she helped him remove his flannel shirt.

It felt like a flurry, far from taking things slow, as they stripped each other's shirts off and Dean walked them towards the bed. Depositing her on the bed, he took a moment to look at the redheaded woman, clad in jeans and a lacy bra. His breath caught in his throat. "What?" she asked.

"You're really sexy right now."

"You do realize that we showered together the other day. You've seen me in my underwear and naked before."

"I'm still a big fan. No matter how many times I see you naked, it doesn't change the fact that you're beautiful."

"Is that a line you use on all the girls?"

He shook his head as she sat up, she said, reaching forward to tug at the waistband of his jeans. The unwelcome butterflies in his stomach kicked up again when her fingers fluttered over his abs as she moved to unbutton his pants.

He had to push the thought of her out of his head, not the thought so much as whatever came next or what had happened before. He had to focus just on this moment, the uniquely beautiful woman, her passion, her need, his longing, his desire, and that brought him to a good point to work from with more success. She was all he needed. It mattered that he'd wanted her for so long and that he wanted whatever they had to be more good than bad. This was good.


	13. Chapter 13

If asked, Mae wouldn't have told Dean she was ready. Nothing in the intervening moments of that night had changed to make her feel less guilty about having feelings for him. Nothing had convinced her that she wasn't betraying the memory of her husband. And nothing had changed what she felt for Dean. So, sex, the kind of sex they had been tiptoeing around, happened without any real thought. Somehow, everything clicked for them. Despite all her guilt, the pleasure won out. She marveled at the simplicity of being with Dean when they both stopped overthinking and went with instinct.

She knew Dean felt similarly and perhaps seeing him wrestle between emotion and physical desire had calmed her. Physical attraction alone could have fueled them that night, for nights to come. If they were strangers, it would been a hell of a night, maybe a few nights. Hell, she would have happily gone back to a motel with him, even sober. That was new for her. So, it wasn't just lust. She had never wanted sex to be meaningless as much as she did with Dean, because then it would have been easy. But she was never so glad to be with someone who mattered to her, because being with him was almost spiritual.

His big hands were strong and firm as the moved pointedly along her flesh but so gentle. He seemed to know exactly what she wanted, what she needed, and when to give it to her. He knew how to make her lose her mind in ecstasy in a way she didn't understand. She enjoyed sex but being with Dean now made everything feel pale in comparison. There was no way she could hide that from him.

They found a perfect balance between frantic desire and lovemaking. She hadn't set out to romanticize this, but she couldn't keep those feelings from washing over her. Sure, it wasn't champagne and roses, she thought, but as far as she was concerned, this was the closest they'd get. They both acknowledged they were too emotionally exposed for this to be casual or meaningless. That was the only thing that slowed them down, and it barely did that. It wasn't something she wanted to fully explore, even in her own mind. She did not want to spoil the hazy, post coital bliss.

Mae and Dean lay together in bed, curled to and against each other. His fingers trailed lazily over her bicep, not trying to hide the smirk at having her head pillowed on his chest. Her soft breath chilled his heated skin a bit. All of this was unexpected. He figured they would fool around for a while, maybe they would go down on each other. He would try to enjoy anything that happened and try not to let any thoughts on moving too slow or perhaps losing the chance to be inside her. He wanted to just enjoy what they had right now, which, if his was being honest, was pretty mind blowing. He didn't think hand and blow jobs would still leave him senseless. But they did with Mae.

His best intentions fell away all too fast though. They got carried away. They didn't pull back, pull away from each other. But Mae didn't stop him either. That was, more or less, the agreement. She wanted to take it slow. He wasn't going to push her. She would tell him when things got to be too much for her, too intense. But this was...unexpected. The sense that he had done something, anything, that she might regret, hung over what should have been pleasure, satisfaction.

"Wow," Mae broke the silence, after an inhale, "that was better than I expected."

His hand stroking her arm slowed but didn't still entirely. "You were expecting something...worse?"

She scoffed, shifting up to look at Dean. "No, I don't know what I was expecting. Not that. I guess I thought it would be more like our first time."

Dean frowned, the idea that she was displeased with any time they'd been together, save the spell sex, left a sour pit in his stomach. "I thought…well I thought it was pretty good. You didn't think our first time was good?"

"It was...our first time. I don't know. Obviously, I enjoyed it, as far as first times go. We were just inexperienced. But it was good for, for maybe the opposite reasons this was good."

His brow creased but he rolled on his side to face her too. He didn't quite meet her eyes, but he ran a pair of fingers along the smooth skin of her neck. "I'm still not really sure how you feel about this but now I'm kind of worried about before."

"You were there. Both times." She teased, "How do you think I feel? How do you feel?" He didn't answer. Mae scanned his face and found an odd balance there, something between contentment and vulnerability. "C'mon, I'm not... Dean, look at me."

He obliged.

"I would have told you to stop if there was something, I didn't want to do tonight. Unless you're asking if I came which, if you couldn't tell-"

"Obviously you came. Even if you weren't vocal about it. I just...like I said, don't want to screw this up."

"Are you this...chatty and insecure with other chicks?

"No. I haven't..." He sighed, his shoulders tightening. "maybe if I had the history, I have with you with other chicks, yeah."

Mae seemed rather amused, annoying Dean further. But she just smirked and shifted, propped herself up on one elbow, and leaned back down to press a soft kiss to his throat. "I'll tell you if you're screwing up. Before tonight, didn't I tell you when I didn't want to do something? Didn't we start and stop half a dozen times?"

"Yeah. It's just-"

"Listen, stud. I am not so infatuated with you that I lose all sense of reason or am so overwhelmed by the sight of you naked that I can't help myself. At least enough to know I could have said no, and you would have listened. Believe me, I've stopped enough time to know that as..." her fingers cut a delicate trail down his chest as she sighed, "enticing as you are, I decided that this is what I wanted. And since you did too...well, like I said, you were there."

He tried to relax, focus on her warm and soft hands as one moved aimlessly over his stomach. "So, we're okay?"

Mae laughed. "I'm better than okay. You?"

"Yeah. It was weird though. I mean, finally having sex all of the sudden like that."

"I'm pretty sure anytime we were playing with each other's naughty bits, it was sex."

"I guess."

"Did you not want this?"

"Hell no! I just expected it to be more difficult."

"I can make things hard for you, if you want."

"Around you, hard is not my problem."

"And I very much enjoyed that today."

Dean snorted a bit. On some level, he supposed he had expected to have more time to make sure everything was perfect, so that neither of them had any doubts. Her passion, skill, and intensity took him by surprise. He expected something sweeter. That thought shocked him. He realized he too assumed this would be more like their first time. Being with her now had a maddening power and ferocity, both physically and emotionally. It didn't make sense to him entirely.

"So," he said, reaching across the narrow gap between them with his foot to run his toes along her foot, "was it that 'I'll take what you can give me' thing that finally got you?"

She chuckled, "No. It was mostly that...well, it's been a while since someone made me come like you do. So, it was mostly that I was horny."

"I won you over with my dick?"

"No offense to your dick but it was a little more than that. I hate to say it, Sparky, but I don't think your bag of tricks work on me."

"It totally would. I just haven't used it on you." Gently, he ran his fingers down along the swell of her breast, feeling more than a little possessive of the redhead.

"Well, I don't care for whoever you are when you pretend to be that guy."

He rolled his eyes a little and was rather mystified when soft fingers moved to outline his lips. "I'm serious Dean. For all our obvious and messed up problems, I like the real you. The one that most people don't know about. That's the guy that wins me over."

"Is this the real you, Red?"

There was a silence before a long breath. "As real as I have been in some time. I uh, I'm not pretending with you. I'd like to think this is who I could be."

Dean hoped that was the case too. Being with her was easy, being himself was easier with her and he wanted to make her feel the same way. He threaded his fingers through her hair and pulled her in for a firm kiss.

* * *

Nothing had changed. It was a relief and a bit disappointing to Dean. But just like every other time they had spent the night together, he found sleep came easier and deeper. When he woke up, Mae was still curled against him. And he liked it. At that moment, his life felt nearly perfect. He was close to having his whole family together again. After that, things were wide open. That was terrifying.

It was better to think about the here and now. Maybe a few steps ahead but not by much. Would he feel this way if she were any other woman? He'd had a flicker of it with Cassie, but no one had ever felt like Mae on any level. He wasn't sure he could walk away from Mae. He wouldn't admit it to her, but he wasn't sure he ever could. Somehow, desire for her had never eased, no matter what had happened, but now it felt right, it felt rewarding.

Indulging in the calm moment, while she still slept, he ran his fingers along the delicate silver chain that lay sloppily against her chest to the cluster of charms that sat in the envious position between her breasts. The even rise and fall of her breath was rather hypnotic until it jumped, almost imperceptibly. In an instant her gray eyes popped open and her fist was poised to fly at him. But her hand stilled as her slightly sleepy, wild eyes focused on his face.

Her hand fell back against the pillows as an expression of resignation smoothed her face. "Jesus Dean, you scared the hell out of me, staring at me like that."

He chuckled but reached up to gently brush some hair out of her face. "Sorry babe. It was irresistible. I don't think I've ever gotten you alone, this naked for this long ever."

With a smile, she took a breath and stretched her lean frame. Dean leaned over her to kiss her softly, lazily. There was no pressure or indication that it needed to be anything more. His mouth made only the demand that she be there, with him. What she enjoyed most about the whole thing was his hand, easing gently over her stomach, spreading a wonderful warmth through her body.

When they parted, the look in her eyes was starry and dreamy. Her lips curved with the same ease. He always wanted her to bring that expression to her when they were together. "Man, I forgot just how much I like making out with you," she said, her voice still breathy.

"After last night, is that the only think you like doing with me?"

"It's pretty high on my list. But it was an above average night all around. I'm a little surprised you stayed."

"Why? We've spent the night together a lot. Were you hoping I'd leave?"

She shook her head. "No. But I did finally sleep with you so...I just thought you'd be more comfortable in your room. And it doesn't seem like you'd, you know, stick around after you got what you wanted."

"I want more than just sex with you. Besides, this is much better than staying with Sam."

"Well, he is kinda flat chested and I know that's not your thing." She teased.

Dean didn't smile in kind. He sighed instead. "He's kind of ticked off at me right now."

"For spending the night with me?"

"I'd guess he's grateful for time to himself actually. It's for letting Dad go. He doesn't understand."

Mae cupped his cheek sweetly. "Not that you asked me, but I think he does."

"What does that mean?"

"I mean... you're both hunters, at least you were raised that way but he's… he does it as a means to an end. And you're committed. You'll do this to the end. Sam doesn't want to be this, but he needs to be to meet his one goal, to take down this monster and if he has to die to do it, he will."

"I thought girlfriends were supposed to be supportive."

"Dude, I'm just telling you what I think is happening. It's not a bad thing but you know how Sam feels about all this."

"But things are different now."

"Yeah. But...it's different. You might die doing this, but Sam is in a place where he'll sacrifice himself doing it."

"So would I. So would you, right? I mean you don't do this if you're not willing to lose it all."

She shook her head. "I'm not saying this job isn't gonna take me under; it will. But I'm trying not to let it right now. But I know when... when it didn't matter. I can tell it's not a risk to him anymore. If he kills that demon or it kills him, it's all the same for him."

Dean huffed and pulled away from her. "Yeah Sammy's going through something right now but you're wrong."

"Okay. Maybe I am. I just see something that seems like something I've gone through myself. I'm not judging it. Or him. Or you. I just understand why he...why he thinks you're wrong and why, even if he thinks you're right and sees that right now it's dangerous for you all to be together, he doesn't care."

"But you think…. you think that's true? About Sam?"

He looked so desperately hopeful, she thought. She also knew he wouldn't ask if he didn't sense a kernel of truth in what she had said. "Maybe I'm wrong but…there's just this…aura around him. And whether he likes it or not, you're keeping him from being totally stupid. He's taken these other jobs that you've found, or John has sent you on because… because it's what he was supposed to do when he's with you. But that's not what he's cares about."

"You make him sound... crazy. He's not."

"We're all crazy." She said with a laugh, "Sane people don't do this shit." She stopped his protest with two fingers pressed against his lips. "Yeah, yeah. I know that if you know what we know, it's impossible to be normal so we're not really crazy. But...there's something nice about being normal. If you tried it, you might like it. And Sam has to take this thing down because it took the one thing from him that made him feel normal. As rational as he can be, he can't get around this and he can't explain it to you."

Dean didn't ask why or when she had time to develop this theory. He already knew she and his brother shared an experience her never would. Unless she died because of a demon, a situation which was far more likely than it had ever been for the two younger hunters. His throat tightened and he pulled her closer against him. "I lost my mom too." he said softly.

Mae choose her words carefully. "Yeah. 22 years ago. Sam just lost Jess and… for better or worse, this job doesn't let you forget, and it doesn't let you move on. Look at your dad. No offense but… Sam watched this sort of thing gnaw at him for most of his life. I don't think Sam has that long in him to settle the score."

"What about you?"

"What?

"Are you and Sam so like when it comes to loosing someone you loved that you'll go after the thing that killed your husband, and either it will die, or you will?"

"I—no. but…that's a more complex issue." She sighed and let her head fall back against his chest. She listened to the rhythmic beat of his heart before speaking again. "But this isn't a contest about who remembers more, who's more dedicated or who wants this thing dead more. I know you wanna kill this thing too, I know you do but it's a long game you're playing. You're not willing to take this thing out unless you know for sure that not just you, but your whole family walks away."

"That's the thing, Red. I think if it came down to it, If I could guarantee that this demon that killed my mom, or Jess, or even the one that got your husband but you or Sam or dad had to die in the process... then maybe someone else should deal with it. I don't care about revenge that much." Dean frowned, casing his eyes down to the white sheets covering both of them.

"Dean..."

"Don't 'Dean' me. What good is any of this if we let these demons take more of us. You might not care about that. Sam might not care about it. Dad might not care. But I do and I'm not going to let any of you do something stupid for... for something that's not going to make you feel better."

"How do you know killing that thing won't make it feel better?"

"Because... if it weren't personal, none of you would take the risks you're taking. If it weren't personal, you could see that we need a better plan than anything you or Sam has. And until we have that, any demon can use us against each other."

"Since when did you become the voice of reason?"

"I'm willing to die because something goes wrong or some creature gets the best of me but not because something is playing with me. And I don't want to lose my family again. So... I don't know. I just want... I know things were never perfect but maybe we could all just be happy. But that doesn't happen if we're all dead."

"Well...I get your choice and I get why Sam would be upset by it." Mae sat up now, looking back down at Dean. "I don't know that Sam or your dad will listen to you, but I'll promise you that I'll at least check with you before I do something stupid. And I'll keep having sex with you."

"Well I won't fight you on that. You know, you're right. About Sam. He still wants to go back to school once this is done."

There was a sadness that crossed his face that she only rarely saw and one that she genuinely didn't expect to see there. "You can't blame him for that."

"Oh, come on, you know that people like us can't live out there like we're normal."

"That doesn't mean that he doesn't want to try."

"But…" Every way he tried to say it now made him feel foolish, weak. He sat up, propping himself up with his back against the headboard.

"But what?" She asked softly, turning to face him and touch the side of his face gently.

"I like hunting with him. I like hunting with you. All of us together. I like being a real family."

"Hunting isn't what makes us family. You don't have to be together to be family."

"I know that but… I guess I don't like being alone." She had his secrets just spilling out of him in a way that he hated but still felt natural somehow.

"Well…" she cleared her throat, feeling nearly as exposed as Dean was, " I used to think I liked being alone. But now, I uh, I don't have any plans to go anywhere."

He wondered if she knew what that wide-eyed expression of hers did to him, with those impossibly honest and open gray eyes. It sent that comfortable discomfort through his frame and made it almost a little too difficult to speak. "Yeah?"

A small, sweet curve to her lips. "I hate to have to admit it, but I like hunting with you. And Sam. It's easier, safer less lonely. I like you, I suppose."

To his surprise, it was enough. He still wanted to hear her say those three little words, knew she wasn't ready, but felt like she would eventually. It should have scared him, he thought. The way he wanted her, the way he felt about her, how easy it was to be honest with her, and the way he needed her, none of it made any sense to him. But all of it was there and left him wanting to know that she was his.

"I like you too." He spread his arms, coaxing her back into his warm embrace. "So… let's say we kill this monster and Sam does go back to school or wherever… would you stay?"

"Dean…" She said it in that way, that slow and thoughtful way that made him brace for the worst. It was one of those yes or no questions and he could just hear the maybe. It was the way only she could say something so simple and leave him feeling so conflicted.

"Jesus Mae. You might as well kick me in the-"

He didn't loosen his hold around her shoulder, but he felt her shift and then her fingers pressed against his lips again. "Shut up. You could give me the benefit of the doubt…at least once. I mean, maybe I deserve that reaction but just let me finish okay?" She waited a beat to make sure he didn't have any more to say or that he would at least keep it to himself.

"I don't know what this is or where it's going. I-I don't want us to be together because...we're lonely or because it's easier to hunt like this and still get laid."

"You think that's what this is?"

"I don't know. I know that I feel...I could get lost with you. I think I enjoy being with you too much and... it's not like I feel incomplete without you. But when I am with you, somehow, I feel...more myself, I think. And I haven't felt this way in so long. I can't tell if this is love or lust. So, yeah, if we kill your demon and my demon and we still want to be together, yeah, I'd stay."

Dean leaned forward, kissing her softly. His eyes twinkled playfully. "Yeah, I can work with that."

She smiled, running her fingers over his lips carefully. "Good."

"I don't want you to get weird about this but...you're not just a warm body or a pretty face. If that's what I wanted from you... I clearly had to work way too hard to get this far. And was way to honest too. You are not the chick I'd go after if I didn't want to be with you because you're you."

He made her laugh as he pressed a kiss to her forehead. It also made her realize exactly how in love with him she was. "Dude, all you did to get me last night was...be here."

"It took more work than I'm used to in order to get a woman in a motel room with a girl."

"Oh, poor baby, having to get to know someone before sleeping with her. To be fair, I'd like to think it was a better lay than some random hook up. At least it was for me."

"Sure, the first time but maybe our chemistry is just a flook." he pursed his lips, "We should see how it is after a few dozen times."

"A few dozen?" He liked the bright wonder in her voice, even more when she moved to straddle him. "You'd better not write and checks you can't cover here, pal."

His eyes roamed freely over her athletic body, followed in short order by his hands. "Oh, I can make good on that promise, sexy."

His mouth came down fervently against her neck, causing her to laugh, finally a deep and rich laugh.

* * *

 


	14. Chapter 14

Sam thought it was late by the time they were headed out towards their next job, their next city but it was only 8:30 in the morning. It was too late for Sam and far too early for either Mae or Dean. The only reason Dean didn't spend a day or two with Mae, indulging in every pent-up desire that had manifested over the past few months, was that he didn't trust Sam not to hot wire his baby and go after their Dad. Hitting the road in search of the next gig was the unspoken compromise between the brothers.

Sam came out to find his brother and Mae kissing—and kissing was his cleaned-up term for it—against the car. He had no illusions about the nature of their relationship. However, he was unprepared for the visual. He wasn't exactly sure where Mae's hands were but as she pinned Dean against the car, Dean's hands currently tucked inside the back of her jeans. Not just grabbing her ass or slipped inside her back pockets but down her pants.

Adjusting his bag on his shoulder, he cleared his throat. Then, just as intensely as they had been engaged with each other, they fluttered apart, as if they hadn't ever been wrapped up together. Mae didn't even cast Dean a dirty look when he swatted her ass as he passed by her on his way back into their room. Her eyes were far away and unfocused, as she leaned against the door of the car now, not quite watching Dean, not quite looking elsewhere. Aside from the fact that he was witnessing the intimate moments of his brother and a woman he could easily consider a sister, there was something almost sweet about the pair when they weren't fighting. Maybe, Sam thought, she could make Dean see the appeal of being normal.

For now, however, it was more fun to tease her. He bumped her gently with his bag as he opened up the back door. "Dude, you guys are gross."

It was the tap of his bag against her side that got her attention rather than his voice. Mae cleared her throat. "I…didn't know you were…we were just… nothing…"

He chuckled. "Well said Mae. You know, in some states you can get arrested for that kind of public nothing."

"If you think that was indecent for public, you should have seen what he saves for private."

Despite her word, the bright pink blush that stained her cheeks after being caught had not left her cheeks. "Still gross, Mae, really gross. It's bad enough I have to hear about him banging chicks. I don't need to see it."

She frowned but was flustered in a way that surprised Sam as much as it amused him. "He brags about who he bangs to you? That's weird. Besides…he did not… bang…me." She trailed off, realizing that it was odd to be defending herself against Sam's claims when all she could come up with were basically lies, not even basically.

"Whatever you say but word to the wise, motel walls aren't that thick. So, unless you invited someone over…"

Her eyes grew saucer big as she realized he might not have been joking. It was entirely possible that he had overheard them, at least once. "Oh Christ…" she looked away as her cheeks turned nearly the same color as her hair.

Normally, Sam wouldn't have let her off the hook and confessed he hadn't heard anything. Even if he had, he wouldn't let anyone know as it would only encourage his brother to divulge information he didn't want whatsoever. He was fairly certain she was less embarrassed about who she was sleeping with as opposed to getting caught, for some reason. And that was almost— _almost_ — enough to make it worth having seen their earlier display.

"What's wrong?" Dean asked as he came back out to the car with a bag from their room and took note of Mae's uncharacteristic fluster and blush. It was cute but what had brought it on, if it wasn't him, was a bit of a concern.

"You're…you're both…" She couldn't come up with the right words, ruffled to the point where she was only able to walk away from the pair.

"What's wrong with her?" Dean asked his brother.

"Apparently Mae has a remaining shred of modesty, despite hooking up with you."

"Dude, lay off. She's...weird about some things. Just don't pick on her about that, okay?"

Sam didn't say anything but couldn't keep his eyebrow from arching. Dean wasn't exactly the sentimental sort and while he hadn't said much, there was clearly something else going on between the pair. Did he think some lighthearted teasing would genuinely bother Mae? Did it? It was harder to gauge her reactions since it had been so long since they'd spent significant time together.

They'd both told him they had feelings for the other but seemed to be less forthcoming with each other. Still, he assumed whatever Mae and Dean were going through was a flash in the pan. It was more serious than hooking up with some bar girl or waitress they met in some no name place but, once they spent more than a few weeks together, they'd both realize they didn't want more. Mae would take off or Dean would find a way to cut her loose.

That would probably be okay. Not because having Mae around was a bad thing or even that his brother didn't genuinely care about her but because she was real, she had the potential to bring normalcy to his life. She might have been a hunter at her core but maybe loving someone would break down Dean's resistance. That was the exact reason he would let her leave or push her away and not go after her. This was a good time to do that and Dean knew that as well as anyone.

And yet…

* * *

This was the most boring part of the job. There was, she thought, a lot more boring when compared to the exciting parts. You could only crisscross the country so many times before the scenery all blended together. The rotation of tapes Dean had on hand could be broken up a bit with local radio stations but eventually, static would over take them or Dean would get fed up and want familiarity. Occasionally, now for instance, the mind-numbing boredom of traveling cross country on state highways and back ways got to her. Driving sometimes made the trip easier or at the very least more interesting. But being a passenger left a lot to be desired.

Scanning local papers had lost its appeal about two hours ago. If this was how they'd be working and traveling from here on out, she'd need to find a better way to occupy her time. Napping wasn't an option. She thought it would actually leave her more tired and she hadn't reached that point yet. She wasn't tired really, despite having gotten very little actual sleep the previous night.

Maybe he had been watching her, maybe he saw the faint heat color her cheeks as she recalled the night before, but when she looked up, she caught his eyes in the rear-view mirror. He winked at her, which only served to deepen the blush. It took her back a moment and then, because she knew he wasn't expecting her to do more than blush and look away, she leaned forward and pressed a warm, lingering kiss to the side of his neck, just under his ear.

He wasn't quite wide-eyed, but the surprise was evident when she leaned back and met his eyes in the mirror again. It made her heart thrum in that silly, giddy, and exciting way that was almost embarrassing that he could elicit that with nothing more than an exchange of glances.

* * *

Their next stop found the three of them at a random, small town diner. Sam was scrolling through possible cases on his laptop while Mae and Dean scanned a new set of newspapers. There was something very regimented about the process.

Dean finished and folded the paper. "Alright, dude, not a decent lead in all of Nebraska. What do you got?"

Without looking up at first, Sam rattled off what he'd managed to find. "Well, I've been scanning Wyoming, Colorado, South Dakota. Here – a woman in Iowa fell 10,000 feet from an airplane and survived."

"That sounds more like 'That's Incredible' than 'Twilight Zone'."

"Yeah."

"Red?"

"Well my horoscope says I should be lucky in love and money this week so…unless it's suggesting I'd make a great stripper…I got nothing."

Dean paused a moment to look her over and waggle his eyebrows suggestively but to everyone's relief, he didn't comment. Instead, he turned to Sam. "Hey, you know, we could just keep heading east. New York, upstate. Could stop by and see Sarah again, huh? She's a cool chick, man. Smokin'. You two seem pretty friendly. What do you say?"

To her credit, Dean thought, she didn't say anything, even though she passed him a rather annoyed glance. He knew she was still disagreed with him pushing the issue again. But she didn't bring it up. unless Sam was paying as close attention to her as he was, he wouldn't have noticed it.

Sam chuckled halfheartedly, "Yeah, I don't know. Maybe someday. But in the meantime, we got a lot of work to do, Dean. And you know that."

"Yeah, you're right. What else you got?" He gave a tiny smile when Dean let the issue drop.

"Uh, man in Colorado, local man by the name of Daniel Elkins, was found mauled in his home."

"Daniel? He's dead?" Mae said, surprised by the revelation.

"Elkins. I know that name." Dean pulled the journal out of his coat pocket and started to flip through it

"Doesn't ring a bell." Sam said. "Sounds like the police don't know what to think. First, they say it was some sort of bear attack, and now they found signs of robbery."

Mae scoot her chair around to Sam's side of the table so she could read over his shoulder.

"Um-hm." Dean wasn't really listening until he found the entry he was looking for and presented the journal for the other two hunters. "Here, check it out."

"You think it's the same Elkins?"

"It's a Colorado area code."

"Yeah, it's the same one. We need to check it out." She said.

"You seem pretty certain about that."

"Well, locals could be right and it's just people. But…he's one of us so we owe it to him to at least check it out."

"Wait, are you sure?" Dean asked, grabbing her wrist as she stood up and slung her bag over her shoulder.

"I only met him a couple times but yeah, he's an old hand. And…that's just too fishy."

* * *

It was night by the time they made their way from Nebraska to Manning, Colorado. Fortunately, the authorities had long since cleared out and it wasn't particularly difficult to break into Elkins' cabin. The place had been thoroughly tossed and ransacked.

"Looks like the maid didn't come today."

"Show me a neat hunter, just once." Mae muttered. "Yeah, I don't know who the hell would rob Daniel but…I'd say the only reason a human being would get the drop on him is that he was getting on in years."

"So, what do you think it was?"

"Can't say. Not without seeing the body or some kind of…something." She scanned over the room with her flashlight as they separated to search the house.

Sam was still by the door, crouching down to pick something up and examine it. "Hey, there's salt over here. Right inside the door."

Mae crossed the room to one of the windows, checking for salt or some other method of defense there. By the desk, Dean shifted through some papers until he found a journal. He began flipping through it.

"You mean like protection-against-demon salt, or, uh, 'oops, I spilled the popcorn' salt?"

"It's clearly a ring. Looks like you were right Mae."

"Can we just start with that as a baseline assumption? Tell me when I'm wrong."

"Well, you're not wrong."

Sam and Mae joined Dean at the desk where he was still paging through the journal. "That looks a hell of a lot like Dad's."

"Except this dates back to the 60's."

They moved into the next room, where Elkins was killed. This room was worse than the first. Everything was broken, shattered, and scattered across the floor. The skylights above had been smashed, presumably the point of entry. "Whatever attacked him, it looks like there was more than one."

"Looks like he put up a hell of a fight, too."

"Yeah."

"Good for him." Mae muttered,

Carefully, they started going over the room. Sam moved towards the desk as Dean walked towards the middle of the room, followed closely by Mae. He prodded at the empty box that seemingly held a gun and ammo with his foot. He stepped as lightly and easily as possible as he moved forward through. He couldn't really avoid the crunch of stepping on the littered debris on the floor. He spotted something and crouched down to look. Mae angled her flashlight to provide him more light and reveal the blood and scratches on the floor.

"Got something?"

"I don't know. Some scratches in the floor."

"Death throes maybe?"

"Maybe." There was something about Dean's mind that most people overlooked; he had an uncanny knack to see patterns with so little to go on. It was pretty impressive. Mae let herself smirk a bit as she watched him take a piece of paper and a pencil in order to take a rubbing of the scratches on the floor. It could have been nothing but there was every chance that it was something important. "Or maybe a message." He handed the bloodstained paper to Sam, "Look familiar?"

"Three letters, six digits – the location and combination of a post office box. It's a mail drop."

"Just the way Dad does it."

"Must be important if it was the last thing he did before he died. He obviously left it for another hunter."

* * *

They went to the post office and found a letter in the box Elkins had scrawled on his floor. She didn't know why but she hoped it didn't work even though she knew it would. Her hackles had been up since the moment Sam read Elkins' name off the article and this did nothing to soothe her bad feeling.

Back in the car, they all stared at the letter for a moment.

""J.W." You think? John Winchester?" Sam asked.

"I don't know. Should we open it?

The knock on the driver's side window startled all of them before any of them were able to answer that question. It must have been amusing enough for John Winchester because he simply grinned at them. Dean rolled down the window. "Dad?"

Rather than stand in the arguably chilly night air, he opened the back door and got in the car. Mae, not quite comfortable with the situation, slid as far as she could to the other side of the backseat.

"Dad, what are you doing here? Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm okay. Look, I read the news about Daniel. I got here as fast as I could. I saw you up at his place."

"Why didn't you come in, Dad?"

"You know why. Because I had to make sure you weren't followed... by anyone... or anything. Nice job of covering your tracks, by the way."

"Yeah, well, we learned from the best."

Mae allowed herself a small smile, watching Dean and his odd mix of pride and reverence in that statement. She had never once questioned why he'd sided with his father over the whole spell sex thing and while it was easier for her that way, she realized that she should have wondered. But watching him, seeing that tumultuous flash of emotions in his eyes, she knew that it was impossible for him to have picked otherwise, no matter how much he loved her.

"Wait, so you came all the way out here for this Elkins guy?"

"Yeah. He was... he was a good man. He taught me a hell of a lot about hunting."

"You never mentioned him to us."

"We had a – we had kind of a falling out. I hadn't seen him in years. I should look at that."

Dean handed the letter over to his father who opened it up. "If you're reading this, I'm already dead." That son of a bitch."

"What is it?"

"He had it the whole time."

"Dad what?"

"When you searched the place did you – did you see a gun, an antique, a Colt revolver? Did you see it?"

"Uh, there was an old case, but it was empty."

"They have it."

"You mean whatever killed Elkins?"

"We got to pick up their trail." Despite the questions from Sam and Dean, John got out of the car. Fortunately, he didn't leave them completely in the dark. He leaned down in the driver's side window.

"Wait, you want us to come with you?" Sam asked.

"If Elkins was telling the truth we got to find this gun."

"The gun? Why?" Sam once again asked.

"Because it's important, that's why."

The tone of exasperation crept in and Mae had to hide her slightly amused expression behind her hand. It wasn't funny but that tension between Sam and John set in like clockwork. It would almost certain escalate and it wouldn't even be a little amusing at that point. She and the Winchesters had gone their separate ways by the time things had gotten so bad between John and Sam, but the underpinnings were there.

"Dad, we don't even know what these things are yet." Sam did make a good point. It was going to be awfully difficult to make their plan of attack if they didn't know what they were up against.

"They were what Danny Elkins killed best – vampires."

"Vampires? I thought there was no such thing." Dean said, a little shocked.

"You never even mentioned them, Dad."

"I thought they were extinct. I had thought Elkins and others had wiped them out. I was wrong. Most vampire lore is crap. A cross won't repel them, sunlight won't kill them, and neither will a stake to the heart. But the bloodlust – that part's true. They need fresh human blood to survive. They were once people, so you won't know it's a vampire until it's too late."


	15. Chapter 15

They weren't prepared to take the vampires full on yet. They didn't know where to go looking for them exactly. They didn't have a plan. Instead, the hunters retired to a motel. Mae's instinct told her neither situation resulted in less hostility between Sam and John. Her only consultation was that things had finally normalized between her and Dean. Maybe that would be enough to stay sane. Of course, she and Dean and John hadn't spent any real time together since she and Dean had talking about things.

She was already tense. Too tense. Even the most unobservant person would be able to notice it. Dean certainly would because he was trying to keep an eye on everything, everyone. At the same time, John insisted they all stay together—safety in numbers. He wasn't wrong. Mae only hoped that her discomfort wouldn't be detrimental to going after the gun or dealing with vampires.

The dust between her and Dean had settled more since the last time she had seen or spoken to John. She still had questions. There was so much more between her and John that had nothing to do with Dean. That didn't mean she was completely comfortable around the man. Her best bet was to push her uneasiness down, deep down and pretend like this was a normal job. Nerves and fear would do her no good nor would it preserve anything.

Mae had poured herself a fresh cup of what could hardly be called coffee and took a seat in the chair across from John. She didn't audibly sigh but her slim frame seemed to deflate as if she had. Mae looked over the room. The boys took the extra time to catch a little shut eye. She yearned to be able to curl up next to Dean, let him wrap his strong arm around her, and forget about everything for a while. It would have been safe and comfortable. But that small comfort wouldn't get her what she wanted.

Other than her desire to retreat for a moment, this was a pretty decent set up; having someone to keep watch while the others got to sleep. It felt more paranoid that she usually was, but this didn't feel like the sort of job they should let their guard down on during. She knew she should have taken advantage of the situation but even without the dull buzz of the caffeine, she wouldn't have been able to sleep comfortably. Instead, she sat up with John, listening to the police scanner.

John cast a glance over at the young woman. "You should get some sleep too."

She shook her head. "I'm not tired."

It wasn't a nervous gesture when she pushed her hair behind her ear this time. It was thoughtful and somewhat planning, he thought. He watched as her eyes moved across the room, lingering on his eldest a few moments.

"Well, out with it already."

"Out with what?"

"Whatever's turnin' over in that redhead of yours."

She smiled because this time; the way he said it not only reminded her of old John but more than anything, it reminded her of Dean. "I've just been wondering…why call me into this? You know, the boys could deal with all of this solo and uh, I don't see you trying to put us together to work though all our...history. You're not up at night worryin' if Dean and I are on good terms. I mean, not that I can't deal with all this but…strange timing and…"

"What do you think?"

It was easier not to look at him. Even if she did, she wasn't sure she could read him at all on this. She wouldn't say that she was intimidated by the man, but she felt a type of agitation that her eyes would invariably betray. John might mistake it for fear when it was closer to hope. "I think you wanted me to be involved in this because you think this is my fight or you were trying to keep me out of something."

"A little bit of both, sweetheart."

Why on earth the way he said 'sweetheart' made her chuckle was beyond her, but she did. "What's the in and what's the out of it?"

"I needed to know that you were in the fight for the right reason and that you could keep the boys safe."

"They can keep themselves safe and you know what fight I'm after. The only reason I'm here is because I made you a deal to stick with your boys while you dug up whatever you could on the thing that killed my husband. Seems like I've made good John. You still owe me."

"I don't recall you shacking up with Dean being a part of the deal."

Mae knew he was testing her. Perhaps he was doing it to tease, perhaps because he wanted to gauge how involved they were, or perhaps he was mad that she and Dean weren't still at odds. It was hard to tell.

"It wasn't my plan. Things...changed. So, what exactly were you keeping me out of?"

"This. This big fight."

"The demon?" she snorted "It's not the first demon I've come up against."

He was quiet a few moments more. "It ain't the first time you've come up against this demon either. And it's never left you in better shape than when you met it."

Even being as pale as she was and as dim as the room was, he could see the color drain from her face. Time seemed to freeze as dread crept up her spine. "What are you saying, John?"

Her tone was low and quiet, almost a bit emotionless. It might have made her seem cool and collected when she felt her heart hard and fast in her throat. She wasn't going to risk waking either of the boys, but John Winchester held a key to this puzzle, one she desperately needed to solve.

"C'mon, you're a smart girl. I'd guess you put some of this together."

"It's…you think the demon you've been after all these years is the same one that…:

"Killed your husband."

"So, I..." She scoffed but said nothing. She was quiet for a while, letting the voices of the police scanner fill the room. Mae knew he had another 'not your fault' talk loaded and ready to go. Of all people, he knew what happened that night, what she'd gone through. Not even John could change her view on this, and this new information only muddied the waters for her. Still, they were at the point where it didn't matter who had done what or why, this is where they were and what they had to deal with. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"I don't know. I don't really plan on asking the thing, if the choice comes down to killing it or getting answers."

"No, I mean... we knew what happened that night with you and me was a set up. I always thought it was to lure me away so it could go after Dan but if this demon has gone after you and Sam and me...why? What's the point of doing this to all of us?"

"I wish I could tell. I think maybe you were just...collateral damage to this thing. It's been tormenting my family for so long and this was just another knife to twist."

He wasn't wrong, she thought. They'd never discussed what happened between them that night, aside from apologizes and pleas for forgiveness until they landed on an unspoken agreement not to talk about it. It shattered any real closeness she'd had to John though and it tore a rift between her and Dean she didn't think would ever be repaired. It was a pretty effective way to disrupt the lives of the Winchesters. Wouldn't that have been enough? If John was the real target, why keep going after her and kill her husband? John might not have wanted those answers, but she did.

Mae's brow furrowed and her frown deepened. What was she supposed to do now? It felt like this information changed things but did it, she wondered. She had promised to help the boys and they had promised to help her. The only difference was now they knew they were after the same thing. That should have made things simpler even though it didn't feel that way in the moment. "So…what, you thought if I put it all together, I'd go after this thing without you?"

"No. I thought this thing might come after you or one of the boys before we were ready to deal with it. You needed each other. You needed someone to watch your back too."

"Ever the humanitarian." She swallowed the lump in her throat, "You really don't care why all this happened to us?"

He was quiet long enough that she glanced back at him. In that brief moment, he looked wearier than she'd ever seen him. "Given the choice, I'm not gonna let it get away. Would you?"

"No, I guess not. But...I don't know that knowing it's gone is enough for me."

"Then maybe we should just leave it at that."

It was a legitimate out. Mae knew he was telling her she could leave. If she didn't want to see the end of this in this way, she didn't need to be involved. It wasn't out of kindness, of course; she needed to be committed. Doubt would get them killed. "But I can't. You know what it did to me, what it made me do. You know how I feel."

"Yeah, hard to forget. Listen kid, I'm not gonna judge you, no matter what you decide. If you can't be in this fight, then get as far away as you can. And if you stay, well, no one here would blame you for needing to kill this thing."

"Don't get me wrong," she paused, checking on Dean's sleeping form again, "I loved my husband but…I think I could actually move on, you know? I don't think I need kill that demons to move on, not that way. If it was just about it killing Dan. But...I remember it in me. I remember watching myself do these things and not being able to stop. That's what I need revenge for. It turned me into something evil. I need to do something to make up for that."

"I get that. But there's no room for hesitation or feelings, one way or another."

"Yeah." She blew out a breath as the dread tried to surface in bodily form. She leaned forward to put her head between her knees. "Fuck."

He could have hit her, and it would have left less of an impact. John knew when he told her, it wouldn't be something she could take in stride. He expected her to be angrier or not believe him. He only hoped the new information wouldn't make her collapse under emotion. "Mae—"

She propped herself up on her elbows enough to speak, plead.

The expression on her face pained him because for better or worse, she'd been like a daughter and he knew exactly how much his son had loved her, perhaps still loved her. Neither of them had said anything about it but for her to be here, the two had already had to come to some kind of truce.

Whatever she might have said next was interrupted by a woman's voice over the scanner. "Unit 22, let me confirm. Mile marker 41, an abandoned car, you need a workup?"

"Copy that. Possible 207. Better get forensics out here."

Just like that, he snapped back into hunter mode as he put the scanner down and grabbed his jacket off the back of the chair. Mae hadn't quite pulled herself together in order to appear normal and she knew she wasn't pulling it off at all.

"Sam, Dean. Let's go."

"Hmm-hmm." Dean had legitimately fallen asleep, in that way that he rarely did.

"Picked up a police call." John informed them. There was no room for question, just the call to spring to action.

"What happened?" Naturally, Sam offered a question up.

"A couple called 911. Found a body in the street. Cops got there, everyone was missing. It's the vampires."

"How do you know?"

John didn't provide much of an answer, he just headed towards the door. "Just follow me, okay?"

Sam did and Dean wasn't far behind as he got up. "Vampires. It gets funnier every time I hear it."

Mae had managed to get to her feet although she wasn't entirely sure how. Dean gave her a sleepy sort of smile that on most days would have her stomach trembling just a bit. Instead, she just stared blankly back at him.

"Hey, you good?"

She cleared her throat, focusing on his face and trying to look less like a deer in the headlights. "Yeah, I'm fine. I'm good. I'm fine. I'm good."

She had to press her lips together to keep from going on. Dean knew things were precarious but thought Mae and his dad would at least be able to fake it. He didn't need to know her to know that she was beyond upset. He reached out to squeeze her arm softly. "You sure? This is…big, babe. If you're not-."

"I'm fine. I'm ready. Don't worry about me."


	16. Chapter 16

John was right about one thing; there was no room for hesitation. It didn't matter if it was this job or a demon or anything else when it came to hunting. Everything else he'd told her needed to be pushed to the side for now, maybe until this was all over. Had she been able to follow that advise with ease, she would have joined John, just to show that she really was up to this. Instead, she stood with the boys but was the only one not focused on John. Dean noticed it and was torn between deciding if Mae's or Sam's behavior was going to cause more problems for him.

Dean nudged the toe of her boot with his own. "Hey Red, you okay?"

She just nodded. "Don't worry about me. I'm ready for vampires."

"That's not what I'm talkin' about."

"Too much caffeine, maybe." She lied

It wasn't true and he wondered just how long she would try and keep it up. Before he could ask, she tipped her chin in the direction his father was coming from.

"I don't see why we couldn't have gone over with him." Sam said.

"Oh, don't tell me it's already starting."

"What's starting?"

John joined them. "What do you got?" Dean asked him.

"It was them alright. It looks like they're heading west. We're gonna have to double back to get around that detour."

"How can you be so sure?" The anger in his voice was evident.

"Sam..."

"I just wanna know we're going in the right direction."

"We are."

"How do you know?"

"I found this." John produced a tooth from his jacket pocket, handing it to Dean.

Dean examined the tooth. "It's a ... vampire fang."

"Not fangs – teeth. A second set descends when they attack." He focused with annoyance back on Sam. "Any more questions? Alright, let's get out of here. We're losing daylight." John started walking back to his truck.

"Hey, and Dean, why don't you touch up your car before you get rust? I wouldn't have given you the damn thing if I thought you were gonna ruin it."

Dean tried to cover up the initial hurt with an awkward but faltering look and his brother did nothing much to help when he offered back an 'I told you so' smirk. Taking note of the exchange however, Mae let her hand brush against Dean's. There wasn't really time for more overt of a display but seeing the heart hurt on his face snapped her out of her funk.

She took her seat in the back, behind Dean, if only so she could lean forward and drape her arm over one shoulder and rest her chin on the other once they were moving. Dean let her gentle embrace comfort him for a few moments. Maybe things weren't weird with her after all, he though. Maybe she was just more worried about the vampires than she let on. Still, he could enjoy the intimacy that involved nothing more than being close. "So, what's your dad got on vampires?" she asked softly against his ear.

He let himself grin a little bit as he read over the information he now had on vampires while Mae read over his shoulder. "Vampire nest in groups of 8 to 10. Smaller packs are sent out to hunt for food. Victims are taken to the nest, where the pack keeps them alive, bleeding them for days or weeks. I wonder if that's what happened to that 911 couple?"

"That's probably what Dad's thinking. Of course, it would be nice if he just told us what he thinks."

"So, it is starting."

"What?"

She knew Sam meant well, that from his perspective, he wasn't being unreasonable. Maybe he wasn't but now, Mae thought, wasn't exactly the time for this old fight. Dean thought similarly, although she also assumed that it went beyond the job. Dean wanted all of them to be not only working together but also on good terms.

"Sam, we've been looking for Dad all year, now we're not with him for more than a couple hours and there's static already?"

"No. Look, I'm happy he's okay, alright? And I'm happy that we're all working together again."

"Good."

"It's just the way he treats us like we're children."

"Oh, God." Feeling Dean's shoulders tense under her arms, she pulled away and sat back in the seat. At least this fight wasn't about her or Dean.

Sam went on. "He, he barks orders at us, Dean. He expects us to follow him without question. He keeps us on some crap need-to-know deal."

"He does what he does for a reason."

"What reason?"

"Our job! There's no time to argue. There's no margin for error, alright? It's just the way the old man runs things."

"Yeah, well maybe that worked when we were kids, but not anymore, alright? Not after everything you and I have been through, Dean. I mean, are you telling me you're cool with just falling into line and letting him run the whole show?"

Dean hesitated for a moment with his reply and even though she wasn't touching him, Mae could feel him tense. "If that's what it takes."

"And you're okay with things like this Mae? I mean you of all people have enough reasons to doubt him."

"Hey, I would doubt him if, if he were acting erratically or out of the norm but this is John. And I haven't hunted a vampire, let alone vampires. Then there's this gun…Listen, I took up with you boys and that is definitely not something I'm used to doing."

"But we talk to you. We all talk. We don't just…go off and expect everyone else to follow."

"Maybe not but it's not the worse to have someone run lead once in a while."

"And you think this is a once in a while thing?"

"I, I don't know Sam." She pressed her lips together, "This isn't about vampires for your dad. They're just a means to an end."

* * *

They'd searched for and followed even the barest hint of a trail. Sam thought it should have been easier, could have been easier if their dad had simply let all three of them help him. Instead, they'd spent most of the day following John. Sam drove simply because he'd go insane if he had to sit still that long. Dean kept quiet in the passenger street while Mae had dozed off.

Every so often, Dean would look back to steal a glance of the young woman. He felt like he'd gone a little soft when he watched her peaceful, sleeping face and sensed his heart stir every time. Something was off with her, but he didn't know what. He had a difficult time believing she would be put out of sorts just by coming up against vampires. The simple answer was the same for her as it was for his brother. Their dad made them react, both in different ways.

While it wouldn't have made his life easier to have them both fighting with his dad, he would have felt more comfortable with it on some level. Seeing her shrink back made it worse. She hadn't taken the opportunity to sleep when he and Sam had and that left her alone with their dad. What the hell happened between them?

His train of thought was derailed when his phone rang. "Yeah, alright, got it." He said after a while and hung up the phone. "Pull off the next exit."

"Why?"

"Cause Dad thinks we got the vampire's trail."

"How?"

"I don't know, he didn't say."

Sam tromped on the gas, speeding past John's truck before he yanked the wheel and brought the cart to an abrupt stop across both lanes, forcing John to slam on the breaks. The move also jostled awake a rather confused Mavis. Sam was out of the car before she even really knew what was happening. "The hell? What's wrong?"

Any other time, he might have found the sleepy blink that followed the questions cute but under the circumstances, he was more concerned about what was going down between his brother and dad. "Sam and dad, barkin' at each other again."

"You need me?"

"No…stay here unless I give you the signal. Shit, those two…"

Mae squeezed his shoulder encouragingly and then let Dean jump into the fray too.

"What the hell was that?"

"We need to talk." Sam demanded of his father.

"About what?"

"About everything. Where are we going, Dad? What's the big deal about this gun?"

John and Sam faced off with Dean served as referee. "Sammy, come on, we can Q & A after we kill all the vampires."

"Your brother's right. We don't have time for this."

"Last time we saw you, you said it was too dangerous to be together. Now, out of the blue, you need our help. Now, obviously something big is going down and we want to know what!"

"Get back in the car." John ordered.

"No."

"I said get back in the damn car."

"Yeah, and I said no.

"Alright, you made your point, tough guy. Look, we're all tired, we can talk about this later." Dean grabbed his brother and shoved him back. "Sammy, I mean it, come on."

The boys moved to get in the car. "This is why I left in the first place."

"What'd you say?" John asked incredulously.

"You heard me."

"Yeah, you left. Your brother and me – we needed you. You walked away, Sam." John shoved at Sam, "You walked away!"

"Stop it, both of you!" Dean tried to intervene.

Sam was spitting mad. "You were the one who said, 'Don't come back.', Dad. You're the one who closed that door, not me! You were just pissed off you couldn't control me anymore!"

It was nearly full on fist fight between the two and it wouldn't have been the first one but as John grabbed Sam, Dean broke in between them in an attempt to get them to stop. "I said stop it! Stop it! Stop it! That's enough!"

He managed to put enough distance between them before he turned to John. "That means you, too."

They took a second before Sam got back in the car and his dad stormed back to his truck. It was then that he noticed Mae had gotten out of the car, at least as far as to stand with arms propped on the roof. For anyone else, it might have been an almost casual, observing stance but he knew she was ready to jump into the fray should she need to help. "You okay?" She asked.

His reply was laced with defeat. "Terrific."

* * *

John was right about finding the vampire's trail. They found the den. From the distance, in the shelter of the wooded area, they watched as one of the vampires drove up to the vampires' lair. Another one stood at the barn door and ushered the other inside. "Son of a bitch." Dean swore, "So they're really not afraid of the sun."

"Direct sunlight hurts like a nasty sunburn. The only way to kill them is by beheading. And, yeah, they sleep during the day. It doesn't mean they won't wake up."

"So, I guess walking right in is not our best option."

"Actually, that's the plan."

Back at their vehicles, in the clearing in the woods, the four hunters readied their gear. It was quite easy to feel out gamed, equipment wise, when John's truck was tricked out with a motorized weapon's locker and well-stocked, highly organized contents. Their weapon's stash was a bit more hodgepodge and vintage. "Hey, Dad, I got an extra machete if you need one."

The elder Winchester produced a huge, toothed machete. "Think I'm okay, thanks."

"Wow."

They went about strapping on their weaponry when John leaned against the truck and let out a heavy sigh. "So... You kids really want to know about this Colt?

The three of them exchanged glances before Sam answered. "Yes, Sir."

"It's just a story...a legend, really. Well, I thought it was. Never really believed it until I read Daniel's letter. Back in 1835, when Halley's comet was overhead, the same night those men died at the Alamo, they say Samuel Colt made a gun...A special gun. He made it for a hunter – a man like us, only on horseback. The story goes, he made 13 bullets. This hunter used the gun a half dozen times before he disappeared, the gun along with him. Somehow, Daniel got his hands on it. They say...They say this gun can kill anything."

"Kill anything, like supernatural anything?"

"Like the demon." Sam finished.

"Yeah, the demon. Ever since I picked up its trail, I've been looking for a way to destroy that thing. Find the gun... we may have it."

* * *

As quietly as possible, they all entered into the barn through one of the windows. Sam and Dean stayed in the main room which was filled with vampires in hammocks and presumably the woman who had called 911 tied up. John and Mae went off in another direction to search out the gun.

Moving around the barn was eerie and they all nearly held their breath for fear that even that noise would disturb the lair. They all had their jobs to do and going in like this meant they would only have the once chance to save the couple and get the gun.

Making his way through the room, Dean knocked over a beer bottle and into one of the hammocks. He swiftly jumped back with his hand on his machete. Fortunately, the vampire remained asleep and undisturbed by the sound or movement. Sam moved around a post to free the 911 lady tied up there. In a hush toned he called over his brother.

Quietly, he and Dean crouched down beside her to untie the ropes that held her when they heard a noise.

"There's more." Dean whispered.

Moving towards the sound, he found a cage full of people the vampires had been feeding on. The cage was padlocked but finding a bale hook nearby, Dean was able to pry a hinge from the wood holding the cage together. The sound was sudden, and he paused to make see if that had caused the vampires to awake. There was some stirring from them but none of them woke.

Meanwhile, John and Mae made their way quickly and soundlessly down the corridor towards the back bedroom. There they found two more vampires curled up in bed and what was very likely the gun they were looking for in a holster on the bed post. Mae stood in the doorway, machete half out, ready to strike should one of the vampires wake or come upon them. The creak of the step when John put his weight on it made her jump more than she wanted to admit.

He put out a hand, signaling her to stay put as he moved towards the bed to retrieve the gun. If all went as planned, they could get the gun and save the couple without the vampires even knowing they were there.

* * *

The woman Sam was untying stirred and woke. "Hey, hey, shhh. I'm here to help you." He tried to calm her.

However, she began to scream in warning, and he realized she had been turned. Sam jumped back, his hand on his machete. John had reached out and touched the gun when the woman's scream pulled his attention. Mae too turned to look back at the other room only to have her attention drawn back to John when he was thrown across the room, into the wall.

Her blade was drawn, she was ready to strike but John grabbed the nearest object—a beer bottle—and hurled it through the window, letting the light pour in. It was enough of a distraction. John ordered her to go and after only a short moment of hesitation, she took off.

Behind her, she heard John yell out, "Boys, run," before she heard his boots quickly pounding after her.

Mae knew the two vampires from the bedroom would be after them in short order. She also hoped that she wasn't running right into more vampires, into a fight that was potentially more than the four of them could handle. But a quick glance through the barn showed her that they were following Sam and Dean out the front door, leaving just enough luck for she and John to escape.

She climbed up and out the window. Because it wasn't pulling her back, she assumed the hand on her backside was John's urging her to hurry and get out quicker since she had to slow a bit to sheath her machete. She landed with an inelegant roll, but she was out, and she heard an 'oomph' beside her as John made a similar landing. She was on her feet and running through the woods, towards the vehicles, hoping that they might have a better chance at a fight in the open or that perhaps that the daylight was enough to keep them off their trail for a little while.

Up ahead, she heard Dean call out for them and she knew, without a doubt that he'd run right back in if he thought the vampires had caught them. Mae made it out of the woods first and was just as relieved as the boys to see the other there. John wasn't far behind but when the boys moved to keep going, John stopped. "They won't follow. They'll wait till tonight. Once a vampire gets your scent, it's for life."

"What the hell do we do now?"

"You've gotta find the nearest funeral home, that's what." John said, much to Dean's confusion.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's some fun naughty bits midway through this chapter. So feel free to skim, if you're not here for sexy times.

"You wanna come with or stay here?"

Dean tossed the keys lightly in one hand. John and Sam were both heading inside the motel room. She supposed she could have stayed with them. The thought hadn't occurred to her. Going with Dean was the better bet. "Dead guys or your brother and dad sniping at each other? Lead me to the stiffs."

"Good." He said with a little smile and a reassuring squeeze to her hand that seemed very out of place, considering the fact that they were about to break into a funeral home and steal blood.

Mae found herself wishing for a little more action now that the adrenaline kick from the vampire's lair was wearing off and she was left with that uncomfortable, nervous feeling in the pit of her stomach being with him again. Especially because he still held her hand in his gentle, steady grip. His hands were warm and familiar. Her heart tripped against her will. Dean let her hand go when he went to turn the key in the ignition.

"So, what's wrong with you?" He asked after they had pulled out of the parking lot and were headed down the road.

"What? Nothing. I'm fine."

He looked back over to her with a mischievous grin. "I know you're fine, Maeby. But I know you're also acting... weird since we met up with Dad. And I can only deal with so many people fighting with him."

"We're not fighting."

"If this is about…I mean, there's nothing—I get why you might feel…weird and yeah, it's weird but … if something happened-"

"You think your dad and I tried to hook up in the same room where you and your brother were sleeping? I might be into some weird stuff, but definitely not that."

"No. Gross. I know that's not how things are with you. I... you've been different since we met back up with Dad, okay? I just need to know if it's weird because, you know...or if it's something new."

"It's only sort of weird because of the old stuff. I'm just—John told me something. It's just left me a little…off."

Dean didn't even try to keep the concern and confusion off his face. "What did he tell you?"

"Nothing important for right now."

He frowned. "Yeah, seems that way."

"Really. It's nothing for right now. I promise. It's just…" she took a sharp breath. "I—I don't even know what it means right now, okay? I need to figure it out."

He looked over at her cautiously. "I'm pretty good when it comes to figuring things out Mae."

"Yeah, I know. If you could figure this out for me, it would be easier. But I don't think you can. Don't worry about it, okay? I promise my head will be in the game."

They drove for a while in a silence. It wasn't quite uncomfortable, but it wasn't exactly what he was hoping for. Hell, he didn't know exactly what he wanted out of this moment. Although, she did seem less cagey just the two of them. They were a little more normal. It had gotten easier to talk about the things bothering them. Things were easier, in general. At the end of the day though, they were still on the job. This was not the time to hash out their communication issues.

"Hey, pull over."

"Why? What's wrong?"

Mae shook her head. She put a hand on his knee in hopes of reassuring him that there wasn't something wrong, not vampire wrong at any rate. "Nothing. We're fine. Just pull over. Please."

He did as she asked and was quite surprised when she slid up next to him on the seat, placed a hand on his cheek and turned his face so she could plant a searing kiss to his mouth. Her hand eased up his thigh, up the front of his jeans.

"Mae." He said her name halfway between a warning and a plea.

"I want you Dean. I want you in ways that make me think I'm crazy. And I want to be with you, doing this for reasons I don't even understands. I don't know why. When I started this, I didn't know why, and I really don't know why no. All I know is…I think maybe that want could become a need."

"You're worried you might _need_ to be with me?"

"I'm worried that I might never know why."

"Does it matter?"

She studied his eyes, always amazed at how beautiful they were, and wondering if it did matter or not. She had a lot of questions about why these things were happening in her life and there were no clear answers. "I don't know why it matters. I just know that it matters. The reason…it doesn't matter what the reason is, I just need to know it. Does that make any sense?"

"No," he scoffed, "but you confuse the hell outta me on a daily basis." He let his thumb stroke over her lips after he cupped her face. Then he smiled at her softly. "You confuse me but…I'm pretty sure that I need to be with you."

"Do you need to be with me right now?"

He hesitated, letting his eyes ease down her throat. "We're kinda in the middle of a job here."

Her hand rubbed firmly over his already engorged member. "We've got 20 minutes. It's not like dead guys keep strict schedules and we've got a little time before the vamps come after us."

Dean chuckled, questioning whether or not he was actually going to turn down sex with her. After a few seconds, he pulled her in for a deep kiss while easing her over so she could straddle his lap. "I could begin to enjoy being confused by you Mae."

Her hands were fast, need. This time, she moved right to the point, reaching between them to unfasten his belt and pants. He lifted his hips and roughly shoved his jeans and boxers down. His head fell back against the seat when she took him in her hands. His biggest question was why and how her touch had such a powerful effect on him. But he didn't really care why. She leaned down to kiss his neck.

Dean ran his hands up her denim clad ass as he found himself similarly overwhelmed by that need to have her. He was familiar with that need but was still getting used to the idea that it could be fulfilled so easily. He slid his hands around to the front of her jeans to unbutton and unzip them. His mouth met hers again and together, they rocked and shifted so he could push her jeans and panties down her long legs.

Free of the encumbrance of her pants, she sat back on his lap with a satisfied cry as she took him inside with the swift motion. He moaned, once again letting his head fall back. "Damn baby, were you ready?"

"So ready. Oh, Dean." She rocked against him, not frantically but at a quicker pace than they normally would have started. To his surprise, she gave a shaky laugh. "How long has it been since we've had to drive off somewhere for a quickie where we wouldn't be interrupted?"

He gripped her hips, keeping her close. "I would probably happen more often if we'd been having more sex, you know?"

"True. Bet your dad would be really pissed off to catch us now."

Opening his eyes and pressed two fingers to her lips. "Yeah, Red, I'm gonna need you to not talk about him right now."

She laughed and kissed his fingers. "Fair enough."

His hand traced down her chin and neck to her shoulder. He pushed her shirts to the side as much as he could to kiss and suck on the soft skin there. "You are wearing way too much right now. We really need more time."

"Fast is good. This is good, Dean."

Smirking, Dean snaked his hand between her legs to rub her clit. He captured her mouth in another kiss when she gasped. Mae wrapped her arms around his neck, clinging tighter to him as his clever fingers helped bring her to a quick climax. He followed suit shortly after, the first time her ability to make him come fast didn't seem out of place.

They sat together for a few minutes, forehead to forehead. Dean ran his hands up and down her back, under her shirt. The sex was good but this, the little moments of closeness they rarely shared with anyone else were better. She opened her eyes to find him looking back at her and they shared a smile. "Yeah, this is good," he finally said.

* * *

Getting in the funeral home was easy. Disabling the security system and causing a scene to distract the director was a bit more complicated. It would have been a bit easier with one more person, Mae thought, but she was more than willing to posing as a grieving widow. That was almost fun. She gave Dean enough of a window to get into the back of the building and 'procure' some dead man's blood. The ride back to the motel was not nearly as much fun as the getting to the funeral home but he supposed there were only so many personal liberties they could take when they were on the job.

If this is how things were going to be with Mae, he was certain he could put up with most of her peculiar behaviors. This wasn't like the first time they dated, and it left him just as confused as the idea of dating a normal girl would. It wasn't bad, just new. Different.

At least she seemed less jittery now. "So how have we not addressed the fact that we're dealing with a whole mess of vampires?"

Her lips quirked. "Yeah, what's next? Bigfoot."

"You didn't know they were still out there?"

"I haven't come up against one. They seem to lay pretty low. What else do you suppose is out there that we haven't even thought about being out there?"

"Damn, I don't wanna know."

"Do you think your dad is right about this gun?"

"He believes it enough to go up against the vampires and to come all the way out here from wherever he was to find it. That's good enough for me. What? You don't believe him?"

She shook her head. "No, I do. I mean, I can't remember the last time he was wrong about something like this. The idea of this gun though…can you imagine?"

"What you think if it's real and we find it and it works that this'll be all over? Like Sam?"

"No. It's just one demon. There are hundreds, maybe thousands out there. And more evil things out there, wreaking havoc. Killing one demon won't stop them all of them. And even if we could stop all of them, we're already like this. We can visit normal, but we'll never be normal. I don't see a way out of hunting. Other than the big way out."

"Good."

"Good? Dude, you're kinda twisted, you know that?"

"You're twisted."

* * *

He held the door open for her when they got back to the motel and both were rather surprised to find Sam and John not fighting but laughing instead. "Whoo! Man, there's some heavy security to protect a bunch of dead guys."

"Did you get it?" John asked.

Dean reached into his coat pocket with one hand while he dropped his keys into the pocket on the other side and pulled out a bottle in a paper bag. From the bag, he produced the bottle of blood and handed it to John, who smirked either with pride or triumph. For Dean's sake, Mae hoped it was pride. He deserved that much.

"You know what to do." He said, looking between the three young hunters as he placed the bottle down on the desk.

* * *

That night, they went after the vampires and as usual John had a plan. That plan left Dean on the road with the Impala with the hood up as he busied himself checking out what was wrong. He was feeling impatient, not scared exactly, but charged with a nervous energy. He knew that he was more prepared than most despite playing bait. So, when one of the female vampires walked up to him, he was ready. "Car trouble? Let me give you a lift... take you back to my place."

"I'll pass. I usually draw the line at necrophilia."

"Oh..." When she backhanded him, he wasn't expecting just how strong she would be, and it sent him to the ground.

Another vampire, this one larger and more intimidating certainly, came out of the woods. The female, still stronger than Dean would have guessed, grabbed him by the face and lifted him. "I don't normally get this friendly till the second date, but..." Dean retorted.

"You know, we could have some fun. I always like to make new friends."

The vampire kissed him, and he was pretty sure that Mae would take particular pleasure in killing her just for that. "Oh, sorry. I don't really stay with a chick that long. Definitely not eternity."

The tables turned when one vampire was shot through the chest and soon the female vampire was too. "Damn it." She cursed hotly.

John, Sam and Mae came out of the woods now with crossbows in hand. Sam drew his machete and stood behind the male vampire, ready to take him out if the dead man's blood wasn't enough to keep him incapacitated. John swaggered up to Kate.

"Barely even stings."

"Give it time, sweetheart. That arrow's soaked in dead man's blood. It's like poison to you, isn't it?"

While he didn't have to, Dean caught her when she passed out.

"Load her up. I'll take care of this one." John offered.

Sam only hesitated for a second before he followed Mae and Dean, leaving John to kill the other vampire.

* * *

They moved down the road, away from where they left the other vampire's body, to a more idea spot. If luck was on their side, they would be able to throw the vampires off their trail at least for a while. They had taken the woman with them and currently had her tied to a tree, still suffering from the effects of the dead man's blood.

They lit a bonfire and John and Dean were gathering a few supplies out of the truck. He handed his son a bundle. "Toss this on the fire. Saffron, skunk cabbage and trillium – it'll block our scent, and hers, until we're ready."

"Stuff stinks."

"Well, that's the idea. Dust your clothes with the ashes and you'll stand a chance of not being detected."

"You sure they'll come after her?" Sam asked.

"Yeah. Vampires mate for life. She means more to the leader than the gun. But the blood sickness is going to wear off soon, so you don't have a lot of time."

"Half hour ought to do it."

"Then I want you out of the area as fast as you can."

It wasn't an order per say but it also wasn't a real plan. It wasn't the sort of plan that John came up with to get them all in and out of a fight in one peace. Sam protested. "But –"

"Whoa, Dad, you can't take care of them all yourself."

There was a strange sort of confidence that John had when he said it, but it was somehow not entirely believable. "I'll have her, and the Colt."

"But after. We're gonna meet up, right? Use the gun together. Right?" John didn't look back at Sam. "You're leaving again, aren't you? You still want to go after the demon alone? You know, I don't get you. You can't treat us like this."

"Like what?"

"Like children."

"You are my children. I'm trying to keep you safe."

"Dad, all due respect, but, uh, that's a bunch of crap."

They would have expected that from Sam but coming from Dean, it was a rather shocking thing to hear. It wasn't untrue but it was an unexpected statement.

"Excuse me?"

Dean was loyal to a fault and Mae had been fairly certain that he would have tried to say anything to keep any combination of his family members happy. This wasn't exactly one of them but to his credit, he stood by his statement. " You know what Sammy and I've been hunting. Hell, you sent us on a few hunting trips yourself. You can't be that worried about keeping us safe."

"It's not the same thing, Dean."

"Then what is it? Why do you want us out of the big fight?"

"This demon... it's a bad son of a bitch. I can't make the same moves if I'm worried about keeping you alive."

"You mean you can't be as reckless." Dean argued.

"Look, I don't expect to make it out of this fight in one piece. Your Mother's death... it almost killed me. I can't watch my children die, too. I won't."

"What happens if you die? Dad, what happens if you die, we could've done something about it. You know, I've been thinking, I – I think maybe that Sammy's right about this one. I think we should do this together. We're stronger as a family, Dad, we just are, you know it."

"We're running out of time. You do your job and you get out of the area. That's an order."

* * *

Sam glowered in the backseat and Dean gripped the wheel righter than normal. Even in the dark, she could see his jaw working. Of course, she wasn't about to bring anything up or try to get anything out of either brother because despite the fact that the big fight seemed to have already happened, either one could boil right over. For better or worse, she didn't have to. "You could have gone with him."

There wasn't anger or poison in the word, but she could certainly imagine it as an accusation Instead, she thought he said it as sort of a petition. A plea. Because she hadn't told Dean what John had shared with her. He didn't know that they had this other connection, that she genuinely did have a reason to go with their father and get her revenge too. "I'm genuinely surprised to hear you say that Dean."

"What? You're not his kid."

Mae knew he didn't mean it in and hurtful way. She also knew that while biologically true and while there perhaps after all that had happened between her and John that she wouldn't feel any kind of familiar affection, she still did. She still felt as if she were just as much family as they once were.

"I guess I'm not, but I didn't exactly see him as being the flexible sort on this thing, did you?"

Although, Mae knew if she told him she wanted to go with him, that she needed it, and she would stop at nothing, he would have taken her. Maybe that would have been the smart thing to do. It would have given Dean some level of comfort. It might have made him worry in different ways. She'd thought about it. But the thought of parting ways with Dean, even for this, felt like it would hurt. Her heart wasn't in killing the demon, not now, no like this. She felt selfish but didn't care.

Dean was quiet. "He'll get himself killed and he doesn't care. I just don't get it."

"Of course not." Sam said from the back.

"What does that mean?"

"That you can't get it." Mae jumped in before it could escalate between the brothers.

"No, I get that he lost mom, that Sam lost Jess and you lost your husband, but we still have each other. Okay? I can understand wanting revenge. But why offer this demon more? Why should we give it more?"

He wasn't wrong. Maybe he was righter than anyone else in his family. But it didn't solve anything to do with that evening. "Yeah well… we still have those people to save, don't we?"

* * *

Breaking into the barn was getting a little too easy. Almost. Some of them had gone, undoubtedly in search of the vampire John was holding hostage. Fewer of them there would make this part of their job easier. They caught one drinking and Dean snuck up behind him. "Boo." He said before cutting off the vampire's head.

"You get the people, I'll check for others."

"Be careful."

Mae rolled her eyes. "Yes, dad."

He shook his head with a little smirk on his face before he rushed over to the cage where the rest of the people are being held captive.

"I told you I'd come back." He took the bale hook out of his pocket and popped off the remaining hinge to free the vampire's victims.

With the three of them working to decapitate the remaining vampires and getting the prisoners out of the nest and back towards the road, they finished the task quickly. They were an efficient team at this point, needing no further discussion or debate to decide that they weren't going to let John go up against the remaining vampires alone. None of them though they could just follow orders and take off. That just didn't make sense.

The trio booked it through the woods from the barn as fast as they could after they'd grabbed their blades, crossbows and bolts dipped in dead man's blood. Back on the road, as the head vampire advanced on Dean, Mae landed a shot with a crossbow bolt through the sternum.

The three hunters came running out of woods, surveying the area. John was down, hopefully not dead but it was hard to tell. Dean took aim and shot another vampire through the chest. Sam charged ahead, with blade drawn, ready to take out yet another one but he was hit back by the lead vampire and dropped his machete. Dean dropped his crossbow and dashed down to save Sam, gabbing his discarded blade in the process.

The vampire hauled Sam to his feet and wrapped his arm around the young man's neck, tight enough to have him gasping for air and prying at this arm with both hands. "Don't! I'll break his neck."

Dean stopped in his tracks but still held the machete, ready to strike. Further up the hill, Mae aimed her crossbow but found a decent shot almost impossible to make. Still, she had it leveled at the vampire just in case.

"Put the blade down."

But Dean didn't until the vampire tightened his grip on Sam's throat. He wasn't going to risk it and putting up his free hand, he reluctantly dropped the blade with a clank. The vampire cast a glance at Mae and because she couldn't make the shot, she lowered her crossbow too.

"You people. Why can't you just leave us alone. We have as much right to live as you do."

"I don't think so."

He spun around to face John, who had come to, still holding Sam in his grip.

John leveled the Colt and shot the vampire in the head. It was unclear who was more surprised by the move. He let go of Sam and he stumbled back into his brother's steadying grip.

The female vampire they'd incapacitated yelled out his name. "Luthor!"

However, the all watched in some combination of shock and horror as the vampire died, wherever evil spirit or entity or whatever left his body and he eventually collapsed to the ground. Realizing that her mate was truly and genuinely dead, the woman lunged at John, only to be pulled back by the remaining vampire. "Kate, don't!"

With vengeance in her eyes, she acquiesced, both vampires getting into their car and driving off. Mae had made her way off the hill to join the boys where they all looked at John with somewhat perturbed looks. In true John Winchester fashion, he smiled back at them.

* * *

Back at the motel, it would have been nice to catch a few hours of sleep, but it wasn't wise to stay when they had two remaining vampires who were even more pissed off now and, as John told them, had their scent for life. Instead, they were packing so they could put more distance between them and Colorado.

John walked back into the room after putting his gear in his truck. "So, boys..."

Mae held back a tiny laugh when both boys turned their attention to their father and all but saluted, despite the fact that she very nearly did the same.

"Yes, Sir." Sam said.

"You ignored a direct order back there."

"Yes, Sir."

"But we saved your ass."

Both Sam and Mae passed rather surprised sidelong glances at the man. It truly wasn't his style to backtalk his father. Anyone else, sure, but not his dad. Maybe spending so much time with Sam was rubbing off on him.

John pinned him with hard look as he evaluated what his eldest son said. But Dean stared right back, not breaking eye contact as he might have normally done.

"You're right."

"I am?"

"It scares the hell out of me. You kids are all I've got. But I guess we are stronger as a family. So... we go after this damn thing... together."

"Yes, Sir." They answered in unison.


	18. Chapter 18

John Winchester laid out what he knew about this demon. The man had obviously been busy over the past months since he fell off the grid. Mae wouldn't call the atmosphere tense exactly but it was distinctly stuffy with the four of them gathered in the room. Maybe it was the creepy mounted heads on the wall. Maybe it was the serial killer style wall of weather reports and other bits and pieces of information John had assembled on this demon.

Whatever it was, she felt a distinct pang of distress and only hoped Dean wouldn't notice. It would shift him into protective mode and she didn't need to be comforted then. She took John's statement at face value. If she'd taken a page from Sam's book, she would have interrogated him. On some level, she already knew that it was true though. She couldn't explain it. Maybe being possessed by the demon gave her some kind of insight or knowledge. Mae didn't know how she could possibly know, but she didn't doubt him. She pressed her lips together and tried to focus back on what John was telling them now.

John sat at the desk while Sam leaned against the kitchenette counter and Dean stood, regarding the Colt. Mae stood near the door, arms crossed over her chest. John gestured to the wall. "So, this is it. This is everything I know. Look, our whole lives we've been searching for this demon, right? Not a trace, just nothing until about a year ago. For the first time, I picked up a trail."

"And that's when you took off."

"Yeah. That's right. The demon must have come out of hiding or hibernation."

Dean came over to John. "Alright, so what's this trail you found?"

"It starts in Arizona, then New Jersey, California. Houses burn down to the ground. It's going after families, just like it went after us."

"Families with infants?" Sam asked.

"Yeah. The night of the kid's six month birthday."

"I was six months old that night?

John confirmed. "Exactly six months."

"So, basically, this demon is going after these kids for some reason, same way it came for me?" John wouldn't or couldn't answer that question. " So, Mom's death, Jessica – it's all cause of me?"

"We don't know that, Sam."

Despite her concern and trying to piece together the demon's interest in her—or at least why John thought this demon was the same one who'd come after her—she allowed herself a small smile as Dean stepped forward to defend Sam, even if it was from himself.

"Oh really, cause I'd say we're pretty damn sure, Dean!"

"For the last time, what happened to them is not your fault."

"Yeah, you're right, it's not my fault, but it's my problem!"

Dean yelled back at his brother. "No, it's not your problem. It's our problem!"

"Okay." John declared as he rose to his feet. "That's enough."

"So, why is it doing it? What does it want?"

"Look, I wish I had more answers. I do. I've always been one step behind it. Look, I've never gotten there in time to save..." He wasn't able to finish his statement.

Mae had been quiet for so long that when she made her way up to the wall to examine the information John had put together, she went almost unnoticed until she spoke.

"Then how can you be sure about the rest? It doesn't fit. I mean...Wilsall?" Mae finally said, in a soft, almost disbelieving voice. Sure, he'd told her he pieced it together and she more or less believed it. But seeing it laid out like this made her realize the work, the hours and hours of work that went into this. He wouldn't have brought it up if it wasn't something real and something big.

"It doesn't fit the pattern I've been using to track the thing but...yeah, I think it's the same thing. And Fairfield. All the signs were there, both times. No reports of anything like what happened to Mary or Jessica, just you. I haven't figured all of it out Mae, and I'm sorry. I don't entirely know why but… I'm sure."

Dean watched her intently, knowing he was missing a piece. But Mae wasn't. Her face went ashy and big eyes were wide as she turned back to John. "Wait, Fairfield too? I thought it was just...Are you sure? Totally sure?" She asked rapidly.

"Yeah. I'm sorry."

Mae shook her head, feeling like the room was spinning as she tried to process this additional information. "No, we weren't hunting a demon then. We thought it was some kind of shapeshifter. I remember."

"You might not remember it all, Red. We never finished that job after what happened to you."

"So what," she said angrily, "this thing kills women with 6 month olds and sets traps for me to fuck up my life? That's like it's thing? What the hell is that?"

"I told you, I don't know. If I had those answers I'd tell you. This is just what I've pieced together so far and this is the most we've ever had."

Her mouth pressed into a hard flat line, keeping a more overt display of emotion at bay. Dean wasn't sure if it was anger or tears at this point. But she didn't say anything further, only turned back to look over the information on the wall.

"Wilsall and Fairfield?" Sam asked. "What's the significance there?"

John looked to Mae. She didn't volunteer the information and John knew he'd confirmed something she might have suspected but needed time to process. "Not important right now." John said after a small sigh.

On this one, Sam didn't argue. He wasn't sure where to start. He didn't say or do anything more because he didn't want to embarrass her. "Alright, so how do we find it before it hits again?"

"There are signs. Look, it took me a while to see the pattern, but in the days before these fires, signs crop up in an area – cattle deaths, uh, temperature fluctuations, electrical storms. And then I went back and checked, and..."

"These things happened in Lawrence." Dean finished for his dad.

"The week before your Mother died. And in Palo Alto... before Jessica. And these signs - they're starting again."

"Where?" Sam asked.

"Salvation, Iowa."

Mae hadn't been listening or absorbing any of the information she'd been looking over. The room wasn't spinning but her stomach was. "Excuse me." With no other explanation, she walked out of the motel room.

After a handful of minutes, the door to the room opened and Dean exited. To his relief, Mae hadn't gone far. She was pacing just outside the door. "Hey Red."

She didn't stop moving, only giving him a slightly dismissive wave. "I needed some air. It was really hot in there."

"You okay?"

"Yeah, great. No. I don't know. This doesn't make sense."

"I can safely say I have no idea what's going on."

She sighed. "It's...the two place your dad mentioned, those were me."

"Those were you? You're mutilating cattle and starting fires now?"

Her lips twitched a bit but Mae didn't laugh. "This is bigger than I thought. I don't even know what this all means."

Reaching out with a firm hand on her shoulder, he stopped her near-frantic pacing. "Hey, babe, take a breath and talk to me. Because I don't know what your talking about."

She did but found herself still nervously twisted up over the through rolling through her mind. "The signs that your dad has been tracking. He's saying he found them before we went on the hunt where I got hurt," she gestured at her abdomen, "and before my husband was kill. Your dad thinks it's all the same thing, it's all the same demon."

"I can see that making sense."

Her response came hot. "No, it doesn't make any sense. Think about it, we've seen other patterns. Like with that kid who was killing off his family with his weird mind powers. You said the same thing that happened to your mom happened to his. Okay, but me getting hurt or my husband being killed doesn't fit."

Dean's hand smoothed down her arm until he reached her hand, taking hers in his. "Maybe it's something else. There may be other patterns and maybe it's more about us being targeted and this demon doing whatever it can to hurt us most. Think about it, all those things were the perfect sort of attack to hurt us. Or turn us in a certain direction."

Her eyes narrowed, considering his suggestion. "I...maybe. I don't know."

"Sam wouldn't have started hunting again if not for Jess. You wouldn't be here if your husband was alive."

"Okay but why would a demon want us to hunt it? If it wanted, it could have killed any one of us at any point."

"That would have been easy. This way our lives are turned upside down. I mean, Dad's been after this thing practically my whole life. The demon has been torturing him for decades. And maybe that's more important to it than killing us outright. It's a guess. I don't know but that's what makes sense to me."

"Maybe."

"Do you think he's wrong? I mean, do you have any clues or reason to believe that something else killed your husband?"

She shook her head. "Okay then. Maybe we don't get to know the reasons behind all this. I know you care about that and I wish I could give you what you want. But will it be enough to stop this thing from hurting anyone else? Like you said, we're already like this but maybe we can save some other people and get just a little revenge in the process."

He wasn't wrong and as she'd thought through this when John had initially told her he though the all had the same demon problem, she'd reached a similar conclusion. The idea that the demon, or any demon at all, had been involved in her accident didn't sit as well. "It doesn't make things different for you? Us being tied together like this?"

"Not even a little. I told you we'd go after whatever killed your husband. This means we have one less demon to hunt down. It's a good thing."

"This does not feel good."

"It's what we've got Mae."

* * *

Though he seemed more tired than the last time she saw him, John was still relentlessly driven. Given the opportunity to trade off driving with any of them, who all had been able to catch a few hours more sleep than he was, he didn't. Colorado to Iowa wasn't a short drive. It was entirely doable in a day but easier with someone else to switch off with. There were enough of them to make it all workout but he took the nearly half day of driving on himself.

Maybe he'd just become set in his ways when it came to hunting like this. Maybe being with Sam or Dean presented two different problems in spending any amount of time with either of them separately. Although Dean was probably desperate for the attention. She wasn't sure what she would have done if she'd offer to share to share the driving with John. It was either going to be painfully awkward or she was going to have to talk about things that for the time being, were better left unsaid. So maybe it was better that the three of them followed behind.

Just inside of Salvation, Iowa , John abruptly pulled off the road and Dean followed suit. The older man was obviously upset when he got out of the car and the trio only exchanged a momentary glance before they got out too.

"Damn it!"

"What is it?"

John hit his truck as he walked towards Dean. "Son of a bitch!"

"What is it?" Dean asked again.

"I just got a call from Caleb."

"Is he okay?"

"He's fine. Jim Murphy's dead." Mae supposed it didn't occur to John to sugarcoat it and she assumed it wouldn't have done any good for any of them.

"Pastor Jim?" Sam asked and John nodded in confirmation. "How?"

"Throat was slashed. He bled out." Okay, that could have used a little bit of sugarcoating, Mae thought. The idea of Jim dying was one thing but being killed…Mae couldn't quite shake off the image in her head. "Caleb said they found traces of sulfur at Jim's place."

"A demon." John's non confirmation was confirmation in and of itself. "The demon?"

"I don't know. Could be he just got – he got careless, he slipped up. Maybe the demon knows we're getting close."

Dean heard Mae curse under her breath behind him but he couldn't give her the attention he wanted to at the moment. "What do you want to do?" He asked his father.

"Now we act like every second counts. There's two hospitals and a health center in this county. We spit up, we cover more ground. I want records. I want a list of every infant that's going to be six months old in the next week."

"Dad, that could be dozens of kids. How the hell are we gonna know which one's the right one?" Sam pointed out.

"We'll check them all, that's how." Sam looked dubious. "You got any better ideas?"

"No, Sir."

John turned and started back to his truck but stopped. Dean must have heard the cessation of his foot falls and he focused back on his father. "Dad?"

"Yeah." John turned back to them, obviously upset, "It's Jim. You know, I can't..." He sighed. "This ends now. I'm ending it. I don't care what it takes."

There was something a little unsettling about seeing John like this. It wasn't that he was unfeeling or unbothered by the work; he was. He usually dealt with it by burying it away. Or booze. And none of them could judge him on that since it was a fairly common reaction for all of them. He didn't say anything more and they didn't argue. They just when back to work.

* * *

Dean dropped Mae and Sam off at Salvation Medical Center. Since there were four of them and three hospitals, Sam insisted on going with Mae, arguing that she and Dean would get too distracted if they teamed up. It wasn't true in this case, at least not as far as anything physical might go but Mae agreed to it since she couldn't guarantee that they wouldn't get caught up in something that was emotionally wrought.

Being with Dean presented her with a much desired source of comfort and that wasn't what was going to get them close to the demon. Fortunately, working together, Mae and Sam managed to identify a few possible targets the demon might go after and it didn't take them the hours and hours they thought it might take. They were walking back to the motel to meet up with John and Dean. Sam was looking through his notebook one more time when he was stopped. At first, he tried to shake it off but it just kept coming and he pressed his hand to his forehead in pain.

"Sam? Are you okay?"

He didn't respond right away until he had a break of clarity. "Another vision." He managed to bite out before the images appear in front of his eyes again.

Mae placed an arm around him, grabbing his arm firmly as she guided him to a slightly safer place. For good measure, she placed her other hand on his other arm too. His breath came a little quicker now and he idly wiped his hand on his jeans, trying to appear normal while he really wasn't.

He was appreciative of having Mae's steadying embrace but he shrugged out of it to put his notebook in his backpack and take out a map.

"A train."

"A train?"

"Yeah. I think I know who the demon is going after. I saw a woman with a baby and…there was something, someone after her. Like mom. Like Jess."

"And you saw a train?"

"No, I heard a train."

Mae held one side of the map while he held the other and looked for an area where a train ran close by a residential neighborhood.

"Here. We have to go here." He pointed to the area on the map.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, yeah…if we can stop this…"

"Okay but…are you sure you're okay?"

He was quiet a moment. "I'll be better when this thing is dead."

Mae pressed her lips together, feeling suddenly in over their heads. They were not equiped, just the two of them, to take on the demon. They didn't even have the colt with them so if Sam was right and they found the thing, it could take them out without much effort. "Maybe we should call Dean or your Dad before we…follow this vision of yours."

"No, no, we should let them focus on getting the other names of families because I could be wrong and…we just need to check it out."

"I guess. Don't pass out on me, okay? I hate dragging your dead weight around."

He grinned a little. "Deal."

* * *

She was worried about Sam. It wasn't the first vision he'd had when she was around but it was the first time she'd witnessed it happening and it was strange to watch but be unable to help. Seeing the result, his near panic and determination was even more worrisome. The one thing she knew was that letting him go off on his own didn't seem like a good option. He wasn't going to stop if she decided not to go with him. So she had to go with him.

They made their way to the most likely neighborhood he'd seen in the vision. They had picked up their pace to a light jog down the street when he stopped and the next one hit. This time, he grasped at her sleeve to balance himself.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah. It's got to be close. The visions are stronger the closer we get so…" He paused again, looking around when he saw the house that looked just like the one from his vision. "There."

"There? That's the house?"

"Do you always have to repeat what I'm saying as a question like I'm crazy?"

"Dude, you're the one getting demon-grams piped in to your brain, not me. I'm just tryin' to keep up."

He took a breath and nodded. "Yeah, sorry I—Her! Mae, that's the woman from my vision!"

Once again, he grasped her sleeve, a little more desperately than before as he pointed out a woman pushing a stroller down the street.

"Okay, don't freak her out by being... all crazy."

He didn't let go of her arm while he made them jog over to the woman.

"Hi. Here, let me hold that for you." It was almost normal and natural as he took hold of the stroller to let the woman close up her umbrella. "You don't need that anymore."

The woman laughed. "Oh, thanks."

Casual wasn't exactly working for Sam. He was still a little panicky and slightly out of breath as he looked in the stroller at the baby. "She's gorgeous. Is she yours?"

Mae elbowed him slightly and fortunately it went unnoticed by the woman. "Yeah."

"Oh, wow. Hi. I'm sorry, I'm rude. I'm Sam and this is Mae. We just moved in up the block. " He draped an arm over her shoulder, hoping that they looked more like a couple, rather than just two random strangers approaching this woman on her own. He was a little surprised when she put her arm around his waist in return.

He held out a hand which, she shook. "Oh, hey, I'm Monica."

"Monica." Sam repeated and of course they both tried to recall if it Monica was one of the names on either of their lists.

"This is Rosie."

"Rosie." He repeated before turning to the baby. "Hi, Rosie."

"She really is adorable." Mae added with a reassuring smile.

"Yeah, so welcome to the neighborhood."

"Thank you. She's such a good baby."

"I know, I mean, she never cries. She just stares at everybody. Sometimes she looks at you and I swear it's – it's like she's reading your mind."

"What about you, Monica? Have you lived here long?" Sam asked.

"Uh, my husband and I, we bought our place just before Rosie was born."

"How old is Rosie?"

"She's six months today. It's big, right? Growing like a weed."

"Oh wow. They don't stay little for long, do they?"

"Do the two of you have kids?"

"Not yet, but maybe soon." Mae said, trying to make them sound like a normal couple.

Sam spoke up. "Monica..."

"Yeah?"

"Just, uh, just take care of yourself, okay?"

"Yeah, you too, Sam. Mae. We'll see you around both around."

"Yeah, definitely."


	19. Chapter 19

"Hey, come get us." Mae was abrupt, not even exchanging the barest of pleasantries before moving on to business.

"Listen, you don't get brownie points for finishing first. There's two of you—"

"Shut up dude. We know who the demon is going after. Come get us, okay?"

"How do you know."

"You're not gonna like it."

"Great."

"Sam had a vision."

"Another one?"

"Yeah and now we're stalking that family but since this was a research trip, we've only got minimal supplies and no plan so unless you want us to hoof it back to the motel…"

"Yeah. Is he okay?" Mae was quiet just a little too long for Dean's comfort. "Is he?"

"Physically yeah but it's…weird, okay? And concerning and I don't know if he's really alright but maybe this saves this family and maybe that's enough. So, yeah, I don't know how okay he is or not but he's okay."

"That was a little frantic sounding Maes. Are you okay?"

She sighed. "I'm fine, just a little…. I don't know. So, come get us and we'll put an end to this thing once and for all."

* * *

She imagined that the speed with which he came to them was even faster than it appeared, only because of the look on Dean's face when she and Sam got in. He didn't ask again how either of them were at that point because, ultimately, it didn't matter. Even if things were terrible, there wasn't anything Dean could do to stop or fix it.

Dean had called his dad on the way to get Sam and Mae. He refrained from grilling Sam on the way to the motel, saving it until they were all together.

With a hand to her shoulder, Dean paused Mae on her way inside. "Hey, is everything ...okay?" Her eyebrow quirked up and a hint of a smile touched her lips for a few seconds. "You know what I mean."

She tucked her hands into the pockets of her jeans and rocked on her heels a bit. "Yeah, it's fine. The lady...Monica and her baby-Rosie-weren't on my list and he's sure about what he saw. I mean, he hasn't been wrong so far."

"I wish..."

"What?"

"I don't know. I guess I just have a bad feeling about this all around."

"Me too. I'm way out of my depth here. I know it should be simple, clear cut but I can't get over... how important this is to us."

"We gotta ignore that for now."

"When you're able to do that, let me know."

Dean tried to laugh a bit. Instead, her cupped her cheek and angled her face to press kiss to her mouth. "God, I would love to take a few minutes and burn off this feeling with you."

"As enticing an offer as that sounds, I'm not screwing you in the room where your brother is or here in the parking lot." There was, however, a twinkle in her eye. Mae then wrapped her around his neck and pulled herself flush against his body to kiss him with more passion than their earlier kiss.

* * *

Mae and Dean had little alone time before John arrived at the motel and they gathered in the room. Sam sat at the table, rubbing his head as if that would ease the visions. He still took the time then to update John and Dean on what happened. Dean was more familiar with the visions and didn't hesitate in believing that Sam had seen the right woman, the right house, and they should follow that lead. John needed more.

Dean had poured himself a cup of coffee before taking a seat on one of the beds and pat the space beside him, trying to encourage Mae to sit next to him. Having her near physically near was comforting but he noticed she only seemed willing to indulge in that when they were alone. She shook her head and stood cross armed in the kitchenette area. It seemed to Dean that this time, rather than avoiding him, she was standing guard over his brother. While she'd witnessed a vision, it had only been one and they had been dealing with their own issues at the time. It was possible she was more shaken by the experience than she had indicated.

"A vision?" John's tone denoted both disbelief and annoyance.

"Yes. I saw the demon burning a woman on the ceiling."

Mae moved to the sink, pouring a glass of water that she set down for Sam. She knew it wasn't going to fix anything, but it might give him a bit of a distraction.

John still sounded unconvinced. "Alright, and you think it's going to happen to this woman you met because...?"

"Because these things happen exactly the way I see them."

Dean stood, walking behind Sam and joining Mae while he got another cup of coffee. "It started out as nightmares, and then he started having them while he was awake."

"Yeah. It's like - I don't know, it's like the closer I get to anything involving the demon the stronger the visions get.

John tuned his attention more towards Dean. "Alright, when were you gonna tell me about this?"

The three looked back at him. Dean spoke up first. "We didn't know what it meant."

"Alright, something like this start happening to your brother you pick up the phone and you call me."

Now Dean turned back, putting his mug down on the counter, a little disbelieving and more than a little angry at the order. "Call you?" he scoffed, "Are you kidding me? Dad, I called you from Lawrence, alright? Sam called you when I was dying. I mean, getting you on the phone – I got a better chance of winning the lottery."

There was tension on all sides of this and to his credit, Dean stood his ground but didn't really start yelling, like Sam might have. All the same, Mae put a hand on Sam's shoulder, in part to keep him in his place and in part to offer a little bit of support and she squeezed the tense muscles there. Sam covered her hand but didn't remove it from his shoulder. Instead he squeezed back. He didn't want to be fussed over, but he found her oddly comforting. Then she slipped back, against the counter.

"You're right. Although I'm not real crazy about this new tone of yours, you're right. I'm sorry."

It was a rare apology and enough for all of them to stand down. Sam started speaking again and Dean joined Mae. If she wasn't going to join him, they he was going to come to her. Out of sight of either John or Sam, Mae reached over and grabbed Dean's hand, squeezing his hand too. This moment when no one was fighting, his Dad had admitted that Dean was in the right, and everything was exactly where he wanted them with Mae. If it weren't for the demon, everything would be perfect, he thought.

"Look, guys, visions or no visions the fact is that we know the demon is coming tonight. And this family is going to go through the same hell that we went through."

"No, they're not. No one is... ever again."

Sam's phone rang, which was kind of strange because the majority of people who could be calling him were in the room. He picked up. "Hello?"

He paused, confused. "Who is this?"

As he listened to whomever was calling, Mae felt a distinct chill curl around her spine and she tried to take a step back, instinctively sliding a little closer to Dean. He wasn't sure if she wanted him to put his arm over her shoulders and draw her into a protective embrace but had the distinct impression that she would try to get out of it. Instead, he eased a closer, placing his free hand against the small of her back.

"Meg." Sam said.

They'd seen her hit the pavement. The woman was supposed to be dead, not calling Sam up. John stood as Sam continued. "Last time I saw you, you fell out of a window." He paused to listen before responding. "Just your feelings? That was a seven-story drop."

Sam paused and looked over to his father who was moving closer. "My Dad. I don't know where my Dad is."

It sounded like a terrible lie and even had they not been in the room, both Mae and Dean would have known it was a lie. John didn't seem to care, he just held his hand out expectantly until Sam handed over the phone. John walked to the other side of the room.

"This is John." He listened to whatever Meg was saying until he stopped his movement. "I'm here."

John's expression turned to what one might call fear if it wasn't on John's face, Mae thought. She had a difficult time believing that anything Meg might say would genuinely scare the man.

"Caleb?" Whether Meg was with Caleb or just knew about their old friend, it was a terrible turn of events and it made all three of the younger hunters feel a similar sense of dread. "Caleb. You listen to me. He's got nothing to do with anything. You let him go."

Another pause from John as he listened. "I don't know what you're talking about." He listened again. "Caleb...Caleb!"

He turned back to the kids, pissed off and worried all at the same time. "I'm gonna kill you, you know that?" He said to Meg John started to pace again, angrier now but then as Meg said whatever she was saying to him, he seemed more defeated. He sighed. " Okay." He finally said. "I said okay." He repeated at Meg's prodding. "I'll bring you the Colt."

They were stunned. After everything they had done to get their hands on that damn gun, John was just going to hand over the Colt to the girl who'd tried to kill them once and clearly wasn't entirely human since she should have been dead too.

"It's gonna take me about a day's drive to get there." A small pause. "That's impossible. I can't get there in time, and I can't just carry a gun on a plane."

John closed his eyes in frustration and anger before he hung up moments later.

* * *

They had their assignment; Mae and Dean were heading to an antique store in town, hoping that they could find an antique Colt that could pass. Sam and John were putting together the supplies they would both need while Sam told their Dad in on everything else, they knew about Meg.

"I've never seen your dad like that before."

Dean didn't say anything, but she watched his jaw work and since he was trying to put on a brave front, it made his concern all the more obvious.

"You okay?" she asked in a softer voice.

"I'm—" he sighed, "I don't know Mae."

She reached over and placed a hand on his knee. Dean glanced over at the redhead, green eyes softening. He wished that having her there felt as reassuring as it normally did. He was still glad to have her there, grateful for her touch but that feeling was outweighed by his worry for his father, his brother, and her as well.

"It's…" She was going to tell him that it was going to be okay, but she wasn't sure that it was or that she could say it convincingly. "We'll get through this." She said instead.

"Meg is going after everyone who's ever helped us. Anyone we love. And I don't see how that doesn't mean you too."

That had thrown her off. He wasn't wrong but it hadn't occurred to her that Meg could come after her, simply as a way to torment and manipulate the Winchesters. "I don't see how she'd going to do a damn thing to me when she'd waiting for you Dad."

Dean cleared his throat. "Maybe there are others. The devas or other demons. You're not safe. I'm having second thoughts about you doing this with us."

"Don't start with me on this bullshit Dean."

"It's not bullshit. I don't want you getting hurt."

"I'm a hunter. I was raised to do this, same as you and Sam. And it's not like this demon didn't throw my life into chaos just like Sam and your Dad. You're not pulling this with either of them."

"I would though. Mae, babe, I don't want to end up like Sam or Dad. I don't know what I'd do if I saw you...burning on the ceiling like mom or Jess."

"Well I'm not Jess. Or your mom. I've got something that Pastor Jim and Caleb didn't have which is that I know that I could be a target. And I know exactly what I'd do if this demon did what it did to me and my husband again."

"Mae—"

"No. You don't know what happened, okay? Not the details. If you think that I'm going sit on the sidelines for this just to pacify your ego, you're wrong. I'd rather do this together because...because I'd rather die that kill someone else I love."

"You won't."

"Hey, we don't know one way or another. Maybe this demon goes after your dad or Sam or you or me. We don't know. I do know that I still remember stabbing my husband over and over again, while he begged me to stop, feeling his warm blood go cold on my hands, the way it tasted when it splashed in my mouth. He had no idea what was happening, only that one moment he had been attacking me and the next, his wife was...I was killing him, and he was still trying not to hurt me as he tried to stop me. He couldn't overpower me and even after it was too late to save him, I couldn't even control myself enough to make it quick. He died slowly and painfully and... his last moments were...horrific."

What was he supposed to say to her? Was he supposed to comfort her or tell her that couldn't happen again? He couldn't and he knew she was right. It was just as likely that he would be used against her as it was that she would be used against him.

"So... that is what's going through my head when we're talking about going up against this demon. Maybe you need to sit this out because I'm having second thoughts about you being here."

"I... I don't know what to say here."

"I know. Listen, we're stronger together, right? " She pinned him with a determined stare. "It's a bad idea for your dad to do this on his own but who know that Meg won't just kill whoever goes with him if someone else joined him. We can't start splitting up more now. We're in it together and at least if we don't go it alone, we know if they're safe or not."

He grabbed her hand off his leg and pressed a kiss to the back it, squeezing a little tighter than necessary. "I love you Mae."

Again, she felt a little blindsided by the thoughts running through his head that he was telling her. "Oh my God… this…this isn't the time for that."

"I need to tell you."

She knew he loved her, and she loved him. It should have been easy to say it back, but it caught in her throat, as if saying those words aloud was a curse, not a pledge. "Then tell me after, okay? For Christ sake, tell me after sex or in the middle of sex like a normal person."

He scoffed. "Are you serious?"

"Yes, I'm serious." But her voice was lighter now, almost jovial. "Right now, it is not acceptable for you to say that outside out being naked and sweaty. This is just a job. We do the job and then we do the next one. Let's just do that."

"You are seriously a weird chick."

"I'm just saying that the last time we had to run an errand together, you got laid. This time you got all… heavy."

"Yeah, yours was more fun."

Still, she undid her seat belt and slid next to him so she could rest her head on his shoulder. It wasn't the words, but he knew that she meant the same thing.

* * *

John and Sam were at the meeting place, beside the railroad tracks, loading up John's weapon locker when Mae and Dean pulled up. They both got out as John approached them. "Did you get it?"

Dean took out a brown paper bag from his jacket as he walked over to John and Sam. He handed it to his father and John took the fake Colt out of the bag. "You know this is a trap, don't you? That's why Meg wants you to come alone."

"I can handle her. I got a whole arsenal loaded – holy water, Mandaic amulets..." His reasoning was pretty similar to Mae's and it was just as disconcerting.

"Dad..."

"What?"

"Promise me something?"

"What's that?"

"This thing goes south, just get the hell out. Don't get yourself killed, alright? You're no good to us dead."

"Same goes for you. Alright, listen to me." John took the real Colt out of his jacket pocket. "They made the bullets special for this Colt. There's only four of them left. Without them, this gun is useless. You make every shot count."

"Yes, Sir." Sam said.

"I've been waiting a long time for this fight. Now it's here, and I'm not gonna be in it. It's up to you kids now. It's your fight, you finish this. You finish what I started. You understand?"

Sam nodded but Dean didn't exactly want to give that commitment, knowing what his father was implying. John handed Dean the real gun and he tucked it safely in his jacket pocket.

"We'll see you soon, Dad."

John tried to reassure Dean with a smile and a nod. Then he put his hand on Sam's shoulder.

"Take care, John." Mae said.

It should have been creepy but when he smiled and gave her a little wink in return, it was actually somewhat encouraging. "I'll see you later."

He turned away, got in his truck and drove off before Dean could speak again. "Later."


	20. Chapter 20

Dean, Mae, and Sam sat in the Impala, parked across the street from Monica's house. Watching and waiting for the demon to make an appearance. They all felt a strange mix of boredom and nervous anticipation in the air.

"Maybe we can tell them there's a gas leak. Might get them out of the house for a few hours." Sam offered.

"Yeah, and how many times has that actually worked for us?"

"Yeah." He thought on it. "Could always tell them the truth."

The other two hunters just looked him before giving a dismissal in unison.

"I know. I know, I know. It's just – with what's coming for these people..."

"Sam, we only got one move, and you know it, alright? We got to wait for that demon to show itself, and then... we get it before it gets them."

"We've got strength in numbers and this family has us. We're not going to let the same thing happen here." Mae said. While she didn't have the same experience the boys did, she knew that it was possible that experience was making them less than objective on this issue. If they were lucky, that would work in their favor. If they weren't, things could turn south.

Sam sighed a little. "I wonder how Dad's doing?"

"I'd feel a lot better if we were there backing him up."

"I'd feel a lot better if he were here backing us up."

There wasn't much more to say as the hours ticked by all too slowly. The family sat down to dinner, watched a little TV and finally settled in for the night. They watched the husband close the downstairs curtains. "This is weird."

"What?" Dean asked.

"After all these years, we're finally here. It doesn't seem real."

"We just got to keep our heads and do our job, like always." He was saying all the right things but his face, his eyes told a different story. As much as she was trying to distance herself from this whole situation, she couldn't help but want to comfort him. Or give him something that made him more passionate about the fight. Maybe, she thought, she was hoping that if he mustered up the same enthusiasm Sam had, she could follow suit. Frankly, she understood how Dean was feeling more than she did Sam. She understood Dean.

"Yeah, but this isn't like always."

"True."

"Dean, uh... I want to thank you."

"For what?"

"For everything. You've always had my back, you know? Even when I couldn't count on anyone, I could always count on you. And now... I don't know. I just wanted to let you know. Just in case."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Are you kidding me?"

There were a lot of times when she didn't want to interrupt the boys and this was one of those times when she was torn between reminding Dean that he'd offered up a similar sentiment and she'd shut him down in kind, for the same reasons.

"What?"

"Don't say just in case something happens to you. I don't want to hear that freakin' speech, man. Nobody's dying tonight. Not us, not that family, nobody... Except that demon. That evil son of a bitch isn't getting any older than tonight, you understand me?"

She leaned forward and whispered in his right ear, just loud enough for him to hear. "See? Not everyone wants heartfelt emotional vomit. Doesn't mean all that stuff isn't true."

It wasn't the 'I love you too' he was hoping for, especially considering the fact that he'd already showed his hand. Maybe if she were any other woman, he would have worried more about it. The fact of the matter was, he knew she loved him. He knew that she'd do for him the exact same thing he'd do for her to make her happy or save her life. While he wanted her to say it back, he didn't need it and he didn't need to press her.

Instead, they fell back into a reflective silence. He only let it last about ten minutes before he took out his phone and called his dad. It was dark but Mae kept her focus, perhaps a little too much on Dean. She knew she was a little too tuned into Dean's emotions and reactions right then. Sam's too but her concern for Dean was startling to even her. Once, twice, and finally three times he dialed the number before he hung up. "Dad's not answering."

It bothered her a little that she knew, just by the angle of his head that he was distinctly trying not to think up worse case scenarios. It wasn't the time or the place to let those things run through his mind, but she knew those worrying thoughts hovered just at the edge of his brain.

"Maybe Meg was late. Maybe cell reception's bad."

"Yeah, well..."

They turned their attention back to the house. Unexpectedly, the radio, which had been off, started to crackle with static, interference and indistinct voices.

"Dean, wait." Sam turned the dial. "Listen."

All of the stations were the same, the same noise and interference. The wind started to pick up, scattering leaves haphazardly along the pavement before the lights started to flicker frantically. That made the adrenaline pick up for all of them. Dean looked at Sam.

"It's coming."

They jumped out of the car without hesitation and ran up to the house. At the front door, Dean leaned down to pick the lock in no time. He held the door open for Sam and Mae before he quietly closed it.

Sam walked a little further into the house, trying to gauge where things might be, where they needed to go next. It was an unfamiliar layout, so they needed to get their bearings before they charged head long into something and they were all on high alert. Mae made her way past Sam quietly. However, her attention was drawn back and away from the stairs when she heard the smash of something. At first, she worried that one of the boys had carelessly knocked something over.

Unfortunately, the man who screamed 'Get out of my house' meant that they weren't completely getting away with their entrance into the house. But just as quickly as they'd been surprised by the man, Dean had him pinned up against the wall with the bat.

"Mr. Holt, please!" Sam tried to calm him.

"Be quiet and listen to me. Be quiet and listen to me. We're trying to help you, okay?"

"We're not here to hurt you or your family." Mae added.

Monica called down from upstairs. "Charlie, is everything okay down there?"

"Monica, get the baby!" Charlie yelled back.

"Don't go in the nursery!" Sam warned before he took off, making his way upstairs.

"You stay away from her!"

Charlie tried to break away from Dean but instead of trying to reason with him again, Dean hit him, knocking him out with one blow. He lifted the other man up and over his shoulder.

"Mae, come here. Stay out here with him." Dean ordered.

She was a bit taken aback but she still followed him outside. "Dean—"

"I said stay and keep an eye on him."

He knew he might pay for ordering her like that, but he knew he was right just as much as he wanted to keep her out of that house and away from the demon. Since it didn't tend to go after men, he figured Mae was safer out there. She gave him a hard glare but didn't argue as she crouched next to the unconscious man.

Back in the house, Monica had gone into the nursery where she found a man standing at her baby's crib. Suddenly, she was pinned against the wall and was moving up towards the ceiling when Sam burst in. He only hesitated for a moment before the demon flashed a pair of yellow eyes at him. He shot and had demon not vanished. Monica dropped back down to the ground. "Where the hell did it go?"

"My baby! Rosie!"

Sam helped Monica to her feet and tried to get over to the baby. "Hey, no."

Dean burst in, running right past Sam. There was no time for questions or anything else once he made his assessment of the situation. "Get her out of here! I got it!"

Sam pulled Monica out of the room while Dean gently grabbed Rosie out of her crib. Monica screamed for her baby. "Dean's got her!" Sam reassured.

And he did. He pulled the baby out of the crib only moments before it burst into flames.

From outside the house, those minutes ticked by like hours and even after Charlie Holt came to, she threatened to knock him right back out. He wouldn't have taken her seriously if he hadn't found the redhead to be unexpectedly strong and more than able to hold him in place. It wasn't until the nursery window exploded in flames that she was willing to say to hell with her 'assignment' and go in after the boys.

She was relieved when Sam and Monica came out the front door with Dean right behind them, holding Rosie.

She let him go, knowing that seeing his family safe and sound would likely clam him down. "You get away from my family!" he yelled.

"No, Charlie, don't!" Monica corrected. "They saved us! They saved us."

She turned to Dean who handed her the infant before she turned into her husband's arms. "Thank you." She said.

Sam frowned, turning to look at the house. He'd tried to kill the demon, had been so certain that his shot would do just that. However, to his surprise, as he looked up at the flaming window, he saw that same shadowy figure looking down at them. "It's still in there."

Reason left the young man and he lunged toward the house only to be stopped by his brother who shoved him back. "Sam, no!"

"Dean, let me go! It's still in there!"

"It's burning to the ground! It's suicide!"

"I don't care!"

"I do!"

"Guys, stop!" Mae yelled, pointing out that the demon was gone again.

* * *

They had failed. Well, they had saved the family, and if the demon kept to pattern, they were safe since the baby was a day older than 6 months now. There will still other families, in this town, in other towns. Maybe they should scour the list again and see if they might find another family that could be targeted, Mae wondered. But Sam hadn't had another vision and it wasn't clear that the demon would try again in the same place.

All of them would have gladly been dressed down for not killing the demon, for using a bullet and not hitting he target. Back at the motel, there was way more frustration and blanket anger than perhaps any other time the three of them had been together without John. Dean paced back and forth as he tried to call their dad once again.

Mae had mostly let go of her annoyance with Dean over ordering her out of the house to play babysitter. There wasn't really time to be pissed off once the boys had told her what happened inside. Instead, she sat on one of the beds, legs extended and back against the headboard. She felt needlessly tired now. She had been primed for a fight that never happened. Rather, that energy transformed into the edgy restlessness. Dean acted it out, but her muscles itched with the need to do something, anything, while her mind wanted to shut down. Mae took a few moments for herself, to re-center and try to figure out what this had all been about. Sam sat on the other bed, just sat and stared at the floor.

"Come on, Dad. Answer your phone, damn it." He stopped pacing. "Something's wrong. You hear me? Something's happened."

"If you had just let me go in there, I could have ended all this." There was something disturbingly detached about his tone but getting involved in whatever the boys were going to argue about was not worth the stress, Mae decided. They needed to blow off steam too.

"Sam, the only thing you would have ended was your life."

"You don't know that."

"So, what? You're just willing to sacrifice yourself, is that it?"

"Yeah. Yeah, you're damn right I am."

"Yeah, well, that's not going to happen – not as long as I'm around."

"What the hell are you talking about, Dean? We've been searching for this demon our whole lives. It's the only thing we've ever cared about."

"Sam, I want to waste it. I do, okay? But it's not worth dying over."

"What?"

"I mean it. If hunting this demon means you getting yourself killed - then I hope, we never find the damn thing. Right Mae?"

"I—I am not—I don't know."

"Really? That thing killed your husband. That thing killed Jess. That thing killed Mom.

"You said it yourself once – that no matter what we do, they're gone. And they're never coming back."

Sam grabbed Dean and slammed him up against the wall, pinning him there. " Don't you say that! Don't you... not after all this, don't you say that. You wouldn't say that if Mae were dead."

Mae surged to her feet when Sam shoved him up against the wall. Sure, the boys fought, they yelled, they rough housed on rare occasion, they might even throw a punch but there was never this sort of raw violence. It scared her a bit.

"Sam, look... The four of us, that's all we have. And that's all I have." They were both emotional, close to tears. "Sometimes I feel like I'm barely holding it together, man." Sam let him go and pat the front of Dean's shirt. "Without you…Mae… Dad..."

He turned away from his brother. "Dad. He should have called by now. Try him again."

Dean did so. This time, he got an answer, but it wasn't his dad. "Where is he?"

Mae wasn't sure if he got a good answer because he hung up his phone without much more conversation. "They've got Dad."

"Meg?" Dean nodded, "What'd she say?"

"I just told you, Sammy." He was noticeably upset and not particularly able to pull it together all the way, "Okay. Okay."

Dean grabbed the Colt, tucking it into the back of his jeans.

"What are you doing, Dean?"

Now he grabbed his duffel bag. "We got to go."

"Why?"

He rushed to put his jacket on. "Because the demon knows we're in Salvation, alright. It knows we got the Colt. It's got Dad – it's probably coming for us next."

"Good. We've still got three bullets left. Let it come."

"Listed, tough guy, we're not ready, okay? We don't know how many of them are out there. Now, we're no good to anybody dead. We're leaving... now!"

Sam knew his brother was at the point where arguing with him wasn't going to do any good and he wasn't likely to say him in any way. Sam gathered up the rest of their things as quickly as possible. Mae however stepped up to Dean. She wasn't planning on fighting him. "What?" He asked, prepared for that fight.

"Listen, we need you to keep your head."

"I am. I swear, I am but this is the right choice."

"I'm not arguing that."

"Then what?"

She took a breath. "I—you know I feel like there's something I should say or do to make you feel better, but I don't know what that is. I—I just kind of suck at that part of things and I really wanna be able to but, well I guess we're both going to have to settle for my half assed attempt."

It made him smile, just a little. A tiny reprieve from the urgency and panic he was feeling in the moment. He leaned in to press a sweet kiss to her mouth. "You know, that was pretty good baby. I know you don't want me to say it but uh… well, I guess I'm just glad you're with me."

"Me too."

* * *

They cleared the room down quickly, leaving it as pristine as it was when they arrived. Dean didn't keep his anxieties under wrap as he sped off and she found herself worrying a bit more against him whenever he took a corner too fast.

"I'm telling you, Dean, we could have taken him."

"What we need is a plan. Now, they're probably keeping Dad alive, we just gotta figure out where. They're gonna wanna trade him for the gun." Sam shook his head. "What?"

"Dean, if that were true, why didn't Meg mention a trade? Dad, he might be..."

"Don't!" Dean scolded.

"Look, I don't want to believe it any more than you. But if he is, all the more reason to kill this damn thing. We still have the Colt. We can still finish the job."

"Screw the job, Sam!"

"Dean, I'm just trying to do what he would want. He would want us to keep going."

"Quit talking about him like he's dead already. Listen to me, everything stops until we get him back, you understand me? Everything."

Sam paused to think. "So how do we find him?"

"Maybe we go to Lincoln. Start at the warehouse where he was taken."

"Come on, Dean, you really think these demons are going to leave a trail?"

"You're right. We need help. You're not gonna like it." He said, catching Mae's eyes in the rear-view mirror.

They drove through the night, rolling into Sioux Falls early in the morning. Dean wasn't exactly right; While she wasn't wild about going home but she wasn't fighting it, not this time. They were dealing with a demon and there wasn't anyone else she'd have them go to for help. She hoped this time he'd offer more than the last time she asked. It was different now, right?

* * *

The place looked the same. There might have been more junk since the last time she was there, but it was hard to tell. The Rottweiler was new but reminded her a bit of the one they'd had when she was younger. It was on a chain but lay lazily on the hood of the tow truck. The dog didn't bother them when they got out of the car, but Mae stopped. She found her breath stick in her throat a bit. It wasn't nerves, she told herself. She wanted it to be nervous rather than embarrassment. The fight they'd had last time was notably one sided.

"You good?"

Sam was already headed towards the house, but Dean stopped when he looked over at Mae. She looked a bit like a dear caught in the head lights. "I'm not sure."

"You can stay out here."

She turned to him rather sharp eyed. "Dude, you already put me outside like a bad dog last night. I'm not sitting in the car waiting for you to finish up with my uncle. I'm an adult and I can deal with this. I mean, Jesus, I can be in a room with you and your dad, in all my awkward glory. I can deal with this so just…back off."

He surprised a grin because he found her insanely cute like this. Sam had already knocked, and Bobby had answered by the time she and Dean were walking up to the door. Yep, she thought, awkward and weird when she saw Bobby on the porch.


	21. Chapter 21

Bobby was mostly the same. The house was mostly the same. Just a bit shabbier on both fronts. That was somehow comforting. He greeted both boys as if they were on another regular visit, that it hadn't been years since they all been in the same room. She supposed that the boys had some trepidation about coming to Bobby for help. John didn't have a great track record with other hunters so it shouldn't have been a surprise. All though, she thought, this one wasn't all John's fault. She wasn't sure if she should expect him to feel as awkward as she did, but he embraced her, nonetheless.

"I'd been a long time. Good to see you girl."

"Yeah, you too."

"So, I gotta admit I'm pretty surprised to see you kids here, all together again."

Mae sighed. "Yeah well…it's a long story and I'm not sure that we have the time to get into the weeds on this one right now. So, I'll cut to the chase here; we're hunting a demon and it's got John."

"We need help on this one." Dean added.

"C'mon in."

Mae hesitated again until Dean's hand pressed to the small of her back. He didn't push or force her forward. It was more about comfort, but it wasn't until his fingers eased under the hem of her shirt to touch bare skin that she was jostled into movement. She passed an assessing glance over to Dean who only gave her a little wink as he closed the door.

She wasn't sure it was intentional. If he wasn't, it was exceptionally well timed. But if that gesture was something he planned, well, he knew her better than she thought or knew the right level of support and discomfort she needed to be convinced to go in. The thought made her stomach tremble as she found herself perpetually unprepared for the potential depth of this relationship.

The three walked in and settled into the once familiar house, awkwardly at first. There were more books, stacked pretty much everywhere. Growing up, the house had always been a library of paranormal reference materials but back then, it was a little neater. Mae understood it, at least a little but all the same, it looked like a backwards slide into the darker side of the life. The whole place told her that he probably didn't have very many guests let alone anyone who would care about the state of things.

Her mind wandered back to Dean as she watched him mill a bit while Bobby stepped out of the room. Her emotions were pulling her in directions she had no interest in going. But the house was a minefield of memories. Memories, worry, and question. Between Dean and Sam, John, Bobby, and herself, she felt more exposed on this job than ever before. Mae knew she needed to focus on one thing, what they needed to do next, and not think too much about what happened if something went wrong. She didn't need to let that focus turn back to old history.

Mae lingered in the doorway as Dean followed Bobby and Sam lingered over the books. Dean had provided the quick and dirty rundown of the past few days and months that brought them to Bobby Singer's doorstep. After which, Bobby retrieved a large book from a specific stack. He brought it to Sam who sat down at the messy desk to read. The older man caught her eyes roaming over the room and saw the judgment implicit in the look. He held her gaze as if daring or perhaps expecting her to proffer her opinion. But she remained quiet.

He moved once more to retrieve something else that the kids could only guess at. When he returned moments later, he was carrying two round silver flasks with crosses on them and handed one to Dean. "Here you go."

"What is this – holy water?"

"That one is." He held out the other flask. "This is whiskey."

He took a swig of whiskey and handed it to Dean, who also took a drink. "Bobby, thanks. Thanks for everything. To tell you the truth, I wasn't sure we should come."

Her eyes flicked back up to Dean. At no point in time did he indicate to her, or Sam for that matter, that he had any hesitation about coming to Bobby. There had been no arguing the idea with Dean on what to do next, even if she'd had a better idea. He was in that single-minded mood. Not that she blamed him, but she found the l confession of doubt reassuring.

"Nonsense, your Daddy needs help."

"Well, yeah, but last time we saw you, I mean, you did threaten to blast him full of buckshot. Cocked the shotgun and everything."

Another interesting bit of information she'd never had before. Mae could guess why her uncle, who had raised her and was more like a father, would threaten to shoot John. It was all quite protective, if misguided. Even if Bobby had the full details, Mae wasn't sure it would have mattered to him. Just like any bad blood didn't matter now when it came to saving John. She wasn't sure if she should be flattered or offended that her uncle tried to defend her honor. She appreciated that it was a line John crossed that her uncle couldn't tolerate.

If either man looked back at her, Mae didn't know because she refused to meet either possible gaze. Her eyes focused on the imaginary but obviously fascinating thing in the corner. She knew that her face burned a hot red, not because she felt particularly embarrassed by the long past though torrid history but because she hadn't realized something more had gone down between John and Bobby.

"Yeah, well, what can I say? John just has that effect on people."

At the time, the threat hadn't made complete sense but, in that moment, he realized Mae must have told her uncle the truth. The timeline was murky for him, but he could hardly blame Bobby for being paternal. Hell, on the other side of things now, he might have made the same threat. Almost. He looked over to the young woman and he felt a distressing tightness around his heart, knowing he was more in love with her than he was ready for.

"Yeah, I guess he does."

"None of that matters now. All that matters is that you get him back."

Sam spoke up. "Bobby, this book... I've never seen anything like it."

Bobby came over and sat on the corner of the desk. "Key of Solomon? It's the real deal, alright."

Dean didn't join them right away. Instead, he stepped beside Mae again. "You okay?" He asked quietly, running his hand firmly from her shoulder down her arm.

Her eyes closed at his touch. There was something a little shaky behind her eyes when she looked back at him, but she nodded all the same. "Yeah. Don't worry about me so much. I'm good."

"Would it be a bad move if I kissed you right now?"

Her lips twisted just a bit as she cast her downwards. "I don't know but I'm pretty sure we should stay focused here."

He certainly thought about doing it just to get her to blush deeper, maybe loosen up a bit. The reason he only squeezed her hand was he didn't know if it the move would backfire on him and there was too much going on right now to risk it.

The pair were brought out of their momentary aside by Bobby and Sam. "And these, uh, these protective circles. They really work?"

"Hell, yeah. You get a demon in - they're trapped. Powerless. It's like a Satanic roach motel.

"Man, knows his stuff."

"I'll tell you something else, too. This is some serious crap you kids stepped in."

"Oh, yeah? How's that?" Sam asked.

"Normal year, I hear of, say, three demonic possessions. Maybe four, tops."

"Yeah?"

"This year I hear of 27 so far. You get what I'm saying? More and more demons are walking among us – a lot more."

Mae felt that knowing twinge start in the base of her spine and start to creep up as her uncle spoke.

"Do you know why?"

"No, but I know it's something big. The storm's coming, and you boys, Mae, your Daddy – you are smack in the middle of it.

Outside, the dog started barking. "Rumsfeld." Bobby said, getting up to go to the window only to hear the dog silenced with a whine. "What is it?"

The dog was gone and only a broken chain remained. "Something's wrong."

Before anyone could say more, the front door flew open. They weren't expecting anyone, certainly not Meg the demon. Mae didn't argue when Dean pushed in front of her. At least Dean had holy water Bobby had given him which he proceeded to pull out of his pocket.

"No more crap, okay?"

Dean charged towards her, unscrewing the flask but the diminutive blonde sent him flying across the room into a stack of books, seemingly knocking him out. Sam stepped in front of Bobby, shielding him.

"I want the Colt, Sam – the real Colt – right now."

Sam and Bobby both moved slowly across the room, meeting Mae, who Sam also shoved behind him as well. Meg followed. "We don't have it on us. We buried it."

"Didn't I say, "no more crap"? I swear – after everything I heard about you Winchesters, I got to tell you, I'm a little underwhelmed. First Johnny tries to pawn off a fake gun, and then he leaves the real gun with you three chuckleheads. Lackluster, men. I mean, did you really think I wouldn't find you?"

Dean stepped up behind her. "Actually, we were counting on it."

Meg turned to look at him. Dean stared for a moment then his gaze moved up towards the ceiling where a huge Devil's Trap had been drawn. "Gotcha."

* * *

While it wasn't the hardest exorcism, they'd taken part in or conducted, it left the Winchesters raw. Now, they were left with several unpleasant truths and possibilities but the body of the young woman the demon had possessed. No matter how often or fervently Mae tried to reassure herself or the boys, that this was just business, it obviously wasn't. Any belief she had about that had been thrown out the window when she watched Dean react to the demon's baiting. She found him to be frightening and pitiable in those moments.

She knew that he was capable of violence, even understood it; they all were but this time, it only positioned them to be used and manipulated by whichever demon was pulling the strings on this. Outside of leaving himself open to possession, it left him open to even the shallowest of ploys, as long as the right words were uttered. There had been real hate in his eyes when he'd hit Meg. Once he realized he hurt the girl more than the demon, there was regret in the act. It still unnerving Mae to think of Dean that way and to see him that way.

Not that there was time to rationalize or assess the action. They needed to get moving, both to save John and avoid the delay of being questioned by the police over the dead girl in Bobby's house. He'd offered them whatever supplies would help them and let them know he was willing to help, once the issue of the body was addressed.

To Mae's surprise, Dean stopped, turned and looked back at her for a moment before he all but marched to the back of the Impala and grabbed her bags out of the trunk. They didn't need the room and they weren't leaving their things at Bobby's.

"What are you doing?" She asked when he approached her. He put her messenger bag over her head, letting it drape over her shoulder and around her body. Dean pushed her other bag into her arms.

If he could have, he wouldn't have looked her in the eye because those soft dove gray eyes always got to him. This time he saw the confusion followed by the fire of her temper. "What the hell are you doing?" she repeated.

"You can't come with us."

"Excuse me?"

"You need—no, I need you to stay here."

She rolled her eyes. "That's…I don't even know what that is. It's crazy. You don't need less help on this. You need more. You need an army."

Dean sighed. "Yeah, you're right but…just not you."

"I swear to God, Dean, I will smack some sense into you if I have to." She pushed the bag back towards him, "Don't be stupid. You need my help. You may not have needed it at any other point, but you need it now."

Dean shook his head. "Mae, I am asking you, please, just listen to me and do this for me."

"Dean-"

"I know, okay? I get it. You think I'm asking you to stay because I'm trying to protect you. And, yeah, I am; you're not wrong. But… you can't go." His voice hitched just a bit and while Mae knew the past few days had been an emotional roller coaster but the way he was acting didn't make a lot of sense to her.

"I can't believe this. If you think I can't deal with this or I'm a liability-"

"You're a liability to me wherever you are. So are Sam and Dad. Just like I am to them, to you, okay? It's not that, not totally. This is not me questioning your hunting abilities or your—your anything. You have no idea how much I trust you, but you just can't go one this."

She huffed. "Listen, I know you're shook up. We all are. That was...rough, for all of us. I get that this is your dad and I know that you're...scared. No judgment. This is bigger than any of us could have assumed. But this is _it_! We can't let our emotions call the shots. That's what the demon wants. It will use that against us. I have been taking out every demon I could since my husband died. You'd be stupid not to _beg_ me to come with you."

"I guarantee you I am being insanely stupid. I would...love to have you with me, if only because I feel less crazy when you're around. And you're right about how they'll use us, how we need to remain levelheaded. I can't promise I'd do that with you in the same room but that's not why you need to stay here. You need you to sit this one out for now."

Her mouth twisted in frustration. "You aren't my drill sergeant. You tell me why. Give me one good reason."

The wheels turned behind his eyes as he tried to give her the reason, she ordered him to give. "Because me and Sam might fail. Maybe dad is already..." he looked away for a second, "I don't know what happened but you not going with us gives us a backup plan. We don't know what the demon is planning. If it takes us out, then you need to stop it and you have a better chance at that with Bobby. It's not because you're a chick or because I'm too scared to lose you. I'm...we have to stop this. That's the only thing that's important and if things go south, you're the only one I trust to end it. Okay?"

"I had a really good mad on here."

"I know."

"I still think you and Sam going on your own is stupid."

"Me too."

"Then...if I don't hear from you every few hours, I'm going to assume something happened."

"I'll let you know where we are and everything. Hopefully, we get dad back and kill this demon and we're back in time for dinner.

Her eyes softened as she looked at him, so did her body language. She sighed. "Damnit…stop looking at me like that. I hate it when you make sense."

They let the bag slide down between them as he took hold of her hands. "Please, just do this for me. Please? After we find dad, I will do whatever you want when we get back if you just do this one thing for me."

"I can still call you stupid though right?"

"Had you stopped?"

Mae smirked but then she became somber again. "I have a bad feeling about this. Don't...don't do something stupid if things do go south, okay? I don't-I don't want to lose someone else I love to this demon."

"Yeah, okay."

"And you check in, okay? I-we'll be you plan b if you need it."

"Thank you."

"You're so stupid." She said as tears threatened to spill from her eyes.

Dean hooked a finger under her chin, tilted her head up and pressed the most passionate kiss he could to her frowning little mouth. It was a kiss that was filled with all he was worth, all he could convey about his feeling for her as well as a healthy dose of hopelessness and panic. "I'll be back so soon you won't even have time to miss me, Red. I promise."


	22. Chapter 22

Mae watched them drive off with a dreadful sense of anxiety about the whole thing. She raked her hands through her messy hair before she picked up her bag and headed back inside through the front door, which was resting awkwardly off its hinges.

Oddly enough, that didn't seem out of place. However, she did. Bobby was cleaning up, taking care to hide any signs of their kind of work. Just a girl in bad shape who stumbled on to his property and he'd tried to provide aid and comfort. Surely, the state of her body was so rough that no one would assume Bobby was responsible.

He looked up when Mae dropped her bag to the floor. "That was quick."

"Wiz bang demon hunting and father retrieval right here, man."

"What's wrong? You kids should be long gone by now."

"Nothing's wrong." She responded, a little doe-eyed, "But uh...Dean asked me to stay so...I'm staying."

"So, you two are... an item or something now? Or do you just take orders from him?"

Mae rolled her eyes. "I-no on the last part, maybe on the first part. I uh...he made a good point. If they don't succeed...well, we're plan b."

"Great." he said sarcastically.

"Yeah well...I think he's probably right on this. I think I've gone soft here."

He raised his brow questioningly. "You let one of those boys talk you outta some hunt, I'd say yeah."

"Yeah," She sat down at the desk with an almost wistful sigh.

"Not to impose on your melancholy longing, but there is a dead girl here we've gotta deal with and I'm pretty sure it'll be easier to explain if you ain't seen."

She nodded, pursing her lips a bit. When the cops showed up, it would be better for there to be only one person to question and only one story to poke holes in. "Yeah, probably. Need a hand?"

"We're not that far out in the boonies that it takes forever for them to get here. Just take you gear and keep quiet a while."

* * *

Mae waited in her childhood bedroom, ready to hide if need be. All the creaks and groans in the floor were the same, so sneaking out or finding a hiding spot would be easy. She hadn't been back in the house in years and it was almost like she never. With the exception of more books, everything was the same in her room. She ran a finger along the pale-yellow dresser set against one wall. Okay, she thought, there was more dust too. But everything was still where she left it.

She stowed her gear in the closet, just in case. With a soft sigh, she sat on the edge of the twin bed and took her phone out. There were no calls, not texts although they'd only been apart half an hour. It wasn't as if he would have made much further outside city limits. She was worried and to her chagrin, she missed him more than she expected. She knew she shouldn't miss him this much already.

In short order, she heard the sirens, then a muffled commotion downstairs. She kept quiet, not able to hear precisely what was going on but listening for any sound at the stairs. But no one came up and eventually, the house fell silent again. To be safe, she waited a half hour before she went downstairs. Her hands were tucked into her back pockets, posture quite tense and awkward when she did descend the stairs.

"Hey so…" she genuinely had no idea what to say and she was certain that she couldn't feel any more out of place, "Everything…good?"

Bobby was rehanging the front door. "One situation's in hand. But you do realize that whatever you kids wandered into is some serious bad juju, right?"

She sighed as she sat on the edge of the desk. "Yeah, that's pretty obvious now." Mae pursed her lips, trying to figure out the best way to ask her question and she was grateful that her uncle was busying himself with the repair. "So…John thinks this demon they're hunting is the same one that that possessed me and Dan."

"That wasn't a question."

"Well…I mean is it? Do you know?"

"Is that how he talked you in to getting messed up in this?"

"No." She sighed, "He...he did what he always does; dangled something I couldn't resist even though he didn't have the answers."

"And what was that?"

"Helping me find the demon that...did that to me."

Bobby looked back at her now. "And you believed him? He told you he could find it and then came back to you saying his obsession should be yours? Are you that thick?"

"Okay, it's not that simple. And might I remind you that I came to you first and asked for your help. You told me no. You told me to go back to my normal life and deal with it like a normal person. How can you of all people expect me to do that?"

"It's what you should have done."

"I wasn't ever going to do that! And don't think I don't know that you told every damn hunter we both know not to help me. John was the only one who even...who even came close."

With a huff, he crossed his arms over his chest. "You're right. I did all that. Do you know why I did all that?"

"Because you want me to play normal again."

"I wish you would, yeah. But maybe that's not in the cards anymore. If it's not, I sure as hell am not going to help you get yourself killed."

Mae rolled her eyes, stood, and pretended to look over a book. "Literally anything could kill me. At least that would... if it kills me, at least I'd die trying to make something right."

"No, you'd die being too stupid to see that you're too close to this one to be anything but something a demon will use."

"I'm different now."

"Not different enough. Listen," she hadn't heard him approach and jumped a bit when he put his hand on her shoulder, "you didn't see what that demon did to you last time."

"I was there."

"I know. But so was I. I'm not going to do anything that lets you get put in that spot again. No matter how much smarter or tougher you are now, that demon will find every bit of hurt and guilt in you and use it to rip you apart."

"You didn't give Sam and Dean this speech. You let them walk right into a trap."

"Better armed now than you were before. I couldn't have stopped them. Not when their dad is still out there. Plus, they're not my kids. You are."

Clearing her throat, she shifted away from him and began pacing. Bobby watched her before returning to the door. "Yeah well...what's the point in dragging me back into this just to lie to me? I was already hunting, looking for the damn thing on my own, and killing every other demon I found along the way. When John called me, he asked me to keep an eye on the boys and if I would, he'd find out whatever he could on the demon I was looking for. Months ago, he didn't think our situations were connected. Or he didn't tell me that. Did he ever tell you that?"

"No. I'm not sure he would have. Maybe back in the day but not now. It's not like we're pen pals."

"Why do you think John's so sure then?"

"You've met the man, right? Once he's convinced himself of somethin', that's it for him. I really couldn't tell you on this one. I have no idea what makes him think the demon that took his wife and your husband is the same."

"He says he's been able to track signs. That's what he's been doing for most of the year. I don't have his notes to check against it. I just wonder if it was could be possible."

"Anything's possible."

"Is it also possible that whatever we were hunting the night of my big accident was this same demon?"

He didn't answer right away. "Anything's possible."

"Is that a yes?"

"I don't know. That's not what we sent out to hunt and once you were hurt, none of that mattered."

"I don't- I have this memory. You guys asked me to be look out and put me up in that tree. There was something there though that spooked me and that made me lose my balance and I fell. I keep trying to remember if it looked the same or felt the same as what killed my husband. But I don't know."

"I wish I could tell you one way or another. Don't let John Winchester get you twisted up on this, okay? Maybe it's all one huge conspiracy, maybe it's all a coincidence."

Mae's mouth twisted in frustration and worry. She knew Bobby couldn't have known any of this, one way or another. He was not nearly as focused on any of this as John Winchester. Nobody could be.

* * *

"You're getting on my nerves here Mavis." She had started out pacing. Then, she took a seat in one of the chairs, checking her phone every few minutes. Then she went back to pacing or sitting and idly flipping through books before tossing them to the side. She had sat back in one of the chairs again, biting her nails nervously.

Hell, she was getting on her own nerves. An inescapable tightness filled her slim frame. Dean had checked in a few times, only telling her everything was okay, but she knew it wasn't the whole truth. She also knew that at some point, he'd miss a check in. This couldn't possibly go smoothly enough for him to check in regularly and she would have to weigh when she came after him.

She wanted to be doing something more than waiting and biding her time. It was painful to have to guess what was happening to her friends, her family. While it made sense initially to stay behind but as time passed, she found herself getting mad that she let Dean play on her emotions the way he did.

"I have no idea what to do here."

"You could work."

Mae sighed but it was followed by a little smirk. "You know, even a few months ago, I wouldn't have come here."

Bobby looked up from his paper. "Meaning?"

"Meaning I would have…I don't know done something else. But we needed help. So, I didn't fight it. And I…I guess I've…I've been a little less angry."

His eyebrow arched and he pinned her with a slightly disbelieving look. "You're still a little angry. Are you still pissed off at me for want you to be a normal kid?"

"You know, that wasn't really why I was mad. In retrospect, those times were pretty good. It's not like I didn't try a regular life, at least for a little while. I'm just not as good at that as I am at this. The only reason I wanted you to let me hunt so bad was because I wanted to be one of the boys. I knew being a girl was always going to count against me."

"That's crazy. We're family. And you're not any less than either of the boys just because you're a girl. But maybe you're right; I should have paid more attention to you. I just thought those boys had it worse than you did. I thought you had a little more stability than they ever did. It doesn't matter if you're a hunter or not, not now any way, but you shouldn't have had to be one just because I am."

"I know. I'm just saying...well, it doesn't really matter at the end of the day what I thought when I was little. I'm a grown ass woman now and a hunter. So, I guess neither of us really accomplished what we were aiming for, huh?"

"What the hell happened to you?"

Her brow furrowed. "What do you mean?"

"All this…self-reflection and introspection ain't really your thing."

"Part boredom, part…necessity. The past few months have really changed thing and I guess I've had to look at why I've been so—stop looking at me like I have two heads! Listen, Dean and I have been going through some things and a lot of stuff has come up with that so…I'm just…" she huffed and stood up. "You know the house looks like shit."

He chuckled a bit as she made her way back upstairs. She really did seem like a different woman, a little less angry, a little less hot headed, and more willing to listen, even if it made her uncomfortable. He hated the idea that John might be manipulating his niece or using her sensitivities to further his mission. But it might have helped her on some level. As much as he'd hoped she'd pick a different life, he understood why she'd come back to it. Maybe she'd never had a shot at anything else.


	23. Chapter 23

Was anyone truly ever able to break free of some old patterns, she wondered. Fighting with Bobby was not part of her plan. No, she corrected, she had no plan. She was supposed to be working the job, being useful, rather than batting cleanup. She and her uncle weren't even fighting. She was just uncomfortable being back here, being more forthcoming. It all made her feel like she was 16 again. She also knew that part of the reason she felt like she needed to get her feelings off her chest was because of Dean. It was so important to him to bring his family back together and she supposed that some of that had rubbed off on her.

At that though, she smirked a bit, knowing Dean's response to her if she said out loud that he was rubbing off on her. Then she sighed. She took out her phone, frowning when she saw that there were no calls or messages from Dean. She wanted to call him but thought better of it, thinking it would be more of a distraction.

Going back to her old bedroom seemed depressing. What had sunk in was that even if Sam and Dean saved their father and sorted everything out with the demon, they wouldn't be back before night. Sleeping in the old twin bed rather than crashing on the couch. This time, she didn't linger in her room Instead, she found herself meandering around the second floor.

A small frown came over her face as she stepped into one of the small, untied room. Mae still had a few, incredibly hazy memories of what the house once looked like when it was neat and tidy. She'd been little back then, and Bobby was still an inexperienced hunter. As she'd gotten older, everything became more haphazard and messier. With a mix of nostalgia and sorrow, she took in the peeling, discolored wallpaper, the dust-gathering books, and the slight staid, musky smell. She had to remind herself that things hadn't changed _that_ much since she lived here too.

Continuing into the room, her lips curled up in a small smile as she took notice of what had once been warm wood. Books and other tools of the trade were gathered and stacked with an organization only Bobby understood along the small bench and lid of the old boxy piano. It the piano used to be downstairs and it was unclear how and why it had been moved upstairs. As unobtrusively as she could, she set the books on the floor, lifted the cover and sat before the once well used keys.

Cool to the touch, warm to her mind, she tested the tone of one lone ivory bar before casting a hesitant glance to the door. Her current house was what she considered home now but this place had been her home once. There were a lot of happy memories here too. The thought was unexpected, and she let herself enjoy it, even though it felt like of a violation of Bobby's privacy.

Bobby hadn't intended to give her space or time when she had disappeared upstairs. He'd almost forgotten she was there until he heard the slightly discordant tinkling of music from upstairs. Making his way upstairs, he paused, a bit dumbstruck, in the door to one of the spare bedrooms. For a moment, a very brief instance, he thought his niece looked uncannily like her mother. That was a bittersweet remembrance for the older man but then she turned, her pale cheeks tinged crimson and brow fastened together with worry.

She cleared her throat. "I'm sorry. I didn't realize you were… upstairs." A strange formality settled in her words and stumbling words as she stood, closing the lid and brushing her hands off on her jeans.

"That's alright."

The willowy young woman nodded, feeling oddly scrutinized. Having spent so much time with the boys had brought some uncomfortable notions of family to light and while she would have rather ignored them, it seemed like the universe dead set on thrusting them directly into life.

"It's pretty out of tune." Bobby continued. "No one's played in years. But it was still nice to hear it again. You let those lessons go to seed."

She laughed. Piano lessons had not been her most favorite extracurricular activity back in the days that Bobby was trying to 'normalize' her. More often than not, she only practiced under duress and supervision, despite having an aptitude for the piano. Had Bobby not devised his own little system to keep her from skipping the lessons, she would have done so all together. Today, however she knew that if she had been a bit cleverer and patient, she could have forged the notes herself, even made up the little assignments Bobby had to sign off on. But at 10, she had yet to work that out. "Eh. I'm pretty sure I wasn't paying attention."

"Yeah," he scoffed, "I noticed."

"Well that piano teacher smelled like mothballs anyway."

"Listen, if you wanna…talk about all of this..." he waved his hand dismissively, "I'll listen. Okay? I didn't mean to...make it uncomfortable before."

"It's fine. Everything about this is weird and I wouldn't know where to start. I guess I don't even know what's really going on. I want answers I don't think I'll ever get. Everything else" she gestured to the space between them, "is just awkward and unfamiliar. I mean, why talk about it when there's good old fashion repression?"

Bobby smirked. "Because that's worked so well for you up 'til now."

"Yeah well...those boys are a lot more touchy feely than I am."

"So, this is all because you and Dean started shacking up again?"

"I wouldn't say shacking up."

"What would you call it?"

She shrugged. "Well not shacking up. It's...we're getting along again, that's all. And... it's nice, I like being with him, okay? And I especially like not having to chit chat about it.

"The two of you kids aren't the worst couple. Although, you have a pretty great track record of bein' idiots."

"Well, I like to stick to my talents."

"Mae…"

She rolled her eyes in a way that distinctly reminded him of her teenage years. "Man, don't start on me. I don't know what Dean and I are doing. All I can tell you is it's not the worst thing we've done together, and we're not kids anymore. We're aware of...you know, the risks of all of this when you do what we do."

"I was just going to tell you that maybe it's a good thing. For both of you. I just...I just want you to be happy. Are you happy?"

"I'm…" she puffed her cheeks up before blowing it out in a huff. "If you ignore the part where the guy I'm...in love with is going something that could get him killed, possibly by the same thing that killed the last person I loved, and there's nothing I can do to stop it, I'm not unhappy. I don't know that happy is…realistic. I'm not unhappy and I'm think I'm doing the right thing. I hope that's enough.

"Well, I think it's probably more than most."

"So…do you think the boys are gonna be okay?"

* * *

In retrospect, Dean wished, in addition to the Colt, he'd brought Mae. And Bobby. Maybe every hunter either of them know. It might have been a risk to have her there but maybe, it would have been easier. While they'd found their Dad, Sam seemed a little worse for the wear and their dad was still down for the count. He thought about calling Mae to talk but he wasn't sure what good it would do. He only sent her a text to let her know he was safe, and they had John. They would be back at Bobby's soon enough, he thought. If they were lucky, they could at the cabin a few hours, maybe the night to make sure they wouldn't be leading a mess of demons to Bobby's doorstep.

And then, he'd see her in no time. He knew he should be less concerned about Mae, but he couldn't get her off his mind. Dean walked back into the main room of the cabin they'd found where Sam was salting the windows. "How is he?" Sam asked.

"He just needed a little rest, that's all. How are you?"

"I'll survive." Sam turned back to Dean. "Hey, you don't think we were followed here, do you?"

"I don't know. I don't think so. I mean, we couldn't have found a more out-of-the-way place to hole up."

"Yeah." He looked at Dean. "Hey, uh... Dean, you, um... you saved my life back there."

"So, I guess you're glad I brought the gun, huh?" He joked.

"Man, I'm trying to thank you here."

"You're welcome."

Sam walked across the room.

"Hey, Sam?"

"Yeah?"

"You know that guy I shot? There was a person in there."

"You didn't have a choice, Dean."

"Yeah, I know, that's not what bothers me."

"Then what does?"

"Killing that guy, killing Meg. I didn't hesitate, I didn't even flinch. For you or Dad or Mae, the things I'm willing to do or kill, it's just, uh ... it scares me sometimes."

"It shouldn't. You did good." John had awoken at some point and he joined the boys now.

"You're not mad?"

"For what?"

"Using a bullet."

"Mad? I'm proud of you. You know, Sam and I, we can get pretty obsessed. But you – you watch out for this family. You always have."

"Thanks."

Out of nowhere, the wind picked up and the lights flickered. The hunters rushed over to the window. "It found us. It's here." John informed them.

"The demon?"

"Sam, lines of salt in front of every window, every door."

"I already did it."

"Well, check it, okay?"

"Okay." He didn't argue and went to check the doors and windows.

"Dean, you got the gun?" His father asked him.

"Yeah."

"Give it to me."

Dean took the Colt out of his jeans. "Dad, Sam tried to shoot the demon in Salvation. It disappeared."

"This is me. I won't miss. Now, the gun, hurry."

The younger man hesitated and looked down at the weapon.

"Son, please."

Dean backed up a bit.

"Give me the gun. What are you doing, Dean?"

"He'd be furious."

"What?"

"That I wasted a bullet. He wouldn't be proud of me, he'd tear me a new one."

John just looked at Dean as he raised the Colt and took aim at him. "You're not my Dad."

"Dean, it's me."

"I know my Dad better than anyone. And you ain't him."

"What the hell's gotten into you?"

"I could ask you the same thing. Stay back."

Sam was more than a little confused when he came back to find Dean pointing the Colt at their father. "Dean? What the hell's going on?'

John answered. "Your brother's lost his mind."

"He's not Dad."

"What?"

"I think he's possessed. I think he's been possessed since we rescued him."

"Don't listen to him, Sammy."

"Dean, how do you know?"

Dean fought back tears. He finally understood the fear, panic, and anger he'd seen in Mae when she told him that she didn't want to see herself or him get possessed. "He's ... he's different."

"You know, we don't have time for this. Sam, you wanna kill this demon, you've gotta trust me."

Sam was torn between his father and his brother. Knowing Dean though, he wouldn't turn on his father unless something was really wrong and something that Dean genuinely believed.

"Sam?"

Sam looked back and forth. "No. No" He took the side of his brother.

Their father just looked at the pair. "Fine. You're both so sure, go ahead. Kill me." John waited them out. Dean held the gun, pointed the gun, but couldn't pull the trigger. "I thought so."

When John looked back up, his eyes were yellow. Sam lunged for him but both boys were thrown against the walls, causing Dean to drop the gun which the possessed John Winchester picked up. "What a pain in the ass this thing's been."

Sam's temper flared. "It's you, isn't it? We've been looking for you for a long time."

"Well, you found me."

"But the holy water?"

"You think something like that works on something like me?"

Sam fought against the demon force holding him against the wall but to no avail. "I'm gonna kill you!"

"Oh, that'd be a neat trick. In fact," the demon set the gun down on the table. "here. Make the gun float to you there, psychic boy."

And damned if he didn't try but nothing happened.

"Well, this is fun." He walked over to the window by Dean, "I could have killed you a hundred times today, but this... this is worth the wait."

Dean tried to free himself as well but wasn't able to free himself. The demon looked over at him with his father's face. " Your Dad – he's in here with me. Trapped inside his own meat suit. He says "hi", by the way. He's gonna tear you apart. He's gonna taste the iron in your blood."

"Let him go, or I swear to God –"

"What? What are you and God gonna do? You see, as far as I'm concerned, this is justice" he walked over to Dean. "You know that little exorcism of yours? That was my daughter."

"Who, Meg?"

"The one in the alley? That was my boy. You understand."

"You've got to be kidding me."

"What? You're the only one that can have a family? You destroyed my children. How would you feel if I killed your family?" He smiled at Dean. "Oh, that's right. I forgot. I did. Still, two wrongs don't make a right."

"You son of a bitch."

Sam chimed in. "I wanna know why. Why'd you do it?"

The demon turned to Sam. "You mean why did I kill Mommy and pretty, little Jess?"

"Yeah."

He turned back to Dean. "You know, he never told you this, but Sam was going to ask her to marry him. Been shopping for rings and everything. " The possessed John turned to Sam. "You want to know why? Because they got in the way."

"In the way of what?"

"My plans for you, Sammy. You... and all the children like you."

"Listen," Dean said, "you mind just getting this over with, huh? Cause I really can't stand the monologuing."

The demon approached him. "Funny, but that's all part of your M.O., isn't it? Masks all that nasty pain, masks the truth."

"Oh, yeah? What's that?"

"You know, you fight, and you fight for this family, but the truth is they don't need you. Not like you need them. Sam – he's clearly John's favorite. Even when they fight, it's more concern than he's ever shown you."

"I bet you're real proud of your kids, too, huh? Oh wait, I forgot. I wasted 'em." Dean offered up a sour mile and the demon looked at him for a moment. Then he put his head down and when he looked back up, Dean screamed out in pain.

"Dean! No!"

The demon laughed a little. "And your little redheaded chippy, you've been in love with her forever and she ended up marrying someone she had a one-night stand with. You've always been something convenient for her. Maybe I'll pay little Mae a visit. She did always have a bit of a crush on John growing up. You know, that right? What do you wanna bet that I could get her to beg for it? Huh? Sure, it'd be all the more fun if I made you watch daddy fuck that little girlfriend of yours before he ripped all the bones out of her body."

"Ha. You think she wouldn't know you weren't dad? And you think she would send you right back to hell."

"Oh, she didn't the first time I met her. She's been almost as easy to play as your dear old dad. I've been able to get her to kill her beloved husband, screw your daddy, and nearly killed her the first time we met. Still, she's a sweet little thing. Mmm…I will admit, my biggest regret with her is not getting a little bit of that innocent young girl back then. What do you wanna bet your dear old dad had at least a few fantasies about that pert little body when she was 15?"

"You think that means somethin'?"

"Maybe not but maybe you might care that the first time she ran into me, I killed that little whelp of yours growing inside her."

He scoffed, trying to cover that initial pang of hurt. He knew that there was every likelihood that the demon was lying to him just to toy with him. But at the same time, he wondered if there was any truth to it. John had told them he though the demon was also responsible for Mae getting hurt when they were on their first big hunt together. But she wasn't pregnant when that happened. Was she? "Yeah right."

"You could ask her yourself if I weren't gonna make dear old Dad kill you here and now. But I'll tell you, if I knew your little family would end up being this annoying, I would have waited and made you watch me rip it out of her."

Dean started to bleed heavily from his chest. Once again, Sam struggled to free himself from the invisible force.

"Dad! Dad, don't you let it kill me!" Dean pleaded.

Those peals were only fodder for the demon and he only turned up the pain for the young man.

"Dean! No!"

Dean bled more and all Sam could do was fight in vain to free himself. "Dad, please." He said before he passed out.

"Dean!"

John, the real John, whispered. "Stop. Stop it." John had gained control long enough to break the demon's hold on Sam. He dove to grab the gun from the table. When John turned back this time, the demon was back in control, but Sam still took aim at him.

"You kill me, you kill Daddy."

"I know." Sam shot, hitting John in the leg. That was enough to make cause the demon's grip on Dean to break and both he and John hit the floor. Sam moved to his brother's side. "Dean? Dean, hey? Oh God, you've lost a lot of blood."

"Where's Dad?"

"He's right here. He's right here, Dean."

"Go check on him."

"Dean."

"Go check on him."

Sam did so. John lay motionless on the floor. "Sam: Dad? Dad?"

John's eyes bolted open. "Sammy! It's still alive. It's inside me, I can feel it. You shoot me. You shoot me! You shoot me in the heart, son!" Sam aimed the Colt at his father. "Do it now!"

"Sam, don't you do it. Don't you do it."

"You've gotta hurry! I can't hold onto it much longer! You shoot me, son! Shoot me! Son, I'm begging you! We can end this here and now! Sammy!"

"Sam, no."

"You do this! Sammy! Sam..."

The demon broke the stalemate as it left John's body in the form of an ink black cloud only to disappear through the floor. John looked at his youngest son accusingly.

* * *

Her phone rang. Sam., She didn't even pretend like she wasn't anxiously waiting from the boys. "Damn, am I glad to hear from you! How's it going?"

"Mae…I'm…"

Her heart sank. "What happened?"

"There was an accident. We're at the hospital."

"Are you—are you all okay?" Sam was quiet too long. "Is he…is Dean…?"

"He's not dead but he's in bad shape."

"But he's alive?"

"Yeah."

"And you and your Dad?"

"We're both banged up but…okay."

Mae closed her eyes. "Okay, okay…so…what hospital? I can be there as soon as possible."


	24. Chapter 24

**~Now~**

Dean watched her, watching his father. With her arms crossed over her chest, she stood in the corner, not making any sound. It was possible John could have even forgotten she was there. Mavis was unnaturally silent Dean noted. If it had been just the two of them, he knew she would have talked to him. Maybe in hopes that he would hear her but mostly out of nervous habit. She might have even talked to him if Sam were in the room but maybe not as much. With John though, she was quiet. She wasn't herself when his father was around. If Sammy figured something out to save him, he hoped that would change in time.

But for the time being, what Dean noticed more than Mae's silence was the sharp focus in her tired eyes, the firm press of her lips from worry and overthinking, and the measured nature of her breath. She was trying to make sense of everything, maybe figuring out what parts of this she could fix and control. There was something else in her eyes too, beyond calculation; he thought it might be hopelessness. He'd seen it before. When she thought she would be paralyzed after being impaled. He hated being the cause of that look in her eyes, wished he could reach out to her someway and tell her he was going to be fine.

Things weren't supposed to end this way. He admitted there was a certain irony in having asked her to stay behind because they might be unsuccessful and would need backup. He didn't really think they'd be this unsuccessful. John should have ordered her and Sam to finish the job. That he didn't meant things were really bad for him. Dean felt a small sliver of regret that he didn't take Mae with him, but he couldn't imagine just how painful it would have been to see the demon hurt her or possess her.

Having another body in the fight might have helped, might have saved their dad from getting possessed and might have saved him from ending up in that hospital bed. He wouldn't been able to deal with sitting by her bedside wondering if she would die though. She was stronger than him in that regard. The worry mixed with tension over her face. Dean hoped that she wasn't right this time. Because there wasn't anything to do to help reassure her and he turned his attention back to his father, who was just as silent.

When his father was possessed, the demon had told him things, things about Mae and their past. Things she hadn't told him. Was it lying? It almost had to be. If Mae had been pregnant, she would have told him. He would have noticed, right? Demons lied. But there were a few things that were true, things he felt and thought but never vocalized. Would it have made up the part about Mae just to fuck with him? Or would it have just told him something Mae had kept secret all those years? Maybe she didn't even know at time? True or false, it was all a mind game meant to make him suffer.

His attention shifted from Mae to his father. His father's silence and inaction made little sense to him. He could understand why Mae was hesitant last time she and Sam saved him, brought him back from death really. She and Sam found that faith healer. They had tried. And he hadn't been appreciative of their efforts then. But his father… well, he was his father, he was supposed to have the right answer every time. It felt like a repeat of that all over again. His father was right there but he wasn't doing anything to help.

"Come on, Dad. You've gotta help me. I've gotta get better, I've gotta get back in there. I mean, you haven't called a soul for help. You haven't even tried. Aren't you going to do anything? Aren't you even going to say anything?" Dean walked around the bed where his worldly form was trapped. "I've done everything you've ever asked me. Everything. I have given everything I've ever had. And you're just going to sit there and you're going to watch me die? I mean, what the hell kind of father are you?"

Dean heard something, something neither John nor Mae had heard, just like everything he had said to them and his questions. He checked with them though, perhaps they had but like so many times before, his luck didn't run that way. There was nothing for him to do but to investigate and leave the other two hunters genuinely alone.

Mavis knew her physical presence in Dean's room wasn't really keeping him here, it might have just been making her more insane by reminding her how serious this was. But when John came in the room to sit with his son, she couldn't move from her sentinel post. He didn't ask her to either. He just sat and she stood. At long last, the redhead moved from her position in the corner, pinning John Winchester with a chilly stare. "What are you doing here?"

"Excuse me?" There was sternness in his tone, were circumstances different it might have made her reconsider her defiant stance or back down. But this was Dean. His father should have been doing more than simply accept what was happening. Sam wasn't. If she had a better idea than constructing an altar and casting that same spell to bind death that the faith healer's wife had, she would have done it. As it were, she only had solutions Dean wouldn't forgive her for using.

"What are you doing here John? I mean… are you just hear to make your amends before you go back out after this thing? Did you need to get your revenge so bad that you were fine with putting your son on the line? He's the one who would have done absolutely anything to make you...happy or think he did good." Emotion twisted her voice and despite her best efforts to strong and defiant, she couldn't keep her voice from breaking at the end. It was only a matter of time before she started crying if she let herself focus on that.

Whether she was trying to hide her feelings or not, she was transparent. It was touching because after all these years, she was still a caring person. John wasn't always sure that he was. There was a touch of innocence and naiveté in her request too because she still believed he could save the day. "Mae, I'm not sure what you and Sam think I can do."

Her eyes closed and she sighed as a few tears made their way down her cheeks. As much as should accept that Dean was dying, she still couldn't be okay with it. "I don't know. Wishful thinking maybe. I won't pretend that this is a unique situation… I know the reality of things, okay? People die. I know that Dean..." She couldn't say it. She could barely think it, but John knew what she refused to say.

At that's she turned away from him to look out the window. To cry. It broke her heart and yet… she couldn't explain the strange feelings she was having. If she didn't know better… Frankly, she didn't know better and she couldn't explain it but ever since Sam had called her, even before that, she felt off. She was tied here for some reason.

John stood and turned to put his good hand on her shoulder. It drew her attention but didn't startle her or cause her to shirk away. "Do you love him?" he finally asked after looking over her pale, damp face when she turned her head towards him.

This wasn't the first time he'd asked her something similar, but it was the first time he had asked both directly and compassionately. It was an odd question she decided and didn't make sense. In the past, he hadn't cared about the exact nature of their relationship, as long as it didn't distract from the work. Hell, if Bobby hadn't been worried, John probably wouldn't even noticed. "Do I—what does that matter?"

"It matters," he said softly.

His tone was paternal, not a disciplinarian. Mae wasn't sure if it was him or the situation but the hurt, deception, confusion and bitter feelings that left her defensive started to ease. "I… John, this isn't about me and Dean. This isn't about-"

"Do you love him?" He tried to ask rather than demand but knew it sounded more like an order.

Her mouth quivered before she closed her eyes. "Of course. I love him. He doesn't know. I've been too chicken shit to say it to his face. And now..."

He shushed her. "Then trust me."

"Trust you? What the hell does that mean?"

Because he believed her and because he wanted his son to be happy, John gave her what he hoped was a reassuring smile as he squeezed her shoulder. "You love my son, that means—that's means more than anything I could ever give him, okay? So, trust me that I'll do everything I can to save him."

It was a more heartfelt confession than she was expecting and did nothing to stem the onslaught of tears. Experience told her however, there was something more to it that just paternal concern. "What-"

He leaned in, cutting her off by pressing a reassuring kiss to her forehead. The gesture took her back so far because he used to do that when she was a child, maybe 7 or 8 and one of the nightmares that had been so common during her youth had woken her up. It stopped the tears this time but more from the way the memory slammed against her rather than real comfort. "Stay here, he needs you more than I do."

More than anything, the move left her stunned and so she did as he told her.

"For what it's worth Mavis, I'm sorry for… well for everything that happened, everything I couldn't stop."

"Wasn't your fault, not really. I—can't go back. What's done is done. Best we can do it to move forward and hope we don't make the same mistakes over again."

* * *

The nervous pacing annoyed even her, but Mae had too much pent-up nervousness with no outlet. John sent Sam out and she didn't know if she should have gone along with him. Maybe she would have been able to console him, or he could have consoled her. Or they could have sat entrenched in denial. That would have been a ready relief. Of course, there was still the fact that he was going to meet Bobby. Maybe he had a solution, a spell, a person, a magic amulet, anything that might help bring Dean back. Maybe Sam would be able to find a solution with her uncle.

Mae did not have a fondness for hospitals and there was probably more she could do outside of it. But she felt as if she couldn't physically leave. Not while Dean was still in this state. If he took a turn for the worst while she was out running an errand or reading though musty books, it would hurt more than waiting and wondering. The further she ventured from Dean's bedside, the more pained she felt. She couldn't put it into words, and it made absolutely no sense to her. It had to be about work and grief, as opposed to a real physical sensation. But it felt like a real tearing in her body. It felt like something beyond emotion. She couldn't leave him.

Her chat with John did not leave her with a sense of ease or reassurance either. He was up to something. Mae just couldn't figure out what it was. Her best guess was that he was figuring out a way to go back after the demon. Maybe he was saying goodbyes. Would this be enough to convince him that killing the demon wouldn't bring his family together? Was that it? He couldn't see that even if they couldn't do anything for Dean, he could still be there for Sam?

Mae's phone rang, disturbing her train of thought. She already knew who it would be. "Hey Sam."

To his surprise, Dean found her voice quietly reassuring but would have done anything to change that tone. He had been following her around, wishing he could somehow get through to her, do something to make her see him or know he was there. But that tone told her that she wasn't hopeful, she wasn't expecting him to come out of this, she certainly wasn't trying to find his ghost. But he wasn't dead. Yet.

"Listen, where's dad?" Sam was curt, unexpectedly demanding but she could hardly blame him for whatever he was feeling. Even on a good day, she didn't exactly expect him to talk about his dad with any less disdain in his voice.

"He's back in his room, I think. He was with Dean for a while and then… you know, I wasn't… I haven't really been keeping tabs on him. I haven't wanted to leave Dean alone."

The idea of spending any extended amount of time with John Winchester right then left her uncomfortable. She didn't know why exactly. He hadn't done or said anything. "Well… can you keep an eye on him 'til I get there?"

"Do you really think—I'd rather…" while chasing after John wasn't on her list of things she hated, she couldn't explain to Sam why she had to stay with his brother, "Dean's not getting any better. I'd rather stay here with him than play a part in this whole thing between you and your father, okay?"

Sam wasn't trying to start a fight. Fighting just came naturally with his dad. Mae was one of the few people he consistently got along with. But his patience was wearing thin with her too. He was actively trying to keep his brother alive. He wasn't letting his brother die, not until he had exhausted every option. "He's planning something, alright? I think we can get Dean back but not if dad is… not if he's putting this hunt ahead of him."

It shouldn't have surprised her that Sam was following the same train of thought she was. God weren't they a pathetic lot, she thought. "Sam, you don't—"

"Please, just trust me on this, okay? For Dean?"

It was a cheap shot and they both knew that's why he pulled it.

"I swear…" she sighed but gave in, "you're a pain in the ass, you know that?"

There was just a hint of humor in her tone, sad humor but it was enough to reassure Sam that she would do as he asked.

* * *

If it weren't for the shock of red hair, John would have thought the pale and slender woman was a ghost. Something in her carriage always made him question if she should be doing this job. She was always a little too pale, a little too pretty, a little too skinny. Maybe if she's had more time to be tempered into a soldier, she could have stood up against it.

She was still too pale and too pretty but now she was more muscular, and those wide, almost innocent eyes would harden, and she was all hunter. As she walked into his hospital room however, she seemed to have a darker shadow hanging over her. At first, he suspected the worst but thought she would have come in with more determination and emotion. Her approach this time was rather reluctant. "Everything okay?" He asked

Mae nodded. "They needed to run some tests and… I don't know, I ended up here."

A disbelieving smirk crossed his face. "You hear from Sam?"

Again, she nodded. "Yeah, he's on his way back and Bobby's towing the Impala back to the house."

"He get the gun?"

Maybe Sam was on to something after all. Maybe John was so far gone, so obsessed that Dean had become yet another casualty. "He didn't say. He was more worried about Dean than anything."

"So, he asked you to come spy on me?"

You didn't get this far without being pretty sharp, she thought and with brief, half-smirk she took a seat in the molded plastic chair. "More like babysit." Since he was being blunt, she dropped her facade too, "What's your plan here John? I mean… I can't figure out your play here. You know your son is dying, right? If this is about avenging his death, can't you at least wait until Dean's cold before you take up on the trail again?"

"This isn't about revenge." His reply was quick but temperate.

"C'mon, man. That's been your game plan since… ever. When has that not been what drives you? You don't have to tell me how you feel about that demon taking another one of your loved ones, but you've still got one son and you've still got…" She shook her head, wondering if she was telling this to him for his sake or for hers, "well, maybe you're worried about the trail going cold."

"You have to trust me."

There was a plea in that statement that shook her again. He seemed to be able to do that quite well. Complex was the least descriptive way to refer to her relationship with John. Even before that spell that tore apart the remains of her little family, it had been odd. He wasn't her father and her uncle was certainly better at being a father. Yet John Winchester had always held a special place in her heart. The man had always placed a higher value on the job but for her he would make an exception on occasion and was a softer, gentler version. She didn't know why he extended that part of himself to her. It had undoubtedly caused tension between her and Dean, although she hadn't realized it until recently.

John gone easier on the her than the boys when it came to training for the job, in some ways he was tougher on her because she was a girl. But there were a few times, particularly when she was very little that he was more like a dad than Bobby was. That was the John Winchester who kept asking her to trust him. It was hard to deny that emotion that made her want to believe him.

"Seriously, did you guys have some kind of conference call where you decided you'd all have a stab at telling me that? Besides, have I ever not trusted you? Even when I shouldn't have," she closed her eyes, hoping to impart something more than bickering into this conversation, "but I'd at least like to know why you're not saying goodbye to your son or trying to make amends… or whatever it is you'd do. He deserves that much. All he ever wanted was for you to be proud of him."

"Of course, I'm proud of him and he knows I am."

She shook her head. "Take it from someone who's burned more than my fair share of bridges with him, I'm telling you, you need to tell him. Even if… you know they say you can hear things when you're in a coma and maybe that's not true. But it would do you good anyway. Just this once, deal with this like a normal parent and not a hunter."

He wanted to tell her, a little. He wanted to reassure her that he was doing something for his son. But knew he couldn't. After a few moments of silence, he looked up at the woman. "Do you still mean what you said before, about Dean?"

"What? What did you say?" Dean asked. He had followed her to his dad's room and had witnessed everything going on between his father and his girl. He found himself surprised that Mae had confided something to his father and desperately wanted to know what it could be. What did she know?

Mae only paused a few seconds, averting her gaze as if trying not to shed more tears. "Of course, I do."

"Then trust me, alright? Dean's not going to die if I can do anything about it."

She didn't like it. John Winchester had more tricks up his sleeve than even his sons knew. Whatever he planned was something she hadn't even thought of and that seemed like a terrible idea. Mae interrupted her own train of thought. "But you are after the demon. What do you want from it? I don't need to tell you that bastard can't give you anything that's—"

"I'm doing right by my son, that's all you need to know." It wasn't an order, it was more of a promise and she assumed he was also trying to make something up to her too. That part was said with his expression.

"Dean wouldn't want-"

"But he does deserve more than he's gotten, and you know it. Just—be with him, alright?" That part was an order.

John didn't need Mae underfoot. It was then that Sam stalked into the room, bringing more discomfort with his doom and gloom expression. A fight was on the horizon, there was no doubt about that. Despite the fact that no one could see or hear him, Dean still tried talking. "Sammy! Tell me you can friggin' hear me, man, there's something in the hospital. Now, you've got to bring me back and we've got to hunt this thing."

Whatever brought on Sam's less than charming attitude, Mae was certain it was more or less an extension of the fight Sam and John had played out for years. The heat in Sam's eyes was more than enough proof.

"You're quiet." Those words were all it took to pour gasoline on the fire.

Fuming, Sam turned and threw the duffle bag onto the bed with a crash. "Did you think I wouldn't find out?"

"What are you talking about?"

"That stuff from Bobby, you don't use it to ward off a demon, you use it to summon one. You're planning on bringing the demon here, aren't you? Having some stupid macho showdown?"

Mae stood up, placing herself between the two men and placing a hand on Sam's chest. "Sam, take a breath here and—"

"Don't tell me to calm down." His eyes were angry but when he looked at her, it wasn't directed solely at her as he brushed her hand aside.

"I have a plan, Sam"

That caused her to frown as she turned her head towards him.

"That's exactly my point! Dean is dying, and you have a plan! You know what? You care more about killing this demon than you do saving your own son!"

"No, no, no, guys, don't do this!" On some level, Dean knew this was coming, that what might have brought his brother and father together in solidarity, his death, really wouldn't bring them together.

"Do not tell me how I feel! I am doing this for Dean." Maybe it was having just gone over this with Mae or maybe it was because of how Sam approached it, but John snapped.

"How? How is revenge going to help him? You're not thinking about anybody but yourself, it's the same selfish obsession!"

As Dean spoke the words, Mae echoed them. "Come on guys, don't do this!"

"You know, it's funny, I thought it was your obsession too! This demon killed your mother, killed your girlfriend. You begged me to be part of this hunt. Now if you'd killed that damn thing when you had the chance, none of this would have happened. "

"It was possessing you, Dad, I would have killed you too."

This time her frown was directed towards Sam because he had left that part of out the story, he told her. Not that either man saw or even noticed her. They were too deep in their fight and she stepped aside.

"Yeah, and your brother would be awake right now."

"Shut up, both of you!" Dean yelled, to deaf ears.

"Go to hell."

"I should have never taken you along in the first place. I knew it was a mistake, I knew I was wrong —"

"I said SHUT UP!" No one heard him yell that time but when the glass of water went flying from the table to smash on the floor, all three of them took notice.

"Dude, I full-on Swayze'd that mother." Again, he spoke his amazement to no one in the room.

"What the—"

Mae's confused exclamation was cut short by nurses and doctors running by in the hallway.

"Something's going on out there." John said, jerking his head to indicate that the kids should check it out.


	25. Chapter 25

Something terrible had happened; the initial feeling was swift, as if she'd been struck then it became a nauseous, clawing at her very depths. What, she didn't know. She couldn't explain the sensation, nor did she know the source. It twisted her gut, leaving her breathless for a moment. While she felt the mystery pain physically and didn't understand what was happening, she somehow knew Dean was dead or dying. It felt as if a part of her had been taken along with him. But it only lasted that moment.

Her chest was tight as if her breath was being ripped out of her lungs, along with everything else in her chest cavity. She stood, largely because of Sam. Her fingers gripped, perhaps too tightly, around his forearm as they stood in the doorway of Dean's hospital room. It was far too much and it seemed as if everything washed out to an almost static silence before coming back into sharp contrast. Monitors beeped as a doctor and nurses surrounded Dean, trying to resuscitate him.

"All clear." The doctor said.

Mae heard Sam whisper 'no' as the arm draped over her shoulder pulled her closer. She didn't look up at him but knew his eyes were tearing up too.

"Still no pulse." One of the nurses said.

Sam's arm tightened and she might have objected if fear hadn't gripped her tighter. She couldn't feel much of anything. She might have also noticed that she was squeezing him back just as tightly, as if holding on to each other might keep Dean tied to them.

"Okay, let's go again, 360."

"Charging."

Mae whispered, "Please, Dean… stay with us."

She stood with his brother in the doorway, wishing she could do something, anything, to put an end to this. Sam didn't hold back the tears. Things weren't supposed to end like this. Dean came up behind the pair. Under other circumstances, Sam and Mae providing the other familial support would have been a welcome sight, almost touching. Except for the fact that he was dying. He wanted his family all together, but he wanted to enjoy that. While they stood watching the doctors try to bring him back, they didn't see what he saw: a ghostly figure floating over his body. "You get the hell away from me."

Dean rushed the spirit… the thing… he didn't know what it was yet, but it wasn't doing him any favors. "I said get back!" He yelled.

Sam blinked, confused, as he swore he could hear his brother. It was distant but undeniable. He didn't want to tear his eyes away from his brother but maybe Mae had heard it too. He looked down at her. The redhead didn't seem surprised, confused, or shocked. Maybe he was just hoping there was something more going on and they weren't watching his brother dying.

Dean grabbed for the spirit and for a moment he took a hold of it before it hurled him back and out of the room. The monitors which had been sounding their alarm slowed and quieted.

"We have a pulse. We're back into sinus rhythm."

Dean ran past Mae and Sam into the hallway, looking for the spirit but it was gone. Mae gave a sigh of relief, letting go of the breath she didn't even know she was holding. His brother did likewise. He gave Mae a reassuring squeeze before letting go of her. They both backed into the hall. Even though they seemed unaware of him, Dean took his place beside the pair.

"Don't worry. I'm not going anywhere. I'm getting that thing before it gets me. It's some kind of spirit, but I could grab it. And if I can grab it, I can kill it. "

The scene had been overwhelming. Logically, Mae knew she didn't have any power over keeping Dean alive and that eventually… eventually they wouldn't be able to bring him back. Normal people wouldn't have been looking for a way to save him, outside of what medical science offered or possibly prayer. Neither of those were on their side, she thought.

Perhaps she should have stayed by his bedside, but she realized she couldn't watch him die. That was too much for her. Mae found herself in the nearly empty waiting room, sitting and listening to the sounds of the hospital as they surrounded her. All of the sudden her legs shook too much for her to find them reliable and she slid down the nearby wall. With a sigh, she pressed her hand over her mouth. She was not going to cry, not over this, not over him.

She wanted to run, get away from this hospital, from having to watch as she lost someone else, she loved, and from being in the middle of this family fall out. In all honesty, she hadn't begun to consider what would happen to their already splintered family without Dean. Sam and John barely got along with Dean's intervention and she couldn't imagine that this would pull them together. Hell, they were already fighting, and he wasn't even gone yet. And what the hell was she going to do if Dean was gone?

In the short time she'd been with the brother and made up with Dean, she knew something had changed for her. In her. It was impossible to deny what was happening between them either. It was easier to admit she loved him, far more difficult to deal with the idea that she had fallen back in love with him. It was impossible to think about going back to her old life. He had so easily worked his way back into her life. Maybe her resistance wasn't as strong as she had originally thought.

As much as she wanted to flee, she couldn't leave. She wouldn't leave. The noises in the waiting room—the intermittent paging of a doctor or nurse over the intercom and the din of the TV set to some infomercial- all slowly faded in the background as she heard the squeak of Sam's shoes. Tennis shoes. A haphazard smile eased up over her mouth, completely incongruent with what she was feeling, as she very briefly pondered that choice in contrast with what most other hunters wore. His tennis shoes were sorely out of place. Then again, at times so was he.

"He's gonna be okay" Sam said after he sat next to her, offering a reassuring pat to the knee. It was an awkward gesture, not because it was Sam but because neither of them believed the words. Okay, maybe Sam did but only because he wasn't going to accept any other answer. That was why he let his hand drop from her leg and leaned back against the wall. "Listen, I know that this is crazy Maeby and all but… I get this feeling that Dean's… you know, here."

It was the nickname that perplexed her. Only Dean had ever used that name with her. No one else ever called her that. That name alone made her smile with a hint of actual relief rather than sardonic decadence. Sam misinterpreted that odd expression as one of disbelief. "Hey," he said in self-defense, "I know it's crazy. I do but… crazy is all we have left. Besides, it would hardly be the weirdest thing we've wandered into."

Her lips pressed together. She too had felt a certain something. Maybe it was a presence. Or it could have been her mind reaching out for something. She wasn't sure that it was even real, but she had done this job long enough to not doubt a feeling like this. "Yeah, it's crazy but… well, you could be right. I've felt something that…well, I don't know what it is but…yeah."

"I could have sworn I hear him when he was… back in his room."

"What did he say?" She asked, almost laughing this time in disbelief.

This time, the hope in his eyes faded just slightly. Not enough to stop him but not having definitive proof was something that would put a damper on his plans. "I… nothing, I didn't really hear anything. I just thought I could hear him. You said you felt something?"

She nodded. She couldn't put it into words but with Sam, she didn't need to. She didn't need to convince him that it was possible. "And when that glass broke… yeah, we've seen stranger things."

"We both have."

"Do you think he would really stick around here?"

"I don't know. Maybe. I would… after what happened. Maybe he doesn't know how to get back to his body."

Whatever optimism came with the idea that Dean was with them was quickly flattened by the understanding of that that meant. "So, what's the plan then? Even if he's here, we can't fix the damage and we can't force him back in his body if he's not… I mean aren't we in the same boat as before?"

Again, Sam sighed, this time standing up. "I don't know. Not yet anyway but I'm not letting him go until we've run out of every option."

"Right so…."

This time he let himself smile. "I think I know a way we can talk to Dean."

* * *

Her long body could become quite compact, Dean noted as he watched her sleep restlessly. After his brother left, Mae had found her way back to his room where she sat and watched him. And he watched her. Oddly, she said nothing for the longest time until, seemingly out of nowhere, she started to cry. And she cried until he supposed she wore herself out. If he was able to reach out to her, he still would have let her sleep.

He knew that if she knew he could see her, she wouldn't have done it. Mavis was a prideful woman and he knew she would never have wanted to be seen a woman who wept for a man, least of all him. He wanted to think that maybe he was the only one she would do that for. And decided to believe that because he needed to know there was at least one person, who wasn't related to him, who loved him enough to miss him. That person just happened to be the redhead he fell in love with when he was 6.

A few wayward strands of hair lay across her forehead haphazardly and were he corporal, he just might have brush them out of her face. Having fallen into a light sleep however, he hoped that she would stay that way as long as she could. He could have watched her sleep for hours.

"I don't know if you can hear me, but I hope you can on some level. Mae, I love you. There are so many things we've screwed up and so many things I wish we coulda done different but at the end of the day… listen, I'm not gonna get all mushy on you when you can't even hear me. Just…everything between you an' me is square now, okay? I've got no regrets… aside from the whole dying thing. And the whole…" he cleared his throat, "uh, anyway, I love you."

* * *

It was dark when Sam returned to the hospital. He was surprised to see Mae inelegantly curled into a hard-plastic hospital chair, with her feet resting on another one. Within a few seconds, she stirred. She blinked and squinted before she sat up. It was late enough that few people were walking the halls, so the soft squeak of Sam's footfalls were louder than normal. They were unmistakable. With a sharp yawn, she stretched up. "What's that?" She asked, nodding to whatever he was carrying.

Sam came all the way into the room wearing a bashful expression, carrying a brown paper bag in his arms. "I said I had an idea," He said to her before speaking more generally to the room. "Hey. I think maybe you're around. And if you are, don't make fun of me for this, but um, well, there's one way we can talk."

He pulled out a box labeled Mystical Talking Board. Mae laughed a little, impressed now, "Dude, that is seriously dorky. And… actually a good idea."

Sam shrugged, "Yeah if he's here… and he'll go along with it."

"Well since we're throwing a middle school boy-girl party, you probably should have gotten some nurses and we could have played spin the bottle.

Sam rolled his eyes, then circled around the bed and sat cross legged on the floor. He opened the box and took out the board. Mae however didn't join him. She didn't want her hope or fear or even skepticism to come into play. If Dean's spirit was around and he could talk to them like this, she wanted it to be all him. She wanted Sam to be right.

"Dean? Dean, are you here?"

Dean wondered for an instant about how odd it might look since no one else could see him. It was just Sam sitting on the floor with his Mystical Talking Board, with Mae watching him. "God, I feel like I'm at a slumber party." Still, he sat down on the floor across from his brother, "All right, Sam. This isn't going to work."

Sam glanced up at Mae and she shrugged. Sam placed his hands poised on the pointer and slowly it slid to the word 'Yes'. Sam and Mae gasped.

"You moved it."

Sam shook his head at her accusation.

"So that was…" She trailed off when Sam laughed in relief.

"It's good to hear from you, man. It hasn't been the same without you, Dean."

"Damn straight." Dean didn't care if they couldn't hear him; this was as close as he was going to come to it in this state.

The pointer slid with ease, as if under its own power. "Dean, what? H? U? Hunt? Hunting? What, are you hunting?"

The pointer slid back to 'yes'.

Mae shook her head as her breath caught in her throat. Why was he hunting? Was John really bringing the demon here? Did Dean have some kind of inside track in his current state?

"It's in the hospital, what you're hunting? Do, do you know what it is?" Sam asked again, a little slower this time. "What is it?

The pointer slid again, spelling out something. R. E. A. P.

"A reaper. Dean. Is it after you?"

The pointer slid to YES after Sam asked the question.

"If it's here naturally, there's no way to stop it."

Mae closed her eyes, pinching the bridge of her nose "Damn…" She muttered.

"Man, you're, um…"

"He's screwed."

"No. No, no, no, um, there's gotta be a way." Sam stood to pace, "There's gotta be a way. Dad'll know what to do."

Mae got out of the chair, chasing after Sam. "Sam, wait up!"

"No… dad'll know."

"Come on, there's no magic words to—"

"Shut up, okay? Just… he's not dead until he's dead so just shut up."

She pressed her lips together with a sigh, keeping pace with his long strides. The pair made their way down the hall to John's room. When they got there, they found the room empty.

"Dad." Sam whispered. "Damn it, where is he?"

Looking around the room, he noticed the journal and snatched it up. "We'll find something." He said when he turned to leave only to find Mae standing and blocking the doorway.

"Sam. Stop. Okay? Take a breath and think this through for just a second. Believe me, I'd like to tell myself that there's a reaper here for someone else but it's just as likely that it's here for Dean and I don't think we've got another ace up our sleeve on this. But let's face facts—"

"There aren't facts here Mae. Just… this is Dean we're talking about here. Doesn't that matter to you?"

"Of course! I... I love your brother and I don't want him to die but..."

"Then help me, okay? What do you lose?"

"Nothing," she said softly, "but I don't know what we can do."

He nodded and accepted that the discussion wasn't over even as they went back to Dean's room because he didn't know what to do either. All he knew was he wasn't going to give up until…

"Hey. So, Dad wasn't in his room." Sam said, presumably to Dean since Mae was well aware of the fact.

Sam took a seat on the edge of Dean's bed with their Dad's journal.

"Where is he?" Dean asked as if anyone would answer

"But I got Dad's journal, so who knows? Maybe there's something here. "

Mavis stood in the door frame with her arms crossed over her chest, watching Sam flip open the journal and leaf through it. Every so often he glanced over at Dean's unconscious form. Sam turned to a page that said "Reapers",

"Sam, what do you think you're going to find?"

"I don't know. I just… how can you not want to turn over every damn rock to save him?"

"Don't think I don't. I've said it before that that's not what I want. But Sam, he's been ripped apart from the inside out. Even if we can keep the reapers off his back, we can't knit him back together. Even the blackest of black spells I've heard of…there isn't one that leaves him like the Dean we know. And remember the last time we tried to bring him back?"

"Dean's here and I know he isn't ready to go."

Her head dipped down. "But we don't exactly get to pick to go when we're ready. I'd be dead already if that were the case and maybe he would too. All I know is that he wouldn't want to be kept alive like this," she gestured to his body, "and right now, that's all we can really give him."

"There has to be something Mae. There just… first mom, then Jess, now Dean… I can't lose anyone else to this fucking demon."

* * *

They remained in the hospital room, surrounded by an overwhelming silence punctuated and worsened by the sounds of the machines keeping Dean alive. Antiseptic and death, that's what hospitals always smelled like to Mavis Singer. Right now, death weighed heavier than the rest in the air only because of their other-side conversation with the man lying prone in the bed behind them.

She wasn't still sure if Dean being with them was a good thing or not. He was watching himself die too. How could he fight a reaper in spirit for? If he could, how much good could that do them? She wasn't trying to discourage Sam. She knew the hunt for something, anything, to save Dean was all that was keeping him sane right then. she understood the frantic desperation she saw in his eyes. She wished she could muster the same reaction. Instead, all she could do was keep eerily calm or weep.

"Sam, stop." She placed her hand on his to get him to keep from flipping through the pages of his father's journal with increasing flurry.

"No…no. He's alive."

She said his name with more firmness and a squeeze. "Listen to me, if Dean is right and this is a reaper… we can't do anything. Not just because we can't kill it but because he wouldn't want us to."

His expression was heartbreaking. "You really think Dean wants to die?"

"No. Do you not remember last time he was on death's door?"

"Yeah and we saved his life."

"And he was a delight about it too. Please. Let's find John and… figure out where to go from there."

"I don't get why you won't...do a goddamn thing to save him, to even try to save him. He's in love with you, you know? He would do anything to save you if you were in the same spot."

She closed her eyes, so tired of the question and its implications. So tired of knowing that the only person she hadn't told and the only person who never asked wasn't likely to anytime soon. Her eyes opened, a sharper glint now there. "You know that's not fair, Sam. I do love him. I wouldn't be here if I didn't. And because I love him…I don't want to see you do something stupid and I don't want to hurt him or...something worse."

Her words drifted over him without truly impacting upon him or his actions. "Mae… I need your help."

"I'm not against helping you or Dean. I've told you, I don't know what I can do. It's not like I'm holding on to some secret and am waiting 'til the last minute to pull it out of my ass." In a very maternal gesture, she cupped his cheek. "Sam, you need some rest."

He shook his head. "No, Dean'll be pissed if I don't chase down every lead."

She shut the journal closed, almost threw it across the room until she decided against it. "There aren't any more leads Sam! This isn't about magic or anything _we_ know about. His body is broken… so even if we put him back in there…then he's trapped. If he's still around, you should take the chance to tell him… whatever else you have to tell him. I'm going to find John."

Mae left the room and kept walking until she found herself alone in a hall. "Dammit… if you can hear me Dean, please… please tell me…. Something. I don't know what. I'm not ready to lose you yet. Please."


	26. Chapter 26

John had been holding out on the kids but for good reason. He was certain if he had told Mae, she would have tried to stop him. Sam might have too, but he had his doubts on that count. He let those thoughts leave his mind as he finished the drawing the chalk symbol on the floor of the boiler room. Several candles and a black bowl completed the setting for the ritual. All he had to do was call forth the demon. He chanted in Latin.

This wasn't any random demon. No, this one would demand a blood sacrifice. He slit his palm open, drawing blood, and let drop into the bowl the bowl. The match he lit set the bowl of powered continents alight when he dropped it. The room went dark and he was alone until a hand grabbed his shoulder. "What the hell are you doing down here, buddy?"

"I can explain."

"Yeah? You're going to explain to security. Come on. You follow me."

John pulled out the colt and cocked it. "Hey. How stupid do you think I am?"

When the man's eyes turned to that eerie glow, it only went to prove just how good John was at this job. "You really want an honest answer to that?"

The two men, obviously possessed, who accompanied the demon stalk by and took their positions behind John.

"You conjuring me, John. I'm surprised. I took you for a lot of things. But suicidal reckless wasn't one of them."

"I could always shoot you."

"You could always miss." He said with a laugh, "And you've only got one try, don't'cha? Did you really think you could trap me?"

"Oh, I don't want to trap you." He lowered the gun, "I want to make a deal."

* * *

At first, he'd been furious with her. Perhaps because he knew Mae was right. She had just reached acceptance sooner. Try as he might, he couldn't ignore her point, her words, and more than anything the look in her eyes. He knew what he saw there. It was the same thing he had felt after he lost Jess. Only Mae seemed better at keeping it inside, keeping herself under control.

Beside Dean's bed. Sam stood with his hands in his pockets. Alone. No one else, either spirit or flesh joined him except for his unconscious brother. "Dean, are you here?"

He looked around, hoping for some sort of a sign from his brother again. "I couldn't find anything in the book. I don't know how to help you. But I'll keep trying, all right? As long as you keep fighting. I mean, come on you can't, you can't leave me here alone with dad, we'll kill each other, you know that. Dean, you've got to hold on. You can't go, man, not now. We were just starting to be brothers again. Can you hear me?"

* * *

There was no real explanation she could give about what happened next, not if she were asked. The hospital had grown unnervingly quiet; it was a place that didn't get quite like this. There was always some kind of noise underlying the polite quietness. When the air grew still, it went cold as her next exhale was as visible as it would be on a cold winter day.

Something was here. For a moment, she thought something had happened to Dean, but she would have heard the alerts going off in the hospital, right? And maybe she would have experienced the same feeling she did the last time he coded. It didn't feel like Dean though. Her skin hadn't crawled the same way then that it crawled now. The hair on the back of her neck didn't prick up like now. She was about to dash back to his room when a specter, at least that's the only way she could classify it, was in front of her.

This definitely wasn't Dean. It could have been someone else in the hospital, she told herself. then, she realized she knew who this was. Or rather, she recognized the spirit. This was the same white-haired woman she had been seeing in Idaho. It took her breath away. It didn't make any sense. She had attributed the vision to the case, the spell, and the stress. She shouldn't have seen the apparition here and now.

"What do you want?" She finally managed to whisper.

The woman didn't say a word. A long, bony finger extended from her hand as she pointed down the long hallway. Mae shook her head. "I don't understand."

She pointed more emphatically this time.

"Who are you?"

The woman didn't speak yet Mae most surely heard the word 'run' in her mind. For another moment she hesitated before she felt compelled to do so. Time seemed to slow as she rushed down the hall in the direction the spirit pointed. Her boots squeaked with haste until she came to a screeching halt at the end of the hall. No further instructions had been given and she didn't have any idea where she was headed.

Why she trusted the direction, she didn't know. Just when she was about to turn back, the woman appeared again and pointed the way. Mae would run and the woman kept appearing until she found her way into the basement. In hindsight she should have wondered why no one stopped her or why the halls were so empty. By then however, she heard voices in the boiler room.

* * *

Inside the boiler room, John, the demon and his minions stood around the symbol John had drawn on the floor.

"It's very unseemly, making deals with devils. How do I know this isn't just another trick?"

"It's no trick. I will give you the Colt and the bullet, but you've got to help Dean. You've got to bring him back."

"Why, John, you're a sentimentalist. If only your boys knew how much their daddy loved them."

"It's a good trade. You care a hell of a lot more about this gun than you do Dean."

"Don't be so sure. He killed some people very special to me. But still, you're right, he isn't much of a threat. And neither is your other son. You know the truth, right? About Sammy? And the other children?"

He wasn't looking to have a heart to heart with a demon, but he knew it was all a part of the demon's game. "Yeah. I've known for a while.

"But Sam doesn't, does he? You've been playing dumb."

"Can you bring Dean back? Yes or no?"

"No. But I know someone who can. it's not a problem."

"Good. Before I give you the gun, I'm going to want to make sure that Dean's okay. With my own eyes."

"Oh, John, I'm offended. Don't you trust me?" John shook his head slowly "Fine."

"So, we have a deal?"

"No, John, not yet. You still need to sweeten the pot."

"With what?"

"There's something else I want, as much as that gun. Maybe more."

* * *

Full of adrenaline and a foolhardy notion that anything she might find inside would be something she could handle, Mae burst through the door of the boiler room.

John and three other men were in the room. At first, she was confused, opening her mouth to question the hunter when the other man turned to face her. Yellow eyes. Her heart stopped. It wasn't the face she remembered so much but the energy. She would have recognized it anywhere. That thing had crawled around her brain, her body, and now it stood there, wearing someone else's face. But it was the same.

Everything around her froze. She couldn't breathe, she couldn't blink, and she most certainly couldn't piece things together in the few seconds she had. Those eyes were familiar, painfully familiar. Those eyes… there was something more to them. A memory, one that was buried deep in her subconscious. But those eyes brought back all of her most excruciating memories in one fell swoop. "Hello, pet. See ya soon." the demon said to her.

Then he smiled. The smile was sickening, chilling as he said 'deal's done John' without ever taking his eyes off hers. And just like that, he vanished. Black smoke, demons, left the bodies of the orderlies who had been in the room as well. They dropped to the ground. Under other circumstance John or Mae would have checked on them.

Time kicked in, hard as her eyes focused on John again. "What did you do?" She tried to yell at him, but her voice only managed to come out just above a whisper. "What did you do?"

He spoke firmly, sympathetically. "Mae…"She shook her head, backing away, "Let me explain."

The words hissed with venom, but she didn't raise her voice. "What the hell did you do?"

"The only thing I could do. You didn't want Dean to die, did you?"

Hysteria, hurt, anger, they all started to line her vision as her confusion began to give way. "You can't turn this around…you… made a deal? he's a demon! He's _the_ demon." Her voice finally broke through.

"Mavis—"

She didn't let him finish as an overwhelming feeling of urgency came over her again; she turned on her and made a mad dash back up to Dean's room.

* * *

There was a flurry of activity at Dean's room by the time she reached the door, panting. Doctors and nurses surrounded his bed, looking him over. She couldn't get in the room but at least Sam was in the hall.

"Hey."

The woman was in good shape, so he had to wonder why she was out of breath, why she was so deathly pale, and where she had been or come from. "What—what's happening?"

"I—I don't know exactly. But he woke up."

"Woke up? He just…" And it all made sense. "woke up." She repeated.

Sam didn't pick up on it, he was all too hopeful. "Yeah, he's gonna be okay."

"Yeah," of that Mae didn't doubt, 'but at what cost?" she muttered to herself.

Finally, Sam took note of her agitated appearance. "Hey, are you okay?"

The truth twisted her gut too much right then and because she didn't know for sure and in that moment, it would only cause a fight, she shook her head she told him she was fine. He didn't buy it, but something had turned the tide for his brother and that's what he wanted to focus on.

"He's asking for you, both of you. It should be alright for a few minutes." A doctor interrupted whatever Sam was planning to day to her.

"Great," Mae said, crossing her arms over her stomach.

They waited until the hospital personnel cleared the room before they went in. Sam's smile was brighter than hers was. Mae in fact looked pale, like all the blood had drained out of her.

"Hey Red." His voice was gruff, deeper than normal due to the intubation. "Sammy."

The smile Dean wore now was almost enough to bring forth a real smile rather than the fake one that made her lovely lips tremble. "Don't everyone all speak at once."

"Dude, you have no idea what just happened." Sam was downright cheerful, giving little thought to anything except that his brother was safe and sound now.

"None. Where's dad?"

"I—I don't know. He took off. Mae, were you able to find him?"

Had she ever found him. Opening her mouth, she tried to say something, anything but all she was able to do was stammer. "I—" her hand trembled as it fluttered near her throat. "I need some—air."

"Hey, hey now," Dean reached out for her. She must have still been mad at him he assumed, and he wanted to reassure her. Moreover, he wanted to reassure himself, "Sam, you wanna give us a minute."

"Yeah, yeah sure I guess."

Sam stepped quickly to block the doorway, silencing her protest and giving her no choice but to turn back to Dean. Sam didn't leave until Mae stepped beside the bed. "What's wrong?"

With an upsetting frown on her face, Mae stepped closer to the bed. Damn it if she wasn't hopeful and happy to see him alive and well. Her heart swelled looking down at him. She couldn't enjoy it and she couldn't bring herself to tell Dean anything about his father. "We didn't know if you'd make it."

Her voice was tight, and Dean thought she might cry. Dean grabbed her hand, squeezed. "I'm fine babe." He pulled her, urging her to sit on the side of the bed. "You know I do believe I owe you a kiss."

"Why?" she said with a fretful laugh.

"Turns out we probably could have used your help." He pulled her closer, put a hand on the back of her head and gently guided her in for a kiss.

It was a nice kiss. Despite her swirling emotions she let herself enjoy it. It broke when she laughed at the beeping heart monitor that grew more instant during the kiss. "You could really use some mouthwash."

Laughing, he cupped her cheek. "Yeah well..."

"Dean…" she shook her head, still unable to bring the words forward.

Their moment wasn't meant to be because Sam picked that time to come back to the room. "I think the doctors want to talk to you."

Maybe he should have waited, he thought, in case he was interrupting something. But Mae and his bother didn't appear to be too deeply involved at the moment. "And I should let you get some rest." The redheaded woman said as she stood.

But Dean kept hold on her hand. "I'm not tired. You can stay."

Shortly, Dean's doctor jointed them in the room and Mae stepped aside to let the doctor work. He doctor was naturally surprised that Dean was doing well. After all, he'd been on death's doorstep only moments before and he'd all but said to them that Dean was a goner. As soon as she had a chance, Mae slipped out of the hospital room. She knew she couldn't keep her face neutral and any expression other than relief would seem weird and out of place. If the doctor wasn't there, if Sam wasn't there, Dean would have followed her. But he didn't. She didn't get far, only the hallway outside his room, close enough to hear the doctor.

"I can't explain it. The edema's vanished. The internal contusions are healed. Your vitals are good. You have some kind of angel watching over you. "

"Thanks, doc."

Mae tried to muster a thankful smile when the man passed out the door, nodding to her. The smile only served to highlight that she wasn't okay. Her chest was tight, she couldn't breathe. It wasn't just panic inducing but painful, as if her breath was being ripped out of her lungs along with everything else in her chest cavity. Her hand braced on the wall behind her.

Everything hit her then. Something happened, aside from John's basement deal and the reappearance of that strange white-haired woman. Dean was back and while medical science couldn't explain it, Mae was burdened with the knowledge that John had traded something to bring his son back. That had been his plan, why he asked her to trust him. God, to think that she had the demon to thank in any way for saving Dean made her sick.

The questions started running through her head then. Why was John making a deal with that particular demon, the demon the Winchesters had been after for year, that had taken so much from them? There were thousands of other demons he could have made a deal with, if that was the only solution he had worked out. Why did she have to be wrapped up with that? And how long had John been planning something like this?

This was not supposed to happen. Things were not supposed to be this way. Bobby was right; they had set something off at some point and now they were paying for it. This day was just getting worse and worse. She knew she had to pull herself together. Dean and Sam would notice that she was off in seconds. They would get the truth out of her just as quickly.

She wanted to take advantage of the situation for the moment, if she could. Dean was alive. That's all she had wanted before. She hadn't gone as far as John had to save him and, in this case, she never could have but she wasn't about to take this for granted. She breezed back into this room and rested a hip on the edge of his bed.

"Maes, I'm-"

"I love you. I thought I had lost you and it was tearing me up inside. I love you." She took his face between both hands and leaned into kiss him, slowly and passionately.

Stunned, he hesitated before kissing her back, letting his hand weave into her messy hair. He tried to enjoy the moment. He hadn't anticipated now was the time she'd finally tell him about her feelings, but he could have thought of worse times too.

"You musta been really worried about me Red."

"You were bad. As good as dead. I didn't know what-" Her voice broke but she didn't cry.

"Shh," Dean stroked her cheek gently. "It's okay. I'm here now. I'm okay. We're okay."

Mae knew that wasn't exactly accurate, but she nodded anyway. She closed her eyes and rested her head gently on his shoulder. "Yeah, we're okay. I... I love you, Dean."

* * *

She could have fallen asleep, finally being near him again, now that he was alive and well. That strange, calming influence he had on her was in full force now. She almost forgot they were still in the hospital. His hand rubbed lazy, slow circles on her back. She knew he was the one who needed to be taken care of, but this was the first time in days she had felt anywhere near content.

Sam had either been waiting for a sign from the doctors to join them or he was giving them a few minutes alone. Either way, he was too relieved to have his brother pulled back from the brink that he wasn't willing to wait too long. He rapped on the door lightly, causing Mae and Dean to separate. She remained seated on the side of the bed and he kept her hand gripped reassuringly in his though.

The younger Winchester grinned at his brother and told him welcome back. They exchanged some playful ribbing before getting down to business.

"So, you said a Reaper was after me?"

"Yeah."

"How'd I ditch it?"

"You got me. Dean, you really don't remember anything?"

"No. Except this pit in my stomach. Sam, something's wrong."

The knock at the door drew the brothers' attention to their father now as he lingered in the doorway. "How you feeling, dude?"

"Fine, I guess. I'm alive."

"That's what matters."

"Where were you last night?" Sam had fire in his eyes, directed towards John but it wasn't his brother Dean was mostly focused on as Mae let go of his hand and moved toward the other side of the room. Dean could read her well enough that when she crossed her arms over her midsection, Dean knew she knew more than she had let on.

"I had some things to take care of."

"Well, that's specific."

"Come on, Sam." Dean pleaded.

"Did you go after the demon?

"No."

"You know, why don't I believe you right now?"

John wasn't entirely sure if Mae was going to say anything. Anything that she might say would only egg Sam on. "Can we not fight? You know, half the time we're fighting, I don't know what we're fighting about. We're just butting heads. Sammy, I, I've made some mistakes. But I've always done the best I could. I just don't want to fight anymore, okay?"

The sentiment was so out of character, for John at any rate, that all of the young hunters were taken aback. "Dad, are you all right?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm just a little tired. Hey, son, would you, uh, would you mind getting me a cup of caffeine?"

"Yeah. Yeah, sure."

Sam left, still frowning but compliant. Mae however, just hovered. John's eyes followed his youngest son for a moment longer until they reached the redhead. There was judgment in her eyes and the only reason he didn't try to cajole her into leaving was because she was a wild card right then. Maybe this was enough pressure to keep her quiet for now. And maybe it would help for her to hear most of what he had to say.

"What is it?"

"You know, when you were a kid, I'd come home from a hunt, and after what I'd seen, I'd be, I'd be wrecked. And you, you'd come up to me and you, you'd put your hand on my shoulder and you'd look me in the eye and you'd... You'd say, 'It's okay, Dad'. Dean, I'm sorry."

Again, the man wasn't acting like the John Winchester they all knew. It was too weird. "What?"

"You shouldn't have had to say that to me, I should have been saying that to you. You know, I put, I put too much on your shoulders, I made you grow up too fast. You took care of Sammy, you took care of me. You did that, and you didn't complain, not once. I just want you to know that I am so proud of you."

"This really you talking?"

"Yeah. Yeah, it's really me."

"Why are you saying this stuff?"

Mae closed her eye. She hoped to God she was wrong when she thought she knew the answer to what John traded. Because Dean's proclivity for shrugging off emotional moments was nothing compared to John's. This was not going to make Dean happy in the least. And God, if her heart didn't go out to Dean; he sounded so young, almost childlike in his replies. While her eyes were closed, John moved closer to the bed and put a hand on his son's shoulder. "I want you to watch out for Sammy, okay?"

"Yeah, dad, you know I will. You're scaring me."

"Don't be scared, Dean."

John leaned in now to whisper the last bit of advice he could give his son. Dean pulled back in shock, as he processed and contemplated what the hell all that could mean. And then his father left, left him staring at his retreating form.

Dean looked over to Mae know, wondering if _that_ was what he saw on her face. Had his dad told her this thing too? Did he trust her to do that more than he trusted him? Well, maybe Mae would have been able to because he knew he couldn't.

She walked closer to the bed. Mae wasn't sure if she should follow or stay with Dean. The love of her life won out. "What did he say to you?" She asked, gauging the shocked expression on his face.

"I… I don't really know."

What could she say to him to make things better? She wasn't sure. She didn't think there was any right words. And it broke her heart. "Dean…"

"What?"

She couldn't tell him a damn thing. She wanted to, she wanted to spill her guts, but she didn't know if it was to help him or make herself feel better. In the end, she just didn't know. "I…I'm really glad you're okay."

He knew she must have been incredibly shaken up because of all of this. If she thought he was going to die, she certainly wasn't taking it well. He liked the idea because he wasn't sure she would have always felt that way. But he wasn't dying now. There was no reaper, no demon on their trail. Everything was all right, except for her. "What's wrong then?"

"I…I'm sorry Dean. It's been a rough couple of days, and I don't really know what to say or do so… so I just need… I don't know what I need."

"C'mere." He tugged on her hand, pulling her a bit closer, "It'll be okay."

Her laugh was twisted with a heavy sigh. "Yeah, sure."

They didn't have too much time together before they heard the commotion in the hall. It sounded like Sam called for help and moments later, he burst into the room. "C'mon! It's dad."

* * *

Once again, a crowd of doctors and nurses attempt resuscitation, this time on John. Sam, Dean and Mae stood in the doorway as a nurse tried to push them out.

"No, no, no, it's our dad. It's our dad! Come on." He plead the last part, either to the nurse or their father.

"Okay, stop compressions." One of the doctor's said.

"Come on, come on." This time, it was directed at his dad.

"Still no pulse."

"Okay, that's it everybody. I'll call it. Time of death: 10:41 am."


	27. Chapter 27

Epilogue

* * *

The three hunters had taken Bobby up on his offer to let them stay at his house while Dean fixed the car. It had basically been totaled and it would have been easier to find a new vehicle. That didn't matter to Dean and none of them broached the topic with him. There wouldn't have been a fight, not on this. He would have just stormed off. It didn't matter ultimately. If they stayed, if they hit the road, if they rebuilt the Impala, if they found something new. John Winchester was still dead, and the boys were acting predictably.

Staying at Bobby's was almost like staying at home, almost normal. But it wasn't. Things were still strange, and nothing felt real or right. The energy at Bobby's house was predictable, each of them mourning their losses in their own way. They spent the better part of the first day dealing with paperwork and all the ugly business of taking possession of the body. By the time they returned home, all four hunters went about things in near silence. Even if there were something to say, no one had anything left.

Mae wasn't sure how to help Dean. Or Sam for that matter. No matter what had happened, they had just lost their dad and there was nothing that would make things better. Once all of the adrenaline and push to take care of John's remains had passed, Sam finally started feeling the culmination of his injuries and stress. He was the only one of them who was able to easily sleep that night and most of the next day.

Dean didn't even try to sleep. Not much anyway. He slept only because he was exhausted enough to do so. Instead, he went almost immediately to work at the first hint of light that morning. He had to fix it. Now, strictly from a structural standpoint, Mae would have junked the car. There was so much work to do to even make it sound, let alone make it run. There would be parts they needed to track down, and a lot of back breaking work. Finding a new car, even the same make and model would have been simpler and faster. She knew Dean wouldn't hear anything along those lines.

He was unusually withdrawn too but no one said anything about it. Mae wanted to do something for him, knowing there was no quick solution or magic word she could give him. She could sympathize with the loss of a loved one. She never knew her birth parents. Bobby was the closet she'd ever had to a father, but she'd always viewed him more as an uncle. She wanted to think what it would be like to lose Bobby, but she wasn't sure that she would feel the same hole in her heart that Dean felt.

Once he was back on his feet, Sam pestered his brother, asking if he needed help or if there was anything he could do to help with the car. Because she empathized with what Dean was going through and he was firmly committed to pushing everyone away, she gave him the space he needed. For a couple of days anyway. Mae thought Dean might have taken his brother's offer if he thought he would be of any use to him. That was Mae's in. He let her start helping him with the car.

She helped him tear down the car to get to the frame of it. Fortunately, the salvage yard had a professional-grade frame straightener, a pulling post, chains, clamps, and an anchor pot. That made the whole operation quicker and easier. At times, it was almost relaxing; it kept their minds off anything else. They stuck to shop talk. Although, that wasn't for lack of trying. Every time she opened her mouth to say something to him, she had no words. She had nothing to say that seemed important.

By the fifth day, Mae had enough, with putting up with Dean's mopping around. He didn't need to get better overnight. In her estimation, he didn't even need to talk about his feelings or his father, but he needed to give himself the opportunity to do either. And he needed to take care of himself. She could understand depression and anything else he might be feeling at the moment, but not being so closed off from her. Not if he still wanted to be in whatever type of relationship they were having. It wasn't part of the deal and even if all she got was him yelling at her, she decided it was better than nothing.

After they ate dinner that evening and Dean had returned to the yard to work on the car by the light cascading from the garage, Mae joined him. It was too dark for him to get any real work done. It was too late for him to find something better to do and too early for him to start drinking himself to sleep. Dean sensed her presence before he heard the soft crunch of gravel under her worn boots. He wasn't sure how long she had been there, however.

Having her with him made him feel things he didn't want to feel right then. Hell, she made him feel things period. Had she not been so useful accommodating, he would have thrown her out of the salvage yard. Anytime he thought about, he couldn't form the words. He didn't mean it. He wanted her there, he just wanted it to feel like it did just days before. Everything seemed like it would get better. And then everything was worse. God, she was so damned sweet and accepting. He was pretty sure he could get away with almost anything right now. Only he didn't want to.

The woman didn't say a word as she stepped to him. He was so close to the edge of breaking that even looking at her could break him. She smelled like lavender hand cream that night. Her hand was soft when she cupped his cheek and guided his face to look at her. She looked a little sad, a little more tired. He felt like he was seeing her for the first time in a long time. Her small smile did little to light up her eyes and he hoped it would. He hoped he could look at her and somehow everything would be better. If he were honest with himself, he wanted to find some sort of absolution in having her there, in being with her, and in having someone like her in his life. But it wasn't there.

"I'm about finished up here, for tonight."

To busy himself, he shuffled back slightly as he wiped his dirty hands off on a rag, doing little to get them clean. Mae stopped the busy movement of his hands, tossing the rag to the side and holding his hands in hers. Dean swallowed a lump that formed in his throat as he looked at her pale hands holding his tanner, dirtier ones with a strength and gentleness that shouldn't have surprised him anymore but still did. "Let's go to bed."

He almost didn't hear her, but his eyes drifted over her face. She was so beautiful, with her free-flowing red hair and tender eyes. In almost any other conceivable situation, he would have had her half naked and twisted around him, pressed up against the cold but no longer twisted metal of the car. He wished her could have found more enjoyment in seeing her now, in feeling her touch. But it wasn't there either. "Mae. Baby, listen, don't take offense but… right now, I don't want…sex."

Her brow creased upwards, those dove colored eyes finally lit up closer to normal, grew wide and he swore they could swallow him whole. He'd be wrapped up in her, totally and completely. That pretty mouth made the smallest and most sincere of smile. With that compassionate expression, she lifted his hand to her lips and kissed his knuckles, they seemed clean enough. "While you're impossibly handsome and I am sure girls all around the Midwest would throw their panties at you just for the chance to see you dirty and covered in grease—and don't get me wrong, it's a good look for you— this wasn't a sex offer. I just...miss sleeping with you. So, let's go to bed, okay?"

She tugged at his hands, but he resisted her. "Sleep?"

"Please? We sleep better together, don't we? I want us to get in the same bed, close our eyes, and wake up a couple hours. Sleep. You need to sleep."

It sounded so simple, so perfect and yeah, he did sleep better with her. "Mae… I…"

This woman was striking and sweet and he was certain he didn't know another person on earth who would make him that offer. Those eyes… her hands, it was all too much to keep resisting. He didn't have to fight her this time and if he was totally honest with himself, he didn't want to. He didn't want to be so uncomfortable with this, not with her. This should have been natural because he knew if positions were reversed, he'd offer her the same thing. "No is okay too. I thought...it might be nice."

"Yeah, you're right. It would be nice and... I'm so tired." With a deep sigh, he closed his eyes and tightened his grip on her hands a little more. If only things were different, he wished. How he wished that for her and Sammy and even himself. "Mae, this is just…" He didn't know what it was, just that he wasn't feeling normal and he was uncomfortable with her for the first time in a long time despite the fact that she was everything he needed her to be right then. He just let he everything go and rested his head against hers.

If she could take away his pain, she would. If she could give him anything more, she would. She squeezed his hands before letting one go to stroke the side of his face. "Yeah, I know. Let's just get you washed up and go to bed."

She pressed a soft, chaste kiss against his lips. When he opened his eyes, he liked that hers were still closed. Dark shadows were cast under her eyes, ones he might have noticed earlier had he not been avoiding her. She wasn't asking for anything beyond a better night's sleep. This was something he wanted, to be with her, to forget reality for a while. Somehow, she was both an escape and a gentle reminder that there was a world out there.

So, there she was. The other thing he realized, standing out in that junk yard in front of the remains of his most cherished possession, that maybe she needed this too. They hadn't talk about what had transpired since they first came to Bobby's and there was a lot that wouldn't keep. But for now, it was just the two of them. They didn't need to focus on anything else, not for that night anyway. He let her tug at his hand again before the moved to close up the garage and shut off the lights. He let her walk him back inside the house where they both washed their hands. The quiet wasn't so overwhelming when she shared it with him and he let himself enjoy it, at least a little.

He didn't feel like he had done anything to merit being taken care of by anyone, let alone a woman like Mae. He was drying his hands off on the kitchen towel when he got cold feet again, but he couldn't say it to her face, so he turned away. "I should… maybe I should just sleep downstairs."

Dean and Sam had both slept downstairs since they'd taken up temporary residence at Bobby's. He was still sleeping on the floor. Unfazed, she stepped up behind him, wrapped her arms around his middle, and kissed his neck. It wasn't a romantic gesture, not entirely. This time, her touch was more comforting. The hum of eroticism still reverberated in his body when she was pressed against him but not enough for him to do much about it. "If you'd rather listen to your brother snore and fart through the night, I'm not going to stop you. But I can offer you a slight upgrade of sharing a bed with me. If you want."

"I really don't deserve any kind of… this."

Her hands pressed against his pectoral as she laid her cheek against his back. "You're wrong. This isn't…you do know that if our life wasn't this one, losing your dad would be hard. So, this was going to be hard for you, all of us really and to pretend any different would be stupid. You don't have to torture yourself because of this. And you're not alone in any of this."

A little moan escaped his lips, followed by a tiny laugh as she held him. He let her hold him just like that until he thought he had imposed on her too long. Freeing himself, he turned to look at her. It made it nearly impossible to stay completely miserable when she stood so close to him with that kind, accepting look on her face. He felt his resolve melt just by looking into her eyes. She cupped the side of his face and smiled sadly at him. "Can I make a suggestion?"

He nodded, letting his eyes drift shut as he relaxed into her touch. "Why don't we just go to bed? I want to hold you. I want you to hold me. Maybe it would get either of us could manage to sleep for more than a few hours in a row, we'd feel a little better physically."

Placing his hand over the one she had placed on his cheek, he ran his fingers over the back of her hand and down her wrist. He couldn't have loved her more at that moment if he tried. Maybe this was a rare good fortune after spending so much time trying to set things right with her. She didn't even care that all he could give her was, well was absolutely nothing. "You don't think that's selfish?"

"Have you ever considered that sometimes you need someone to...take the burden off you? If you start feeling selfish about sleeping in a tiny bed with me, I could extend the offer to everyone in the house." She tilted her head with a sleepy smile, "How does that sound?"

It made him chuckled, just a bit. Her hand squeezed his as she pulled him away from the sink, leading him towards the stairs. "Red, I gotta ask, why have you put up with me the past few days?"

That stopped her and she turned to look over her shoulder at him. Her smile was a genuine one, the kind that reached her eyes. "It's this crazy thing about me where I love you. A lot. C'mon, let's go not have sex."

The pair made their way up the stairs quietly. Following her up to her bedroom had been full of fun titillation and the idea that they were getting away with something. It seemed like something untouchable by the terrible things they saw. He supposed it still felt that way.

Force of habit had them tiptoeing the distance from the stairs to her bedroom. Mae opened the door to the room and Dean was flooded with those ancient memories. It was almost the same. Her furniture hadn't moved or changed. The same posters were still on the walls. The bedspread was still the yellow flowered number she had used all those years ago. The only thing that had changed was that Bobby had used her room to store the overflow of books.

Mae had cleared them out of the way but hadn't taken them out. She could have taken some out Dean realized since he hadn't seen her room in years. It wasn't quite as musty as the rest of the rooms in Bobby's house. She must have washed the linens and had burned a few candles. Her bag, as well as his were in the corner near the closet.

That was where she headed when they got in the room. She tossed his bag to him before turning away from him. Her back was still turned but he took the opportunity to smirk; she had clearly planned this out and was set to take care of him.

Having caught the bag, he set it on the bed. "I forgot how small this bed was."

"You never complained before. And you can always sleep on the floor if you really want."

It wasn't appealing. Since she offered to share a bed with him, the prospect of sleeping on the floor another night was instantly unappealing. "I bet we can still fit."

"Good. Well, I've got all your stuff here. If there's anything else, you need… I'm pretty sure it's all in the same place."

The room had gone quiet until she unzipped her bag. Dean couldn't seem to take to take his eyes off her. When she started to remove her shirt, he wondered if he should have turned away. It wasn't as if hadn't seen her naked. It wasn't as if they hadn't slept together. So, why did he feel like there was something intimate about this that he wasn't supposed to see?

Her frame was lean, rather than just skinny, and well trained. An assortment of fine and artless scars could be found littering her pale flesh and even her now longer red hair tended to be in wavy disarray. Her tattoos were all interesting, arousing. He wanted to know more about them. He found the more he studied her, the more he could find all the little details that stood out and made her worth a second look.

He had been trying to keep his distance and his mind off her. However, watching her move was not helping in the least. The movement of her muscles under the smooth skin of her back enticed him. The tattoo that covered the lower half of her back was hypnotic. This was a magnificent body she had now. It had never been unappealing however now it was simply—he cleared his throat trying to distract himself.

He was actually trying to motivate himself to do something about it. Normally having a half-naked woman in the room with him would have been more than enough. But even for Mae he couldn't muster the right mood…attraction and arousal sure but nothing that he felt comfortable acting on. That disappointment was enough to make him move, unzip his bag and pull out clean boxers and a fresh shirt.

Mae too had changed into a clean shirt and shed her blue jeans. He was barely undressed and there she was in a t-shirt and panties. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah…. I just…" He swallowed hard, "I think something's wrong with me."

She wasn't sure what exactly what he thought was wrong with him because at this point it could have been a long list, but she didn't think either of them should pick him apart. "Dean, nothing is wrong with you. I promise you that. At least not… I mean, not in new ways." Then looking over the man, shirtless and half out of his jeans, she took a stab at what might be bothering him. "And there's no right or wrong reaction to all this. I just want you to know… do you know how long it took me to get comfortable enough to have sex after my husband died? I mean, sex where I was sober? Even longer to consider having sex that meant something. I know it's not the same situation we're in but... you know, there's nothing wrong with how you're feeling. Hell, Sam still hasn't gotten laid, so I guess what I'm telling you is that grief is a powerful thing."

"I wasn't thinking—" sighing, he tossed his bag off the bed, "how do you know what I'm thinking?"

She shrugged. "Well, I've been thinking about it and keep running up against that wall of 'it's too soon' and I…well, sex isn't the most important thing between us, you know? It's…it's good but there's more between us than just sex." Why don't you finish getting ready for bed?"

She let it drop, pulled back the covers on the bed and slid under. She turned her back towards him and left him to his own devices.

"Hey, in case...I know I've been distant and in case that happens again...I just... you're pretty fantastic, you know? And thanks."

"I love you too."

Pulling back the covers, he scooted into bed behind her. The bed was tiny and cramped but he would have slept in a bed half that size if he got to have Mae with him. She smelled intoxicating and he buried his face in her hair. If he had his druthers, he would have done his best to stay right there. It was perfect for him in a strange way. "Why do you smell so damned good?"

"The magic of shampoo I guess."

"Mae… let me just apologize now while I'm feeling … vulnerable."

"Apologize for what, exactly?"

"Everything. Anything. Just…I'm sorry baby."

"Okay, while I don't believe love means never having to say, 'I'm sorry', it just doesn't mean that in this case. There isn't a single thing you've done wrong yet."

"Like you say, give me time."

"For now, let's just go to sleep."

And eventually, he did.

* * *

End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew! This one involved more restructuring and rewriting than I had planned but it was fun to go back to a story I had originally written almost a decade ago. There is more in the series. The next story is Give Up the Ghost. However, I don't want to go through the revision if there's isn't some interest in so if you want to see what comes next, leave a review or send me a message!


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